MyShane was DEVASTATED when "Ilya Rozanov Best Hits Compilation" by Hockey_Guy435423 disappeared due to copyright claims. It only had like 200 views and 100 of them were Shane watching with his dick in his hand.
There are others from SportsNet and ESPN but that one just had a certain je n'ais ce quoi that got Shane going. Shane DMs Hockey_Guy435423 but doesn't hear back and goes on a deep dive trying to figure out if there's a way to recover deleted youtube videos and he never does but it's okay because in the process he finds like 5 more Ilya Rozanov fight compilation videos from small creators. He meticulously downloads these to a special folder just in case and adds them to the regular rotation.
Art for the amazing @zenaidamacrouras1's Hollanov AU fic Untouchable Face. Thank you for being such a good friend and supporter, Z.
He stands at the water’s edge and scans the beach, which has a few people lying on the chairs provided by the hotel, a family under an umbrella with some kids digging in the sand, and, unmistakably, Ilya Rozanov wearing a black swimsuit and a gold Rolex, walking toward him.
So, Shane successfully negotiated Ilya out of any props for this photoshoot, and he stands by that, but now wardrobe has taken things to the other extreme: Ilya is currently sauntering from the makeup tent to a section of beach framed by aesthetic rocks on one side and a wall of light reflector umbrellas on the other, and he’s wearing only a watch.
Okay, he also has on very small, black, silky briefs.
Please do not repost my work without permission
Photoshop elements (where photoshop is used as the verb), overlays, overlines, textures... I had a lot of fun with these!
When #myshane retires, he doesn’t go into coaching or podcasting or whatever.
He becomes a consultant who shitty teams trying to not suck, good teams who want to last further into the playoffs, great teams who want to finally win the cup, call to Fix Them.
He is paid absolutely bonkers amounts of money to watch a team play for five minutes and immediately diagnose what’s wrong with them. He is always right.
Ok 5 minutes is probably an exaggeration. The coaches send him a bunch of tape to review in advance. They probably focus on their best players or the ones they think need the most improvement, but half the time Shane requests more, focusing on players they hadn’t paid much attention to before. Then one day at practice, the players look up into the stands and are filled with awe, terror, and wonder, because Shane Hollander is sitting there staring directly at them with a scarily thoughtful look on his face.
He meets with the coaches and gm and reports his conclusions. Who to trade and for who , how to get better results from certain players, how to run power plays and penalty kills, changes in line makeups.
Some lucky players get to meet with him. He takes about five minutes to list off or demonstrate everything they need to do to stop sucking. He has no time for chit chat or hero worship. Focus, listen, learn, and do exactly what he says and you will be good. Fail to do what he says and you will shame your entire bloodline.
I think that, if he’s not the one actually playing, this would be a dream job. It involves Knowing Things About Hockey, Judging Shitty Hockey Players, Getting Recognized As The Best at Hockey, Being Correct, and Making Hockey Better. He should get to do all these things
Didn’t anticipate one of the bonuses of going to a drag show in a smaller more conservative town would be getting to see a bro who clearly wandered into the wrong part of the bar by mistake experience what looked to be a transcendent awakening upon seeing his first drag show.
what if Shane got traded to the admirals early on in his career and he and Scott are constantly butting heads in their closeted agony and the on ice fight still happens but it makes way more waves bc two teammates fighting each other and all the commentators are speculating abt this massive beef between the new young captain and the has been vet who's been put out to pasture . and probably they do fuck about it at some point but scott just cannot live up to ilya and shane was literally just stress relief to scott . and shane tells ilya immediately bc it's during situationship era and ilya sees fucking red abt it lmfao
and like obviously the sex would be rly hot and scott would make shane call him captain even tho shanes been HIS captain for like 3 years atp and that's like. the kinkiest Scott has ever been but shane is the bottom of all time for one ilya rozanov so it's literally chump change to him . and when ilya finds out that shane called scott captain in bed he's gna react like a wild fucking animal and take a 3 game suspension for trying to kill him on the ice thinking #ItShouldHaveBeenMe
You can't tell me that Ilya isn't the Russian face for Rainbow Road, the Canadian LGBTQIA+ refugee asylum organisation.
That he doesn't attend every gala and event and Parliament speech in favour of LGBTQIA+ refugee legislation and funding. That after he retires there is any other cause - save the Irina Foundation - that is closer to his heart.
