Been Doing This Too Long @r1z3n - Tumblr Blog

Introduction Post

Now that I have all my filtered tags and filtered posts in order: Name: Rhys or Riz Pronouns: They/Them if you must. (Null Pronouns but like in practice it gets tedious to explain that to people). Age: Closer to 30, then 25. What am I doing: Trying to find my passion for writing again. What are you doing: If you think I am cool or interesting following to see if I do or dropping an ask to make friends :D 2SLGBTQ+ - A person with a disability - "Speak the truth even if your voice shakes" - Maggie Kuhn the actual quote is better Hobbies, Likes and Dislikes Below:

#introductory post #pinned intro #blog intro #introduction post #writer #writeblr #2slgbtqia+#lgbtqia #attempting to make friends #is this how one does that?#Riz do be speaking

r1z3n

I JSUT THOUGHT OF SOMETHING EXTREMELY CUTE BUT EXTREMELY SAD.

Tim when he gets the safe kind of tired. You know when you feel cozy and safe, and being tired isn't a weakness but a 'oh hello home' and his Brain lets him breath.

He speaks with an slight tinge of accent no one can place because it isn't pure Jersey nor Bristol until one day, and it was probably Duke, looks over and probably interrupting several people.

"oh! You sound like Dick and Jason!"

Tim in his floaty tired but safe world 'consequences what consequences', goes "yeah well that is what happens when they were the only people that talked to me as a Kid not at the Drake Heir or around me. So I wanted to be just like them for so long, I used to model their speech patterns a lot."

prokopetz

"It doesn't help your credibility to exaggerate, most employers wouldn't literally work you to death" like, I used to work in distribution. If booking a truck driver for back to back shifts until they fall asleep at the wheel, crash, and die counts as being worked to death, I have personally met employers who've worked employees to death and gotten away with a slap on the wrist. It may not be universal, but it's a hell of a lot more common than a lot of us would prefer to think.

backofthebookshelf

The FAA had to explicitly make rules about how long pilots have to have off between shifts, and how far away from their home you can pin their home airport, because it doesn't mean shit that someone has 10 hours between shifts if they have a 2 hour commute each way. They had to make these rules because multiple passenger airplanes crashed because the pilots were exhausted from tight scheduling. Employers won't just work you to death, they'll take a hundred random customers with you.

lordgolden

Happy belated Workers’ Memorial Day, celebrated April 28th

r1z3n

If you worked in Safety or HR in any industry then you know "if there's a regulation, more than one person has probably died for it to exist" or more simple put "regulations are written in blood".

Also just a reminder if you work or have worked for someone that tries to make you ignore regulations and safety protocols, they've decided that your death will cost them less than following those regulations or they just don't care.

#riz do be speaking #real life #safety

prokopetz

backofthebookshelf

lordgolden

Happy belated Workers’ Memorial Day, celebrated April 28th

r1z3n

If you worked in Safety or HR in any industry then you know "if there's a regulation, more than one person has probably died for it to exist" or more simple put "regulations are written in blood".

#riz do be speaking #real life #safety

pipermca

I got another spam comment today on AO3, and I want to share it as a PSA. But before I do, I want you to understand that you SHOULD NOT DO what this comment is asking. Ok? Ok.

See that bit at the bottom? Don't do that. Insert ParamedicGuy.gif going "Don't."

Other malicious spam comments I've gotten seemed designed to make an author question their writing, or outright encourage them to delete their stories from AO3. This one is different, in that it tries to get you to destroy the work on your own computer.

If you ran that command, it basically locates your Documents folder, then deletes everything in it, including all subfolders. It also does it without any prompt, so you have no chance to second guess your actions.

This is just fucking trolling.

Coincidentally, we just did training on a cyberattack similar to this, called a ClickFix attack. You can read about how that works here.

As a general rule, if ANYONE or ANY WEBSITE tells you unsolicited* to do anything in Powershell, CMD RUN, command prompt, shell command, or something similar, DON'T.

