Seraphim

Born a fangirl, will die a fangirl

[loveforbrave]

girls be like “i know a spot” and then take you here

[whendidmythoughtsgocrazy]

And if I'm meant to be alone, please take away my desire to be loved.

k.b. // unknown

[rainedravens]

"holy shit they finally confessed, what comes next--"

[dearlizzies-rip]

when reading smut and y/n says “daddy”

[sherlck-deactivated20140622]

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

[feathery-soul-deactivated201408]

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

[agnosticwitch]

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

[moontideempress]

[vimbia]

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

[jazmynedrakeford]

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

[youhavearighttoyourwrongopinion]

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

[caribe-bby]

Y'all suspect af😂

[dookiediamonds-deactivated20200]

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

[electricocelot]

Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash

Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police

[prismatic-bell]

Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.

Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.

[harmonysama-deactivated20190724]

all this info is good for writing

but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed

ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone

[thewelterschallenge]

Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.

[bloodforbones]

Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same

[sweetgirlfriend]

Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)

[fluidityandgiggles]

This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.

[nintendhoe-switchblade-deactiva]

use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.

[emilyelizabethfowl]

Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?

[ferntastic-m]

I love learning.

[srazars-main-blog-deactivated20]

IT’S ON MY DASH I REPEAT IT’S ON MY DASH.

[ratherinterestingmilkshake]

ON MY DASH

[infinitebadashianqueen]

Also bury the body deeper than six feet, so it can’t be washed up or smelled by hounds. Yes, that may mean you dig a 12 foot deep grave. Guess what? Murder is work.

[the-suriel-deserved-better]

Murder is work kids.

[krystal-prisms]

Too much work

[gay-vibin-girl]

Creating new jobs in America one murder at a time

[3-spoons]

Also work fast and no witnesses

[somany-fandoms-solittle-time]

THIS HAS OVER A MILLION NOTES WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!!!!!

[xakumi]

Also if you are planning to flee the country, get that figured out way in advance. At least a year or two in advance. And make sure everyone knows you’re moving, so it’s less suspicious than to randomly leave without saying anything. Perhaps it’s studying abroad, a job opportunity, or even meeting up with a friend and/or romantic partner?

[thegreenpea]

If you buey the body vertically don’t forget to leave a few feet above the head and place some animal bones on it so when the blood hounds sniff they will find the animal bones and the police would likely rule it as a false positive. Also globally the solving rate for murder is 45% so don’t worry too much

[unfortunatelyevent]

am I gonna get in some fbi list for rebbloging this? possible

do I care enough to not reblog this? absolutely not

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

Don’t forget it’s just a missing person case if they can’t find the body.

[guiltiest-gear]

Hmm

[dooflizard]

Dances with plans

[holding-infinity-and-a-book]

Helpful tumblr. Real helpful.

[warning-coffeeisexplosive-deact]

Thank you Tumblr. Now I have ideas :)

[daughter-of-hades1218-deactivat]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[theoneandonlyredrobin]

@yashee-but-jiba youre in the hellsite hall of fame

[jeffthehistorian]

I love this. If I may add, wear shoes too big/small for your feet so the footprints font give you away.

[deadboytryingtosurvive]

If you feed a human body to pigs you have to remove the teeth first. Pigs can’t digest human teeth so if suspected the teeth can be found. I would recomend grinding them into dust and releasing it into the wind on a windy day :)

[starscence]

Remember: The authorities will know if the murderer faked their accent/foot print/whatever, but as long as they don’t find your actual features you’ll be fine

[blue-checkmarks-go-here-deactiv]

No body no murder, hide it well folks.

[viva-1a-resistance]

if youre gonna bury the body, hide it somewhere temporary first. leave the police an anonymous tip that its buried somewhere else. after theyve searched and not found anything, bury the body there. the freshly dug soil wont be as suspicious and theyre not gonna look there because they already have

also if you pierce the lungs the body wont float

and if youre gonna do anything else, take out the teeth and burn the tongue, fingertips, etc. this will prevent identification by dna

<3

[bigmickswingin]

It should be noted by any prospective murderers out there than dna can be recovered from any body tissue or fluid, so destoying teeth, tongue, fingertips, etc will not be sufficient.

