P.O.M Taku.exe

A small Tacos lost on the internet with the mindset of a Care Bear. Queer, they/them.

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Wet Cat Bracket — Round 1

Who is the wetter cat?

Caspar Scott

Jean-Paul Valley

Voting ended onMar 1

Propaganda

Caspar Scott (Midnight Burger):

Listen. Listen. This man's misery is canonically the most consistent thing across the multiverse.

Like, if you mash all the universes together, this guy will not catch a break. He will just be miserable. That's it.

"It's like he's an artist, but his canvas is misery" IS AN ACTUAL SENTENCE IN THE SHOW ABOUT HIM

Not only does he suck, he has the power to make everything suck just by describing it.

He's a dad. He used to be a really bad one, adding to his transcendental misery, but now he's an okay one. So he's just this boomer trying to connect with his kid and it's really sweet, but also kind of cringe.

His ex-wife built a time-travelling, dimension-spanning robot with god-like powers that is essentially the physical embodiment of all exes (you read that right, exes) JUST TO CONFRONT HIM ABOUT LEAVING HER. He is mediocre!!!!! He is a failure and trying to suck at everything a bit less!!!!!! And it's kind if working!!!!!

Bird guy. Assigned a bird to all of his friends.

Pinball machine enthusiast.

He has devoted himself entirely to the service of the coolest, most badass, smartest, meanest woman ever and they are in a fucked-up situationship that he compared to the myth of ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE

He sucks. He's a pathetic wet cat. The wettest, biggest-eyed cat the multiverse has to offer.

This dude is just here. He's been alive like 130 years or semething and it took him maybe half that time to do anything with the diner + he does bad voices + can't make coffee + i love him

Jean-Paul Valley (Batman: Bump In The Night):

he's the saddest wettest man in all of gotham. his stepdad/mentor/secret third thing is a biblical angel. he got accidentally indoctrinated into a cult and they're making him kill people with a sword. what's not to love

Art of Jean-Paul Valley courtesy of @charaznablescanontoyota.

[strangelittletacos]

Star trek tumblr, I invoke your power

I'm looking for a fic I read several years ago on fanfiction.net. It was several chapters long, Kirk/Spock, and the basic gist was that after doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous to save Spock's life, Jim was put on trial to determine wether or not he could keep his job, and the trial ended up revolving around wether or not him and Spock were in love.

I only read the french translation, and I can't find that nor the original. I've forgotten the title ;^;. I vividly remember that at some point there was a pun on "smartass", that went something like "Jim was a smartass in that he was smart and that he had a great ass" (because the translator had put it in a note because they hadn't managed to translate it so I know it was in the english text).

I think it wasn't a TOS fic, but then again, not sure.

I have no more info than that and I can't find it anywhere. If a kind soul knows what fic I'm talking about and could give the link, I would be eternally grateful. :3

[planandexecution-deactivated202]

everyone take my 114 result ‘which character are you’ uquiz

[historyarchaeologyartefacts]

This sword was given to Marshal Joffre during a trip to Perpignan in 1919. The handle represents Provence and Catalonia entwined. [488x650]

Source: https://reddit.com/r/ArtefactPorn/comments/f3qbxr/this_sword_was_given_to_marshal_joffre_during_a/

[rose---child]

Catalonia is a lesbian confirmed @useless-catalanfacts

[useless-catalanfacts]

Catalan and Provençal (or Occitan in general) poets and other artists in the 19th century and early 20th century were like

*writes poem about Catalonia-Occitania eternal friendship* *forges medieval-style objects with inscriptions of love poems about our love for each other* *writes song about the time the others gave you a present* *reveres a present the others gave you and organises poetry contests in its name* *goes on a field trip many kilometres away to meet with writers from the other and go visit ancient sites together* *get excited about each other’s literature and our common history* *calls each other “brothers from far away”* *forges a sword with the personification of both nations passionately kissing*

That’s what I call #goals

[useless-catalanfacts]

The song about the time the others gave you a present is this:

This is the Copa Santa (“Holy Glass”). It was forged by Catalan poets and given as a present to the Occitan poets in a banquet they held together in Avinhon on July 30th, 1867. This banquet was organized by the Catalans to thank the Occitans for having taken in Víctor Balaguer, a Catalan poet who had had to seek political asylum because Spain was persecuting him for opposing the Spanish government and monarchy.

The chalice represents the personifications of Occitania and Catalonia, with Occitania putting her arm around Catalonia’s shoulders and Catalonia with her hand over her heart as to thank Occitania. Above them, there’s an inscription in Catalan that reads “Souvenir offered by the Catalan Patricians to the Provençal Félibres for the hospitality given to the Catalan poet Víctor Balaguer, 1867.”

