[disgusted noise]

Hi every one! My name is Jenn. I mostly reblog things here.

[belleandkurtbastian]

TV!Ilya is significantly MORE driven by intimacy than book!Ilya is, and that’s sort of a side-effect of the show’s rewrite of Svetlana and Sasha.

In the books, Ilya has hookups and Svetlana is his most regular hookup outside of Shane and is clearly a friend… But Ilya and Svetlana don’t have the deep backstory of childhood, and the FIRST TIME Svetlana is brought up in the book is during Landrygate.

Book!Ilya still feels a deeper connection to Svetlana than any of this other hookups, both because of the hockey and the Russia of it all, but it’s nowhere near as intimate a relationship as in the show.

Meanwhile, in the book, Sasha doesn’t EXIST. He’s not a character, he is a throwaway line about how Ilya used to hook up with his coach’s son.

Show!Sasha is a REALLY interesting adaptation in this context, because while Svetlana is more prominent in the show than the book, her rewrite is a pretty logical extension of what their relationship already was on the page. Sasha’s rewrite completely recontextualises him, because SEEING him and Ilya interact it is quite clear that they were more than just fuckbuddies, and that at some point along the way Sasha, Ilya, and Svetlana were ALL friends.

The upshot being that all three of Ilya’s notable partners in the show are people he has a deep intimate connection with, and that REALLY recontextualises the Hollanov rivalry in some ways too. “Sports rivalry is super intimate” is like… the thesis statement of Heated Rivalry, but this direct comparison to Svetlana and Sasha, Ilya’s childhood friends/fuckbuddies, puts a MUCH sharper point on it.

[shanyshko]

you know i think ilya would get off on choosing shane's clothes for him. shane doesn't really care about fashion so much as looking acceptable for the situation, so when ilya asks to style him before charity galas and important dinners and re-do his array of game day suits, it's not exactly a hard sell.

suddenly, shane is in proper black and white formal for the first time ever, a designer suit jacket with a little point to the shoulder that makes him look all sensual and broad. accessories keep making their way in. a snakeskin belt, a loafer that doesn't look like it's from 2005, a signet ring. and of course, ilya always ties the rolex in, wear the one with the emerald face, i'll put you in a matching sock and maybe some gemstone cuff-links. his casuals remain casual, but every once in awhile he sneaks in a pair of impeccably tailored $800 jeans, or a vintage acid wash muscle tee ilya had to fight tooth and nail for on ebay. he puts his baby in cashmere sweaters that would make princess diana cry.

and people notice. of course they notice. there are theories, who is the stylist, is it a social media stunt, a new sponsorship everything their influence. and yes, a part of him is resentful he can't claim credit, but when shane asks him once, while ilya delicately folds his silk pocket square, why do you do this for me? ilya runs a hand over his dress shirt, groping at his pecs, and says, they all wonder why you look so pretty. is because i want my boyfriend to look pretty for me. they wonder, and i know. i know it's for me. it isn't for you, malysh. is for me.

one day, ilya thinks, he'll walk in with the hottest man in the nhl on his arm. he'll put him in diamonds and a fur coat, and they'll all know. but for now he just pats shane's chest and sends him out with cuff links that have ilya's initials engraved.

[softgaycontent]

Lucretia is the most fun character in the world because she is set up exactly like the guy who has been a villain all along, but instead the big reveal is that she's your best friend. And she loves you and thinks you're hilarious.

[penandinkprincess]

okay but with how much ilya loves being a little shit and splashing shane or shaking his hair out close enough to soak shane, i'm CACKLING imagining shane being so smug while sticking close to his mom one day when they're having a family lake day

yuna thinks oh maybe shane is just having a rough time with so many changes happening all at the same time in his life and just needs a little extra love rn and meanwhile every single time she turns away at all shane is behind her back 😈🖕at his husband because the Mom Shield makes him INVINCIBLE

[byjove]

I never thought I would be siding with the pope’s involvement in politics and cheering him on. I will say that.