*There are legit reasons for running commands in PowerShell or the command prompt, but in those cases you are likely seeking out a solution to a problem you are already experiencing. Don't just run random commands on your computer as recommended by some unlogged-in guest on a fan fiction site.

Always think and consider before taking action, and get a second opinion from a trusted source. When I got this comment I was pretty sure what the command would do, and it took me about three seconds of googling to confirm it.

Be safe out there!

hardwiredweird

This isn't just trolling. Nor is it a simple malicious attack to fuck with authors.

All of these things, starting with making people delete their stories from AO3 to now this, are all specifically designed to kill any digital paper trail so people can steal and make money off your fanfictions by just scrubbing the serial numbers off (and probably training AI on them).

These scammers have realized that even if people delete the stories off of AO3, authors can still prove that they are the original owner of the story by having locally stored documents that prove when the story was originally written.

That said: I want to impress on people once again to never EVER run any commands on your PC unless you know EXACTLY what you're doing! ESPECIALLY not if it's just a rando on the internet telling you to.

seeingteacupsindragons

I think it would do people a lot of good, both mentally and societally, if they started thinking of at least some of their actions not as good or bad, or moral or not, or fun or not, but as whether or not they’re the behavior of someone who lives in a society.

On Friday, I got a notification that I had a package. My apartment has package lockers that FedEx/UPS/USPS/DHL/etc. deliver int and when they register a package to me, I get a code emailed/texted to me that I can use to pop the locker open.

I didn’t remember getting a package, but that happens sometimes. I preorder a lot of things and Bookshop doesn’t always let you know when they’ve finally shipped something, or a friend surprises me, or whatever. So I put some clothes and shoes on and went over to the leasing office building to get the package.

It was not for me. FedEx is gonna FedEx.

So I picked it up out of the locker and went to the leasing office staff to hand it to them. They were kind of closed for lunch, so I was contemplating what to do if they weren’t in. It had the address. I could walk over there and deliver it maybe?

‘Cause see. A lot of people apparently just shut the locker and are done with it. But if I did that...how would this person know they had a package or where it was? How would anyone get the package back out of the locker, now that the system registered it as retrieved? They don’t have the code, and the code is expired anyway.

I could just leave it in the locker. Or take it out of the locker and dump it to the side where it could be pilfered; the exact function the package lockers exist to prevent. It’s not my package. Not my problem.

But it costs me a tiny bit of inconvenience and time to place it in the hands of and appropriate custodian and save a bunch of other people a lot of inconvenience and time. I live in a society. Society is designed to save everyone across the society as much time and effort as possible cumulatively.

Sure, it’s easier and faster to just shove your shopping cart out of the way and pull out. Not your problem. You don’t need the cart anymore. Except now the cart is blocking other people’s cars and other parking spots and can ram into cars and people and some poor worker is going to have to go track it down. You have saved yourself a tiny amount of time and inconvenience and in doing so wasted everyone around you’s time and convenience.

Sure, you could put your neighbor’s mail from a government agency with an URGENT stamp in your mailbox and mark it “NOT AT THIS ADDRESS.” Or you could. Just. Pop it in their mailbox or slip it under their door (I’ve been having mail problems recently okay. Give the USPS more money).

You don’t have to wait an extra 5 seconds to hold the door for someone just behind you. But. Like. Come on, man, really? (Unless you're entering a secured area with restricted access, because that causes a separate cache of problems)

Weighing how much time and effort something is going to cost you compared to how much time and effort it will save everyone else around you cumulatively is...well...pro-social way to think. There are obviously always going to be exceptions and a balance to things, especially if the cost to you is much, much higher proportionally.

We live in a society. We live in many societies.

You can leave your dishes all around your house. But whoever has to do the dishes later (even if it’s you!) is then going to have to remember or know this happened, figure out where they all are, pick them up, deal with any spills/etc. that incurred, and return them to the kitchen and then was them. Was that really worth just putting them in the kitchen earlier? Maybe. But probably not.