Below, there are two verses inscribed. One is in Catalan, written by Víctor Balaguer himself, and it reads “Morta dihuen qu'es, mes jo la crech viva.” (“They say it’s dead, but I know it to be alive”). The other inscription is in Occitan and is a quote by the Occitan poet and linguist Frederi Mistral, which says “Ah! se me sabien entèndre! Ah! se me voulien segui!” (“Oh! if only they could understand me! Oh! if only they wanted to follow me!”). Both quotes are a reference to our languages, which are victims of imperialist powers that want to erase them and impose Spanish and French, respectively, on their speakers.

When they received the cup, the Occitans wrote a song about it. This song became the anthem of the Felibritge (the association that works to keep the Occitan language alive and to promote Occitan literature). Nowadays, Copa Santa (“Holy Cup”) is still sung at the beginning of any Felibritge activity as well as in many other Provençal cultural events, and it’s also unofficially considered the anthem of Provence.

Here’s the song:

And here’s a rock version of it (because why not):

Here I paste the English translation of the original Occitan lyrics:

Provençal people, this is the cup that the Catalans gave us Let us drink in turn the wine from our vineyards

Chorus Holy cup and overflowing may you pour abundantly may you pour in streams the enthusiasm and the energy of the strong

Of an old and proud people we may be the very last and should the félibres fall so will our nation fall

Of a people germinating again we may be the first shoots we may be of our motherland the pillars and the leaders

May you pour us the hopes and the dreams of the youth of the past the memories and the faith in next year

May you pour us the knowledge of truth and beauty and the other pleasures that defy the tomb

May you pour us the poetry to sing all that lives for this is the ambrosia that turns man into a god

For the glory of the land you our allies at last Catalans from afar, o brothers let us receive communion together.

[gendercensus]

The 2023 Gender Census is now open!

[ Link to survey ]

The 10th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 9th May 2023.

It’s short and easy, about 5 minutes probably.

After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful - it’s what helped us get 40,000 responses last year.

Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com

The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.

For the curious, you can also spy on some graphs and demographic data for the incoming responses here.

Thank you so much!

[ Link to survey ]

Image credit: Avery at Tradescantia Hub

[charlataninred]

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[meraarts]

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

[eater-of-hopes-and-dreams]

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

[blitzlowin]

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)

The Monster of Sentan

The Witch’s Cat

Raise Both Children

Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)

Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)

My Arch Nemesis Cynthia

Pirates and Mermaid

Eindred and the Witch

The Demon King

The Cornerwitch

Grandmother Beetroot

Apocalypse Daycare Worker

Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon

New Year Saga

A Story About Changelings

Ranger in the King’s Forest

The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit

Goblin Men (Canines)

[charlataninred]

I am in love with you /p

[inkvoices]

Adding Faceblind Prince Charming and Cinderella

[inkvoices]

21. The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

22. The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

[lightningladybug]

adding the Doctors Without Borders one

[inkvoices]

I LOVE tumblr storytime, so here’s a bunch more your weekend reading. Enjoy!

24. The Queen with Three Cursed Children

25. Tiny Dragon with one coin hoard

26. Haunted house

27. Shark hero was about to go rogue

28. Grandma lives in the woods comic

29. A Different Aftermath comic

30. Battery (microstory but I love it so much)

31. It’s A Date comic

32. Supervillian kidnaps rival’s kid and they want to stay

33. Narrative Town

34. I have been hired to clean the wizard tower comic

35. Robot Apocalypse

36. The Statues That Do Not Weather

37. Kushiel

38. Tooth Fairy

39. Alien abduction

40. Felonious wish-granting

41. When humans met actual space orcs

42. Space cousins

[dannnnnnnnnnnnex]

WAIT REBLOG THIS VERSION INSTEAD

[lizzibennet]

i am once again asking you to watch the 2019 shakespeare in the park production of much ado about nothing

[counterpunches]

#signor bene D I C K

[nehirose]

oh shit that is glorious

[wickedpissahnerd]

Oh fabulous. I was unaware of it and now I need to find out if there’s a recording I can watch.

