Romance The Backrooms' Voice Acting Update Is LIVE!!!
RtB is now at Version 1.0, and the voice acting is now in the game! PLEASE give it a play, even if you've already seen the game before; the voice acting adds so much to it, and everyone really poured their heart into their performances.
As usual, let me know if there are any errors that need to be fixed, and please fill out the feedback form so I can hear thoughts! That's very important to me.
Also, in case you missed it, I have A TON of RtB content on my blogs! Here's a Tumblr link, and here's a Pillowfort link. There's short stories, character prompts, behind-the-scenes posts, and more. Lots of stuff!
Info on the game:
Romance The Backrooms is a F/M dating sim VN about Carla, a daycare worker who falls into the titular liminal space by pure chance. Thankfully, she meets a group of 5 humanoid entities who are willing to help her get back home. On the way, Carla, who’s had no time for love because of her work, finds herself becoming smitten with one of the entities. Will she get out of the backrooms with her love intact?
This is the player character:
(More on Carla)
And these are the love interests!
(More on Kalcal)
(More on Glarence)
(More on Uri)
(More on Zenobos)
(More on Adiel)
RtB is a HUGE passion project of mine, and I'm so happy to have the voice acting update implemented now! The game also features character designs by a bunch of amazing people--please be sure to read the credits and visit them all!
If you play it, please rate the game and leave a comment--it really helps. Enjoy, and I look forward to your thoughts! Be sure to fill out the feedback form to make your opinions heard! P.S. Go here if you want to make your own Memory Collector: https://toyhou.se/18790296.open-species-entity-313
Bez Reviews Independent Books # 20: Excoriate (Don's Dead Market 2026)
[This intro was updated due to the changes to itch.io’s content guidelines.]
Hey everyone! I wanna do little reviews/writeups for the independently-published books, and so, here I am. I want to review one book every month or two (or quicker, if I’m lucky); it’ll get me reading more, and get authors who often go without feedback some thoughts on their work! I think it’ll be cool for everyone!
I used to require that your books be hosted on itch.io, and while I do prefer that, their crackdown on adult content (which I think is bullshit, and has personally affected my work as well) makes it impossible for many of your stories to have a home there. I would prefer that your book isn’t solely hosted on Amazon, but the only requirement is that no part of your book uses AI at all. I want to see your stories, especially the fucked up shit that places like itch.io will no longer allow!
Feel free to get in touch with me with your books—I’m @NorbezJones on Twitter (I refuse to call it X), Bluesky, Pillowfort, Threads, Instagram, Tumblr, and Discord.
Looking forward to seeing your books! <3
__________
One more announcement: I was originally going to review a handful of books in May for BPD Awareness Month. However, I twisted my ankle on April 30th, and that sent all of my review plans into the toilet. I’m still not at 100% yet, and I’m going to do the BPD Awareness Month writeups another month instead. I was thinking June, but that’s Pride Month, so for now, I don’t know. Sorry, everything got really fucked up. For now, have a different review instead.
__________
The following review is of an adult work and discusses NSFW themes. If you’re a minor, get the fuck out of here!
Independent game site itch.io bowing down to the censorship of payment processors fucked a lot of shit up, but the worst aftereffect was that it destroyed queer bundles on the site that, before the change, couldn’t be hosted anywhere else. Bundles about “dead dove” subjects whose contents were controversial, strange, or stomach-churning—suddenly, itch.io was now hostile to those collections, which meant many indie creators’ regular means of income was gone. Poof. That fucking blows, I’ll tell you what.
In the wake of this, people are now setting up independent ventures for such collections of work. After all, if you want a job done right, sometimes you gotta do it yourself. One of those is the upcoming Don’s Dead Market, “a bundle of achillean creative work involving frequently censored subjects” & a “[Discord] pop-up [that] is a temporary server where both attendees and artists can mingle, chat about their favorite works, swap recommendations, and generally socialize with like minded people.” It’s run by a person named Roo under the imprint he publishes books under, Friction Press. If I may quote the market’s about page:
FRICTION PRESS is starting a new event! With itchio no longer supporting explicit queer works, author Roo put together a wonderful team of people to offer a new model of bundle to support artists of taboo works via a virtual pop-up market! Our admin team consists of:
- Roo (project lead)
- Nero (web lead)
- Puck (visual lead)
- Vert (server lead)
- Beleghir (number lead)
The Market is designed to give the same benefits of an itchio bundle (customers get to buy a BUNCH of awesome art for deep bundle discounts, and artists will share the profits!) with the added bonus of attending a virtual pop-up market where you can connect with the authors and artists who you are supporting, find new creators you love, find works that REALLY cater to your needs, and connect with your community in a place that values discretion.
Also for the prudes out there, have the “COP DISCLAIMER” they wrote:
ALL STORIES ARE FICTIONAL ACCOUNTS OF FICTIONAL CHARACTERS WHO THEREFORE CANNOT BE HARMED. FICTIONAL STORIES DO NOT REFLECT AN ARTIST'S DESIRE TO PARTAKE IN UNLAWFUL, UNETHICAL ACTIVITY- ALL STORIES REPRESENT EXAGGERATED, UNREALISTIC, ARTISTIC EXPRESSIONS OF EROTICISM AND SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN LITERALLY.
While the market (Discord pop-up)—which is basically a virtual dealer’s den from what I understand—doesn’t open until June 19th to June 21st, tickets are on sale now, and give you access to the aforementioned bundle. The bundle is available May 19th to June 17th, and once you purchase it, you have until July 19th to download it.
I was first made aware of the bundle when I was contacted by piamo ( @piamobirb ), one of the authors in Don’s Dead Market. They offered me a review copy of their story in the bundle, called Excoriate. Here’s a summary:
In the not-too-distant future, the melting of glaciers introduces a new threat: xenopillars, carnivorous terrestrial worms the size of horses, armed with slime and hallucinogenic acid.
Harrowing? Not nearly as harrowing as high school.
It may be the apocalypse, but eighteen-year-old Hal Nieffer has bigger things to worry about—like bumping up his rank in Valorant and securing a date to prom. It’s only when a freak encounter with a xenopillar at an abandoned convenience store leaves him disfigured that Hal discovers a dangerous method of self-soothing.
In a world where getting picked off is the norm, what’s the harm in picking yourself apart?
Let’s dissect this particular dead dove—or dead xenopillar, in this case—and see what we find, shall we?
(Disclaimer: I received a free review copy in exchange for an honest review. I was not financially sponsored by piamo or Don’t Dead Market for anything I say in this piece. I just like dead doves, sue me!)
Warning: I was given the following CWs with this book: monsterfuck (insect), death, light gore, hallucinations, fictional substance abuse, skin picking disorder, suicidal ideation, and non-con. The bundle also adds the following CWs: bestiality. If any of those subjects cause you discomfort, do not read this review. You have been warned.
Excoriate’s first few pages tells us a few things: (1) this takes place in the age of instant Discord messages, Valorant, & TikTok, and (2) we are in the perspective of a stereotypical high school loser.
Hate to say it, but that’s what Hal Nieffer is. This senior was hoping to ask out his BFF Siobhan to the Winter Formal, event spent some time making a little poem for her, but she “friendzoned” him. Not that he expected anything less, or at least he tells himself. Though Hal tries to deny his feelings for her, and his pent-up sexual frustration, they soon come out in full force as the book continues.