You can't tell me that Ilya Rosanov doesn't make sure to personally meet and welcome every Russian LGBTQIA+ refugee that Rainbow Road gets to Canada. That he doesn't have a physical album of photos with them that he cherishes. That he doesn't get wedding announcements, and baby shower invites, and pictures from their first Canadian Pride from every goddamn one of them.
Ilya may have been lucky enough to come to Canada another way, to get to love Shane in a place that is safe without the hardship of becoming a refugee, but now that he's there? He is NOT leaving his community behind.
🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️
In countries around the world, LGBTQI+ people face violence and oppression simply because of who they are. We help them get to safety.
one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN
I do think Shane owns a Celine Dion CD. It used to be Yuna's but she left it in his car once and now it belongs to him. I do think that there is a day when he and Yuna are driving somewhere with Ilya in the back seat (Because Ilya is Shane's passenger princess but Yuna is Ilya's mother in law and in Ilya's mind that means she gets perpetual shotgun rights) and maybe it's been a rough fucking day for everyone and maybe something in the set of Shane's brow reminds Yuna of something they used to do and so she wordlessly opens the glove compartment and pulls out the Celine Dion CD (Falling Into You, 1996, Shane had just turned five and he used to kick his feet against the back of her seat while they drove down the highway--) and presses play.
And Ilya abruptly realizes that Something Is Happening when the music starts and both Hollanders just. INHALE. The sound of wind. Achingly sweet piano. Shane clears his throat.
"THERE WERE NIGHTS WHEN THE WIND WAS SO COLD," Yuna and Shane all but yell.
They pull into the driveway of the Hollanders' house just as the song ends. Shane has those not-tears clinging to his eyelashes. Yuna's face is blotchy.
"Something happened on the way here," Ilya says when he stumbles into the kitchen to find David.
"Oh?" David holds a spatula aloft as his family flows into the room. "A moose again?"
"Celine Dion," Yuna says, voice still a little thick.
"Ah," David says. "I didn't realize it was a Celine Dion kind of day. I'll pull out more wine."
So Ilya forgets about it a little, because wine, and then it's 2021 and everyone in the world suddenly thinks they belong in Ilya's fucking bed and Shane is falling apart at the seams, just a little, and Ilya is thinking about all of it while the Hollanders are helping them drive back and forth between Ottawa and Montreal for the third time that week, moving cars and people and lives between two cities.
And he looks at Shane, who's beside him in the back seat this time, and Ilya leans forward between the two front seats and puts his head on Yuna's shoulder and says, "Celine Dion."
And Yuna puts the CD on and thinks about the precious cargo in the backseat, like she has every time she's heard this song for the last twenty years. Double the cargo now. Her two babies.
"It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now."
unreasonably amused by the idea of itty bitty shane not wanting to get off the ice after practice to the point that david gets ON the ice to get him, so itty bitty does the "my bones are gone now" resistance move kids are so good at.
but fails to consider that ice is. so slippery.
like stage your protest all you want, buddy, but you have literally never been more move-able.
Read the post and loved it exactly for the potential of what's in the tags: uh oh now David made it funnnn and Shane, quick little bean that he is, riiiight as he's getting to the edge of the rink, about to be picked up and passed to mom, gets up and skates away to the middle of the rink and PLOMP lays down on his back, giggling and kicking his little skates. "Again, Dad (Shane does not call David daddy in front of his friends, he's not a baby!), again!!"
It doesn't help David and Yuna that everyone and their mother thinks this is the funniest, cutest thing ever and laughs, just spurring Shane to do it more and more.
no i REFUSE to get on board with mindfulness guru/licensed therapist/secure attachment style Svetlana Vetrova. emotionally stunted duo that is literally soOooOo Russian they never learned how to establish a kind of intimacy not onioned in 12 layers of cool, ironic detachment.*tearing up slightly* “i think i might almost miss you when i move to Boston” “Ew. Anyways. for unrelated reasons i have accepted a job offer in Boston”
like the Svetilya friendship is literally so enduring because they are each others Emotional-Support Enabler. they would feel so betrayed if bestie actually pushed them to open up about their (gross) feelings. when one of them looks too sad the other drags them off to a bathroom and lovingly racks up a line. Here baby do some designer drugs abt it. offered escapism as a love language. quit being passively suicidal and dress like a slut bcs we’re going out! I know you crashed hard out of the Olympics BUT, I brought you this twink as a consolation prize. *google calender alert for the anniversary of Well, You Know* cancel everything we’re weekending in Miami. Why don’t we fuck til it turns both our brains off. Don’t kill yourself I literally got us tickets to Coachella, I Am Here For You.