[wickedpissahnerd]

YES! The camera work in the clip above made me wonder if it was from a professionally filmed performance and in fact there’s a Great Performances version up on archive.org:

Great Performances - Much Ado About Nothing : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

For the first time in over four decades, Great Performances presents a Public Theater production recorded live at Free Shakespeare in the Pa

ALL HAIL ARCHIVE.ORG

[overfalls]

IT’S NOT ‘PEEKED’ MY INTEREST

OR ‘PEAKED’

BUT PIQUED

‘PIQUED MY INTEREST’

THIS HAS BEEN A CAPSLOCK PSA

[owlbearcounter]

THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY USEFUL THANK YOU

[ranetree]

ADDITIONALLY:

YOU ARE NOT ‘PHASED’. YOU ARE ‘FAZED.’

IF IT HAS BEEN A VERY LONG DAY, YOU ARE ‘WEARY’. IF SOMEONE IS ACTING IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU SUSPICIOUS, YOU ARE ‘WARY’.

ALL IN ‘DUE’ TIME, NOT ‘DO’ TIME

‘PER SE’ NOT ‘PER SAY’

THANK YOU

[tassiekitty]

BREATHE - THE VERB FORM IN PRESENT TENSE

BREATH - THE NOUN FORM

THEY ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE

WANDER - TO WALK ABOUT AIMLESSLY

WONDER - TO THINK OF IN A DREAMLIKE AND/OR WISTFUL MANNER

THEY ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE (but one’s mind can wander)

[fairywails]

DEFIANT - RESISTANT DEFINITE - CERTAIN

[melancholicmarionette]

WANTON - DELIBERATE AND UNPROVOKED ACTION (ALSO AN ARCHAIC TERM FOR A PROMISCUOUS WOMAN)

WONTON - IT’S A DUMPLING THAT’S ALL IT IS IT’S A FUCKING DUMPLING

[proletariatbitch]

BAWL- TO SOB/CRY

BALL- A FUCKING BALL

YOU CANNOT “BALL” YOUR EYES OUT

[soggywarmpockets]

AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE, IT’S NOT “SIKE”; IT’S “PSYCH”. AS IN “I PSYCHED YOU OUT”; BECAUSE YOU MOMENTARILY MADE SOMEONE BELIEVE SOMETHING THAT WASN’T TRUE.

THANK YOU.

[everylineeverystory]

*slams reblog*

[leonawriter]

IT’S ‘MIGHT AS WELL’. ‘MIND AS WELL’ DOES NOT MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE.

[penbrydd]

SLEIGHT - DEXTERITY, ARTIFICE, CRAFT (FROM ‘SLY’) SLIGHT - VERY LITTLE, FRAIL, DELICATE

IT’S ‘SLEIGHT OF HAND’.

[maverlok]

[celynbrum]

DISCRETE - SEPARATE, DISTINCT, PARTED

DISCREET - SUBTLE, STEALTHY, DIPLOMATIC

[othercat2]

BORN= existing as a result of birth

BORNE= carried or transported by

[typesetjez]

LIGHTENING = to make something less dark in color or to lessen its weight

LIGHTNING = bright flash of light during electrical storms

[obervation-subject-753]

{This is quite helpful. Thank you Rebloggers.}

[ask-the-dancingdreamer-archive]

((adm: I just want to add-

Loose- untight

Lose- opposite of winning))

[ask-the-awesome]

((ALSO: A fun trick -  Affect = Action  Effect = End Result ))

[ed-edward-blackbeard]

There = In that place

Their = belonging to them

can’t = a contraction for cannot

cant = a tilt or lean at an angle, usually to accommodate accessibility

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Me thinking that this is child’s play and that I know it all already:

Me realising there are some things I didn’t already know:

[inthememetime]

TO- GOING ONE PLACE TOWARDS ANOTHER

TWO- 2, A NUMBER BETWEEN 1 AND 3

TOO- A DESCRIPTIVE WORD, THE MUSIC IS TOO LOUD, THE SHIRT IS TOO LOOSE.

[the-haiku-bot]

TOO- A DESCRIPTIVE

WORD, THE MUSIC IS TOO LOUD,

THE SHIRT IS TOO LOOSE.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[phanboyo]

I’m gonna add

ROGUE: CRIMINAL/REBEL/VAGRANT/ETC

ROUGE: RED MAKEUP

it’s rogues gallery, guys. Not rouge gallery. You’re making me think batman has an extensive lipstick collection.

[broadminded]

If you’re talking about a weapons CACHE, it’s pronounced cash.

If you say cashay, that’s how CACHET is pronounced which means prestige and does not mean a collection of items stored together in a hidden/inaccessible place.

[therobotmonster]

NO ONE IS ‘PREJUDICE"

PEOPLE ARE “PREJUDICED”

[foreignobjecticus]

If he’s not moving, he’s STATIONARY.

If he’s a fucking space pencil, then carry on with STATIONERY.

