I'm A Bitter Bitch

Hey look a pic of my cat. Love her.

[backtornado]

insane headline to pair with the actual photo of the beastie itself

this is just a gormless little creature. what are we doing here.

[halondrus]

oh me? I lost my penis when I ignored the "Don't touch the machinery" sign. you know how it is

[halondrus]

you all hate me and my penis. I mean penisnt

[halondrus]

I made the mistake of looking at this while taking an order over the headset at work and started laughing really hard and had to gather myself for a second and my coworkers kept trying to look at my phone to see what I was laughing at

[halondrus]

nearly ran a redlight thinking about >penis ripped off by penis gnomes on my way home from work

[plaguedocboi]

One tells the truth, the other only lies. You may ask one question

[meangirlnurse]

considering applying for an internally posted job at work but there's no way to apply from home as an internal candidate. so i'd either have to go on my personal email at work to download my resume or.....??

[meangirlnurse]

tbh i think IT would beat me to death with hammers

[389]

[pangur-and-grim]

"Claws like sharpened bananas shot toward me."

this sentence is

good

bad

Voting ended onJun 20

[pangur-and-grim]

ITS EVOCATIVE! LIKE GREAT BIG HUGE BANANAS EXCEPT SHARP!

[pangur-and-grim]

YOU DO IT ON ONE OF THESE! OBVIOUSLY!!!

[pangur-and-grim]

[pangur-and-grim]

a lot of people are very angry with me over this, but I'd just like you to sit down and imagine a banana. maybe a green one so it's extra firm. if you need it to be harder, you can toss it in the freezer.

and that brown end? the hard bit? pencil sharpener. or sharpened with a blade. are you following me? now, attach six of those to a harpy.

yeah. I think you're seeing the vision. you can apologize to me any time you're ready

[pangur-and-grim]

check in time:

I see the vision

it's still really bad

Voting ended onJul 11

[pangur-and-grim]

GOD DAMN IT!

[pitchdarkedge]

[meanplastic]

me….

[nigelgraz]

Looking at my Alucard drawings and realizing oh i really am in love with this guy

[dragon-in-a-fez]

I just witnessed a fucking murder

[tough-girl9]

I love how it’s unclear if Data has any idea whatsoever that he just murdered Worf.

And the decisive little head nod at the end before he walks off - like, yup, I just solved that problem, good for me.

[unicorn-and-bluebells]

I also love the way that when Data says “You share all of those qualities in abundance!” Worf just looks up like

[dragon-in-a-fez]

this is the absolute best thing you could have added to my post, thank you, I have been laughing at comparing Worf’s face to this cat for ten minutes

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[overthinkinglotr]

Another hilarious thing I feel we should talk about more is the fact that *film* Aragorn and Arwen break up right before Aragorn leaves Rivendell……. meaning that film!Aragorn spends most of the quest in an “oh my god my relationship of 50 years just ended what do I even do with myself????” depression haze. 

It explains so much…..

Like. Externally Aragorn is on an epic quest to save Middle Earth, internally he’s crying on the couch in his sweatpants eating a tub of the Middle-Earth equivalent of Ben and Jerry’s

[overthinkinglotr]

Legolas: Aragorn?

Aragorn: Arwen used to call me Aragorn…..

Legolas: Because it’s your fucking name

[overthinkinglotr]

To be clear I actually love the film’s version of Aragorn/Arwen’s relationship, there’s a lot of Dramatic Potential/ angsty meta you could write on it, but–.

BUT

It’s also like– you think Aragorn has to put up with Legolas and Gimli’s annoying romance antics? Legolas and Gimli have to deal with Aragorn spending half the quest staring wistfully into the distance and sighing dramatically about What Can Never Be™…with how often he sings the Lay of Luthien,  basically the Middle Earth equivalent of Adele’s Someone Like You….

[overthinkinglotr]

Gimli: You haven’t washed your hair in MONTHS. We’re staging an intervention.

Aragorn (lying flat on the ground with his face in the dirt): aweralwkerjwae

Legolas: You’re only 87– you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You can find love a second time!

Aragorn: I did. Boromir died.

Legolas: Maybe three is your lucky number!

[teddy-after-all]

#for me film Legolas’ main character trait#is that he’s incapable of reading the room (tags via @overthinkinglotr)

[sweetiepie08]

Aragorn, any time he gets a moment to himself during the quest:

[starr-bryte]

Gimli: This lovely Rhohirrim woman is clearly into you. She’s a fighter. You’re a fighter. She loves horses. You love horses (also you smell like one). Give her a chance!

Aragorn: *flashbacks to him and Arwen making out in Imladris while the elvish version of “when somebody loved me” plays in the background.

[ruffboi-mags]

He literally did this. (and then imagined Arwen kissing him before getting woken up by his horse)

[trickster-archangel]

At least he managed to wash himself AND his hair

[hachama]

I've decided to use the term "convenience food" instead of "junk food."