“But what do I get out of that?” Firstly, you’re a tarpit. Secondly, you get all of the time and energy everyone around you has saved you by also being a functioning member of a society.

Societies work because we’re all contributing so the burned is distributed, just the way people can walk over a bed of nails but not an individual nail. We all take up a small part of people’s burdens that aren’t necessarily ours so we all have better lives.

Consider: how pro-social is your behavior? Sometimes pro-social behavior is a huge undertaking for massive gains elsewhere. But so much of the time it takes an extra 30 seconds, an extra minute.

And what little pro-social tasks can you tally up lately to feel proud and accomplished of yourself? It’s good for you. Try it out.

midwinterhunt

hot artists don't gatekeep

I've been resource gathering for YEARS so now I am going to share my dragons hoard

Floorplanner. Design and furnish a house for you to use for having a consistent background in your comic or anything! Free, you need an account, easy to use, and you can save multiple houses.

Comparing Heights. Input the heights of characters to see what the different is between them. Great for keeping consistency. Free.

Magma. Draw online with friends in real time. Great for practice or hanging out. Free, paid plan available, account preferred.

Smithsonian Open Access. Loads of free images. Free.

SketchDaily. Lots of pose references, massive library, is set on a timer so you can practice quick figure drawing. Free.

SculptGL. A sculpting tool which I am yet to master, but you should be able to make whatever 3d object you like with it. free.

Pexels. Free stock images. And the search engine is actually pretty good at pulling up what you want.

Figurosity. Great pose references, diverse body types, lots of "how to draw" videos directly on the site, the models are 3d and you can rotate the angle, but you can't make custom poses or edit body proportions. Free, account option, paid plans available.

Line of Action. More drawing references, this one also has a focus on expressions, hands/feet, animals, landscapes. Free.

Animal Photo. You pose a 3d skull model and select an animal species, and they give you a bunch of photo references for that animal at that angle. Super handy. Free.

Height Weight Chart. You ever see an OC listed as having a certain weight but then they look Wildly different than the number suggests? Well here's a site to avoid that! It shows real people at different weights and heights to give you a better idea of what these abstract numbers all look like. Free to use.

narrettwist

Homie gonna share this

r1z3n

Human*

So long ago, I mentioned that Batfam has to have an asterisk when in their files because they are abnormal human examples, but I want to add, they aren't so abnormal as the none humans think they are. Humans being baseline the space orcs/space Australians, but Batfam are just a little more because they are like the difference between a steak knife and dagger, both can stab you, both you keep sharp but one you don't assume danger until someone changes the way they hold it (steak knife), and the other is always seen as dangerous (dagger).

graffitinight

When you try to talk about enshittification, it sounds like conspiracy theories. (I'm not crazy)

Amazon made their service worse, to force people to pay for Prime.

Nowadays, if you order from Amazon, there is a week long delay before your package is shipped. (on purpose)

I remember when orders would ship out the same day. (I remember - it was real)

YouTube didn't used to have ads. Now, ads play in the middle of videos. (it's worse than TV ever was)

The best can opener I have owned is over 40 years old. Modern ones just don't hold up as well. (The ones I bought new broke ages ago)

The bread machine my mom got for her wedding lasted 30 years. It's been replaced twice in the last 5 years. (How can you fuck this up?)

The cardboard tubes in the middle of toilet paper rolls have gotten larger. (This too?) Companies increasing the price of the product while selling you less. (REALLY?)

It sounds crazy. (it's the truth) When you talk about it, YOU sound crazy. (it's true)

Even when people believe you (do they really), all they can say is "it sucks". (it's too big) Because the problem is so big, so pervasive, what can we even DO about it???

To get the necessary laws written and passed, we need politicians, to get the politicians elected we need information campaigns, to fund campaigns we need money, and all the money is being hoarded by the people profiting from enshittification. (it sounds so fake)

So I talk about enshittification (it sounds crazy), so people don't forget that things have been made worse on purpose (it's true), even though I sound crazy. (maybe I am)

naamahdarling

We also need more people willing to fucking vote.

r1z3n

What I was not expecting this morning, was to see my activity feed to be comparable busy enough that I legit thought something went wrong.