[dduane]

If it’s wet precipitation falling out of the sky, it’s RAIN

If it’s someone ruling over people, it’s REIGN

If it’s holding back someone from (or getting someone to stop doing) something, that’s to REIN [them] IN (…as if you were using REINS on a horse)

[dduane]

(and oh yeah)

If you’re telling someone they’re going to have to reconsider an opinion or course of action, then they have ANOTHER THINK COMING

(because “another thing coming” makes no damn sense whatsoever unless they’re in some kind of monster movie, ffs)

[petermorwood]

Just adding:

HOARD - (n.) a collection of stuff, (vb) to collect a collection of stuff.

HORDE - (n.) a collection, group, mob or host of people, often unruly or barbaric.

PEEL - (n.) the outside skin of fruit, also (archaic n.) a tower house, sometimes spelled PELE; (vb) to remove the outside skin of fruit; by extension, usually as PEEL OFF, to remove clothing, but also (aviation) to break away, one aircraft at a time, from a larger formation.

PEAL - (n.) the sound of several church bells ringing together or in sequence; (vb.) to ring bells in this manner.

BREACH - (n.) a break or opening, usually in a wall; (vb) to make such an opening, also a whale rising clear of the surface of the sea. (The words BREACH and BREAK are distant relatives.)

BREECH - (n.) the bottom end of a gun-barrel, where it’s loaded; also (BREECH PRESENTATION) a baby being born bottom-foremost; also (n. pl.) BREECHES, a historical style of trousers ending just below the knee and (archaic vb) to BREECH, to dress a boy in breeches (adult clothing) for the first time.

English is…  Complicated.

[neil-gaiman]

And my favourite recent one,

It is “TO ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES” and not “TO ALL INTENSIVE PURPOSES”.

[anywigwilldo]

Reblog, click the picture, and prepare for battle.

[vikingserket]

after a while i became convinced that the words were mocking me

[whisperrun-blog]

Nothing happened. 

I WAS PROMISED A BATTLE

*throws down gauntlet*

Edit: Went back. This is the best thing to happen to my dashboard ever.

[whisperrun-blog]

Reblogging again because my followers need to see this. To be clear, rebog, go to your actual blog, then click the picture. 

[giraffepoliceforce]

I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

[splintercellconviction-deactiva]

Imagine coming to a hostile alien world and being attacked by a horde of creatures that can weigh up to 3 tons, run at 30 km/h (19 mph), and bite with a force of 8,100 newtons (1,800 lbf).

By the time you realise that they can traverse water, it’s too late. The surviving members of your unit manage to make it back by shedding their excess gear and running for their lives; the slower ones were crushed to death within minutes.

You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.

The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.

“Hippopotamus.”

[artdeactivate2025]

This is giving me the biggest, creepiest grin I might have ever grinned 

[skeletonmug]

Imagine being the next crew to go down to earth and thinking “it’s fine, we got this. We have the weapons and equipment necessary to deal with bears and *shudders* hippopotamuses. We’ll be fine.”

And at first you are, you’ve learned how to dodge. You’ve learned where their territories are. You know how to defend yourself.

But then one night you are sleeping in your shelter. You’re in a tree covered temperate part of earth. It seems benign. There are been no sightings of the dreaded “hippos” around. Not even any bears. But there is a slight rustle of the undergrowth. You try and ignore it telling yourself it is just the wind.

Then you hear the rustle again. closer this time.

You peer out into the darkness but see nothing amongst the trees.

The rustle again and now you realise you can smell something. It’s musky and slightly foul. It’s the smell of an omen, a warning. But what of? Where is this smell coming from.

You sit up, but it’s too late. The foul smelling creature is on you. You are hit with 17kg of coarse fur and vicious bites. Long dark claws tear in to you and you are pinned down white the striped creature tries to bite your throat.

It takes some doing but you manage to wrestle free. Blood drips from your wounds and already they itch with the sign of infection. The creature has a bloodied snout, rust rad, mingling with the black and white hairs. It lets out a terrifying growl from the back of its throat and looks to attack again. It’s between you and your knife, so your only choice is to back away.

Eventually the creature gives up and snuffles off in to the undergrowth, down a hole near your shelter you hadn’t noticed before.

When you make it back to your base you once again consult the captive human.

“Badger.” they say, with a solemn nod.

[jabberwockypie]

One word: Moose

[myurbandream]

“Our vehicles are far superior to the local human models, in range, speed, armament, and any other metric you care to name! Nothing could possibly-”

BAMrumblerumblethumpcrash!!!

“That’s called a moose.”

