Live. Laugh. Love.

Genderfluid, Asexual, Panromantic, Derpfish.

[jellyfishforest135]

Activated them like sleeper agents

[sexboobomb]

I want to learn more exclamations that aren’t strictly just religious stuff. “Jesus Christ” this, “oh my god” that, nah I want something fresh.

What are some of y’all’s favorite exclamations that aren’t about god?

[sexboobomb]

first submission and we're already off to a fantastic start. absolutely love this one thank you

[sexboobomb]

ok its time for the challenge round now we want nominations that arent about sex either actually

[mbrainspaz]

had a friend who used to make new ones up on the spot. The only one that stuck with me was 'good golly jelly beans'. If something catastrophic happens I go for 'that's not ideal.'

[foldingfittedsheets]

@chekhovs-tantrum

Absolutely not letting you leave these in the tags.

[sandersstudies]

Great news everyone. There was a kitten wandering in the drive thru at work and my inner warrior cats kid tried to be a hero and capture him.

I have now suffered multiple puncture wounds and have to go to the emergency room.

[sandersstudies]

Me: I shall become his mother and gain his trust

Me talking to an animal control officer five minutes later: he is a nasty horrid little boy and I am bleeding heavily

[sandersstudies]

Animal control officer on the phone: So he’s in your car with you?

Me: Um. It’s his car now and he’s very mad at me.

[sandersstudies]

Second animal control officer: oh you captured him and got him in your car? He’s friendly?

Me, my right hand completely wrapped in paper towels: wouldn’t say that

[sandersstudies]

Urgent Care Nurse: Wow it’s strange he managed to get you so many times.

Me: I uh. Did not let go.

[borgesperovago]

You vibe as someone prone to toxic relationships

[sandersstudies]

People on tumblr will just say anything huh.

[borgesperovago]

Oh cmon, "he hurt me a lot cause i couldn't let go" absolutely has double interpretation.

[sandersstudies]

Me, holding a cat (of unknown gender) as it repeatedly digs its little teeth deep into my flesh: Is this… too… yuri?

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This website is free

[naamahdarling]

We pay in other ways.

[sandersstudies]

The Lord is testing me yet again

[sandersstudies]

REDEMPTION! REDEMPTION!

[saiyanqueenreads]

They have learned nothing (affectionate!)

Hoping you have no new scratches or bites that need medical attention. Also, wishing the new little kitten the best.

[sandersstudies]

“They have learned nothing (affectionate!)” is going to become my new catchphrase.

[rylandsgrace]

Project Hail Mary (2026) + Tumblr text posts

[holdoncallfailed]

hey don't cry. canon lesbian aunt fritzi, ok?

[crazy56u]

Close, actually.

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[b33viemm]

[ID: tiktok by @/juzt_sammie with the caption "POV: You're visually impaired." A man walks up to a wall outside with a paper notice taped onto it. He says, "What is this? Let me put on my glasses." He puts them on and takes the paper, reading, "Beware, quicksa—" then cuts himself off with an annoyed look at the camera. As he says this he starts rapidly sinking downwards into the quicksand out of frame. End ID.]

[rslashrats]

found a snake on youtube that legit gets angry and strikes at its owner's laptop whenever markiplier is on the screen

[karioke13]

I’m subscribed to that channel. The owner has played multiple other YouTubers to see if the snake just hated Markiplier or was just hostile towards men. Turns out he was fine watching all the other YouTubers he just hated Markiplier specifically 😂

The snake with other YouTubers:

Vs the snake with Markiplier

[worldineverknew]

Tofu the snake! the owner has been running several various experiments based on people's thoughts/theories in the comments, like showing an edited image of Mark (it took Tofu a few minutes to recognize him, but once they did they immediately started trying to attack him) and even bringing in other snakes to see if they react too (none did). so far the consensus is that Tofu just really fucking hates Markiplier

[paradisisland]

The uploader of those videos/owner of the snake also has a history of animal abuse and neglect that they have been trying to routinely cover up since 2016. Much of the abuse has resulted in her animals dying. She rebrands every few years to avoid the backlash.

[paradisisland]

#also snakes don’t have enough good vision to strike without smell

This isn’t true, but I get what you’re saying. The likely explanation is that Mark somehow either a) looks enough like a prey item for Tofu to confuse him with a mouse, or b) Mark is moving in a way that signals to Tofu that he is a prey item.