[byjove]

[godmotherpm]

The craziest thing about this whole situation is that Ilya thinks in Russian and in Russian ‘lovers’ LITTERAL TRANSLATION is ‘возлюбленные’. Which ACTUALLY MEANS ‘people who feel love and attraction towards each other’. MY BOY WAS CONFESSING HIS LOVE TO SHANE AND LOST IN TRANSLATION GAME. HE WAS SO PURE ABOUT IT AND ONLY GOT ‘No, Ilya, that’s gross’. MY SWEET LOVERBOY.

[agendratum]

fuck i forgot to partake in handmade crafts and whimsy

[holdmyhannow]

the very next post on my dashboard was this one

[prokopetz]

Say what you will about Tumblr as a community, we know how to commit to a fucking bit.

[vigilantsycamore]

Some people's Home Alone hot takes are that Kevin is apparently evil for doing what most kids that age would do if they could in that situation

My Home Alone hot take is that if you walk into three consecutive death traps and still don't take the first chance to back out, you deserve everything that happens to you afterwards. Not in a moral sense, just in a "knowingly and willingly slapping a hot stove after you already got burned multiple times" sense

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

tried to hatch an easter egg once

[dr4g0nwh1sk3rs]

I- I don’t think I wanna know

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

didn't have a heat lamp so i kept it under my armpit for a week

[antifa-furry-soldier]

If this were anyone else I'd be confident this is a bit

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

it was elementary school. the year before our class hatched a batch of chickens in an incubator, i knew they needed heat. plus i didn't want an adult to confiscate it. during class i alternated between my hoodie pocket and my armpit (warmer). solid logic

[webber-da-spider]

Was it a plastic one or a painted one?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

well see that was the big issue

[webber-da-spider]

Answer the question gaud

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this happened in June. Easter had been over for 2 months. Easter was not on my mind. so when i found a single perfect intact egg (not hollow) just sitting on the ground under a tree, it did not occur to me that

the tree was next door to a church, places infamously known for organizing easter egg hunts

a single perfect white chicken egg rarely appears in nature nestled against a suburban tree trunk

to read deeper meaning into the small splashes of color on the base (thought it was pollution or smthng)

no, i did not see a forgotten easter egg that had been left for 2 months to weather the elements. i saw a random egg, in need of hatching.

[rhynereads]

You see Gaud, I don't believe you. You absolutely saw a forgotten Easter egg and tried to hatch it

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*sighs* let my motives be washed away by the tides of time. whatever my intentions, I tried to hatch a rotten easter egg under my armpit.

tragedy, naturally, struck.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

"how did you not smell that it was a rotten egg" i have lifelong hyposmia (reduced sense of smell), an affliction for which my autistic ass is deeply grateful, given the issues i already deal with regarding sense of sound, touch, and sight (all of which could stand to turn that shit down a couple notches)

i DID, in fact, smell how rotten it was. eventually. in the end.

as i was saying, tragedy struck it straight outta the park. (it was entirely my own fault, for forgetting i'm not left-handed)

[dino-nugs-n-eels]

Did it break while under your armpit??! Gaud!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

see we were doing timed multiplication tables practice sheets (top 3 students get candy) and i was so focused on the adrenaline of beating jonah (who was threatening my winning streak) and out of habit i stowed the egg in my armpit (as one does) but i chose the wrong armpit and when i realized it was already too late i had my pencil in hand and the countdown was on and candy and pride was on the line my elbow was already moving

[sarpedan]

more importantly, did you get the candy?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I did!!! finished the test in record time, claimed my candy, and ran to the bathroom to dispose of the gooey stinky evidence

there is no moral to this story and i am a cheerful atheist. happy easter!