[morebadbookcovers]

Wolverines.

Also.. dolphins.

[ohgodshesloose]

The invasion is going slowly. The humans have caught on and are actively destroying information on the planet’s flora and fauna before Intelligence can capture and process it. All that they have are survivors’ accounts. Bears. Hippos. Badgers. Moose. It is becoming obvious this mudball planet is a full-on Death World to the unprepared, and you are so very unprepared.

You lost Jaxurn to a plant. Not even a mobile or carnivorous plant, just one that caused a vicious allergic reaction on contact that killed him in less than a rai'kor. Commander Vura'ko died to an insect bite, a tiny local pest that sucked a tiny bit of her blood and apparently replaced it with a bit of its last meal, which was full of disease. Backwash. She died to bug backwash. And yet you honestly envy them after that… thing you encountered…

When you got back to base the quarantine officer refused to let you inside. They had to roll a containment tank outside to put you in, because you all knew there would be no chance of eliminating the smell if it got into the ship’s air ducts. Smell. You wonder if your nasal slit will ever recover from this stench.

And the smell would. Not. Leave. After incinerating your gear the Q.O. had you use every cleansing agent they could think of, including a few janitorial ones, and still everyone fled the stench if they were downwind of your tank. Desperate to protect everyone’s nasal slits from the smell the quarantine officer interrogated the humans. From them, a glimmer of hope: there was a cure. Somehow the juice of a certain fruit on this mudball was the only thing that could break up the chemicals in the little horror’s spray. Immediately the Q.O. sent a team to recover buckets of the stuff and made you bathe in it. That was hours ago and it didn’t seem to be working, though. All it was doing was turning your blue skin an interesting shade of purple.

Sighing in frustration you wave the med-assist on duty over, who only approaches after checking the wind direction. Annoyed, you flip on the tank`s vox speaker.

“The humans did say it was “grape” juice that removed “skunk” stench, right?“

[majingojira]

Every night. 

It came for someone almost every night. 

Any soldier alone was a viable target for this native monster that moved unseen by any but the security viewers, usually only spotted in hindsight.  They were taken as silently as this earth-monster moved.  Sometimes they’d find the remains in the morning taken up a tree and hung there, mostly eaten, as if it were a grisly reminder that the monster was still there, waiting unseen, to strike again. 

What little they saw of the monster on the vidfeed showed true horror.  Yellow eyes that shone with all the light it could gather.  It had fangs as long as his grasping digits.  Claws half that size formed curved hooks that allowed it to climb up their fortifications with impunity.  And in the underbrush, its spots made it almost impossible to see clearly in the undergrowth, if it could be seen at all.

Even the native sentients, the humans, had a healthy respect and fear for it. 

The earth natives called the monster a leopard.  

It was a constant fear that muddied the senses, and let the monster hunt even more effectively as the soldiers were always on edge.  Sleep deprived with fear, it made them even better targets for the monster. 

But rumor was that there was worse on this planet.  Rumors of a monster like a leopard but larger, and bigger in every imaginable sense. Stripped instead of spotted, which leaped from the underbrush with a sound.

A sound that burst eardrums, paralyzed entire units, and let the monster kill with impunity.  While the Leopard wrestled soldiers down and ripped their throats out.  This other monster, the Tiger, killed with its pounce alone.

[lyricwritesprose]

“We’ve been through this,” Group Leader 455 snapped.  “The dissection of an Earth life form will help the scientists make weapons to combat the rest of this planet’s hellbeasts.  And these are domesticated.  Harmless.”

The troops were not-quite-looking at her in the way troops do when they don’t want to be seen to contradict a ranking officer, but can’t quite muster a correct Expression of Enthusiastic Assent.  “The name of this species,” she pointed out, “is synonymous with dullness and slowness in the language of the Earth barbarians.”  Well, one language out of several thousand—these creatures needed Imperial guidance more than any other world on record—but there was no point in confusing the rank and file.

More not-quite-looking.  455 bubbled a sigh and consulted her scanner.  “That one,” she decided.  “Alone in the separate pasture.  Scans suggest that it’s a male, which means it’s probably weaker.  Possibly it’s kept isolated so that the females don’t eat it before mating season.  And yes, I know some of you are here on punishment detail, but you’re still soldiers of the Imperium.  This squad is perfectly capable of handling a lone, helpless, pathetic male cow.”

[petermorwood]

I’m enjoying this immensely. Wait until the aliens try Australia for size…

It was a strange creature Tar'van glimpsed at on the vast island known to the humans as ‘Australia’.

