I, my, me, helluva she.

Always aspiring to be the best woman I can; never meeting expectations, and forever in love with an ideal. Trans, 23, British

[gluten-free-pussy]

I was high off my ass last night and had this dream where I was in this dense ass forest and sitting there was a tall woman. She was so tall I couldn’t see her face but she was wearing gold and I was like “uh…hi?” And she said “I made you, do you know that?” And I nodded and she was like “I hear your thoughts. Why do you hate my creation? Why do you try to destroy yourself? I made you perfect as you are. Please don’t break my heart”. Then she started crying and it flooded and I woke up with fucking heart palpitations like what does it Mean™️????

[animution11]

[royalhans]

polar opposite of this post

[hrmsketches]

inspiration struck and would not let me go until i drew this

[gluten-free-pussy]

This is really beautiful!!!

[tanseystuffs]

Humans are space orcs/terrifying

Zor'toh Void Wielder was your average Korgath, xe maintained the void drive of the ship xe worked on. On this particular day the ship was leaving the trade station above the class 3 death world Terraxia Prime, it was a fairly backwater and small trade station but everyone needed nutrient paste refils so someone had to run that trade route!

Unluckily for the crew of the trade vessel they were on a band of the Savage warlike race of the Glix took that moment to attack.

It took only a single solar unit for the void ship xe was on to have it's void engine disabled from a well placed kinetic pulse cannon, now they were stuck in system with the most feared sapient life forms to exist!

The captain of the unfortunate vessel decided to take the void ship down to the surface of Terraxia Prime, maybe-hopefully the Glix warband wouldn't go down to the surface of that death world right?

They landed the craft safely in a small valley that looked to be free of native fauna, surrounded on all sides by tall vegitation that should help hide the void ship. Xis captain soon ordered everyone to grab their emergency kinetic pulse rifles, and prepare to defend the void ship while the on board compliment of void engineers, Zor'toh included worked on repairing the void engine, without it they were like sitting floots (small little rodent creatures from xis motherworld with little to no survival instincts).

Despite the class of the planet that they had landed on their luck wasn't to hold out, the repairs to the void engine were only beginning when the warbelling note of the danger alarm went off. The Glix, after cleaning out the trade station decided they wanted more food!

It can't have been more than 30 solar standard units before the Glix arrived, they proceeded to surround the ship, eager to hunt again. Zor'toh could see them salivating at the chance to though the void ships aft cameras!

After a gruelling 150 solar standard units the Glix retreated; seemingly scared of something, but that couldn't have been the crew could it? They only inflicted one casualty on the Glix warband and took many themselves it was a veritable slaughter.

Soon enough xe started hearing otherworldly howls and yips outside, and through the cameras of the void ship they were on they could see the Glix were scared of something, constantly looking around and grouping up.

It lasted for only a flicker of a time but Zor'toh saw what looked like a launched piece of plant detritus lodge itself directly in the eye of one of the Glix warriors, needless to say it collapsed soon after. Something out there was fighting them!

The Glix fired their pulse guns indiscriminately in to the vegitation in front of them, sure that anything would be reduced to pulp from that barrage. But over the course of the next few hours the amazed Korgath traders watched transfixed as the scared Glix warband were picked off in the most horrifying ways.

The three remaining Glix finally spotted their opponent and managed to land a shot of what looked like it's head analogue and it collapsed, probably very dead. It had taken out over 20 Glix warriors though, so now they had a chance!

Zor'toh, along side the rest of the crew made sure their weapons were charged up and prepared to confront the remaining Glix raiders, but before they could the creature woke up and closed the gap! In a flurry of activity and deadly hand to hand combat the creature killed two and then tore the head off of the last, dropping the severed head uncaringly at it's feet. It's face was set in a blood soaked snarl that frankly scared the crew more than the Glix did.

Now that the creature had had finished massacring the Glix it sat down outside the void ship and closed its eyes, it was waiting for them.

When they finally got the courage to peek out if the airlock the creature bared it's teeth at them and uttered a phrase that would confound the Galaxy for years "Hi!"

It wouldn't be until years later that their saviour was recognised as a member of the recently discovered "Hugh-mahn" race, the human had been stranded there alone for months after their own voidship was crashed on the planet.

One thing is for sure the Korgath NEEDED them as friends.

[unfortunatesun]

[moderndaywarriorsawyer]

The Money Tubbs only comes around every 5628 seconds. Reblog the Money Tubbs and you’ll find money!