[vrabia]

the silmarillion is wild because you read it and you're like huh okay, and then you read lotr and it turns out everyone's just going around doing their own thing while the surviving elves are living through the final chapters of a post-apocalyptic horror story

[vrabia]

rivendell's a pretty chill place, right? everyone gets along splendidly. dream retirement home et cetera. solid chance the guy you're having afternoon tea with has either survived or personally committed war crimes. also the reason it's so chill is elrond has this magic ring that makes it so the whole place exists slightly outside normal time

galadriel's been around since the beginning, like, for pretty much all of middle-earth's history you understand, she has Seen it all and despite what you may have been led to believe is at all times this close to snapping. also the reason lothlorien is so chill is she has this magic ring that makes it so the whole place exists slightly outside normal time

i can't emphasize enough how much of a post-apocalyptic horror story thranduil lives in. homeland destroyed and half his people massacred. has fucken sauron in his backyard and the spawn of the primordial beast that eats light puttering about on his lawn. a dragon lives next door. does NOT have a magic ring and is therefore obliged to rule over his murderforest in normal time

just so we're all on the same page here, legolas' day job before joining the fellowship was to hunt the spawn of the primordial beast that eats light and it's not like, a big deal or anything. he just has to do it. he's used to it.

'elves are leaving middle-earth and it's so sad :(' they have ptsd samwise.

[thebluebox-thedoctor-andme]

[that-precocious-patricia]

My wolves live in harmony. I watch yaoi while knitting.

[kabigon143]

The beautiful thing as you get older is that you realize so many “rules” are made up and you can just do whatever. Posters can go anywhere in the house not just my room. I can sit down while cooking a meal or taking a shower. I can make the same thing for breakfast lunch dinner for a week straight. I can roam around the house shirtless. I can wear a dress with jeans. The world is my oyster key word my and I can live as I please embracing little things such as this

[astriiformes]

Losing it a little over this rental I came across this morning that is for the most part a completely normal unit...

.....except for the Ancient Egypt nook

[what-even-is-thiss]

So many people who wanna argue with me about King Arthur clearly haven’t read the actual medieval texts. I know this because if they actually read the source material they’d know that when it comes to King Arthur, everything is made up and the points don’t matter.

[what-even-is-thiss]

“King Arthur couldn’t have fought the Roman Empire”

Try telling that to Geoffrey of Monmouth.

[what-even-is-thiss]

“You can’t just add in new characters”

Try telling that to Chrétien de Troyes. Aka the guy who invented Lancelot.

“Arthurian canon isn’t French”

Clearly you don’t own an air fryer. Also clearly you haven’t read literally anything written after the Norman invasion.

“Arthur needs to be a knight in shining armor”

If he lived at all he lived almost a thousand years before widespread adaption of plate armor.

“He can’t be in plate armor because that’s anachronistic”

Try telling that to Thomas Mallory.

“The fairy stuff is leftover from Celtic myth/Celtic gods)

A lot of that stuff including the lady of the lake wasn’t added until the 12th century actually. Centuries after England was christianized. It was also mostly added by the French poets.

[what-even-is-thiss]

God, I sure hope so.

[happycabbage]

Be part of Arthurian legend?

[fractally]

Love "terrible at being gay" Shane and Ilya. They do some interview for Pink News and it comes out that neither of them have any idea what Stonewall is. A confused Shane's looking sideways at Ilya while Ilya's like, "What? Who threw brick at wall?"

They're semi-frequently cornered by Rose's LA club gay friends and Fabian's arthouse gay friends who constantly bring up random gay culture stuff. Ilya knows 10% of it Shane knows 0%. They're all in a mutual hatred society

Shane's never heard of PrEP. Health Canada approaches him as a potential spokesperson and he's leafing through the documentation going, "Ilya did you know about this? Should---should I have been on this" and Ilya crashes out like, "Oh now it comes out, you let the Mexican guy fuck you bare"

They go to see Rent on a double date with Scott and Kip as some kind of publicity stunt for a charity and they're both just sort of confused the whole time. Ilya gets mad about the dog thing. Shane keeps leaning over to Ilya to whisper loudly, "It's actually really important that tenants pay their rent. How else are landlords supposed to maintain the buildings." Kip tries to stab him during intermission

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

drake?

[hazeleyedcat]

josh?

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

where’s the body of christ?

[wyrddog]