Snakes’ eyesight isn’t that similar to ours, as they primarily function to detect movement. Snakes hunt through detecting chemical signals, heat (if they can see it), vibrations and movement (in that order). They don’t tend to strike at prey that isn’t moving, and this can be why it’s difficult to switch captive snakes from eating live prey to eating frozen/thawed prekilled prey.

I don’t know exactly what Tofu is, but I would assume he’s a Honduran milk snake or some type of rat snake. It would be easier to tell if he wasn’t fully leucistic. Either way, both of these animals feed on rodents in their regular diet, and I guess somehow Mark looks like a mouse.

But the bottom line is that Taylor Nicole Dean somehow thinks it’s funny to watch her snake hit himself in the head at full speed (which, by the way, for faster-striking snakes, is between 70-200 MILES PER HOUR) directly into, what is to Tofu, effectively a glass and metal wall. She shows him flashing images and overstimulating sounds for… what? Yeah, girl, why do you think he tries to leave you every single time you do that?

Snakes absolutely can form close bonds and relationships with humans (and I’m sure other animals, as long as those animals know how to respect the snake — which is difficult when you are ignorant to how they function). My ball python is 8 years old and loves when I take her out and just hold her like a baby. I take her on walks like that. Every time she’s in my arms, she immediately settles in and relaxes her whole body. She asks to come out of her terrarium just to be with me sometimes. It’s really nice and it makes me feel SO loved and special. She has never struck at me besides the one time she escaped and I was frantically looking for her in a corner of a closet I couldn’t reach, and she didn’t know who or what I was. These are some of the ways you can tell that a snake loves you, and don’t ever let anyone tell you they’re incapable of love. The limbic system is responsible for emotion, and there are brain cells in the frontal lobes of Tyrannosaurs that are the same in snakes and some lizards and birds, but we don’t even know what they do, and the frontal lobes are where creativity originates. So snakes do feel, they do love, and they have the capacity to be creative. They are not dumb animals who have some sort of “strange” reflex according to you. Tofu is doing what he knows how to do. He’s not an idiot, he’s a snake that’s being actively tortured and harassed.

By the way, whenever Tofu hits the screen when he strikes, it hurts. It’s like a mini concussion. Snakes who compulsively strike at glass, or who are goaded into doing so, can suffer from dementia and neurological problems later in life. This isn’t a fucking joke.

EDIT: Just want to point out that Taylor Nicole Dean gets new animals every few years, despite the fact that the average lifespans of most of her animals exceed 10 years. Very telling. Also she’s probably gonna rebrand after she gets backlash for this, unless she can maintain ignorance in her comment section as she has managed to do so successfully in recent years. At most she had 30-50 animals and multiple animals were dying near-daily. When people called her out about it years ago, she made videos talking about how she had been trapped in an abusive relationship and was going through heroin addiction, and that hoarding animals was is her coping mechanism. As someone who’s been sober from heroin since August of 2022, this is absolutely obscene and disgusting and I don’t give a fuck who you are or what you’re going through. Stop abusing your fucking animals.

[paradisisland]

#up to 50???? #what fucking insane actions do you have to do to make up to 50 animals die

Neglect. As far as I know, nearly every single case of animal death under her care has been due to neglect. Those who did not die due to neglect directly did in fact die from illness or equipment malfunction, all of which could have been easily prevented.

She hoards animals in terrariums on metal wire shelves and has all of her heating apparatuses strewn about. Pretty sure almost every room in her house was filled with multiple animals at one point. Fish, frogs, lizards, snakes, tortoises, crabs, a few other inverts I believe, you name it. She admitted herself (in a, what I’m sure is, a now-deleted video) that she would buy a new animal, care for it for awhile, and then it would no longer be exciting to her, and the cycle would repeat itself. So the neglect came from the fact that it is impossible to properly care for that amount of animals at one time, and that she was promptly abandoning said animals as soon as they lost their distracting effect. Many of them just slowly deteriorated, likely dying of a mix of things like dehydration, malnutrition, starvation, improper humidity or heat, or an infection or illness that went unnoticed.

She put some of her pets on a pedestal for her youtube channel and made pngs of them for thumbnails and made them these Big Youtube Stars™️ as if she wasn’t the real star of the channel, but they were. Some of these so-called beloved animals were some of the first to die. She even has the past face of her channel, a longhorn boxfish named Cheese, who only lived for about 3 years I believe, edited into her channel header image. Boxfish are extremely difficult to care for, and I personally don’t know enough about fish to say whether or not Cheese’s death was due to neglect, but we could say, probability-wise, the possibilities don’t look good. Plus, boxfish usually kill other fish in the terrarium along with themselves, as they kind of self-destruct under too much stress and release a pretty strong toxin that has a habit of killing off entire saltwater enthusiast’s tanks. Her other fish cohabitating with Cheese were fine. It’s safe to say it has something to do with her care or lack thereof.