First, though, the “freak encounter” mentioned in the summary. Our near-future world has a bit of a higher water level than our present day, thanks to the melting glaciers that released the xenopillars, aka “werms”. After taking a boat to the run-down 7-11 convenience store, Hal hunts for Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, but instead finds our first appearance of an important character: Thom (that rhymes with Dom, and not Thorn that rhymes with Porn. Yes, it was a bit confusing for me too). He, he’s a 7-11 worker stuck in a layer of werm slime—which shouldn’t make sense, because their digestive slime melts through what it lands on. As Hal tries to help Thom, the werm still in the 7-11 attacks him.
He wakes up in the hospital, pain coursing through his head. When he’s discharged, he has to apply gel to it, which keeps shedding dead layers from his body. “Pockets of pale skin were ballooning all over his face. When he poked them, he could feel air bubbles inside. There was new skin growing underneath.” It’s this process of peeling and regrowing, peeling and regrowing, that eventually becomes a fixation for him.
Not long after that, he discovers that werm slime doubles as an aphrodisiac—thanks to he & his friends ingesting it, and having a sexual encounter with Siobhan as a result. Going back to the convenience store, he finds Thom, now a baby werm. It can give him the slime he desires, slime that can both help him remove dead layers of skin, and provide a sexual high. But it also acts as a hallucinogen, and the more he uses, the further he drifts from reality. . .
From there, Thom becomes both a person, the werm, and a voice for Hal to go back and forth with. There’s monsterfucking, killing to get rid of evidence, and one hell of a Winter Formal. What better date than the werm who fucks, and helps you get hard? The whole book is a trip, and I love it for that.
The writing made me feel old, and I actually mean that as a compliment. As I approach 30, I’m starting to realize that every YA book I ever wrote (which I wrote a lot of growing up [if you don’t know, I’ve been writing stories nonstop since I was 6 years old]) was me recreating my high school experience from 2011-2015, an experience that no longer exists and that is extremely dated. We were grieving Vine, Overwatch hadn’t even released yet, and I had a fucking Windows phone (RIP).
Hal’s high school experience is full of too much of the internet if we’re being honest, and has a lot more darker lines than I expecting. When I read, “Hal was an excellent shot though. His friends always joked he would make a good school shooter,” it made me remember the fucked-up jokes the guys would make about each other at my Catholic high school, always saying excommunication-worthy shit without a care in the world. I do wonder if the internet’s culture of double-edged irony results in more dark humor than even they made back in the day, hence this line.
I was just talking to a friend today that one of the biggest generational gaps I have noticed is what younger people consider a “late response”. I get extraneous apologies if they reply “late” by, like, a fucking HOUR, whereas I consider a “late” response to be, like, THREE DAYS LATER. Hal is constantly swarmed by instant messages from both his friend’s group chat, and his buddies individually, and I love how each DM has a timestamp of when it was sent, so we can see exactly how long it’s been since the last one. God, I hate it. /pos*
*/pos is a tone indicator that means “positive”. It is saying that the previous line, despite the words being negative, are a compliment.
Anyway, enough about me having an existential crisis at 28. What I like most about the writing style is the use of verbs to enhance nouns. Lines like, “Slimy glass crunched underfoot,” and, “It took a minute for Hal to wrestle pants on,” (emphasis added in both cases) make for a piece that is always engaging the reader. It’s great!
If I had a complaint about the book, I do wish some of the sex scenes got more detail to them. The monsterfucking scene—which is incredibly wild and messed up in the best possible way—gets a lot of detail, but other scenes do not. I understand why Hal’s scene with Siobhan wasn’t described, as it’s something he wants to forget, ignore and not address. But his encounters with Thom could have been more detailed, instead of just starting & ending with lines like, “A hallucination sucked him off better than his own real-life crush had.” It would have been nice to see.
Overall, though, Excoriate is a sexual thrill that I very much enjoyed. It won’t be for everyone, but those who it is for are sure to love it. I know I did!
I plan to talk about my experience with Don’s Dead Market when it opens. I may review other books in the bundle too. The one that most tempts me atm is The Hero’s Assistant, simply because the protagonist is also named Bez, and I’ve never met another Bez before! From the little I’ve gotten to fully read so far, I also really like Adhocracy by boneyhag; it’s a sexy, fun story that’s an excellent example of the comic form. It should be studied in schools for its panel work & composition.
You can read Excoriate at Don’s Dead Market by getting a ticket here by June 17th (read more about the Market here). Alternatively, you can preorder a digital copy on itch.io, or purchase a physical copy on Amazon!
If you’re in the Market and are interested in me reviewing your book, you can reach out to me at bezthezebro[at]gmail.com. Especially if your book has vore or size difference; I gotta admit those two things are my weakness lol. Though I can’t guarantee anything, I’ll try to find time to take a look (provided I don’t twist my other ankle of course).
Thanks for reading! Look forward to more on Don’s Dead Market soon!
hi! maybe you know me or maybe you don't. i'm an aging disabled genderqueer who has been living on this site for ages. i've shat posts, written poems, made music & videos too. i also host a few tumblr communities like my book club.
i have been unable to work for a while & am currently surviving in a low income apartment with help from family support, weekly plasma donations, commission orders & pawning old items. i am in a tighter spot than ever now with little help from assisted living services so far.
if you have enjoyed anything on this blog & want to help me live:
theme songs for just about any story or idea you have
background/AFK/intro & outro music for streamers and youtubers
8-16 bit retro sounds for game projects
battle songs, lofi, from breakcore & triphop to classical & country
and literally everything in-between
CURRENT PRICES (REDUCED):
$30 for a 0-2 minute song
$60 for 2-3
$90 for 3-4
$120 for 4+
i got my start playing live instruments with my dad as a child, & have both self training & classic training influences under my binder i mean belt. i made the transition into digital production about 9 years ago, although i still live record as well & enjoy blending both mediums.
i have completed quite a few orders since then! there is no genre I consider off limits, but i will tell you if I have less experience with something in your request. for more questions, just DM me or send an ask. have a safe day.
For the past 3 & 1/2 years, I've been providing weekly ttrpg recommendations for folks, and I've been happy to do so! However, I've found myself in a new stage of life recently that has dramatically reduced my free time. Ultimately, this is a good thing, but it also means that right now, I need to re-focus what little free time I have towards personal projects and time spent with friends.
I really enjoy providing recommendations for folks, and I hope to do so in the future - in fact, if everything goes as I expect, I should be flipping through my archives again in September later this year. But until then, There's A TTRPG For That will be put on a reduced posting schedule.
What this means:
I'm not accepting any recommendation requests or review requests for the duration of my hiatus.
I will be re-posting old recommendation posts for the duration of my hiatus.
I have a Library Masterpost for the curious
There are one or two things that I may still release in the next 5 months or so, either because I agreed to them before going on hiatus or because I had the time & motivation to write about something.
Thank you so much everyone for the love and appreciation that has been sent my way over the past 3 years. I hope to see y'all again in September!
- Mint
I'm doing more of this "formally showing my voice designs" stuff again.
Other Designs: Cheated/Contrarian/Cold/Paranoid/Smitten/Opportunist/Skeptic/Stubborn
I wouldn't say Hunted is the *tallest* of my designs, but I do draw him as like, a basic Long Quiet design that's been stretched like taffy because I like the idea of Hunted looking like an "evolved" form of the Long Quiet - the hero that's been made into the prey. Also while I have drawn him mostly standing here, the second he gets down those basement stairs I imagine he's on all fours
Below the cut are the drawings without any text + the first time I ever drew Hunted!
