I wonder if killer ever compliments people on how well they’re “coded” or “programmed.” Especially people that tend to put on masks in some way, such as the way epic often copes through humor, for example.
Hi, I’m autistic and can be considered as a “traumagenic” I believe? I do not currently have any other diagnoses since I’m very shy about talking to psychologists about anything other than “ohh I’m a bit awkward.”
Now, it’s not your job to be my psychologist, but I do express some symptoms of having a very weak inner identity. (I often don’t remember things that I apparently done, and people describe me as either very rude or very sweet, there’s a lot more going on but I wouldn’t want to talk about it for longer.)
Anyways, my question..
Why are endos inherently bad? I believe I’ve been too harsh on anti-endos and I just want to understand them instead of saying “fuck off” like other people have been doing.
I do not want to seem like a threat, I just don’t understand why people still fight over this.
I do get hating some sides of the endo community, though. (The odd labelling for people who “choose” to be systems is an example of what I mean.)
1– hate group origins
2– overall bad community behavior. on a main blog, one of my stars got misgendered by endos because he was anti endo. we also get harassed by endos daily so.
3– ableism. they're taking the "fun" parts of a disorder and mimicking it. considering endogenic used to mean endogenic DID. willos openly mock RAMCOA/OEA/programming victims, calling them hypocritical for being anti-willo because "willos and programming is basically the same!" (it's absolutely not and a vile thing to say)
4– harassment. this falls under the 2nd one but needs to be mentioned because endos looooove harassing anti endos instead of blocking.
5– transphobia (and ableism again). endos use "traumoid" "traumascum" "sysmed" "sys****" (r-slur) against anti endos, simply because they are anti endo. they also compare being anti-endo/endo to being trans???
6–endos also invade spaces for anti-endos. a lot. tags as well.
7– they compare themselves to an oppressed minority which. they aren't.
hello!! i’m curious as to how programming would work, especially in an online setting like tumblr or discord, and if it’s possible to program myself without the help of a handler. if so, can you break it down into a step by step guide and explain it like i’m 8 or something? lmao thanks
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So you have asked two separate questions in this! Firstly, I can better explain about programming through online forces (both consensual and nonconsensual) and I will try to explain how to program yourself without a handler. This might be a long post folks, buckle in. I broke this up into two! Find the answer to the second question here!
I was programmed through an online source (in my case, Discord) by at least two people notably however others have triggered that programming to their advantage. To do that, we're gonna look at the base definition of RAMCOA. This stands for Ritualistic Abuse, Mind Control and Organized Abuse. I primarily underwent forms of Ritualistic Abuse and Mind Control. I will also give these folks nicknames: L and F. I'm really going to focus more on L since they instilled the basis of it but I will expand how F made it worse.
L was the first, I met them when I was about 15 and going through some very difficult things. L was very sexually abusive, and instilled a lot of beta & omega programming into us. At any point or emotional responses or behaviors could he overridden if they want to engage in sexual behavior with us. They did this through a combination of Ritualistic Abuse and Mind Control.
Early into our relationship if we refused to engage in sexual behavior they would threaten to kill themselves or emotionally manipulate us ("you don't want this because you don't like me", "you don't want this because I'm ugly", "we always do what you want it isn't fair"). We learned that their sexual pleasure was more important than anything else in our life.
This programming goes as far as having little parts who's entire jobs focus on sexual pleasure for others.
L also used sleep deprivation abuse tactics to make us easier to manipulate. They tore us apart, to the point where even now we experience panic about not being with them. This is where the Omega programming comes in, because we entered into highly suicidal states of mind, unable to function without them. We went back to our relationship two separate times despite the trouble it got us in with our guardians.
So how does this function as ritualistic abuse and mind control? Well ritualistic abuse is the use of abuse tactics in a ritualistic manner, at the same time, with the same triggers, with the same behaviors, etc. We knew if we didn't submit to what they wanted that it would only result in us getting hurt. They would often begin this behavior around the same time every day. (Which we knew and expected to the point where we would vomit around the same time every day due to the stress of it).