[modelinterrupted]

Bitttchhh the last time I reblogged some bullshit like this I booked a 2k 30minute shoot lmao

[coldwarkids2-deactivated2015031]

heres some cool flash games in case youre bored

you wanna be a dragon??? well have i got the game for you

haunt the house and get your ghosty home back

a cool space kid and his alien??? thing??? go on adventures

a game about moving on [tw for death, implied animal death, and loud noises]

a sea monster and the world around it

its called sushi cat do you even need more than this

a creepy post-apocalypse game where you protect the last plant on earth

its like animal crossing but less cool graphics and everyones a bunny

congratulations youre in charge of a bunch of rollercoasters

a werewolf goes on a pleasant nighttime stroll [tw for violence and blood, all of it very cartoony and animated though]

a cool 8bit dungeon platformer with cool video game music

a pretty adventure game where you find the treasure to save your village

help the worms get into their holes and light up mushrooms

[kulekrizpy]

Some of my favorites:

Cursor*10  - little game where you have several “lives”. you use your cursor to navigate the floors, and when the time runs out, you go back to the beginning. however, the previous cursors will go through the same path they made before, thus allowing you to get further each time.

Daymare Town - creepy point and click game. very inky, interesting drawings. you have to find your way through (or perhaps out of) Daymare Town, which is inhabited by obscure prickly people.

Grid Game - there are a bunch of little circles. click one, and watch it rotate and set off a chain reaction. mindless distraction game.

Samsara Room - a strange escape game where you’re stuck in one room but pass through different dimensions to get out

i saw her standing there - zombie love story. super cute. there’s a sequel too.

Feed the Head - more like interactive art than anything. there are several different things to do in this game.

Factory Balls - a bit of a puzzle game. you have to paint a bunch of balls to match the model shown, using various options and paints. 

Grow Nano Vol. 3 - one of my favorites of the Grow series. you have to click the options in the right order in order to make the sick person feel better. this one just warms my heart.

make sure to click the tags to find more games by the creators and companies and the rest of the games in the series!!!

[wakingfromthewater]

I find Tonypa’s games to be simple, unique, and enjoyable.  A lot of them involve patterns, colors, and matching, so they’re very calming as well.

[thegeminisage]

some from me!!

deep thinking games with exploration themes…

6 differences - a pretty cool find the difference game that’s very atmospheric and somewhat soothing in the first levels, mostly takes place at night around a city, features sound effects and music and even moving cars down the highways. content warning for some surrealism and acid-trippy effects in the later levels (a person with a deer head, some kind of alarming music, the level’s walls moving as you look for the differences, etc - sometimes the level changes after you find all but one clue, and in one instance a train goes by rather suddenly and loudly, but it didn’t make me jump and i am sensitive to jump scares)

i can hold my breath forever - a game about exploring underwater caves in search of a friend. some references to drowning!

i wish i were the moon - short and sweet game about two people and a moon! clone things and move them around to get different endings :3

small words - a soothing platformed-style exploration game that lets you uncover different maps/pictures as you walk around

don’t look back - a creepy game based on the myth of orpheus and eurydice, this is a platformer-style game that has you going to the underworld to get your lover back. very atmospheric, but a slightly creepy atmosphere that (of course) references death, so take care

alight in dreams - during a dream you get wings, and explore the dream to find out about the history of a person who has never dreamed before. mentions death and suicide.

a house in california - explore an old house and learn its history, very atmospheric. can be a bit confusing for some, you may need a walkthrough.

silent conversation - a soothing game that makes levels out of passages of classic books; you win by toughing every word. not my preferred reading material, but the way the levels are built kind of force you to drink it all in stead of speeding through it. 

games that are a bit creepy…

prior - you, a little box creature, wake without your memories in an unknown place. you must explore to find your family and figure out what happened before you woke. a dark game with multiple possibilities - can be a little creepy.

immorTall - an alien makes friends with a human family after crashlanding to earth. defend them as long as possible!

loved - a dark sort of game where you go through the levels deciding if you will choose to obey the voice giving you orders or defy it. in some casing obeying makes things easier, but in other cases the voice asks you to make things hard on yourself - throwing yourself onto spikes so you have to start over, etc. sometimes it is almost impossible to do what the voice asks. (serious warning for emotional manipulation, just to be safe - the question at the start will purposefully misgender you depending on your answer, and continue to do so throughout the game, but, depending on your actions, will then correct the mistake at the end.)