I don’t know how many of her past videos are still up because she keeps rebranding, but I’m sure there are still videos up from other people calling her out about her shit behavior.

EDIT: Totally forgot to mention this earlier, but snakes don’t possess the same cones humans do, and primarily see things in blue. Snakes with heat-sensing pits are able to see heat through an infrared glow, likely making things glow brighter or dimmer depending on the amount of heat they emit. But to snakes, everything is pretty smurf-colored, so light, darkness, shadow and movement are the most visually instigating factors for snake visual feedback. So Tofu is not seeing Mark the same way we see him. He is probably looking at his eyes and nose and to be honest, at a lot of angles, Mark, boiled down to his bare essentials, kind of looks like this:

Looks pretty mouse-like to me.

[slug-the-slimegirl]

I came back to this again because it's really been bothering me. Barely anyone seems to give a shit that she's making her snake hurt himself for clout.

But also - he isn't even looking at Mark for most of the video! A snake's eyes are on opposite sides of it's head. He pretty much looks everywhere except directly at Mark! She's winding him up and we're all still debating why he's acting this way

[notahorseindisguise]

im not fucking joking i just found a women want me fish fear me hat on the ground

[notahorseindisguise]

it needs a wash bc it was on the ground and i dont trust that but im so excited. best find ive ever found

[megamindsupremacy]

the notes on this post are SENDING me

[mariacallous]

[thecactifindahome]

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

this is what happens when they cut "When Love is Gone" from the Muppet Christmas Carol smh

[balimaria]

I just really love how human this mission feels. Both the crew and the ground making fun jokes and references ("amaze, amaze, amaze!") or things like Glover saying "hello baby!" to his family back on Earth, or how "moon joy" has become the team's favorite phrase, or those craters being named "Integrity" and "Carroll," or the astronauts being encouraged to describe how seeing the moon makes them feel (and doing so to a moving degree), and also describing how much working and talking together improves their capabilities on all fronts, and both sides constantly telling each other how excited they are and that there's "smiles all around" Not that missions like Apollo never had stuff like this, but it's different hearing it all live. Wonderful experience all around.

[vaspider]

They want to name the crater Carroll because it's a bright spot.

I cried about that for like ten minohno I'm crying again

[madenthusiasms]

For those who missed Amaze Amaze Amaze here it is - from the same wonderful person who brought us “moon joy.”

The JOY of this mission! The love, the caring, the sheer humanity of quoting books and floating Nutella! The whole world watching with eagerness and excitement!

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

chinese mantou (steamd bread) be like

[shapeshiftinterest]

/crying/

i am so desperate and scared and confused by this wizardry

it’s amazing but it’s also like

wtf bro

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#i wanted to find the patrick stewart meme to make say 'culinary arts' instead of 'acting'#but you wouldn't believe how unproducive the search 'patrick stewart acting' is

[miiilowo]

i desperately need like a canopy bed or a tent bed or an in-wall bed or something i need to be tucked in i need to be protected from the elements i need to be in a little hole in a den in a nest im just a prey animal trying to get by

[miiilowo]

do you get it or do you not know anything

[crabussy]

call out post now

[diaryofandnwoman]

[radishnt]

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

[mothman-misato]

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

[boimgfrog]

Radish. Answer the question radish.

[radishnt]

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

[boimgfrog]

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[catsnraincoats]

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

[boimgfrog]

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

[catsnraincoats]

Its takes less than a minute

[boimgfrog]

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

[catsnraincoats]

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

[boimgfrog]

Like seven minutes

[catsnraincoats]

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

[boimgfrog]

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

[pidoop]

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

[silverjirachi]

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

[wizardlyghost]

(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)

RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell

Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act

Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?

MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!

FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.

RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?

Without the guide of others I assumed

That heat was merely added for the sake

Of expediting this solution’s brewing!

Half a decade I have spent, or more,

Not questioning this worldview I had made.

In fact, I am myself a bit surprised

That you might think that I, your dearest friend,

Might have a patience of sufficient stock

To wait until a pot of water boils.

FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?

The microwave will beep when it is done!

CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!

Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!

FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know

That I have not the patience, like our Root,

To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?

CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!

FROG: On what plate?

Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?

CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task

Of boiling but a single cup alone?

FROG: In minutes?

