Untitled @sparklingautumncider - Tumblr Blog

a rare personal post between the 10 billion carefully curated pr shit. ilya is losing his mind. everyone else is suddenly very curious about wtf shane was doing all those years he WAS Montreal's captain.

hollanders-left-tit

Happy Anniversary Hollanov, and best of luck to Shane’s hole for the next 24 hours

depsidase

sweetangelfart

I bet David and Yuna have a bet going on whenever the boys stay over in their house for the night on whether or not they do naughty things.

Yuna at the beginning is like 'urgh David not our shane, not under our roof' 😆😆 and David will just smile with a cheeky twinkle in his eye with a 'sure dear so 20 dollars?' 'You're on!'

The bed in their son's childhood room is heard creaking very lightly at 11 pm and Yuna is the first to notice. She glances the sleeping man next to her hoping that he's fast asleep, but a heavy arm drapes across her waist pulling her into the warmth of her husband.

He sleepily murmers, "I think this is round 2 actually." And she feels her cheeks burning.

"Oh my god David, how do you even know that?"

"I know my sons"

"Ew that sounds so wrong"

"My love, they've been together for nearly 15 years now. Surely you know they're having sex with each other."

"I know that! I just.... I don't need to hear my literal child having sex!"

"Well, he's an adult who has a husband he's happily married to and they'reboth in their prime years of life while they play a physically straining game for a living...i would suggest you use your ear plugs. But then again, They're not even being that loud"

"David!" Yuna hisses, giving his arm a slap which results in David chuckling.

"Want me to distract you darling?" He says rubbing her stomach and pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her shoulder

"David I swear to god!"

"uh huh, then you better be quiet and let me take care of you"

And David is anything if not efficient. Yuna needs to press a pillow to her face in order to not moan outloud as her thighs shake.

Down the hallway, shane has had to stuff his mouth with a pair of (clean!) Underwear while ilya fucks him cause he will not have his mother finding out the noises he makes in bed!

Yuna pretends to not notice purple spot on her son's stomach as his shirt rides up while he's trying to get flour out of the top cabinet and ilya can barely suppress the smirk growing on his face as he notices a hickey at the base of Yuna's throat that he's certain wasn't there yesterday.

Ahh the horny hollanders agenda stays strong 💪 💖

argillaforma

shane hears ilya’s voice coming from the bedroom and he’s confused about who ilya is talking to, thinks maybe he’s on the phone to someone. but then he walks in to ilya standing over the open drawer in shane’s bedside table voice directed at his dildo and shane is standing there confused and a little horrified because he hasn’t showed ilya his dildo yet and shane is like what is going in why are you talking to my dildo and ilya says i was looking for the spare charger but then found this and i wanted to introduce myself to mr dildo. and shane is like first of all don’t call it mr dildo actually don’t give it a name at all, second of all…why? and ilya says well i needed to see my competition and also mr dildo was the first to be inside you and i think i should thank him for making you feel so good that you wanted to try the real thing, and shane blinks five times and then leaves the bedroom without saying anything

wolf-tail

Unlearning diet culture really makes everyone around you seem fucking insane because of how hard they keep clinging to random bullshit maling them miserable because it's "healthy".

The literal current CEO of Disney stopped eating bread and only eats pasta on holidays. People will do keto, a diet originally designed to control severe epilepsy symptoms in children, one that could raise your cholesterol by 30% and give you KIDNEY STONES, for weight loss and genuinely think that's good for them.

I know that the internet has made regular stupidity contagious and dumb shit spreads like wildfire, but it seems like another fad diet pops up on tiktok every day, each one dumber than the last. Don't do this to yourself, PLEASE

myshangel

what if Shane got traded to the admirals early on in his career and he and Scott are constantly butting heads in their closeted agony and the on ice fight still happens but it makes way more waves bc two teammates fighting each other and all the commentators are speculating abt this massive beef between the new young captain and the has been vet who's been put out to pasture . and probably they do fuck about it at some point but scott just cannot live up to ilya and shane was literally just stress relief to scott . and shane tells ilya immediately bc it's during situationship era and ilya sees fucking red abt it lmfao

myshangel

and like obviously the sex would be rly hot and scott would make shane call him captain even tho shanes been HIS captain for like 3 years atp and that's like. the kinkiest Scott has ever been but shane is the bottom of all time for one ilya rozanov so it's literally chump change to him . and when ilya finds out that shane called scott captain in bed he's gna react like a wild fucking animal and take a 3 game suspension for trying to kill him on the ice thinking #ItShouldHaveBeenMe

itskurwanumber5

Yuna: Ilya, tell me about your childhood.

Ilya: (drops typical Slavic horror stand-up lore)

Hollanders: (horrified)

Ilya: What?

Yuna: Are you... Are you alright, honey?

Ilya: Yeah?!

Shane: (gloomy sipping on his oil black coffee, because he knows the most traumatic part) Obviously he's seen worse.

probablily

my mom, to me, umprompted: "there was a time i wrote very lewd stories"

omens-of-what-is-to-cum

love the idea of hollanovs hookups just gradually becoming more and more drawn out over the years, as they start to miss each other more and more in the interim.

when they’re finally alone after a game (after weeks of anticipation… a fresh haircut, new cologne, tailored jeans that fit just right) and they’re just all over each other. So desperate, like their skin has been on fire for weeks and the other one is the only salve that works.

And it’s all furious energy after the game and the waiting… but as they fall into the bed and it’s happening so quickly and it will be over so quickly….

they both do everything they can to draw it out without the other noticing.

Shane is trying to make his abnormally precise clothes folding seem teasing and tempting instead of a moment to take in Ilya’s presence, his eyes on Shane’s skin.

Just as Shane is about to come Ilya remembers just how short the countdown is between Shane’s orgasm and Shane leaving him alone again. So Ilya edges him to tears, revelling in Shane’s desperation but also just trying to delay the inevitable for as long as possible.

And if Shane just happens to make a mess across both of their stomachs…

And if Ilya just happens to suggest that they shower together again…

And if a shower turns into sleepy third round handjobs and they both just flop onto the hotel bed exhausted to take a nap…

Well, it’s not like the other seems to have any problem with it

tiktoks-i-enjoyed

mucho-smasho

scott hunter wouldn’t have voted for mamdani but sophie hunter would. sophie hunter makes jack shit in the PWLH. of course she would appreciate a bit of socialism.

mucho-smasho

sophie hunter only showed up to that smoothie shop because she had a coupon. she didn’t even tip and kim grady still immediately fell in love with her