one chance - a kind of dark game; in the impending apocalypse you have one chance to decide what to do with the rest of your life. there are many endings, but you really do only have one chance…refreshing the page will not let you play again! content warning for death,suicide, impending doom, hopelessness, etc

every day the same dream - another fatalistic game with multiple endings, but this one allows you to find them all. same warnings as the one above.

elude - a metaphorical representation of depression. dark melancholy levels, nice atmosphere, but can be a little moody.

symon - you play as an elderly man stuck in a hospital bed. you sleep to dream and relive your past. this game is pretty much endless and features endless combinations of the same tasks, to reflect what that sort of life might be like. cw for death and end-life blues.

now for some lighter ones…

pizza king 2 - i found this sim where you run your own pizza shop weirdly addictive. food cw, of course, and it’s the only sim on here because they usually aren’t my thing, but, well.

boomshine & obechi - two colorful games where a well-placed click will start a chain reaction and see how many points you can collect!

filler - a similar concept to the ones above

music bounce - release bouncing balls to hit platforms to get the perfect rhythm!

dropsum & dropsum colors - math games where you combine numbers to eliminate them. you can choose where to drop the numbers, turn the board, and use powerups! (dropsum colors isn’tloading for me rn, but it might for you)

first person tetris - you spin with the tetris blocks! fun for pros, but it can make you dizzy.

flash tron - a recreation of the original tron game as seen in the movies. here you can play with others online!

dolphin olympics - super fun game where you swim and do tricks as a dolphin to score as many points as you can in two minutes. there’s also a freeplay mode. if you jump high enough, you may even see the moon ouo

mirror’s edge 2d - i adore the 3d version of this game for ps3, but if you don’t have access, you can play the mini/2d version. no real story, but it’s a very challenging game with rad animation!

bubble tanks tower defense - pretty fun tower defense game that doesn’t get old too quickly.

bloons - i started playing the tower defense game, but they’re all pretty fun and complex. scroll down a bit and click any of the ones under “bloons games”

elephant games - a sort-of series with gems like “achievement unlocked” & sequels (where there is no objective except to complete all the achievements) and “this is the only level” (where you go through the same level many different ways). you grow to be quite fond of the little guy. :’D

some of these i haven’t played in awhile! i pulled from my bookmarks, because i used to spend all day curating links to these things. if i’ve missed a content warning PLEASE feel free to contact me about it or add it yourself!

[eylime-etavia]

Dont forget Cool Math

[dyingtuna-deactivated20161030]

Godville is an amusing game. Try it, it’s definitely a rare type of game

[isolatedhysteria]

[giraffepoliceforce]

I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

[splintercellconviction-deactiva]

Imagine coming to a hostile alien world and being attacked by a horde of creatures that can weigh up to 3 tons, run at 30 km/h (19 mph), and bite with a force of 8,100 newtons (1,800 lbf).

By the time you realise that they can traverse water, it’s too late. The surviving members of your unit manage to make it back by shedding their excess gear and running for their lives; the slower ones were crushed to death within minutes.

You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.

The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.

“Hippopotamus.”

[artdeactivate2025]

This is giving me the biggest, creepiest grin I might have ever grinned 

[skeletonmug]

Imagine being the next crew to go down to earth and thinking “it’s fine, we got this. We have the weapons and equipment necessary to deal with bears and *shudders* hippopotamuses. We’ll be fine.”

And at first you are, you’ve learned how to dodge. You’ve learned where their territories are. You know how to defend yourself.

But then one night you are sleeping in your shelter. You’re in a tree covered temperate part of earth. It seems benign. There are been no sightings of the dreaded “hippos” around. Not even any bears. But there is a slight rustle of the undergrowth. You try and ignore it telling yourself it is just the wind.

Then you hear the rustle again. closer this time.

You peer out into the darkness but see nothing amongst the trees.

The rustle again and now you realise you can smell something. It’s musky and slightly foul. It’s the smell of an omen, a warning. But what of? Where is this smell coming from.

You sit up, but it’s too late. The foul smelling creature is on you. You are hit with 17kg of coarse fur and vicious bites. Long dark claws tear in to you and you are pinned down white the striped creature tries to bite your throat.

It takes some doing but you manage to wrestle free. Blood drips from your wounds and already they itch with the sign of infection. The creature has a bloodied snout, rust rad, mingling with the black and white hairs. It lets out a terrifying growl from the back of its throat and looks to attack again. It’s between you and your knife, so your only choice is to back away.

Eventually the creature gives up and snuffles off in to the undergrowth, down a hole near your shelter you hadn’t noticed before.