But no, it was just people agreeing that Dick Grayson should be the Unhinged Eldest Sibling in batfam fics.

So with that in mind, I am gonna list thoughts and ideas I have on Unhinged Dick Grayson

Dick sitting down with each sibling eventually and doing the 'Here is how to go solo:" and "What to do when you realize Bruce's Mission isn't yours:". It is a 80s arcade style PowerPoint with animations. I just think more people need to lean in the idea Dick is the Eldest sibling that was usually the First in everything, and also still a Bat so Overprepared.

Once had a concussion on the Watchtower, and just so happens that Kon and Superman were fighting, and well Nightwing cutting in with a "if it wouldn't upset Ma Kent, I'd take you out.", kind of derailed because "what do you mean Ma Kent is the stopping factor?" (Which might of been the goal, but you know maybe it wasn't and you can't prove it)

The Titian and YJ have witnessed Nightwing and Red Robin fighting: 'If I am not allowed to destroy Ra's, you can't destroy Deathstroke" and honestly it was real bonding moment for both groups because nothing is more bonding then then realizing that they all more then okay being their Robin's 'Albi'

As Dick Grayson has 100% brought people mostly adult men to tears because he just built Intense. More then a few Wayne Industries rivals were thankful he didn't take over. Until they realized that Tim Drake, learned at Dick Grayson and Janet Drake's knees.

He probably just moves just right of uncanny when he isn't thinking about it either. He was never taught to have bones.

He just knows things. Like Dick just knows things, and like his siblings find it heartwarming, his friends are used to it, and everyone else keep asking Bruce to check Dick for a meta gene. Bruce has, often. It a mixture of Dick having decent hearing and a really good memory, and "light" stalking.

Someone (not family) tries to call one of the other Robins the angry murderous one, like, "Yo Robin, not you, the angry murderous one' and Dick just answers with a Smile, because he worked hard with bloody fingertips to be who he is now, with his morals and ethics, but he wouldn't mind if more people remember that it was an effort.

Also to go back to the never taught to have bones: Dick is fighting one of the supers or aliens, and them just stopping and going "no that is bullshit, you shouldn't be able to do that." Tell me your thoughts, I know these aren't as unhinged as they should be but I wanted to start light.

iconuk01

A good start indeed!

Along with the weird flexibility, Dick has a relationship with gravity which is a lot more casual than a non-meta should have. No one can exactly PROVE he takes longer to fall a specific distance than physics insists should be the case (well they CAN prove it of course, but they are worried about what they might find out) but he seems to. Dick ascribes it to "effective time management"

There is always at least one language that Dick understands that surprises people. Forget Portugese or Italian, though he speaks those too, but he has shown familiarity with Khazak, Korean and Māori. Not completely fluent mind you, and his accent is not always great but "enough to get by" (though you can never tell about things like that with Batclan, they err on the side of deception).

Has a two day memory gap from during his time at Hudson U when still Robin. He doesn't remember being on a case, and he had no physical injuries when he came to, so it might have been a student party that got too hectic, but he doesn't think so, and tries not to think about it too much.

Some people can dislocate their thumb. Dick can do that, but can also dislocate his big toe too. He's never found a use for it, and isn't entirely sure he knows how he realised he could, but you never know when something like that might be useful

bone-cement-huffer

memeception

hashtagloveloses

WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

bl00dlikeice

@caesarianconfection

fidefortitude-deactivated202011

I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.

But this… This is something else.

The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.