I think it's more honest, and less loaded. It's all food, some of it is more appropriate when you don't have the spoons left for food prep. It takes slightly more energy to peel a banana than to open a bag of chips.

We try to save the convenience food for days when we need something easy, so eat a banana.

[hachama]

ENNH! WRONG ANSWER

All food fuels your body. If it contains calories, it is fuel. Some foods are denser fuels, some foods have nice additional benefits, but all foods fuel you.

Some foods are really good for building muscle, or supporting your bone health, or giving you energy. Some foods are really good at tasting nice. All of them fuel your body.

[cmtired]

Good food/bad food is just puritan dichotomous thinking in service of the Shame Industrial Complex- let's get those "should" hooks intob everything you enjoy.

Food is fuel. Your relationship with it is personal. Almost all dichotomies oversimplify beyond utility.

[willow-wanderings]

So, I had to do a bunch of therapy as a kid because I had anorexia. My dietician drilled into me "food has no moral value. there's no such thing as Good Food or Bad Food; if it's edible and you're not allergic to it, then it has a use in your diet, even if that use is just 'enjoy eating it'. Enjoyment is part of your diet and happiness is a vital nutrient." Basically, even if ice cream "isn't healthy," if it helps you feel better after a shitty day then it's fulfilling one of your basic needs: happiness. So eat the fucking ice cream and feel better. ENJOYMENT IS PART OF YOUR DIET AND HAPPINESS IS A NUTRIENT

[lanthir]

And like, even foods that are seen as "unhealthy" still have literal physical nutrients? Having carbs and fats and sugars and salt in your diet is actually good and necessary, for one thing. But even if they somehow were not, their presence doesn't magically make protein and vitamins and minerals in "junk foods" disappear.

Nuts still have protien and minerals if you put them in candy. Potatoes still have vitamins and minerals if you fry them or drown them in butter. Lots of processed snack foods are made with enriched flour and have weirdly high amounts of B vitamins and sometimes iron.

Please just eat food. Eat whatever food is available and palatable to you, in as wide a variety as you can comfortably manage. Eat food.

[dogpuppy]

At the local hamburger shop and they said yelled out “order 167!” And three middle school age kids yelled in perfect unison “ 6 7!” Life is sometimes so beautiful

[moisterpeggingchampion]

If you reference 67 you deserve to be executed on the spot tbh

[dogpuppy]

If I was king for a day the first thing I would do would be to sentence you to a life full of love and understanding.

[importantcatpics]

[dear-ao3]

and now that i’m officially moved out: fuck maryland, the state flag is ugly and the mass obsession with it is cringe as hell. rally behind something else why don’t you.

[facultativeactivity]

I looked up the flag, why does it look like a warning sign for radiation and a children's hospital had a kid

[dear-ao3]

and when i tell you it’s on Everything.

license plates. shorts. towels. kitchen utensils. koozies. socks. shirts. magnets. bottle openers. planes. bags. nothing is safe from the maryland state flag.

[dear-ao3]

like why.

[dear-ao3]

i fear i’m still somehow underselling this

it is also on EVERY SINGLE STANDARD LICENSE PLATE

[aphony-cree]

Saw a commercial that said “without the letters A B and O there’d be no you”

It was about blood types

As someone versed in fanfic tagging, that’s not the first thing I thought of

[sorryimnotthatkindofdoctor]

This needs to go with the deli sign that asked, “how do you top your sub?”.

[aphony-cree]

This is now officially a thread for things that make fanficcers stop and blink

Please add more

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don’t want to reblog this but i genuinely want to read more examples so

[extreme-technicality]

May I present:

This monstrosity

[moonblossom]

Every time I see the title of this TV show on the program guide I do a double-take

[zoycitem]

My humble contributions

[hey--its--hay]

My Twinkies Halloween edition

[todesboten]

…

[wordsofdiana]

I’ve had this saved on my phone for like a year and I just …

[libraryogre]

[cipheramnesia]

Call out post for literally everyone I know and also me.

[lesbianladyeboshi]

[arialerendeair]

I will never be over needing to reset my password on my Prime account only to be granted my OTP.

My One True Password.

I died.

[transmortifried]

[your-naked-magic-oh-dear-lord]

I’m dying over the knock-off Kit-Kat! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[s-h-a-s-e]

my contribution :)

[wolfpurplemoon]

someone already added a tesco example but they also have this:

[yoites-blog]

Refashionedhippie has some excellent examples

[fairycosmos]

a small thing i learned from my sister dying is that i really would rather the people i love be a burden than be whatever the hell else they'd be if they weren't. yes even if it's messy and not always fair and hard completely inconvenient for everyone involved. even if it's weird. even if i'm rolling my eyes a bit inside sometimes. i just want you to bother me. please always bother me

[fairycosmos]

like "it's rotten work" "not to me not if it's you" actually sometimes it's still rotten work. even if it's you. and i'd still do it a million times over