Hi! Firstly, slight tw for sexual truama (just a mention that my puberty was caused by it) and a bit vent ish? I know no one that’s intersex and I need someone to listen to me.
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I have a suspicion that I’m intersex.
Mainly because I’m missing my clit and its hood.
I have everything else. Completely female puberty despite it being a bit early (around 7-9) but that was mostly caused to start early by sexual truama.
I have a higher testosterone than most other afab people, a possible hormone imbalance (I remember it was suspected but I don’t remember even being tested for it) and despite being only 5’2, I’m mostly legs. I also have abnormal periods that I’m on birth control to help tame.
This all leads me to believe I’m intersex.
I can’t tell my mom but I am 18 (I cannot drive.). I go to my gyno for my first appointment in December. I want to ask them about the possibility of being intersex, but honestly I’m terrified.
I understand being intersex is something completely normal but my life feels like it’s changing and I don’t know how to handle it. I feel… different.
I’ve lived most of my life assuming o was just too masculine to be a girl, too feminine to be a guy, and now I’m starting to process their might be a reason why and it’s so overwhelming.
I don’t know why I’m sending this ask - maybe I want reassurance that I’m not going out of portions? I just.. I feel so different now. So alone and I can’t help but overthink everything about myself.
First things first, anon, we are so sorry for what you've gone through. We can relate quite strongly on regards to having puberty rushed along or altered due to sexual trauma. It is a horrible thing to experience, and can cause so much confusion.
If you have no clitoral hood or clitoris, that is most definitely intersex - specifically, it is clitoral agenesis. Same goes for having hyperandrogenism (high testosterone.)
Abnormal menstruation is often a side effect of hyperandrogenism (especially hyperandrogenic PCOS), and could definitely be related to co-occurring menstrual disorders like endometriosis. Just to note, birth control doesn't always help people with hyperandrogenism - it can help some people, but for others it makes it worse, so just keep an eye out on that and advocate for yourself best you can.
When it comes to talking to your doctor about being intersex, a few things to keep in mind are:
1. If you use the word "intersex", they may try to gaslight you by saying it is "not intersex", because they have a narrow view of intersexuality. Most doctors only view a select few variations as "truly intersex," and exclude a lot of sexual variations from the intersex label. But the community itself includes all variations of primary sex traits, and intersex is a sociopolitical identity just as much as it is a medical term.
2. They may use stigmatizing language such as deformity, disorder, or malformation (ie; hormone disorder, genital deformity, etc).
3. They may dismiss your concerns about your body. A lot of intersex people get dismissed when they try to express that they are different.
Being intersex can feel lonely and isolating, because you are forced to feel different. Nothing is centered around you in the general world. But I assure you, you are not alone. There are millions of people who can relate to you. No matter how "different" you are, you are never truly alone, because somewhere out there, someone is like you.
We highly recommend checking out @the-intersex-experience and @yourfaveisintersex when it comes to seeing more intersex people who might relate to your experiences. There is a lot of joy that can come from being intersex, and we hope you'll have the chance to find it.
Best of luck to you, anon. You are not blowing things out of proportion. You are valid to look out for yourself, your body, and your uniqueness.