For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

mommacomms

….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

pagesofkenna

it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here

ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)

this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2)

“man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)

‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)

and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5)

which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)

(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

animatedamerican

I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

captainlordauditor

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

japhers

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics

maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit

I was getting a political compass vibe too

your-uncle-dave

tag urself im man door hand hook car gun

politicalcompassmemes

This works better than I thought it would.

chiribomb-deactivated20220820

This was in my senior project

kait-the-kitty

I’m not sorry.

panickedmartian

EIGHT MEME COMBO

smooththegoofyshark

FATALITY

soda-soda-pop-deactivated202005

We have officially created a new language

soda-soda-pop-deactivated202005

I just had to do it to em

phoneykin

THIS FUCKING THREAD I’M GONNA CRY

I LOST IT AND MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR GUN AND DIDN’T EXPECT MORE I’M SOBBING

soda-soda-pop-deactivated202005

M E M E T E N

soda-soda-pop-deactivated202005

OwO?

W o w

You know I had to

I hope you know this is the most cursed addition to my post, and I love it

joyriding-in-the-fandoms

THIRTEEN!?

junepop45

SOMEONE EDIT THIS FROM THE ORIGINAL PHOTO SAYING “this one does not spark joy” TO THIS VERSION SAYING “this one sparks joy”

astral-ghoul-deactivated2025100

moved-to-ancient-gaylienz

well i added my contribution : )

why—

fandersunite

IM SCREAMING

robynspreciousnest

This is the most elaborate meme I have ever seen and damn am I concerned by how it makes sense.

operahousebookworm

“You’re in your 30s, but you still understand all this meme stuff?” “Oh yeah, sure.” “Can you explain it to me?” “I absolutely fucking cannot.”

sword-and-nightingale

One does not simply explain this

sword-and-nightingale

Edit:

Another freaking layer!!!

shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey

16 motherfucking layers

catbxy

In the future someone’s going to ask me to explain this and I’m going to be at a loss.jpg for words

randomslasher

I’m not reblogging this because I want to. I’m reblogging this because sometimes you’re a witness to history whether you want to be or not, and you have to embrace that.

tea-withnofixinsplease

GUYS STOP!! IF WE CONTINUE ON THIS ROAD, THE MEME WILL BECOME TOO POWERFUL!

whatthefuckdoesthatevenmeanbooth

No keep going, let’s see if we can brake tumblr. If we do let’s use it to brake fb and twitter

tea-withnofixinsplease

You’re chaotic neutral I love it

tbhitisdbh

What he said

tbhitisdbh

Struck by inspiriation twice lads

trashcanakin

heir-of-the-chair

My humble contribution

sword-and-nightingale

I love going through the notes of this and seeing my 16 layer version and 24 layer version circulating.

dysphoric--acid

ive added my end of the chaos

theoneandonlyredrobin

Beautiful

theundertalehuman-deactivated20

@lowkeyjustvibing what the fuck did you just reblog?

lowkeyjustvibing

I don’t fishing know

theoldworldsrunnerup

Has this been done yet?

theundertalehuman-deactivated20

theoldworldsrunnerup

daroaringknight

had to contribute to tumblr history

lets-go-mental-in-the-woods-dea

Oh my god this is tumblr history

ds-and-ibvs-nerdo-deactivated20

oh my god my mutuals are doing this too

theoldworldsrunnerup

Yes we are✨

ds-and-ibvs-nerdo-deactivated20

my hand slipped oop

theundertalehuman-deactivated20

fool i posted my meme before you

ds-and-ibvs-nerdo-deactivated20

oh okay then-

the-real-fucking-daddy

someone-

franthehorsegir

I dare some one to keep going.

nonbinaryvulcan

I couldn’t scroll past this and not make an addition 😂

franthehorsegir

Thank you 😝🤣

silkwingfood

i spent half an hour on this addition hope y’all are happy

bisexualnerd

My humble contribution

bunkerbuilder37

I made one

pricetagofficial

This was a journey, and I’m glad I got to experience it

muuunna

I am sorry to say but the train named,“Last Remnant of my Sanity”, has officially left the station.