It is now coming up on two years I've been writing and editing this game. And I am immensely proud of the work I've put into this. This is now the third playtest I've released to the public. Since releasing the Second Alpha, it has been nominated and ran in the @anim-ttrpgs book club and is now being featured in an actual play by @tinytablepodcast.
Clutch is an exploration survival game with lite tactical elements that focuses heavily on character customization. It about exploring the ruins of the United States 50 years after a Rift in reality collapsed society and brought forth magic and psionics into our world.
Player characters in Clutch have no preset class or abilities, as this game focuses on high customization. You wanna make a giant woman who becomes a gianter woman? You can do that. You want to play a werewolf mage, you can probably do that to. Using a combination of Edges, Spells, Psionic Talents, and Bonds.
Enemies or Threats as they are called, have been completely reworked and follow a similar philosophy having 5 basic statblocks that have traits that can be layered on top of them.
Within the new update are rules for settlements and social class. New pieces of art. Special ammunition like Boxing Glove Arrows and Dragon's Breath Shotgun Shells. New diseases. And drugs. Because this is a game heavily inspired by Fallout.
Additionally the Mojave Jumpstart Module has been updated to include the new rules.
If you wish to support me you can find the game here:
Lite Tactical Action Survival Game of a Magical Post Apocalypse
You can also support me on Patreon here:
Patreon is empowering a new generation of creators. Support and engage with artists and creators as they live out their passions!
I also recommend checking out the Tiny Table Podcast's playthrough of Clutch here:
Tiny Table Rules Breakdown: Clutch by Tiny Table on Patreon. Join Tiny Table's community for exclusive content and updates.
Art is drawn by @squidd1e she really likes drawing horses.
Hey! Realized I should let everyone here know: I twisted my ankle pretty bad, so I'm gonna be focusing on resting atm. Things like the BPD Awareness Month reviews will be pushed to later in the month than planned. I gotta take care of myself right now and relax. Thanks for understanding!
Hi, I saw you're open to review requests - I have a few high fantasy and contemporary LGBT books if those are to your liking - ebooks are on kobo and kindle - https://www.kobo.com/us/en/author/saria-bryant
<3
(Just saw this! I think you got buried in my inbox by mistake. I see this ask was sent in March; sorry I'm only answering it now!)
The Touch Of Leather series looks especially interesting to me! I'm not overly familiar with Kobo as a platform. If you have a review copy you'd like to send, feel free to do so via the email on my blog! Just know I have some reviews planned for May (BPD Awareness Month) and June (Pride Month) already, so I'd aim to look at it in late summer or early fall. And of course, a review is never guaranteed.
Thanks so much for reaching out! All the best with your writing; keep it up!
hello! I started a writing blog and wanted to write fanfiction and put it on my list then it kinda occurred to me you never really stated that you were okay with fanfiction. So, I was wondering if I could write for it?
Bez Reviews Independent Books #19: Transmasc Marvel Girl
[This intro has been updated due to the changes to itch.io’s content guidelines.]
Hey everyone! I wanna do little reviews/writeups for the independently-published books, and so, here I am. I want to review one book every month or two (or quicker, if I’m lucky); it’ll get me reading more, and get authors who often go without feedback some thoughts on their work! I think it’ll be cool for everyone!
I used to require that your books be hosted on itch.io, and while I do prefer that, their crackdown on adult content (which I think is bullshit, and has personally affected my work as well) makes it impossible for many of your stories to have a home there. I would prefer that your book isn’t solely hosted on Amazon, but the only requirement is that no part of your book uses AI at all. I want to see your stories, especially the fucked up shit that places like itch.io will no longer allow!
Feel free to get in touch with me with your books—I’m @NorbezJones on Twitter (I refuse to call it X), Bluesky, Pillowfort, Threads, Instagram, Tumblr, and Discord.
Looking forward to seeing your books! <3
__________
One more announcement before the review: I am looking for books to review for BPD Awareness Month in May! If you are an author with BPD, especially if you talk about it in your fiction, I would love to hear from you! Readers, feel free to also share recommendations!
With that, onto the review!
__________
Warning: The following subjects come up in this review: sexuality, masturbation, mental healthcare, transphobia, & gender dysphoria.
Recently, I reviewed Like Blood On A Dog’s Teeth, a poetry collection from kith books, an indie publishing house I’ve had my eye on for quite a while. When I emailed founding editor wim to let them know the review was up, I asked in the postscript (that’s what P.S. stands for if you didn’t know) if I could be on the review team for two upcoming releases: Transmasc Marvel Girl by sterling-elizabeth arcadia, and Multimorbid by Rebecca Wood. I wasn’t sure how they’d respond, but to my delight, wim said they’d be happy to send both to me once they were available! So here we are with Transmasc Marvel Girl, a poetry collection about life & transition through the lens of various movies.
The chapbook is summarized thusly on kith’s website:
In a fantastic inversion of escapism, sterling-elizabeth arcadia’s Transmasc Marvel Girl puts contemporary film in the crossroads of love, transition, and, reproduction, not only as an artifact of our culture, but as a lens through which she demonstrates looking at her own life.
From sci-fi juggernauts like the Alien franchise or Terminator (1984), to queer indie films like I Saw the TV Glow (2024) and All of Us Strangers (2023), arcadia carefully disassembles films and reassembles them in her own likeness. Or, she takes an embroidery needle directly to the silver screen, where she writes life as a trans woman both above and beneath the projection.
Wrestling with heartbreak, madness, gender, sexuality, and reproductive politics as a gender non-conforming trans woman, and with special attention to the prose poem form, arcadia renders a scene—traversing the landscapes of interiority and embodiment—as striking as any of Roger Deakins’ cinematography.
For arcadia’s speaker, life is as much a struggle with oneself as it is with a transphobic, misogynistic world.
I also received a physical copy, so that means I’ll be playing a bookmark RPG with it! Please look forward to that appendix later on.
The book made me quite reflective, and sparked my creative spirit—or rather my very self-conscious inner poet (as I don’t consider myself good at poetry). And what better way to respond to a poetry book but with poems of my own? So, that is what I’ll do. We’ll start with an opening poem, and then, this will be split into numbered sections that respond to the correlating numbered sections of the book. Some are more analysis-focused, and others are more reflective in nature; the goal is to discuss the book by imitating its style. As I think my poetry is shit, my brain thinks it’s a bad idea to release this, which for me is a sign I need to do so anyway. Enjoy!
Note: all of the poems in this section (aside from "the pink opaque") are named after movies I saw while in mental health facilities for pseudo-dementia. More on that in the 2nd part. If you want to learn about my journey during that time, you can do so through this game I made about it.
knock at the cabin (2023)
the opening poem of the book
calls itself a sonnet. it is not one.
are there sonnets that are more than
fourteen lines? that have no
rhyme scheme? am I just
unaware of the newest
mutations/trends/evolutions
a sonnet takes?
ignoring that formatting issue, it's a
strong start. lights going dim
before the movie begins.
previews of the book's content,
unrated by the mpaa.
we see that this is a book about
transness & gender, contained
in the four corners of a movie screen.
the title alludes me. arcadia
takes estrogen as HRT, so
doesn't that make her transfemme?
maybe there are definitions for
transmasculinity beyond what
i'm aware of.
(I'm agender & transmasc, if you didn't know.)
i assume if
i was more attuned to arcadia's
gender journey, i would understand.
well, i suppose that's what the book is for!