When you make it back to your base you once again consult the captive human.

“Badger.” they say, with a solemn nod.

[jabberwockypie]

One word: Moose

[myurbandream]

“Our vehicles are far superior to the local human models, in range, speed, armament, and any other metric you care to name! Nothing could possibly-”

BAMrumblerumblethumpcrash!!!

“That’s called a moose.”

[morebadbookcovers]

Wolverines.

Also.. dolphins.

[ohgodshesloose]

The invasion is going slowly. The humans have caught on and are actively destroying information on the planet’s flora and fauna before Intelligence can capture and process it. All that they have are survivors’ accounts. Bears. Hippos. Badgers. Moose. It is becoming obvious this mudball planet is a full-on Death World to the unprepared, and you are so very unprepared.

You lost Jaxurn to a plant. Not even a mobile or carnivorous plant, just one that caused a vicious allergic reaction on contact that killed him in less than a rai'kor. Commander Vura'ko died to an insect bite, a tiny local pest that sucked a tiny bit of her blood and apparently replaced it with a bit of its last meal, which was full of disease. Backwash. She died to bug backwash. And yet you honestly envy them after that… thing you encountered…

When you got back to base the quarantine officer refused to let you inside. They had to roll a containment tank outside to put you in, because you all knew there would be no chance of eliminating the smell if it got into the ship’s air ducts. Smell. You wonder if your nasal slit will ever recover from this stench.

And the smell would. Not. Leave. After incinerating your gear the Q.O. had you use every cleansing agent they could think of, including a few janitorial ones, and still everyone fled the stench if they were downwind of your tank. Desperate to protect everyone’s nasal slits from the smell the quarantine officer interrogated the humans. From them, a glimmer of hope: there was a cure. Somehow the juice of a certain fruit on this mudball was the only thing that could break up the chemicals in the little horror’s spray. Immediately the Q.O. sent a team to recover buckets of the stuff and made you bathe in it. That was hours ago and it didn’t seem to be working, though. All it was doing was turning your blue skin an interesting shade of purple.

Sighing in frustration you wave the med-assist on duty over, who only approaches after checking the wind direction. Annoyed, you flip on the tank`s vox speaker.

“The humans did say it was “grape” juice that removed “skunk” stench, right?“

[majingojira]

Every night. 

It came for someone almost every night. 

Any soldier alone was a viable target for this native monster that moved unseen by any but the security viewers, usually only spotted in hindsight.  They were taken as silently as this earth-monster moved.  Sometimes they’d find the remains in the morning taken up a tree and hung there, mostly eaten, as if it were a grisly reminder that the monster was still there, waiting unseen, to strike again. 

What little they saw of the monster on the vidfeed showed true horror.  Yellow eyes that shone with all the light it could gather.  It had fangs as long as his grasping digits.  Claws half that size formed curved hooks that allowed it to climb up their fortifications with impunity.  And in the underbrush, its spots made it almost impossible to see clearly in the undergrowth, if it could be seen at all.

Even the native sentients, the humans, had a healthy respect and fear for it. 

The earth natives called the monster a leopard.  

It was a constant fear that muddied the senses, and let the monster hunt even more effectively as the soldiers were always on edge.  Sleep deprived with fear, it made them even better targets for the monster. 

But rumor was that there was worse on this planet.  Rumors of a monster like a leopard but larger, and bigger in every imaginable sense. Stripped instead of spotted, which leaped from the underbrush with a sound.

A sound that burst eardrums, paralyzed entire units, and let the monster kill with impunity.  While the Leopard wrestled soldiers down and ripped their throats out.  This other monster, the Tiger, killed with its pounce alone.

[lyricwritesprose]

“We’ve been through this,” Group Leader 455 snapped.  “The dissection of an Earth life form will help the scientists make weapons to combat the rest of this planet’s hellbeasts.  And these are domesticated.  Harmless.”

The troops were not-quite-looking at her in the way troops do when they don’t want to be seen to contradict a ranking officer, but can’t quite muster a correct Expression of Enthusiastic Assent.  “The name of this species,” she pointed out, “is synonymous with dullness and slowness in the language of the Earth barbarians.”  Well, one language out of several thousand—these creatures needed Imperial guidance more than any other world on record—but there was no point in confusing the rank and file.

More not-quite-looking.  455 bubbled a sigh and consulted her scanner.  “That one,” she decided.  “Alone in the separate pasture.  Scans suggest that it’s a male, which means it’s probably weaker.  Possibly it’s kept isolated so that the females don’t eat it before mating season.  And yes, I know some of you are here on punishment detail, but you’re still soldiers of the Imperium.  This squad is perfectly capable of handling a lone, helpless, pathetic male cow.”