“I would warn you not to fuck with us, mate.” Their forced guide, a prisioner, had warned with a chilling grin upon capture. “If you think a moose is bad, wait until you tango with a red back.” To this day Tar'van fears the creature known as the red back, and what horrors it would bring.

The prisioner turned out to be of little help,the stubboness of his people causing them to refuse the danger that the captured human warned of. Tar'van recalls a moment when one of his squad members approached a creature know as a dingo, insistent they had seen these creatures before and they were tame. They barely escaped with 5 of the original 7 members of his squad.

Another moment Tar'van recalls was the brutal mauling they witnessed by the hands of a creature called an ‘Emu’

“Don’t feel too bad,” the prisioner mocked. “We lost a war to the Emu’s as well.”

Now with only 4 members of their squad left, including themself, Tar'van had learned to listen to the prisoner, to be wary of the simplest of creatures. This human was of the sub-species of ‘Zookeeper’ after all.

The ‘Zookeeper’ looks off to the distance, where the creature is.

“It’s a kangaroo, leave it be and you’ll be fine.” Tar'van nods, a human signal of acknowledgement if they are correct. The human smiles a bit.

“That creature cannot possibly harm us.” Tar'van’s squadleader protests. “It is so docile. I will aproach it and bring back it’s head to show this human is a fearmongering liar.”

The human reels back, a look of disgust crosses their face and anger passes through their eyes.

“Fucking do it mate, I dare ya.” The human hisses. The squad leader puffs up their hoinn gland, a sign of pride to their species, and aproached the so called ‘Kangaroo’.

“This will be unpleasant.” A squadmate mutters as they watch their leader raise their fist and bring it down on the creature. The ‘Kangaroo’ looks a little stunned by the impact, before it raises itself upon its strong tail and uses its powerful heind legs to launch their squadleader backwards through the air.

Their squadleader lands upon the ground, unmoving with black blooded oozeing from them. It appears Tar'van is the squads leader now.

“I don’t know what they expected.” the human says, smugness filling their tone. “Kangaroos are fucking shreaded. 8-pack and all.”

Tar'van steps forward to the human, whom inches back in a sign of fear as Tar'van pulls their blade from its holster, and in their first act as leader, frees the human of the bonds around their hands.

“Please,” Tar'van bags. “Get us back safely.”

[miracufic]

@kryallaorchid, you guys really lost a war to emus?  Why was it necessary?

[kryallaorchid]

oh, mate, you never mess with the emus.

[kawaguardian-blog]

(Jesus christ. Dont get us started on kangaroos)

They had faced Emu’s. They had lost one in the battle but had experienced them. But this was no emu.

Looking to their guide, they all stare in horror as his face changes from calculating to fear. Pure, heart consuming horror as he stares at the large bird. “Cassowary…” They mimic him in fear. Squawking the horrific name as another joins the first in the mad run towards them.

The only ones to survive was the native guide and Tar'van. The guide was carrying the soldier over his shoulder as they made their way back to the settlement. Tar'van was a wreck. Periodically alternating between rocking in complete silence and whispering broken words in horror. When they consulted the native all he said was “Its spring…. Magpie season…”

[lemon-embalmer]

“Listen up, troops. This armour upgrade has been tested both in the laboratories of the best Imperial military scientists and in the field. We are impervious to the stings of any insect on this hellhole of a planet, striped or not! We can brave the perils of its wildlife, and conquer it at long last! Revenge for our fallen companions! Glory to the Emperor!”

“Excuse me,” the native Terran guide speaks up in a tired tone, and the squad’s cheers die on their lips. “This is Japan. You haven’t seen what–”

“Silence, worm! No sting can penetrate this plating!”

The guide tries to warn them once again, merely earning a blow that throws them to their knees. The troops set out, morale high, certain in their ability to brave the wildlife now and thirsting for vengeance against the non-sentient native species. One soldier thumps his fist against a tree. A hollow sound follows.

In an instant, the soldier is the centre of a storm of the striped insects. At first, no one pays it any mind. Their little stings cannot penetrate the new plating, after all.

But then the soldier falls to his knees, and the squad stares in horror as the insects enclose him in layer upon layer of their own bodies, all moving. The squad’s medic yells a warning at everyone to stay back, watching the readouts of the unfortunate soldier’s armour on their diagnostic screen with undisguised horror. The insects aren’t even stinging. They simply keep moving, one atop the other, and the soldier’s body temperature is slowly rising until he drops to the ground, quite literally cooked alive. The insect swarm takes off, unharmed save for the ones that were crushed when the trooper fell.