ONE
the menu (2022)
a familiar figure from other
poetry collections i've reviewed appears:
the eponymous "you". we see them
before arcadia met them (in the Arrival [2016]
poem "weapon opens time") & afterwards
(in "after la chimera"). they appear
to be an ex-lover, based on those poems
and ones in other sections.
in this part, we see this person
in relation to arcadia's body. the whole
section (& book) is about
her relationship to her body
and how that body relates to others,
from holding another's hand
to choking on her own tongue,
to quote "having [a penis]
at the wrong time
with the wrong person."
(by the way, don't ask me
what the redacted words are
in the "minor surgeries" poem.
i have no idea.
i have read it repeatedly
but am no closer to figuring it out.)
the pink opaque
"the ants" is my favorite poem of the section
by far, its titular creatures
starting on a fallen sugary treat
and revealed to have been felt everywhere
quote "since you left" endquote. it's one of
two poems on the movie I Saw The TV Glow,
and is the superior of the two to me.
i'm trans. I Saw The TV Glow should be
a masterpiece to me, or something like that.
But when I watched it, it didn't
click. i should GET IT, for
fuck's sake. why don't i
GET IT, why did i walk away from it
wondering where the rest of the movie was?
i had seen so much discussion on
how it captured the trans experience,
so i expected to see piece of my life
on screen, bottled up, leaking out.
but i only saw vague traces
of a ghost of me who didn't exist--
not enough of her. i wanted the movie
to summon that spirit fully to my house
for an exorcism.
all this to say, "the ants"
GETS IT; it captures that spirit, the
itch of creatures crawling under your skin
fighting to get out.
TWO
love & thunder (2022)
section two contains prose poems that are, for the most part, contained in one long paragraph. arcadia watches a movies in a theater, and then writes a poem for the movie. the mentions of cherry hill & voorhees makes me wonder if is a jersey girl, like i used to be (or technically maybe never was?). my favorite one is easily "i am normal and can be trusted with an empty movie theater", because of its (1) strong opener, and (2) exploration of sexuality that ties the piece together. i like this part better than part one because there's a throughline, time slowly passing--it ties everything together, makes every piece cohesive. there's a clear structure here: arcadia talks about her journey to seeing the movie at whichever theater she's seeing it at, and interspersed in that timeline are related & unrelated thoughts. it somehow ties together nicely. maybe it pleases my adhd brain to see someone else who also sees timelines as not lines, but webs, each minute connecting to a different strand.
smile (2022)
the time in my life when I saw the most movies was during what I call my "pseudo-dementia era", in recovery for mental health causing dementia-like symptoms in my brain. at the mental health program, we would have an activity every week, and usually that activity was going to the movies. that's when i saw the first smile movie, and it had a huge impact on my life, blew my mind. early on, the mental health people would get all of us popcorn and a drink. months later, when all of the therapists walked out and the whole program got shaken up, they said they didn't have the budget to get us snacks anymore. we never learned why all of the therapists left; the only explanation i got when I pressed the head of the program (rebecca) about it was, "some people are just resistant to change." rebecca sucked by the way; when one of the housing staff screamed transphobic shit at me, her reaction to my recording of it was to say that recording in an empty car somehow violated hipaa, and that staff member was never really punished. rebecca deserves a visit from the smile movie's monster, who the crew of the movie called lollipop. yeah, lollipop would fuck her shit up.
nope (2022)
relationships and sexuality are big topics in arcadia's poems, in case you couldn't tell by the poem I mentioned about masturbating in a theater (which is not the only poem about that subject). most of these are arcadia's relationships, mostly her ex and the fallout of that breakup, but there are also meet-cutes to be found. the most interesting one to me is "national anthem (2024), which is about arcadia's brother finally leaving a relationship she's been "worried about since 2019". through that event and the film she's watching, arcadia reflects on her romantic behaviors, being part of the queer community, and jealous assholes. i think it's natural for the things other people go through causing you to reflect on your own history, ponder your past. media & movies are a reflection of someone, even if a distorted one, maybe of you or maybe of someone else.
THREE
violent night (2022)
the third part has some free verse poems, and a few prose poems. the theme here shifts from sexuality to pregnancy--despite (or perhaps because of) being an antinatalist (a term I had to look up), it's something arcadia thinks about a great deal. we open with a poem about how society treats fat people vs pregnant people: quote, "do we just treat [pregnant people] like skinny people with a temporary fat problem[?]" i listen to a lot of reddit stories on youtube, and the amount of times i've heard stories of husbands falling out of love with their wives because they gained weight while pregnant should be criminal. the one that sticks out to me most is the guy whose wife's feet grew while pregnant, so she bought some new shoes for herself, but he threw them away. he was convinced she could lose the weight and get her original shoe size back, and she was just "being lazy" by getting new shoes. hearing stories like that definitely makes arcadia's antinatalist stance make sense tbh.
FOUR
circle (2015)
there's only one poem
in this section, made of
short lines of free verse
with familiar topics:
arcada's ex, and people fucking.
we see an event
mentioned in part 2,
brought back: arcadia
having sexy times
with her ex while
they were in zoom class.
here, arcadia reflects
on the relationship
through the 2024 film
high tide.
one thing that comes up:
being in each other's poetry
while together. that's
gotta sting after the fact,
knowing a version of you two
that was happy together
is permanently in print somewhere.
i have old pieces i made
that i cringe looking back at,
but not in that way. i've
only been in one relationship,
and that was seven years ago.
i'm in no rush to
get my heart broken again;
i'm ace and pretty aro anyway,
so i don't feel like i'm
missing out.
the end of the poem
alludes me. being inside
of someone, and them in you,
forever? sounds like a
fancy way of saying 69ing.
in all seriousness, i get it.
to be in someone is to
be with them in that moment,
to be each other's objects
of affection, with no one
else and nothing else
mattering but you two.
it's an interesting note
to end on.
once you detach,
you're the last one standing.
Conclusion
So there we have it! To summarize, Transmasc Marvel Girl is an interesting little time capsule whose events are framed by various movies. I appreciated my time with it quite a bit.
If you’re interested in checking it out, you can get it it physically here, and digitally here! I am not financially sponsored and do not earn money from your purchase.
That’s all for now! Please look forward to the bookmark RPG appendix later on! My next proper review will be starting off the BPD Awareness Month book blogs.
Bez Reviews Independent Books #18: Even If The Light Forgets Volume 1
[This intro has been updated due to the changes to itch.io’s content guidelines.]
Hey everyone! I wanna do little reviews/writeups for the independently-published books, and so, here I am. I want to review one book every month or two (or quicker, if I’m lucky); it’ll get me reading more, and get authors who often go without feedback some thoughts on their work! I think it’ll be cool for everyone!
I used to require that your books be hosted on itch.io, and while I do prefer that, their crackdown on adult content (which I think is bullshit, and has personally affected my work as well) makes it impossible for many of your stories to have a home there. I would prefer that your book isn’t solely hosted on Amazon, but the only requirement is that no part of your book uses AI at all. I want to see your stories, especially the fucked up shit that places like itch.io will no longer allow!
Feel free to get in touch with me with your books—I’m @NorbezJones on Twitter (I refuse to call it X), Bluesky, Pillowfort, Threads, Instagram, Tumblr, and Discord.
Looking forward to seeing your books! <3
__________
One more announcement before the review: I am looking for books to review for BPD Awareness Month in May! If you are an author with BPD, especially if you talk about it in your fiction, I would love to hear from you! Readers, feel free to also share recommendations!
With that, onto the review!