[petermorwood]

I’m enjoying this immensely. Wait until the aliens try Australia for size…

It was a strange creature Tar'van glimpsed at on the vast island known to the humans as ‘Australia’.

“I would warn you not to fuck with us, mate.” Their forced guide, a prisioner, had warned with a chilling grin upon capture. “If you think a moose is bad, wait until you tango with a red back.” To this day Tar'van fears the creature known as the red back, and what horrors it would bring.

The prisioner turned out to be of little help,the stubboness of his people causing them to refuse the danger that the captured human warned of. Tar'van recalls a moment when one of his squad members approached a creature know as a dingo, insistent they had seen these creatures before and they were tame. They barely escaped with 5 of the original 7 members of his squad.

Another moment Tar'van recalls was the brutal mauling they witnessed by the hands of a creature called an ‘Emu’

“Don’t feel too bad,” the prisioner mocked. “We lost a war to the Emu’s as well.”

Now with only 4 members of their squad left, including themself, Tar'van had learned to listen to the prisoner, to be wary of the simplest of creatures. This human was of the sub-species of ‘Zookeeper’ after all.

The ‘Zookeeper’ looks off to the distance, where the creature is.

“It’s a kangaroo, leave it be and you’ll be fine.” Tar'van nods, a human signal of acknowledgement if they are correct. The human smiles a bit.

“That creature cannot possibly harm us.” Tar'van’s squadleader protests. “It is so docile. I will aproach it and bring back it’s head to show this human is a fearmongering liar.”

The human reels back, a look of disgust crosses their face and anger passes through their eyes.

“Fucking do it mate, I dare ya.” The human hisses. The squad leader puffs up their hoinn gland, a sign of pride to their species, and aproached the so called ‘Kangaroo’.

“This will be unpleasant.” A squadmate mutters as they watch their leader raise their fist and bring it down on the creature. The ‘Kangaroo’ looks a little stunned by the impact, before it raises itself upon its strong tail and uses its powerful heind legs to launch their squadleader backwards through the air.

Their squadleader lands upon the ground, unmoving with black blooded oozeing from them. It appears Tar'van is the squads leader now.

“I don’t know what they expected.” the human says, smugness filling their tone. “Kangaroos are fucking shreaded. 8-pack and all.”

Tar'van steps forward to the human, whom inches back in a sign of fear as Tar'van pulls their blade from its holster, and in their first act as leader, frees the human of the bonds around their hands.

“Please,” Tar'van bags. “Get us back safely.”

[miracufic]

@kryallaorchid, you guys really lost a war to emus?  Why was it necessary?

[kryallaorchid]

oh, mate, you never mess with the emus.

[kawaguardian-blog]

(Jesus christ. Dont get us started on kangaroos)

They had faced Emu’s. They had lost one in the battle but had experienced them. But this was no emu.

Looking to their guide, they all stare in horror as his face changes from calculating to fear. Pure, heart consuming horror as he stares at the large bird. “Cassowary…” They mimic him in fear. Squawking the horrific name as another joins the first in the mad run towards them.

The only ones to survive was the native guide and Tar'van. The guide was carrying the soldier over his shoulder as they made their way back to the settlement. Tar'van was a wreck. Periodically alternating between rocking in complete silence and whispering broken words in horror. When they consulted the native all he said was “Its spring…. Magpie season…”

[lemon-embalmer]

“Listen up, troops. This armour upgrade has been tested both in the laboratories of the best Imperial military scientists and in the field. We are impervious to the stings of any insect on this hellhole of a planet, striped or not! We can brave the perils of its wildlife, and conquer it at long last! Revenge for our fallen companions! Glory to the Emperor!”

“Excuse me,” the native Terran guide speaks up in a tired tone, and the squad’s cheers die on their lips. “This is Japan. You haven’t seen what–”

“Silence, worm! No sting can penetrate this plating!”

The guide tries to warn them once again, merely earning a blow that throws them to their knees. The troops set out, morale high, certain in their ability to brave the wildlife now and thirsting for vengeance against the non-sentient native species. One soldier thumps his fist against a tree. A hollow sound follows.

In an instant, the soldier is the centre of a storm of the striped insects. At first, no one pays it any mind. Their little stings cannot penetrate the new plating, after all.