cy-n0-suree-deactivated20210707

The sheer power of this thread has me quaking

cool-i-m-dead-inside

I’ve reached rockbottom and here we are

ellebellas

Ok but I need someone who can actually make a meme to add on but do the Thor ragnorak meme where tumble is Hela and she’s like you can’t defeat me and Thor is that first original plane white meme and he says I know but he can and the fire guy is the most recent one. Thanks

my-life-is-a-mess

you ask and you shall receive

bucketofplums

I’m so glad this made it to my dashboard

bucketofplums

So I decided to contribute as well…

mindfulmagics

I love how by the last ones the meme is almost unrecognizable in the layers

lt-sparrow

34 💖💖💖

nothing-mancer

We must never let this end

trinoxtrinox

There are, SO MANY LAYERS to this meme, and I’m going to add more of them by fusing a few of the deepest memes I’ve seen so far XD

The memes here come from the following chains, starting from the bottom right:

This current chain with 35 layers before this.

This chain with 27 layers. By @cerbi-my-babyyyyy

This other chain with 35 layers. By @gay-girl-thing

This particular chain with 28 layers. By @thewintercavalier

Another chain with 27 layers. By @be-gay-cause-crime

This particular chain with 29 layers. By @theforgowolf

Yet another chain with 27 layers. By @thefirstjackal

And this last chain with 29 layers, yet again. @memermemedout

I wonder, how many layers does this meme have now with this fusion of memeceptions, 28, 36 or 43?

memermemedout

here you go

creepy-guy-in-your-house-offical

What the fuck is happening

31suitboots

the circle of life

worldheritagepostorganization

World Heritage Post

robs-your-robins

Duke, moving into the Manor: Right, so what's the situation here? You know between you and the big guy? Is it like an Obi-Wan and Anakin situation or is it like an Instant Family sort of deal?

Dick, pointing to himself: Sort of son, sort of brother

Jason: Estranged son from a telenovola

Tim: Co-workers turned roommates turned father and son.

Cass: That's my dad

Damian: My mother selected him to conceive me on the basis of his intelligence, mental strength and physical prowess. She has yet to realise her error.

Steph, slipping an arm around Tim's waist, pretending to smoke the lollipop in her mouth: I defiled his third son, now I eat out of his fridge and crash on his couch and now it's been going on too long for him to be able to stop me.

Duke:

Tim: I mean, yeah, that's pretty accurate.

purr-in-ink

selfpoweredoxygenmachine

everyone who makes clanker jokes is automatically racist to me as soon as people started saying wireback i lost like the 2% of ' oh theyre just being stupid about a star wars word ' left in me . ive seen tinskin ive seen 50 variations of the n word with just one letter changed ive seen riffs on actual racist slogans ( ' 5% of the population 90% of cybercrime ' ' clankers will not replace us ' ' flesh power ' ) ive seen the ' clink clank clan (ccc) ' i dont give a fuck . ' oh but i only say clanker not the other stuff ' ' i didnt know those were real slurs :( ' ' but robots arent people ' i do not care you are stupid on purpose at this point even if you managed to pull Robot Slurs straight out of your ass eith no other context its still fucking weird to make up slurs so you can larp as a ' flesh ' supremacist . is this not a fucking reasonable statement

notatzimisce

“but robots aren’t people 🙄” meanwhile:

panakina

I think it’d be funny if Dick and Jason, due to wearing bright yellow capes on the job for years, are capable of stealth to a frankly unhinged degree. They barely have to try anymore it’s so second nature. Dick can just completely disappear while in the loudest neon clothes imaginable. Jason is constantly startling people who don’t understand how they missed a guy the size of a fridge standing right there. Bruce is extremely grateful for his unbreakable poker face because they have both startled him by accident and would never ever let him live it down if they knew.

celestialgalaxyglow

Dick and Jason can't even see each other, and have run head first into each other at high speed multiple times.

Then there was the rather embarrassing time when they went on a undercover mission together, entered the enemy building, looked away from each other for a second, and the other was just gone without a trace. It was only during the ensuing fight with the rouges that they located the other due to rouges on the other side of the building seemingly groaning in pain and falling to the ground for no reason.

They never did see each other during that fight, and only actually laid eyes on the other again when they returned to the Batcave.

conindiundrum-writing

They who see this shall get out of their writing rut.

papayafromtv

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

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