__________
When I asked for books to review for Indie Press Month in March (last month, at the time of writing), I posted the call on my regular social media sites, mainly Twitter, Bluesky, Tumblr, & Pillowfort. As I was putting it up, I decided to throw it on Threads, because I have an account there, so why not? If you don’t know, Threads is Instagram’s version of Twitter, where you post your micro-blogs to a specific topic, and people who see that topic on their feed will see your post. When I put up the call for Indie Press Month, I put it on the topic “bookstagram”; you can see my writeup here.
I was immediately overwhelmed by the response. I got far more replies on Threads than any social media site I put the call for books on—and by a large margin, too. While I wasn’t able to review most of them for my Indie Press Month writeups, I did add a number of them to my reading list to check out in the future.
One of the books I put on my list was Even If The Light Forgets: Volume One by Ys Goldt, a magitech post-apocalypse novel. I was originally drawn to it because of the cover—it was very well-made, but I was a tad worried it could AI, as some of the many responses included work that had used AI (which is why I put in my “no AI” rule when I updated the intro to my BRIB reviews). But after clicking on Goldt’s Tumblr @ysgoldt, I found out that she is a talented artist with an anime/manga-esque style who drew the cover herself! That’s something I admire and find super cool! May human-made art reign forever & ever, amen!
At the time I’m writing this, Even If The Light Forgets: Volume One does not have a public sale page; it is to go up the day I am posting this, around its release day, so links to it will be put in the review after-the-fact. The reason I mention this is because the book therefore doesn’t have a public synopsis at the moment. So, to introduce it, I will be using the synopsis up on the ARC review site I used to obtain it, BookSirens:
In a broken world, the last thing she expects to find is someone who refuses to leave her behind.
Nefra survives by scavenging a broken world and trusting no one. Then she finds something she wasn't supposed to: an artefact, a man who carries it, and the beginning of something she has no name for.
The man is Aurel. Called Half-Made, he is part flesh, part crystal, feared and shunned wherever he goes. He carries an artefact they never meant to find, only something valuable enough to sell.
Nefra's only family is her uncle Enkin, a brilliant, sharp-tongued alchemist whose soul is bound into a doll's body after an experiment went wrong. He didn't expect any of this either.
Nefra tells herself it's all temporary. An alliance. Nothing more. But Aurel watches her as if she is something precious, and the closer they get, the harder it becomes to pretend she doesn't want him to stay.
As a ruthless faction hunts them for the artefact, their path leads them to the woman behind it: Claire. She believes the soul is a myth and consciousness merely a pattern to be uploaded.
Together, these collisions force Nefra, Aurel, and Enkin into a confrontation between grief, faith, and a love neither knows how to name.
Even If the Light Forgets asks what survives when memory fades, and whether being truly seen by another person is enough to make someone whole.
__________
Perfect for readers who enjoy:
* Slow-burn romance with a real payoff
* Found family forged from misfits
* Wounded, emotionally guarded characters on both sides
* A brutal world that still allows for hope
* Violence treated seriously, not spectacularly
* Literary fantasy with genuine philosophical weight
No explicit sexual content. Features visceral action, moral ambiguity, and deep emotional interiority.
That last paragraph is especially important to take note of. There is romance in this book, with an adorable slow-burn between Nefra & Aurel, but this is not a smut novel; it is a philosophy dialogue wrapped in a fictional shell. And to be clear, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing; I quite like it, but I can see why others may not. More on that will be discussed as we go on.
I received an ARC in exchange for a review. I am not financially sponsored for my opinions, and everything in this review are my honest thoughts.
Before we dive in, it’s important to understand the history of the world we find ourselves in, as explained in the prologue. Here are the basics you need to know:
2000 years prior, humanity started the process called Sublimation, the “transfiguration” of the body into a metallic, crystalized form that did not age, tire, or fall ill. Those who were Sublimated became known as the Numenari. Those who refused this process became known as the Remekhet, “the last unaltered humans”, and they believed that Sublimators were violating natural law with their process, “severing the soul from the natural cycle.” (We learn later that this is because the Remekhet believe in the reincarnation of the soul, but that detail is not shared until way too far into the book.)
These two people tolerated each other. Numenari created technologically-advanced cities, and Remekhet created villages “where memory was carried in living voices rather than machines.” Then, an event known as the Obscuring happened—somehow, the Sublimation failed, and while the way it’s written about in the book itself is not entirely clear (more on that later), we can at least grasp that the Numenari’s technology, including their crystal bodies, failed somehow, and many were wiped out by this strange event.
Cut to 1000 years after the Obscuring, aka our present day. A few of the Numenari’s cities are still around, but many were abandoned or destroyed. The current population of the world (which we aren’t told the name of, if I recall right) is “a fraction of what it once was.” The Numenari who are still around Sublimate still, either by finding people who want to join them, or raising a flesh-and-blood child into the rite (as they are unable to reproduce on their own). The Remekhet trust their own preservation to “stories, rites, and lineage, passing knowledge from generation to generation in ways no archive can . . . [in] blood, land, and living memory.”
The prologue ends thusly:
Some believe the Obscuring was the beginning of a new age; others believe it was a warning; a few believe it never truly stopped; most simply live among what remains.
Whether the world is healing or continuing to decay cannot be said.
What is certain is only this: the engines of the old civilization still hum beneath the earth, signals still answer despite no one calling for them, and memory, whether it survives, rarely remains intact.
Now it’s time to introduce our main characters: Nefra, a Remekhet woman in her 20s, and her uncle, Enkin. Enkin used to be a Remekhet person too, but a lab accident put his soul in the body of a doll. The two of them live in a bunker, and are after an artefact in a “null-zone” (a term never truly defined in the book [again, more on that later]) to sell for supplies. Once they reach it, they find someone else has gotten there first—that’s when Aurel enters the story. Aurel is a failed Sublimation, in that he is half-flesh & half-Numenari, partially crystal but not quite. He lets them have the artefact in exchange for letting him stay with them, because he hasn’t had proper company in quite some time. Nefra & Enkin are wary of him at first, but agree. Thus starts their friendship—and, in the case of Nefra & Aurel, their romance. Little do the three of them know. the artefact they found is more precious than they know, and the leader of a Numenari cult is looking for it as the final puzzle piece for her grand thesis. . .
Even If The Light Forgets: Volume One devoured my free time; I found myself carrying my Kindle outside so I could read it when I had a spare moment or two. I highlighted so many annotations, mostly consisting of lines/parts I liked, they struggle to load on my device. I enjoyed it a great deal, so let’s first talk about the book’s positive qualities!
First off, this is not something I would consider “light reading”, and that is a good thing, at least for me. This is a very interesting book that has a lot to say about humanity & the nature of the soul. The characters are constantly having conversations about it, especially once it’s discovered what the artefact is and the main villain is unveiled. I found this very compelling, and drank in all of it with eager eyes.
The philosophical discussions in the book reminded me of reading Brave New World and coming to the second-to-last chapter. This is when Mustapha Mond, leader of the emotion-numbing dystopia, talks to John, a man raised on a distant reservation who sees value in the pain of life, believing that Mond taking those things way ruins the nature of being human. The two characters are both very intelligent, and seeing their opposing views clash is basically the payoff the entire book has been leading up to. Specifically, the closing lines of their chapter has stuck in my mind since I first read it over ten years ago:
'But I like the inconveniences.'
'We don't,' said the Controller [Mustapha Mund]. 'We prefer to do things comfortably.'
'But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.'
'In fact,' said Mustapha Mond, 'you're claiming the right to be unhappy.'
'All right, then,' said the Savage [John] defiantly, 'I'm claiming the right to be unhappy.'
'Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen to-morrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind.'
There was a long silence.