So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports
And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else
The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized
Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning
“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”
“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”
“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”
“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”
“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”
“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”
“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”
“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”
“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”
*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”
“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”
Years later when they’re out Shane reshares the clip and the only non-PR approved thing he says on the matter is “It was me, by the way. I am the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with.”
Re-reading Heated Rivalry, and I am familiar with the plot of The Long Game, so when I tell you the gasp I gasped when I saw this in the epilogue:
"He tripped me! Hey, what the fuck, ref! That was tripping!" Shane glared up at the ref, and then at Ilya, who was looming over him (I don't want to give too much spoilers away).
"You fell," Ilya said.
"I didn't fall. It was tripping."
"Yes. Was you tripping over your own skates."
How did I not notice this before? Was this a coincidence? What amazing foreshadowing!
On prompts: I’m rereading the books and Shane is so into Ilya’s thighs and canonically watches rugby to stay awake because he thinks the guys are hot - something on either Ilya discovering that this is why Shane watches rugby or just general thigh stuff??
thank you for sending me a prompt! this one was so fun, and ended up a lot sweeter than i thought lmaoo. i imagine the time frame on this is probably post TLG, but could be during TLG too.
506 words | Rating: T
"What are you looking at?"
Shane startles, not knowing that Ilya had walked into the kitchen. He slams his phone down on the counter—not the right thing to do.
Ilya wraps his arms around Shane from behind and reaches for Shane's phone. "Are you watching porn?"
"Jesus, Ilya." Shane holds his phone out of reach. "It's 8:30 in the morning, of course I'm not watching porn."
"You've done worse things at 8:30 in the morning." Ilya's hand locks onto Shane's wrist. "Must be something embarrassing, let me see."
"You are so annoying." Shane lets Ilya pull the phone from his hand. Feels his cheeks grow hotter as Ilya unlocks it then dances away from Shane's reach before he can fight for it back. The video on the phone plays again; Shane can't see it, only hears the upbeat song, watches Ilya's brow furrow.
"This is just rugby clips. Why are you embarrassed by this?"
"You're the one who thinks I'm embarrassed. I never said that I was. I just... I think it's interesting to watch."
"You don't know anything about rugby." Ilya looks at Shane over the phone. "And I know that you're embarrassed."
"No, you don't." Shane huffs, then feels childish about it. "Can I have my phone back?"
Ilya's eyes widen then, and Shane knows now that he's figured it out.
"You think they're hot." Ilya's face splits with a grin. "You watch rugby clips because you think the men are hot. You are watching porn—respectable Shane Hollander porn that you're allowed to watch before noon."
"It's not porn." Shane's voice raises to an embarrassing pitch. "Give me my phone back."
Ilya plays the video again, laughing to himself. "You are so fucking gay."
Shane crosses his arms over his chest, and doesn't bother asking for his phone back again. The worse he reacts the more Ilya will tease him.
"You don't think it's hot?" he says instead.
"If I answer that question, you will be mad at me."
"No, I won't," Shane lies.
"But I can see why you think it's hot." Ilya slides next to Shane, shows him the video again. It's paused in the middle of a kick. "This man looks like me, no?"
Shane makes a face. "I mean, kind of, not really though."
"I suppose. My thighs are better than his."
"You are so full of yourself."
"Are you saying you would rather have this man and his rubgy thighs?"
"I'm not saying anything." Shane lets Ilya push more into his space. "And you know I love your thighs."
Shane drops his hands down, pulling up Ilya's shorts to grip his thighs.
"Hmm, maybe you should show me. Or is that too much for before nine?"
Shane slides off the chair, settles onto his knees, sighing as Ilya slips a hand instinctively into his hair.
"Not too much," he murmers, then he pulls Ilya's shorts down to his ankles, places a kiss between on Ilya's inner thigh.
And this is always so much better than any video.
——
tried to get both thighs and rugby in there, although it does pain me to cut it off here lmaoo
