I’d rather walk naked in truth than be dressed in a lie…
Radical Authenticity is extremely important to me but never to the point of positive toxicity.
After a Decade of Darkness, I moved towards a space where initially I had to start Believing in Myself. This took time and effort but began to change the neuro pathways in my brain to where I got to a point where I realised I needed level up.
This levelling up took the form of learning to Stay True to Myself and not anyone else. In many ways this was more difficult than simply Believing in Myself. To stay true, for me personally, meant trying my best to not bullshit myself (lie to myself) as I felt if I was was no longer lying to myself that it would be, in turn, impossible to lie to anyone else. This is an art form I constantly practice and, at times, fail at. The secret is to always hold yourself accountable for your actions and only your actions. We need to remember that we are all fallible but at the same time, perfect in our implementations.
The third thing I learnt along this path was probably the most simple thing of all… to “Just Do You”. This about simple is that it is rarely ever easy. The two don’t equate. Simple, conceptually, may be easy to understand but putting simple into practice is often way more challenging than it would seem.
It’s now been over a decade since my Decade of Darkness and I’m kinda calling it my Decade of Transition. For ten years I maintained my mental health with zero hospital admissions and like wise zero suicide attempts.
While I’m very proud of how far I’ve come, in the last year I’ve actually had two attempts on my life and one voluntary hospital admission. While this was a surprise and something no one saw coming, it just reinforced a number of vital lessons I’ve learnt along the way.
Nothing is ever linear. Everything is subjective to change. Our darkness will always interplay with our light and everything is temporary.
I am currently doing a lot of shadow work and shining my light of consciousness within my unconscious mind. It is so hard to see/find/understand the trauma of the past especially when a lot of the time there is very little to no context to ground it. For me personally, this is a journey of exploration, of learning, and (re)discovery.
I take the three lessons I learnt in my Decade of Transition; believe in yourself; stay true; just do you, and try my best to be the person I want to be living a life with real authenticity. I don’t honestly know what the next decade will be like but I will forever try to walk through it in the light.
The thing I now know deep down in the pit of my core is I’d rather Walk Naked in Truth than Dressed in Lies