'I claim them all,' said the Savage at last.
Mustapha Mond shrugged his shoulders. 'You're welcome,' he said.
Even If The Light Forgets is trying to have a similar conversation about the nature of being human, asking what it means to truly live. Is living in an immortal, crystal body really life if your memory fails you? Is it better to have a fleshy form whose memory stays, but whose termination ticks closer with every passing day? Is there such thing as a soul, and if there is one, what does that mean for the nature of “humanity”? What can love look like in a dying world; is it still meaningful? All these things and more are brought up in the book.
This reaches its peak with our villain, Claire. She is the leader of a Numenari cult called the Körperlicht*, and as stated in the summary, she does not believe in the soul. As she states to her minion/friend/lover, “There are no gods, Teiran. No soul. Only pattern.” The artefact found by our protagonists is the final piece in her plan, the item that can finally prove her belief that life is only an algorithm that can be manipulated by those who learn its arrays & blueprints.
*After looking it up, it appears Körperlicht is composed of two German words: “körper”, meaning “body”, and “licht”, meaning “light”. Since German isn’t a language in this world (as far as we know), I can’t say it completely makes sense, but we’re just gonna ignore that and continue on.
Our protagonists believe the opposite, that there is significance in life, that it is precious. It’s interesting to see their clashing viewpoints with our villain and her followers; this definitely makes for some interesting moments and fascinating dialogue scenes.
Aurel in particular wrestles with this belief, because as half-Numenari and half-Remekhet. He wonders if, when he dies, his soul will participate in the reincarnation process, or if it will be doomed, as it is said Numenari souls are. He sees himself as “half-made”, an incomplete creation that is not fully flesh, nor fully crystal, the only such person like him in the world. Because of this, he doesn’t believe himself to be fully deserving of love, but falling for Nefra helps disprove that belief.
Speaking of, the slow-burn in this book is, for the most part, fantastically done. I love the descriptions & conversations that occur as it slowly builds up; if it’s not clear already, I really like the dialogue in this book. One moment that stood out to me is when Enkin remarks to Aurel, “Something has shifted. Between you and [Nefra]. She looks calmer. And you . . . you look like you were emptied and then filled with something you can’t name.” it’s very beautifully put!
The dialogue as a whole is pretty great actually, if you are into the kind of philosophical discussion that happens in this book. There’s plenty of wit between the characters, and a lot of meaningful conversation (as previously mentioned).
Finally, I especially like the moments of personification In these pages. There’s a lot of great figurative language, but that in particular is extremely well done. Lines like, “The tablets on the table shivered against one another with a soft staccato,” and, “The herbs in the trench shivered, their leaves quivering,” make the text really shine, and I loved seeing things like it as I read.
Now, for what I didn’t like as much. To start, a small gripe: Enkin starts out not wanting Aurel and Nefra to get together, hostile towards them becoming a couple. Yes, he makes Aurel promise to protect Nefra, but that seems to be more as a safety measure in case he would perish. When it comes to them getting together, sometimes he’s for it, but as the book goes on, he comes across as very much opposed to the idea.
But then, in the final scene Enkin and Aurel have alone together, all his hostility is completely gone. The inconsistency is strange; there’s not even a mention of his previous opposition, just a complete change in attitude. I’m happy he came around, but it does make for an odd moment.
Now, for a bigger concern. The book has a very flowery writing style, full of fancy descriptions and figurative language. Well it does make for a very beautiful piece of text, it is difficult to parse what things mean when the words on the page are talking around something specific. What part of it is figurative and what part is literal? Sometimes it’s hard to say. And when the text is talking around something instead of telling us directly, it’s hard to tell what really happened.
This problem begins in the prologue. When the Obscuring comes up, it is talked about like this:
Whether it began as war, divine judgment, a failure of the sublimation itself, or something stronger remains unknown. What is known is only what followed. Archives degraded into nonsense. Maps ceased to match the land. Entire disciplines vanished as if they had never existed. Some N erased their own memories to remain functional. Many did not survive.
It’s a beautifully written paragraph, but it fails to answer the most important questions the reader would have at this point, such as:
What is the Obscuring, and how did it happen?
Was it a war between Numenari & Remekhet?
Was it some kind of worldwide malfunction of DNA technology and bodies?
What caused many Numenari to die?
The Obscuring is a very important event within this book, but in the moment you are supposed to learn about it, you can only walk away feeling confused.
This problem persists throughout the narrative. It collides with the artistically written dialogue, causing characters to talk around what they mean instead of directly saying it. A good example of this is when our trio learns what the artefact is:
Enkin let out a breath. “Someone tried to leash death,” he said. “Or… to at least tame the path beyond it.”
“Many someones,” Varinon said. “Across years that you and I cannot count, perhaps.
Nefra spoke quietly. “If this lattice was made, then where did it run?”
“If we are to trust the text… everywhere,” Varinon answered quietly. “Or that is what the fragments say. The language turns grand when it fears itself.” He lifted his hand from the alloy sheet. “There were maps, but they do not make much sense. The ink went to dust, and the soul glass kept only the ideas.”
& later:
Varinon obeyed. He moved from piece to piece, his voice a quiet thread tying the fragments together. No single page explained the whole. Each offered a warning, a hint, an old name that had slipped out of use. The picture rose without ever forming: an ancient lattice, a system of nodes that could bind a soul or press it flat, a machine that called itself mercy and yet might be anything but.
Genuinely, what does this mean? The language used makes it hard to parse. I have read this particular section multiple times, but I still come out of it with only a guess as to what the artefact does, not a certainty. While I love the dialogue, especially in its philosophical moments, sometimes I do wish the characters would just speak bluntly about things.
While we are on the topic of language, I will discuss another issue, which is the use of terms related to the world. There are a lot of undefined words related to this universe in this book that aren't really made clear. This starts with the opening chapter, when “ash-lenses” & “warding thread” are mentioned, and continues on throughout the rest of the book. One of the most important terms, soul glass, is never given a clear description; we are left to guess at many aspects of it. I’m not asking the book to pause and give a long paragraph defining every single term, but clarity for the things within the world would be much appreciated.
That is something I also think would have been great for the magic system. Enkin uses wards that he has taught Nefra, and these wards seem to have a wide application, from combat, to repair, to testing. I got the impression that he was drawing these in the air, but we never get a clear description of what these wards are exactly. We just know that they are a thing that our characters do, and a thing that has existed for a long time, as we see wards from the past as well. They’re described quite vaguely beyond that. I hope the next book will clarify the magic system much more, because it's an interesting idea that it's never fully given space to spread its wings.
I hope listing my criticism does not give the impression that I hated Even If The Light Forgets: Volume One—quite the opposite, in fact. I loved it, would happily read it again (which I can’t say for every book I read), and do recommend you pick it up for yourself. However, I cannot ignore the cracks in this text’s foundation. Thankfully, this is the first in a series, and future volumes can fix these problems.
Overall, I must say Even If The Light Forgets: Volume One is the perfect book for me. I love texts that ponder the nature of human life, and this is a story that provides that in spades. It has a beautiful writing style and lovely dialogue that I, aside from the pain points listed, found pleasant. The epilogue left me super curious as to what will happen next, and I can’t wait to see what occurs in the 2nd volume.
If you’re curious about the book and want to read it for yourself, you can do so here! I am not sponsored and do not make any money from your purchase. If you have Kindle Unlimited, it’s a free read, and other wise, it’s $2.99 for the ebook, which I think is a steal for such an amazing tome.
Thank you for reading! I have at least one more review planned for this month, if time is willing. Until next time!