But then the soldier falls to his knees, and the squad stares in horror as the insects enclose him in layer upon layer of their own bodies, all moving. The squad’s medic yells a warning at everyone to stay back, watching the readouts of the unfortunate soldier’s armour on their diagnostic screen with undisguised horror. The insects aren’t even stinging. They simply keep moving, one atop the other, and the soldier’s body temperature is slowly rising until he drops to the ground, quite literally cooked alive. The insect swarm takes off, unharmed save for the ones that were crushed when the trooper fell.

Finally asked about what happened, the human sighs. “Japanese honeybees. They do this to wasps, too.”

[murkymuse]

“How?” You ask. “How has your species dominated this planet?” 

The human bares its teeth. A smile, they call it. Something humans do when they are happy. Yet you can’t help but think of all the creatures with the their large fangs and sharp teeth. (What kind of species uses a threat signal as a sign of happiness?)

“Persistence and ingenuity.” The human answers, still smiling. 

It doesn’t matter that this one is your prisoner. Humans, you decide, are as terrifying as their planet.  

[ehyde]

“And scattered about it … were the Martians–dead!–slain by the putrefactive and disease bacteria against which their systems were unprepared; slain as the red weed was being slain; slain, after all man’s devices had failed, by the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, had put upon this earth.” 

– HG Wells, The War of the Worlds,1898

[catbountry]

I’m picturing aliens going up against a hoard of Canadian geese, or a swan.

I think at that point they’d just give up.

[invaderdrey]

Or fire ants

[eeyore9990]

No one even MENTIONED snakes yet…

[breelandwalker]

This thing gets better EVERY FUCKING TIME I SEE IT.

[fir-trees-unite-deactivated2017]

“Let us try the creatures that the humans keep for domestic companionship”

“Is that a miniature tiger?”

“Why does this human own a small pack of wolves?”

The aliens ask their human captive why small wolves live with them. 

“Oh, you mean dogs? Yeah, they’re the only animals that can keep up with us.”

The aliens look at each other in fear. “What do you mean?”

“Oh well that’s why you guys ‘won’ is because humans aren’t super fast or strong. I think my middle school biology teacher called us pursuit predators? It means we evolved to hunt things by following them at walking pace until they had to stop to sleep and then catching up to them then. Dogs are the only animals that can keep up with us. Did you know one time a pack of wolves tailed a herd of caribou for three days straight?”

“Uh… okay, what about these small round things with big teeth?”

“Omg dude no if you give a hamster enought time that little fucker can chew through concrete :)”

The aliens wonder if the surrender of humanity was a trap.

[chaosorganizer]

I have to reblog it again because additions and because this sort of posts actually make me grin really really nasty. And i LOVE.

[birvan]

“Are you really sure this creature is not dangerous?” 

The aliens eyed the weird looking animal the human was holding in its hands like it was a deadly weapon. So far this damn planet had been one huge death trap at every corner. How humans had managed to not only survive but even thrive in such a dangerous place was beyond logic.

“Dude it’s just a regular toad. Do you think I would be holding it if it was the poisonous one?”

The aliens immediately squirmed in unison at the mention of poison, but the human shrugged it off. By this point they were afraid of pretty much everything on Earth, so in order to keep them guessing and blur the lines which was safe and unsafe even more, some humans would handle some animals directly. 

Like in this case, where a confused toad miscalculated a jump and landed on top of one of the aliens, sending them all screaming like banshees. The human however just picked the poor animal up before they decided to blast it, before it had a chance to attack them again. 

“I swear, the worst it can do to you is just miss a jump and flop on you again before if runs away.”

Before anyone else could say or do anything, the toad inflated its vocal pouch in an attempt to do an intimidating croak and get the human to release it, since struggling wasn’t working.

Rather than be scared by this new feature the squad leader approached in fascination. “Wow, I didn’t know there were creatures here who possess a  hoinn glan….”

At that very exact moment the toad’s tongue flew out and hit the alien nearly in the eye. But the speed and sticky saliva were more than enough to make it scream so loud, it was like the alien had been hit with acid instead. The rest of the squad was soon to follow in the panic, thinking their leader had been the next victim of Earth’s cruel wildlife.

“Ups. Forgot to mention these guys also have a huge tongue they can shoot out without warning.” the human said in a not very sincere apologetic tone, while enjoying the chaos cause by a single amphibian. 

[queenlovett]

Imagine the reaction to a swamp gator.

[just-space-orcs-things]

“I cannot imagine the usefulness of being this far north on this death trap of a world.” My second in command remarked for the third time that day. I ignored xem again. “Surely not even a human could survive this climate.”