[viva-1a-resistance]

so basically, dont leave a body at all or make damn sure its not gonna be found

[wholesome-dragon-lady]

Hydrochloric acid is also useful for disposing of flesh!! Just make sure you can get rid of the bones too xx

@princesscat01

[siriusblackinskirts-deactivated]

cover up any tattoos/piercing u have and wear fake tattoos

[pukopukopowpow]

oh yeah, coach Ben is DYING. I wouldn't be surprised if the girls left him behind in the wilderness to die because he would've been such a liability to them. He would've definitely snitched on all OF THEM 😭. lowkey feel like this is the "horrible thing" they did in the woods (besides all the cannibalism). Coach Ben is NOT the 8th survivor

[pukopukopowpow]

I WAS (somewhat) RIGHT 😭😭😭, NOOOO BENNNNNN

[pukopukopowpow]

HIKERS THEORY IS REAL. I REPEAT THE HIKERS THEORY IS REAL

[pukopukopowpow]

oh yeah, coach Ben is DYING. I wouldn't be surprised if the girls left him behind in the wilderness to die because he would've been such a liability to them. He would've definitely snitched on all OF THEM 😭. lowkey feel like this is the "horrible thing" they did in the woods (besides all the cannibalism). Coach Ben is NOT the 8th survivor

[pukopukopowpow]

I don't know about ya'll but I can't WAIT for the Tom Blythe-fication of the Haymitch casting for SOTR, i just know the edits will eat.

[pukopukopowpow]

Rest Easy Now

[pukopukopowpow]

The Fall of Icarus, René Milot

[lonergirlmonologue]

"i never craved attention until i tasted yours."

[pukopukopowpow]

So what you're saying is that in the year 2025 , we're not just getting 1, or 2, BUT 3 BLOODY DRAMIONE FICS BEING OFFICIALLY/ TRADITIONALLY PUBLISHED?!!?

[pukopukopowpow]

We do not talk about this Yuta and his vocals enough

[dickiesgrayson]

the batfam clowning the joker is the best thing i've ever come up with

join the batfam server

[pukopukopowpow]

when I'm reading a fanfic and the characters decide to act canon compliant:

[ploxx-deactivated20110909-deact]

[tuscansweaters-deactivated20200]

IS THIS REAL LIFE???

[lilyrighter]

don’t tell the guy who got angry at moreos

[perchu-deactivated20180224]

YOU BITCHES TALKING ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK YOU THINK I WOULDNT NOTICE THIS SHIT? WELL GUESS WHAT I DID NOTICE THIS SHIT AND LET ME TELL YOU WHAT? IM RATHER FUCKING UPSET. MOREOS WERE BAD BUT THIS, THIS SHIT, THIS FUCKING SHIT IS THE ROCK BOTTOM OF MANKIND. NOT ONLY HAD THE OREO COMPANY DECIDED TO EXPAND THEIR SHITFEST BY MAKING THIS CIRCULAR SHITSTAIN, BUT DOMINOS DECIDED TO JOIN THE CLUSTERFUCK AS WELL. JUST FUCKING PROOF THAT THE CANCER OF HUMANITY THAT IS OREOS IS FUCKING SPREADING. IM SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW, I FUCKING TOLD YOU ALL. YOU THOUGHT I WOULDNT SEE THIS? I HAVE SOURCES, I KNOW WHEN IM BEING TALKED ABOUT, AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE THATS A GOOD THING BECAUSE IM GONNA PUT THIS OREO MONSTROSITY BACK IN ITS PLACE, JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT. WATCH YOUR FUCKING BACK

[matthewaran]

I FOUND IT, I FINALLY FOUND IT