Mind control, or trauma based mind control (tbmc) is the use of abuse tactics to make sure to always trigger the same response. For us, that took the form of specific alters with specific jobs. If we weren't prepared to engage with them in certain ways they only had to use certain trigger phrases to bring out the alters who would do what they wanted.
F worsened this programming by forcing us to split alters that appealed to them. If we didn't have who they were looking for, they would just keep trying. They would suggest to us alters they wanted, talk about behaviors, memories or actions they wanted and would often traumatize us shortly before or after this, becoming manipulative, abusive and incredibly triggering for the sake of getting what they wanted.
F also set up and triggered a betrayal like programming in us. Alters were expected to distrust each other, often telling on each other, attacking each other or putting the body in danger to hurt one another. Alters would be isolated from people they trusted so they were easier to manipulate.
F didn't use as much threatening suicide to get what they wanted, instead they would try other tactics. They would go into full psychotic episodes, threatening to harm alters we loved or cared for, beg for our attention and talk about what they were hallucinating until we were forced to take care of them and bend to their will.
F isolated us even more, not allowing us to go to class, take us away from social activities with friends and putting us in near constant emotional disregulation. They would also violently sleep deprive us as a form of punishment and control. We would sleep maybe a few hours every night if we were lucky due to catering to their whims and desires.
When F broke up with us and abandoned us we stopped attending classes, nearly failed out Freshman year of college and began to throw up three to four times a day. We experienced mass splits and mass dormancies in large waves. Our system numbers surged well into the hundreds and then died back down to maybe 30 active fronters. Alters who fragmented to love them and solely them felt lost and abandoned. Our system suffered severely.
These were nonconsensual forms of programming, that we didn't entirely become aware of until later afterwards when we had time to process and research.
Consensual and intentional programming can look similar, give the same outcomes and effects to systems but with the trust and care of someone you know. Programming is difficult, it requires time and patience, the trust you put into someone can be scary, you have to allow them to interact with you and shape you at your most vulnerable.
As a HC-DID system I HATE that endos think willo-ing is "just like programming" and that they can "program" themselves or be "transprogrammed". It's genuinely disgusting.
hey, transprogrammers, do y'all have any tips on how to make callback programs for your projects? i'm currently trying to run a couple of projects and I need to know how to make one be able to always come back to me
Going through things knowing you'll never fully process nor get justice for them feels so... odd. I suppose one of the reasons a lot of us can understand when people don't believe what we went through was real is simply because it's hard to fully accept for us as well. We're lucky to have even gotten out of there alive... and sometimes even we can't understand that.
A person, or part, who is programmed to become drowsy, sleepy, or unconscious during sexual Intercourse, or other sexual acts, with or without other people involved.
Meanings:
'Somnus' meaning 'sleep' in Latin, while 'Sexus' meaning 'sex'.
The flag has a redish-pink theme to it as red's and pink's are often associated with sexual acts and similar, while having a faint dark blue tint over the top to represent the drowsiness, sleep, or unconsciousness associated with this, as dark blue's are often linked to such.
The cog-wheel on top [see image 2] is to represent the programming aspect, the other flags [see image 1 and 3 which are identical] do not have this cog-wheel as to have a less overwhelming design with so much going on.
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The worst part about being a programmed RAMCOA system for us is how nobody ever covers the "less severe seeming" things, such as not being cult related for one example
We don't have cult related programming or RAMCOA abuse, or trafficking, and it's so rare we see anyone talk about programming and RAMCOA outside of those two things, and it always makes us have this major imposter syndrome about ourself
Like "oh yeah, we struggle with a lot of things which literally can't not be this, but literally nobody talks about it so surely maybe I'm a poser and actually just a singlet who makes shit up for no reason at all"
And as we post this we now expect to be jumped by everyone and their grandma's pet fish because of said imposter syndrome