But some had, our reports had said. A small community of rebels that needed to be rooted out. Unfortunately our scout ships iced over and could not be utilized. We must traverse the cold on foot.

“At least none of the horrible death monsters could possibly survive this. The stories they tell about the hippopotamus…” shuddering could almost be heard.

A strange noise in the distance. “A storm?” Someone asked. No, I thought. A strange huffing sound and scraping through the snow. Breathing. Surely nothing was alive out here. Surely.

The creature appeared as if it had been cloaked. If I had thought the bears we had encountered in our expeditions so far had been horrible. . This creature was something only nightmares could create. It reared up on it’s back legs and dwarfed each of us. I knew fear as I had never known it before and then a massive paw swiped and I knew no more.

-

Jane surveyed the massacre. “Polar bear.” She said thoughtfully. Viola wandered up next to her.

“Hell of a way to go,” she said after a long moment of silence. “Almost feel bad for them.” She flashed a toothy grin. “Almost.”

[incurablenecromantic]

“Old friend” either means an elderly dog or an individual of the same gender with whom you have been secretly in love for more than a decade. There are no other possible interpretations.

[reasonably-annoyed-fog]

This is blatant archenemy erasure and I won’t stand for it

[jagarsjora]

Bold of you to assume the archenemy isn’t the individual of the same gender you’ve been secretly in love with for more than a decade

[pendarling09-deactivated2023010]

Bold of you to assume the archenemy isn’t an elderly dog

[onion-souls]

Dogneto and Professor Rexavier

[sandandglass]

[natalie-mars]

I don’t reblog much, but this is too well said not to.

[themayfieldtreasury]

This always gets a reblog.

[c-the-transman]

I remember seeing this shortly after I first came out and it just filled me with so much hope.

[p0rn-pits-tits-clits]

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 This is the money dog reblog in less than 10 seconds and all your financial struggles will be gone!

[drovginduced]

Fuck the reblog in 567 seconds shit. DOG DOG DOG

[miss-irenski]

😂😂

[heavenslittlemachine-deactivate]

this is what i want for my birthday

[luckydreaming]

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

[onceuponakhaleesi]

voidethered:

ask-omnipony:

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Men of Tumblr are my favorite kind of people…

[jamesbleach]

wait, does that mean?

oh boy…….

[usedtobehmc]

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

[rootbeergoddess-deactivated2017]

IT’S GOTTEN BETTER!

[coffeeandcursewords]

This post is immaculate

[mobians-and-chaos-blog]

It can’t be true.

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

[strampunch]

HOLY SHIT IT WORKS

[pokemon-chick-1personalblog-blog]

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

One more time.

[combthecombel]

Alright, I gotta try this!

Can’t be that bad!

….

…oh my god…

[verityglasses]

ask-gmodsfmrocks:

LOL

This just gets better and better

[fairytail-angel]

This is one of my favourite things to look at

[strampunch]

holy shit this stuff is back

[livia-jones]

The Gravity Falls one though

[nightowlhowell]

i wonder if it works for flower crowns?

here goes nothin-

w HAT THE

DID I JUST-

WHAT THE FUCK

[artfulhobbes]

Okay Clearly something is up.

Hmm… I wonder

I’m sure nothing could possibly…

HOLY SHIT

[clolymoly-deactivated20190507]

IT GOT BETTER

[nukewolf]

I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING SO LONG FOR THIS POST OH MY GOD!!!

[cm8x-insanity]

I wonder what happens when you wear 8 of these at once…

[roses-in-fire]

Never not reblog

[ryrobsessed]

IT’S ON MY DASH. ACTUALLY ON MY DASH.

[smolpastelplant-blog]

ITS ON MY DASH FINALLY I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH XD

[virusap]

AHAHAHAH

[yallra-galra]

I FOUND IT ON MY DASH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[redyarns]

IT’S ON MY DASH AND NOW IT’S ON YOUR DASH I’M CRYING

[charmyluckz]

holy FUCK

[iamparadoxic99]

holy fuck it’s on my dash

[strawbunny-shortcake-deactivate]

I’ve been blessed! 

[mystiqueagent-deactivated201910]

This was a lovely trip!

[prokopetz]

Proposal: instead of creating fantasy names by inventively misspelling real names, create fantasy names by cutting real names in half and stapling them back together with mismatched counterparts. e.g.:

Alexamin Danthew Jamriel Tyseph Wilmeron

[pachelbelsheadcanon]

Here is an online fantasy name generator that does exactly this for you.