Finally asked about what happened, the human sighs. “Japanese honeybees. They do this to wasps, too.”

[murkymuse]

“How?” You ask. “How has your species dominated this planet?” 

The human bares its teeth. A smile, they call it. Something humans do when they are happy. Yet you can’t help but think of all the creatures with the their large fangs and sharp teeth. (What kind of species uses a threat signal as a sign of happiness?)

“Persistence and ingenuity.” The human answers, still smiling. 

It doesn’t matter that this one is your prisoner. Humans, you decide, are as terrifying as their planet.  

[ehyde]

“And scattered about it … were the Martians–dead!–slain by the putrefactive and disease bacteria against which their systems were unprepared; slain as the red weed was being slain; slain, after all man’s devices had failed, by the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, had put upon this earth.” 

– HG Wells, The War of the Worlds,1898

[catbountry]

I’m picturing aliens going up against a hoard of Canadian geese, or a swan.

I think at that point they’d just give up.

[invaderdrey]

Or fire ants

[eeyore9990]

No one even MENTIONED snakes yet…

[breelandwalker]

This thing gets better EVERY FUCKING TIME I SEE IT.

[fir-trees-unite-deactivated2017]

“Let us try the creatures that the humans keep for domestic companionship”

“Is that a miniature tiger?”

“Why does this human own a small pack of wolves?”

The aliens ask their human captive why small wolves live with them. 

“Oh, you mean dogs? Yeah, they’re the only animals that can keep up with us.”

The aliens look at each other in fear. “What do you mean?”

“Oh well that’s why you guys ‘won’ is because humans aren’t super fast or strong. I think my middle school biology teacher called us pursuit predators? It means we evolved to hunt things by following them at walking pace until they had to stop to sleep and then catching up to them then. Dogs are the only animals that can keep up with us. Did you know one time a pack of wolves tailed a herd of caribou for three days straight?”

“Uh… okay, what about these small round things with big teeth?”

“Omg dude no if you give a hamster enought time that little fucker can chew through concrete :)”

The aliens wonder if the surrender of humanity was a trap.

[grimm-fairy]

Somebody do sharks or sea creatures next. Giant squids would wreak havoc on their ships.

[lady2828]

The aliens have sophisticated technology which pretty much allows them to live underwater, which is something even the inventive humans have never managed. Submarines have nothing on alien submersion pods, which can withstand the crushing pressures of even the darkest depths of the oceans and seas. 

The aliens aren’t expecting any difficulties with their underwater expeditions. Of course, that’s when four of the life signs on the central screen simply vanish, like they’d never been there. 

Alpha turns on the direct communication lines to the remaining submersion pods, and the only thing they hear through the tinny speakers is screaming. 

Alpha resists the urge to turn and stare at the shackled human standing behind them, but Beta, Gamma and Theta have no such compunctions. 

The human shrugs. “I mean, we’ve never really been down there so we’re not entire sure, but we’ve heard stories of giant squids and stuff. No smoke without fire, and all that.” 

“There can be neither smoke nor fire underwater, human, cease your prattling.” 

The human snorts. “It’s a phrase. A metaphor? Man, I don’t know, I studied marine biology, not literature.” 

The human is unable to tell them anything useful about what might have happened to the submersion pods, but retrieved footage later shows tentacled behemoths snaking out of the depths of disturbed silt and cold water, and crushing the submersion pods effortlessly, in full view of the outer-hull cameras. The monsters have giant beaks which rip through the organic alloy sheets, and into the bodies of the pod pilots within. 

The outer-hull cameras register the blue of fresh spilled blood and gore, at the same time the on-board cameras register screaming and the red glow of critical power failure. 

The last thing the aliens can see on the retrieved footage is thin, long, snakelike creatures appearing out of the darkness and gloom, creating their own light and descending upon the remains of their brethren. They are accompanied by creatures that look like plastic bags, but which feed upon the toxic remains of the organic alloy of which the pods were made.

The human appears completely nonchalant - there is no love lost between slave and master. “Wait till you see sharks.” 

[endangereduglythings]

I’ve seen this post go around a few times, but this time I have some thoughts: 1) This is more or less the plot of Animorphs.

2) Earth has Poison Dart Frogs, we’re clearly a Death World.

3) I’m now imagining them deciding to set up a base on the poles, because life on this planet is clearly dependant on plants. So, that frozen wasteland should be safe of any dangerous megafauna. Cue Polar Bear out of nowhere.

[fuckthisshitimin]

Addendum on your third point: deserts. Any desert, really, but I’m specifically thinking of the ones with scorpios in them.

