Lucid

No longer posting

[the-lovesick-collective]

Gonna be disappearing again for a little while, paranoia acting up again

Figured the best way to keep me from deactivating our accounts for the ten millionth time would be to just delete tumblr all together to keep me off of it till I'm/we're doin better

Our accounts won't be goin anywhere, they're just gonna sit inactive for a bit

[the-lovesick-collective]

Currently digging through lore on my source again to see if it jars any memories or anything like that :b

[the-lovesick-collective]

[blueberri-buni]

When you visualize your memories, are they in first, second, or third person?

First person point of view

Second person point of view

Third person point of view

Other? (No clue what that would be, so please elaborate /nf)

Voting ended onApr 14, 2025

I was just thinking about it earlier, and I realized that when I visualize my memories, they are always in the third person, which is odd given that I obviously experienced them in the first person.

I was curious if this is a normal thing or how many other people experience this

[the-lovesick-collective]

Hate when our tumblr feed just gets a random spike of syscourse posts

We don't want to see that bullshit

I wish people would tag their posts as syscourse/syscourse related/syscourse mention/etc. so the tag blocking would actually fucking work for once

It always sends us spiraling, all sides of it, it's exhausting

It sucks that you can't interact with plural spaces without automatically having syscourse shoved down your throat

[visceral-flesh]

When I first formed I was pretty chill with everything

I mean yeah I was confused at first trying to figure out who I was and what was goin on but other than that I was chill with everything

I feel like as time goes on I become more and more uncomfortable

It's gotten harder to look into mirrors

Some days I can't even front because even without a mirror I can still feel and see that this body isn't mine, that this body is a human one

It all feels wrong and I'm becoming more and more aware of it

I feel homesick, but instead of a place it's my body

[the-lovesick-collective]

How do y'all get the courage/get past the anxiety to have other headmates front during therapy sessions?

[visceral-flesh]

I know everyone in non/alterhuman community always makes jokes about these 'prove your human' captchas (hell our host posted one the other day lmao) but I wonder, does anyone else get genuinely upset by these?

I don't mean the jokes btw, I mean the captcha itself

I know it's probably a really dumb thing to get upset over and the wording on a captcha doesn't mean a damn thing but still, it gets to me

Maybe that's just because I'm ahuman but it makes me upset to even think about having to 'prove I'm human' when I'm not

It makes me feel sick

I don't want to be seen as human, I don't want to be labeled as human, I don't want other people to call me human, I don't want to call myself human, I don't even want entertain the mere suggestion that I could be a human or anything similar to it

Again, I know that the wording on captchas don't mean shit, but I can't help that it makes me upset, it just does

I certainly don't wanna have to get upset every time I log into something online, it's exhausting

I guess it kinda gives a feeling of dysphoria? I dunno that's what our host Berri says, even he isn't sure though cause he only experiences gender dysphoria but I've heard species dysphoria is a thing so maybe that's what it is

Idk

I guess I kinda just wanna know that I'm not alone in this feeling, that I'm not just being worthlessly dramatic

[blueberri-buni]

How does one tell the difference between a stel and a kin type?

Similarly, how does one tell the difference between a stel and a link type?

From what I've read constels can be voluntary and involuntary, but how do I tell the difference between an involuntary constelic identity and an otherkin (or therian) identity? And how do I tell the difference between a voluntary constelic identity and an otherlink identity?

[the-lovesick-collective]

Been tryna convince my headmates to agree to me calling us a fluffle instead of a system lmao

Bunnies are my current hyperfiation and also the word fluffle is just adorable

Until then I have a system oc that calls itself a fluffle to satisfy my hyperfiation lol

[the-lovesick-collective]

Ya know what sucks?

Being surrounded by other mentally ill folk and still feeling like the odd one out

We were admitted to the psychiatric hospital for the first (and hopefully last 🙏🏻) time back in 2020 (Which was also before we learned what systems were but that's not really relevant here)

We were voluntarily admitted for auditory and visual hallucinations, and that week we spent there was when we got our psychosis diagnosis and when we started anti-psychotics

It was a pretty traumatic experience overall, I spent the first half of the stay sitting alone and crying, the second half is when my new roommate had been admitted and they were super extraverted so they just kinda pulled me along with them and I ended up in a mini 'friend group' type thing (It very much brought up a lot of feelings from when I was kid tbh /neg)

One day during outside time they started talking about why they were admitted and they were all laughing and bonding and making dark humor jokes over being admitted for suicidal ideation and similar things, then they asked me what I was admitted for

I told them I was admitted for hallucinations and everyone got real quiet and just stared at me weirdly before going back to talking amongst each other

I wanted to crawl into a hole and cry

Even among people who were also mentally ill, I was still the weird one

It didn't help that I kept my hallucinations to myself for years out of fear of being seen as crazy or dangerous

I had literally just gotten the courage to open up about having hallucinations a few days prior and now I had people looking at me the exact way I always feared they would

That was almost 5 years ago now and I still think about it a lot tbh

I think part of it is just cause I felt like I was kid again (/neg) but the other part is cause of that one look they gave me

I doubt they remember me and I especially doubt they remember looking at me like that, but I remember it clear as day

I'm deeply afraid of being looked at like that again

So much can be said through one simple look and zero words

Those looks made me feel crazy, weird, rejected, like an outcast, like a monster

The exact things that I was afraid of people viewing me as

[the-lovesick-collective]

Does anyone else have stims that hurt or somethin similar?

We have a new stim that involves jerking our head back

Our neck has been sore for days because of it and keeps getting worse :')

[the-lovesick-collective]

Welp

We are officially (bodily) 20 today, so that's cool I guess :b

[the-lovesick-collective]

Stumbled across the term hallusject the other day and uh that may explain some things about Z lmao

[the-lovesick-collective]

So we had our psychiatrist appointment yesterday and we learned somethin interesting

Our psychiatrist said that what we had been experiencing was most likely mania/hypomania

He said that while we do meet some criteria, he isn't sure if we meet enough to warrant a bipolar diagnosis

Our mom has bipolar 2, and she also mentioned the term mania when we were trying to explain how we had been feeling to her a week or so ago

Just thought that was interesting information to learn about ourselves

[the-lovesick-collective]

Blehh

Anxious

We're going to our psychiatrist appointment and our stepdad is taking us in his car TwT

I don't like his car, I always get car sick and also his car just makes me anxious (He has a sports car of some kind)

We are sitting in the back, we're cramped as hell but I'm slightly less anxious than I would be if we were in the front

[the-lovesick-collective]

Hey I hope you guys are doing well, I hope your day goes well

We are doin alright atm, thank you very much! I hope your day goes well too ^^