[saltoftheao3]

uhmmmm just tested and it works super well?? check it out!

[charlietheskonk]

i got some really great names from this that i wanted to share:

mathecca, lynnerlynne, drive, staco, yolovan, paytedo, valid, hamzone, and my faves rickitha and bobisha

[horrorandhalloween]

Fruit bats stuffing their faces

[deliriumcrow]

BATTY BATTY BATTY BATTY BATTY

[debbijanes-blog]

How can you be a witch and not love bats 🦇🤗💋💖

[angry-trans-boy-thoughts]

Dysphoria isn’t just “hating your body.”

Sometimes it’s sadness. It’s crying for the child you never got to be. It’s lying in bed, wondering who you would’ve been, if only you were cis. It’s looking at a cis guy or cis girl and feeling hollow in your chest.

Sometimes it’s anger. It’s screaming at the sky, for the unfairness of it all. It’s wondering, “why me?” It’s lashing out and resenting your family and friends, because even if they try they will never understand the pain you go through, will never understand what using your name and pronouns and supporting you in your transition means to you.

Sometimes it’s numbness. It’s looking in the mirror and just feeling empty. It’s taking a shower and staring at the ceiling, hands going through the motions, forcing yourself not to look down. It’s pushing your friends away because you can’t feel it within you to laugh or care anymore. It’s seeing someone else and hearing someone else and people talking about someone else, not you.

Sometimes it’s fear. The fear of changing in front of someone, of doctor’s appointments, of looking in the mirror when you step out of the shower. It’s the knot in your throat when you hear someone call you the wrong name but you’re not brave enough to correct them. It’s the fear that you’ll never get to be yourself.

Sometimes it’s confusion. It’s being young and wondering why those pronouns feel so wrong, why your name doesn’t fit you, wondering why your body feels so wrong but not having the words you need to explain yourself. It’s walking past a store window and being genuinely puzzled, because for a second, even if just a second, you forgot that you were transgender. It’s expecting to see something but seeing something else entirely.

Sometimes it’s exhaustion. Sometimes it’s so damn hard and you just want to sleep and never wake up again. Even if you’ve just woken up in the morning, you still feel like the weight of the world rests upon your shoulders, and your shoulders alone. It’s the feeling that no matter how much you sleep, you will never wake up to a world where you will get to be who you are without going through so much pain and effort and money. It’s wishing that someone would just hold you and tell you that they love you no matter what, no matter what- they’ll support you and fight for you and call you the right things.

Dysphoria isn’t just “hating your body.”

[tanseystuffs]

Hey all, I just started streaming on twitch, and it’s a friendly stream for anyone, come hang out!

https://twitch.tv/pebbleofparagon

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via tastytalk)

[just-another-nineties-bitch]

“The first words Katharine Hepburn said to me were; ‘I don’t like you.’ and the last thing she said to me, when I called her the day after she won her Oscar to congratulate her was; ‘You’ll never catch me now.’ In other words, she was prickly. She didn’t like me and she was extremely competitive. You have to understand, she was old and I was in my 40s, so I was a bigger box office star than her, and I was producing the movie for my father, and she actually thought I was going to try to get billing above her and all kinds of things, which never occurred to me.

However, there were times when I ran into trouble because of my father; like, there was a scene where we were having an intense, angry exchange about parcheesi and beating people, and they shot my close-up first and there was so much light in my eyes that I couldn’t see his eyes, and so I had the cameraman put some light on his face so that I could see him. When the camera turned around and it was now on him, before we shot, I said, ‘Is it okay, dad? Can you see my eyes?’ He said, ‘I don’t need to see your eyes. I’m not that kind of actor.’ and the way actors are, half of me was demolished. I just felt so hurt and awful. The other half of me was saying, ‘Yes! This is so great, this is just like the character.’ But the bad part took over and, at the end of the day when everybody was leaving, I was just immobile on the couch, I was so wiped. Suddenly, Katharine came up and just put her arms around me; nobody knew it but she just did. She said, ‘He doesn’t even know that he hurt you. You don’t take it personally. Spencer used to do that all the time to me. He’d say, I don’t need you to be here for the love scene. Go. I’m not that kind of actor. They don’t know that they’ve hurt you.’ and it meant the world to me. That kind of thing, she would do.” - Jane Fonda

[afatlittledog]

me @ the demons that stand at the end of my bed:

it’s a lot warmer under the covers if you wanna come cuddle