Hiccup: Astrid, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.
Snotlout, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.
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Hiccup: Astrid, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.
Snotlout, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.
Jeff: Tony wrote to me "your adorable" and I wrote back "no, YOU'RE adorable."
Ness: and?
Jeff: and now we're dating. We've been on six dates. All I did was point out a typo, but I like him so I'm not gonna say anything.
I'm not sure whether I heard/read this somewhere or if I thought of this randomly at 2 am, but it's been sitting in my notes app for a while:
"Once the knife is removed from a stab wound, it will bleed more, but the wound cannot heal with the knife inside."
Rosa, driving Jack and Jerry: So how was your day?
Jerry: We almost got surprise adopted!
Rosa: What?
Jack: We almost got kidnapped.
Rosa: Oh, okay.
Rosa: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!
Regulus: We all have our demons.
Regulus, pointing at Barty: This one’s mine.
TFP Optimus: All the Optimus Primes will be able to work together to reach a common goal and achieve peace. What could go wrong?
20 Minutes Later…
Shattered Glass Optimus: *trying to strangle someone*
G1 Optimus: I’m the real Optimus Prime!
Cyberverse Optimus: No, I am!
TFA Optimus: WHTA WHAT WHERE AM I WHO ARE YOU
TFP Optimus: This probably wasn’t such a good idea…
Bayverse Optimus, out of nowhere: MURDER!!!!
zuko: you’ve got to learn to love yourself
katara: but don’t you hate yourself ??
zuko: yes but this is about you stay focused
Patricia: Piper…
Piper: Oh no, 'Piper' in b-flat.
Patricia:
Piper: You’re disappointed.