The google doc. (If it gets taken down, archive.org link)
Zeal's initial statement
Suicide baiting (screenshot from [RAAAAH THE ARCHIVE HAS BEEN CENSORED] !)(+video archived)(another link to the archived video, but not broken.)
Zeal's mother's initial statement. (At least, the Pressure staff claims she is.)
Zeal caught playing Arsenal after his suicide attempt. (NEEDS TO BE REVIEWED AS THE METADATA APPARENTLY SHOWS THE SCREENSHOT IS OLDER THAN THE SITUATION. I AM TOO STUPID TO DO IT MYSELF.)
Zeal has participated in the harassment of a 13 y.o. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Zeal's creepy behavior with others. (Check archive link, it has an extra picture given by a kind person !)
Zeal's newest statement. (doc archive link + thread screenshot)
Concerning Zerum:
Zerum's lie, predicted by the doc.
"Stepping Down"
Toxic behaviors (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Deleting evidences (to take with a grain of salt, as it could be fanarts she reposted being deleted)
Zerum exploiting people (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link) (note: victim was 17 at the time [CONFIRMED INFORMATION]) (+other victims speaking up)
Zerum's homophobia (if the linked tweet gets taken done, archive.org link)
Zerum admitting she supports Zeal + backtracking (if the tweet gets taken down, archive link 1 and 2.)
Zerum changing from "I didnt mean to type this" to "I got hacked" + saying the n word and backtracking afterward. (if the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Deleting her strawpage to avoid consequences (beware, the URL got snipped)
Zerum still has Zeal friended on Roblox.
Zerum has deleted tweets where she states she's palestinian. (The archive link has the proofs.)
Zerum left the discord server days after the situation started (refer to this)
Concerning Kat:
Kat's initial reaction (Deleting the twitter account)
A testimony on Kat's ableism. (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Kat has exploited artists and didn't pay them. (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
A testimony on Kat's toxic behavior toward their friends. (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Kat has made a statement. (If the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Concerning Wil:
Wil's initial statement (Will need to add the screenshot of him blocking Ren)
Non-sexual grooming (if the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Wil was aware.
Wil's updated statement. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Wil still has Zeal friended on Roblox.
(SUGESSTIVE/NSFW) Allegedly, a piece of art of HQ drawn by Wil. He sent this to someone upon request and asked them to "not share it". (I've compared the signatures, but I'd still tell you to be wary as I'm not a professional in handwritting recognition. Make your own mind.)
Gianni (nothing bad, but his stuff is FLOODING the "Other stuff" section)
GIANNI STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
Gianni's first* stream on Zeal's assault
*Gianni has mentioned in his apology that he would do another one.
Notes on Gianni's stream on the pressure situation. Only the question-and-answer part. Has all the questions.
Gianni's apology
Concerning other people:
Kibo's questionable actions toward players. (If the reddit post gets taken down, archive.org link)
Easy is not a part of the problem. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Person X from Kat's document, who has started the rumor that the encounter was consensual, has apparently been the one spreading a document about "the truth between Zeal and Ren" (If the tweet gets taken down, archive link)
Other stuff:
Financing Pressure
The devs are silencing anyone speaking out against them. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
The team has encouraged harassment. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link) (+other testimony and its archive link)
People speaking up on Sebastian's poorly executed double nationality.
^ This is likely due to human!sebastian was based on Zerum's k-pop crush. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)+this from an artist who made the recent official ref (If the post gets taken down, archive.org link)
The team has manipulated other devs such as Kobrik into believing Ren was lying and into making disgusting statements. (Link has Kobrik's initial statement+the explaination.)
They have also lied and told some people that Ren was the abuser. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link. It. doesnt show the stuff in the right order, look at it from end to start.)
ARTY STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
JS HARRIS STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
ELLIS KNIGHT STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
ALLANAH FITZY STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
SPOOGYNOVA STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
DIANA GARNET STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
(other VAs have also stepped down, but I haven't found their statements. Feel free to send it to me !)
Catsket/Kat ran a gamedev server I was in. (It was originally called Sacred Veins, but that server was deleted, and the new one was called Seal Sanctuary. That server has also been deleted now.) We were talking about making a game together at some point in the future. I had no idea of her involvement in Pressure, and reading what she has done made me sick to my stomach. I'm glad that collaboration never happened.
The google doc. (If it gets taken down, archive.org link)
Zeal's initial statement
Suicide baiting (screenshot from [RAAAAH THE ARCHIVE HAS BEEN CENSORED] !)(+video archived)(another link to the archived video, but not broken.)
Zeal's mother's initial statement. (At least, the Pressure staff claims she is.)
Zeal caught playing Arsenal after his suicide attempt. (NEEDS TO BE REVIEWED AS THE METADATA APPARENTLY SHOWS THE SCREENSHOT IS OLDER THAN THE SITUATION. I AM TOO STUPID TO DO IT MYSELF.)
Zeal has participated in the harassment of a 13 y.o. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Zeal's creepy behavior with others. (Check archive link, it has an extra picture given by a kind person !)
Zeal's newest statement. (doc archive link + thread screenshot)
Concerning Zerum:
Zerum's lie, predicted by the doc.
"Stepping Down"
Toxic behaviors (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Deleting evidences (to take with a grain of salt, as it could be fanarts she reposted being deleted)
Zerum exploiting people (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link) (note: victim was 17 at the time [CONFIRMED INFORMATION]) (+other victims speaking up)
Zerum's homophobia (if the linked tweet gets taken done, archive.org link)
Zerum admitting she supports Zeal + backtracking (if the tweet gets taken down, archive link 1 and 2.)
Zerum changing from "I didnt mean to type this" to "I got hacked" + saying the n word and backtracking afterward. (if the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Deleting her strawpage to avoid consequences (beware, the URL got snipped)
Zerum still has Zeal friended on Roblox.
Zerum has deleted tweets where she states she's palestinian. (The archive link has the proofs.)
Zerum left the discord server days after the situation started (refer to this)
Concerning Kat:
Kat's initial reaction (Deleting the twitter account)
A testimony on Kat's ableism. (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Kat has exploited artists and didn't pay them. (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
A testimony on Kat's toxic behavior toward their friends. (if the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Kat has made a statement. (If the linked tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Concerning Wil:
Wil's initial statement (Will need to add the screenshot of him blocking Ren)
Non-sexual grooming (if the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Wil was aware.
Wil's updated statement. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Wil still has Zeal friended on Roblox.
(SUGESSTIVE/NSFW) Allegedly, a piece of art of HQ drawn by Wil. He sent this to someone upon request and asked them to "not share it". (I've compared the signatures, but I'd still tell you to be wary as I'm not a professional in handwritting recognition. Make your own mind.)
Gianni (nothing bad, but his stuff is FLOODING the "Other stuff" section)
GIANNI STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
Gianni's first* stream on Zeal's assault
*Gianni has mentioned in his apology that he would do another one.
Notes on Gianni's stream on the pressure situation. Only the question-and-answer part. Has all the questions.
Gianni's apology
Concerning other people:
Kibo's questionable actions toward players. (If the reddit post gets taken down, archive.org link)
Easy is not a part of the problem. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
Person X from Kat's document, who has started the rumor that the encounter was consensual, has apparently been the one spreading a document about "the truth between Zeal and Ren" (If the tweet gets taken down, archive link)
Other stuff:
Financing Pressure
The devs are silencing anyone speaking out against them. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)
The team has encouraged harassment. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link) (+other testimony and its archive link)
People speaking up on Sebastian's poorly executed double nationality.