CATS'N: Yes!

FROG: I counted seven, once.

CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!

If on a middle heat you place the cup

You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.

Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate

Or even less, if you should have a pot.

FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?

You place upon the iron stove a mug?

A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?

How do these flames, though medium in height,

Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?

Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched

With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!

(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)

KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.

[elodieunderglass]

[dustyxoverture]

I’m sorry but the THOUGHT that has been put into this, I actually CAN’T—

The fact that nearly every line is so metrically considered- near perfect iambic pentameter witb the occasional trochee for emphasis, but usually retaining a strong sense of rhythm nonetheless. And then the king comes in at the end, so wound in his disbelief that his response is reduced to prose.

And the even better thing about this is how easy it would have been to structure the king’s line into iambic pentameter: it is effectively already said as such because of the way wizardlyghost has phrased it, yet they haven’t!! They did not break the line, rendering what, by all typically of both Shakespearean canon and other periods context should be the character with the most command and authority in the whole play. If there was ever a more effective way to convey a genuine “what the fuck??”, I know of it not.

But it gets better!! Shakespeare regularly uses meter in order to represent class divide; the nobility usually speak in iambic pentameter, save for a few particularly chosen moments (e.g. Lady Macbeth’s descent into madness, Othello’s realisation of Desdemona’s “betrayal”) or just lines where Shakespeare needs to suggest high emotion or when a character is lost in thought. Supernatural characters like the fairies in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and the Witches in Macbeth usually speak in trochaic tetrameter, an inversion of iambic pentameter. Lower class characters, particularly those used for comic relief (usually under the influence of alcohol), speak with no structure at all: their language is plain prose. Therefore, if this is a conversation between these types of characters, as the prompt from silvergirachi suggests, why the hell are the characters speaking so eloquently???

Now, this is Tumblr. It is subsequently logical to assume that this may have merely been a humorous recreation (and a very good one at that) of the Shakespearean style in a way that is widely recognisable to an audience that may or may not have read a great deal of Shakespeare, which is understandable. However, logic is boring so I’m going to probe further into this to the point where future historians will look to this as an example of overanalysing.

The inherent eloquence of the characters here suggests an unusual subversion of the roles typically assumed in Shakespearean comedy. This could be interpreted along two major avenues: firstly, that the rhetoric displayed by the speakers is fundamentally representative of how truth can be expected even from the most seemingly pointless or ludicrous discussions. Furthermore, it could suggest that it matters not how well constructed your speeches are: if you talk bullshit, it’s going to sound that way despite your attempts to hide it.

This is similar but not identical to the second avenue of interpretation: there is the implication that the noblemen in the play are in fact the comic relief characters, therefore implying that the “common people” of the play are the ones whose influence, though not expressed in such a highly spoken manner, makes a lot more sense than whatever the hell this is. If this was a real Shakespeare play, I would call it a subtle exploration into the innate corruption of the rich and powerful. Well done, op.

Now, I doubt any of this is actually grounded analysis in any way, shape or form, but if someone else can take this to the extremes of writing a Shakespearean scene, why can I not analyse it as such? And where else to do so than Tumblr?

[wizardlyghost]

im in tears i didnt think anyone would put this much analysis into this‚ thank you so much

[the-big-mood]

The sword catching scene in Pirates of the Caribbean took hours to film because the actors kept missing the catch, so their reactions in the final shot are genuine.

[justalitlecreacher]

The trope where a character overhears something out of context and assumes the worst is usually annoying and bad but I really think it works well in Shrek

We, the audience, know that Fiona is talking about herself but, regardless, she’s calling herself these terrible things because she is an ogre. If Fiona is these things because she is is an ogre what does that make Shrek?

If Fiona says no one could love her because she is an ogre, she is saying that Shrek is also unloveable whether she wants to or not.

Imo the scene is a really good portrayal of how when you talk poorly of yourself or others for having a trait, you’re also talking about every other person who shares that trait; even if you love them or think what you’re saying doesn’t apply to them.

[informationsorter]

Not going to lie, I saw the word “Shrek” and never expected this to be a deep post.

[mosswall]

On the being deep about Shrek website?

[michaelblume]

It's got layers.

[shinseifer]

"average cat owner spends 3 years in prison" factoid actualy just statistical error. average owner spends 0 years in prison. Miette's mother, who kicked her body like the football and went to jail for One Thousand Years is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[avidreaderffn]

I love how every single Georg post observes the original's typo

[bananonbinary]

i like that you said "observe" instead of "preserve," implying this has religious importance.