[radiolightning]

In case anyone is having a bad night:

Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found

Here are some fun sites

Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics

Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli

Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies

*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*

You’ll be okay, friend <3

[meanwolfs-remade-deactivated201]

i will reblog this everytime it shows up because any of my followers could have a bad night right now

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

All these links, besides the first, are broken. So here’s some more.

Here’s an emergency compliment

Here you can play 2048

Here’s a playlist of Bob ross

Here’s a website to watch movie’s and shows for free

Here’s a website to watch documentaries for free

Here you can to nothing for two minutes

Here you can break something. It’s good for anger

Here’s a button to press to make everything okay

Here’s a site to cut something up (TRIGGER WARNING)

Here’s a site that makes you a website depending on a song you choose

Here’s a gay comic. It’s adorable

Here you can spend Bill Gate’s money

Here you can draw your own island

Here you can learn about patterns website’s use

Here you can get your life stats

Here you can listen to the Tucker Zone (Headphones needed)

Here you can see how fast you’re moving

Here you can see the progress of time

Here you can see the future of the universe 

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

Want some more? 

Here’s the butterfly project

Here’s a snickerdoodle mug cake

Here’s a link to some free audiobooks

Here’s something to read when you feel like a burden

Here’s a secret

Here’s my playlist of some sea shanties 

Here’s another secret

Here’s a link to some cool websites 

Here’s a blog that gives you recipes for when you’re low on spoons

Here’s some Brony Headcanon’s

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

Some more? I’ve got plenty

Here’s 100,000 stars

Here you can control the weather (TW FLASHING IMAGES)

Here you can weave silk

Here you can make a castle of your own

Here you can make a kaleidoscope drawing

Here you can explore recursion

Here you can play a jelly block game

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

I’m back with some more! 

Here you can draw with pasta

Here you can draw logo’s from memory

Here you can play this is sand, here you draw cool sand designs

Here you can play The Organ Trail

Here’s a customizable white noise website

Here you can simulate gravity

Here you can create your own guardian of the galaxy

Here you can make your own galaxy

Here’s a website you can get some support at.

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

to find later

[addiewho]

Here you can split circles into smaller and smaller pieces (I found this really satisfying)

Here you can have images of people point to where your pointer is

Here you can paint someone’s nails

Here you can grow a garden across your screen (Audio included)

Here you can try out all kinds of mind illusions (Trigger Warning: Flashing Lights)

Here you can see how many miles you have scrolled

Here you can watch a website load forever, although you might be getting enough of this on Tumblr mobile

Here’s a rickroll

Here you can remind yourself that you’re awesome.

Here you can throw trash into a dustbin only for it to bounce right back out (Audio included)

Here you can make sand dunes using sand (Audio included)

And here you can generate more cool websites like these

[boy-in-the-stars]

pinning thissss

[fiddlepickdouglas]

And yet more!!!

Here you can listen to a gentle rainstorm

Here you can make snowflakes

Here is a Line Rider feature film with relaxing music

Here is the entire script to the Princess Bride (many don’t need it but it’s fun to read anyway)

Here is an abbreviated script for the entirety of Book 1 of A:TLA that I made out of anger at the film that definitely doesn’t exist

Here is a playlist of the top 10 most relaxing songs ranked according to science

Here’s a site where you can make a dude beatbox with fun animations

[starsfellradio]

Trust me (Showrunner Newt, your very best friend who has never emotionally scarred you, ever), y’all want to see this.

[starsfellradio]

Deadly serious and not joking.

[strangelittletacos]

I’m in pain so I made memes

[starsfellradio]

Apparently this meme never hit Tumblr, which is an absolute crying shame, so we’re digging up its shambling corpse and serving it to y’all: post like Where the Stars Fell was real ⬇️

[strangelittletacos]

My friend and I regularly drive to a nearby town to go to a specific diner because if we're very lucky, the owner's... Idk what exactly is this relationship but the owner is clearly fucking some guy and they both also hate each other's guts, it's very entertaining ANYWAY. If we're very lucky, that guy will swing by and while we eat they'll just make a scene in the middle of the room. Last time we were there they went in the kitchen and we heard stuff about it being thousands of years, a lot of shouting, some plates being smashed around, some more shouting. We've been going there about once a week for three years now and we're just waiting for them to get their shit together and either fully split up or finally elope but nothing, and I mean n o t h i n g happens. We have an ongoing bet about how long they can keep it up. At this point we're too invested to leave.

[strangelittletacos]

What. What was that. What happened.

[strangelittletacos]

[strangelittletacos]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

J’ai écrit un truc.