^ This is likely due to human!sebastian was based on Zerum's k-pop crush. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link)+this from an artist who made the recent official ref (If the post gets taken down, archive.org link)
The team has manipulated other devs such as Kobrik into believing Ren was lying and into making disgusting statements. (Link has Kobrik's initial statement+the explaination.)
They have also lied and told some people that Ren was the abuser. (If the tweet gets taken down, archive.org link. It. doesnt show the stuff in the right order, look at it from end to start.)
ARTY STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
JS HARRIS STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
ELLIS KNIGHT STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
ALLANAH FITZY STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
SPOOGYNOVA STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
DIANA GARNET STEPPING DOWN !!!! WOOHOO !!!!!
(other VAs have also stepped down, but I haven't found their statements. Feel free to send it to me !)
Bez Reviews Independent Books #17 Appendix: Bookmark RPG (S[I]GNS)
Content Warning: In this game, I ended up writing a prose poem about the following topics: gender neutrality, fear of masculinity, and gender anxiety.
Hello everyone! It’s time for another bookmark RPG! If you’re not aware, when I review a physical copy of a book, I play a bookmark RPG with it, because it’s fun!
If you don’t know what a bookmark RPG is, here’s a simple explanation: it’s a roleplaying game that fits on a bookmark! The versions I play are ones that require a physical book (usually a narrative novel) in their rules. Some are more meditative and fit in the “lyric game” genre, while others have most strict rules and may require other materials, such as dice. The bookmark RPG genre is a whole spectrum of awesomeness!
Today, I’m playing SIGNS by The Bit Bet with the last book I reviewed, Like Blood On A Dog’s Teeth by Nivik! (The title of our game is stylized as “S[I]GNS”, but to make things easier for folks screen readers, I will call it “SIGNS” for this review.) SIGNS has two versions: a “classic” one that is “calm, reflective, literary: a quiet microgame of observation and introspection,” and a “horror” one that is “dark, unsettling, and ritualistic: a shadowed version. Perfect for an Halloween night.” I’ll be playing both!
The basic gist is this: you cut out a window in the bookmark that you use to highlight a word. Arrows on the bookmark show you notable elements on the left & right that influence play. From there, you follow the rules to see where you land.
Part 1: The Printing
Unlike other bookmark RPGs I’ve reviewed, which I owned physically, this is a print-and-play game. Each version is its own separate PDF. Since I wanted to play both, I ended up merging the two PDFs so I could print SIGNS as a double-sided bookmark with one version on each side).
Printing it out as-is resulted in a HUGE bookmark. Here’s a picture with me making a silly expression next to it so you can see my head for scale:
[Alt text: a photo of me holding up the Signs bookmark next to my head for scale. I’m making an exaggerated frown, like a “Hmmm…” kind of face. The bookmark is about 1/3rd taller than my head,]
I ended up printing it out again at 70% size instead of 100%, and that resulted in a much better size. The only downside is the text is harder to read. Here’s another picture of me with a silly face next to the bookmark, so you can see its size next to my head.
[picture caption: I was trying to make a silly happy scream face, but I ended up making an expression like that one nerd emoji. Do you know the one I’m talking about?]
Now that we have a successful bookmark, we can play the game! I think it would be interesting to move down the page with the Horror version, switching between it & the Classic one each time. So, that’s what we’re gonna do!
Part 2: Playing The Classic Version
Let’s start with the classic version!
I decided to play on page 59 of Like Blood On A Dog’s Teeth, this one:
Let’s do this!
1) Start at the top of the page and find the word in the window that speaks to you.
After a brief skim, I decided to put this word in the box:
2) Follow the row to the left arrow: here lies your obstacle.
3) Follow the row to the right arrow: here lies your guide.
The left arrow (The Obstacle) is pointing to “spare”, and the right arrow (The Guide) is pointing to “sharp” (underneath the bookmark).
4) To decide how the story unfolds, read a sentence and count the punctuation marks:
1-2 → Clarity
3–5 → Complication
6+ → Fracture
I know this was designed for fiction books, not poetry, so to keep things relatively fair, I’ll count the punctation marks in the stanza (underneath the number 14), not the singular line. The total is 5, so results in a Complication.
Then describe what happens or what you feel.
This part of the rules is a bit too vague for me, but my assumption is I am to make a story based on the words and the result of the punctuation marks (a Complication, in this case). As this is for Like Blood On A Dog’s Teeth, I find it fitting to write a nonfiction prose poem, so here goes!
I can’t stop hoarding genders. I keep them around like spare tires filling the trunk in case a sharp object pierces the ones I drive with. I declare neopronouns to my friends and save xenogender flags to my computer. I am guything. I am creature. I am static. I am, I am, I am.
Next step!
5) If you sense a step forward, move the bookmark down the page and begin again.
6) If you sense no progress, move up and begin again.
I’m not sure what “a step forward” exactly means, but my interpretation is whether the story I’ve written feels like it can be developed further? In that case, the answer is yes, so it’s time to keep moving!
Part 3: Playing The Horror Version
Now it’s time for the horror version! Ooooooo! (spooky ghost noises)
Instead of starting at the top of the page, we are going to move down, continuing from the Classic version. I decided on this word:
2) Follow the row to the left arrow: here lies the threat.
3) Follow the row to the right arrow: here lies the whisper.
The left arrow (The Threat) is pointing to “imagine” and the right one (The Whisper) is pointing to “much” (both underneath).
4) To decide how the story unfolds, read a sentence and count the punctuation marks:
1–2 → Clarity (calm)
3–5 → Complication (tension)
6+ → Fracture (chaos, rupture)
I’ll once again count the punctation marks in that stanza. This time, the total is 9 (yikes!) and that means the result is 6+: Fracture (Chaos, Rupture).
Then describe what happens or what you feel.
Let’s continue our prose poem from before:
I wonder if people think I’m tacky when I introduce myself with e/em/eir pronouns, wonder if I’m following some fad, chasing the impossibility of negative gender, null space. Imagining what they’re saying about me is my anxiety’s Achilles’ heel. Do they know I stole these pronouns from Maia Kobabe? Do they know even though most of my gender is nothingness, I also long for transmasculinity? That the HRT, with its facial hair and deepening voice, makes me scared of being seen as a man, a threat?
5) If you sense a step forward, move the bookmark down the page and begin again.
6) If no progress comes, move up and begin again.
7) At the end, read it all: it is your story… or theirs.
I think this is a good place to end it. It is my story, and maybe it’s yours too! Who knows?
Part 4: Conclusion
That just about wraps it up! If you would like to play SIGNS, please go download it at its itch.io page! I very much enjoyed playing it.
Thanks for reading! I’ll be back soon with a new book to cover. Until then!
Appendix to the Appendix: The Full Prose Poem
I can’t stop hoarding genders. I keep them around like spare tires filling the trunk in case a sharp object pierces the ones I drive with. I declare neopronouns to my friends and save xenogender flags to my computer. I am guything. I am creature. I am static. I am, I am, I am.
I wonder if people think I’m tacky when I introduce myself with e/em/eir pronouns, wonder if I’m following some fad, chasing the impossibility of negative gender, null space. Imagining what they’re saying about me is my anxiety’s Achilles’ heel. Do they know I stole these pronouns from Maia Kobabe? Do they know even though most of my gender is nothingness, I also long for transmasculinity? That the HRT, with its facial hair and deepening voice, makes me scared of being seen as a man, a threat?
