[thepeacefulavenger]

@dexdefyingstunts

Do you not knit

To turn yarn into cloth

To organize your mind

And let yourself listen

To remove a little bit of entropy from the world

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the meaning of life? is to make your bedroom as comfy as possible. that's it that's the purpose

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the secondary purpose is to equip your kitchen and get really really really into international cuisine

[thelightcomingthroughthewindow]

Podfic is the ultimate portmanteau btw

[luminouslumity]

[donkeydickjess]

That fucking chair probably chocolate too

[taelenne-deactivated20130920]

how do u know the porn you’re watching is totally consensual

that these women weren’t forced into this work

that these women are of age

that these women were treated properly on set

that these women are okay with it being released in the format it has been released(onto which website/etc)

you fucking don’t

[polarbong-deactivated20230616]

IF YOU’RE WATCHING HIGH-PRODUCTION PORN FROM MAINSTREAM COMPANIES, YOU CAN NOW BE CERTAIN OF ALL OF THESE THINGS. The major companies require an STD test every fourteen days, and some even require WEEKLY tests. They go to great lengths to make sure the performers feel comfortable on set and their actions are consensual, before and after filming.

They go to very, VEEEEEEEERY, perhaps annoyingly great lengths to verify age. If I lose ONE of my government-issued ID’s, I’m totally fucked fr work with these people. We also have to sign a LOT of paperwork, on video, while LISTENING to someone tell us “this will be published on the internet. is that okay?” to which we answer YES. More into amateur porn? That’s okay! You can still take measures to ensure that you’re buying safe, consensual porn! By buying it DIRECTLY from female performers on websites like MyGirlFund. Then, you don’t even have to give money to one of the big porn companies, which many of us understandably have some qualms with. It goes straight to her! I realize there are problems in sex work. NONE OF THEM GET SOLVED BY CONVINCING PEOPLE TO STOP PAYING US. YOU ARE STARVING SEX WORKERS WHEN YOU DO THAT. But hey, when have radfems ever given a fuck about the women they actively harm with their misguided efforts?

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[laziestofthedreamers]

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

[ladyhavilliard]

…perfect

[outerspacekake]

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

[yourpotatotwiceremooved]

THE ORIGINAL POST HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY

[chongoblog]

Had a dream that there was a new Pokemon that was ghost type and it was like. Half a greyhound. It was a spectral dog that was known as one of the fastest Pokemon. And yet it only had it front legs. There were wispy floating stubs on its back half which sort of implied there COULD be legs, but they never reached even close to the ground. It stood on its front legs as if the back legs were still there.

I don’t know what this Pokemon’s name was but its appeared in many of my dreams so either they made it real and I forgot or I’m being haunted by a Fakemon.

[chongoblog]

I have been informed it is not a real Pokemon so I’ll share another detail I recall seeing about it more than once.

One of its main features about it is that it could run stupidly fast, like, a solid 100 MPH (at least thats my best guess from a dream) but more impressively or eerily is that it could go from 100 to 0 almost immediately, stopping in a stance where it stood up straight and at attention

I think I love this weird dream dog

[chongoblog]

I assume this is for artists so sure thing

I imagine that this dog is very tall and sleek (like a good five feet tall), with a sickly pale (with just a hint of light blue hue). Its eyes are a pure empty (yet still piercing somehow) white. Along its front half across the back and its legs are pale green sets of stripes, almost like racing stripes.

As for how the ghostly “back legs” worked, they looked sort of like this

with his physical form slowly transitioning into an pale blue ectoplasm, and there were amorphous hints of what could have possibly once been legs. Despite completely missing his back half, the posture seen here is still its regular posture, standing straight up, as if a soldier at attention.

Hope this helps!

[luukewyrm]

Hehe i really like this concept

[luukewyrm]

@legalarson

SO TRUE BOOZOI

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

reblog if you love archive of our own and how they firmly refuse to let censorship have any place on their platform

[hateusandseeifwemind]

[pinene]

Can anyone explain wtf is going on here especially a Korean speaker

[tadeadshihamurder]

someone on reddit explained 😭

[no-one-offical]

‎

[desmolbean404]

That is one of the most astronomical fuck up translations I have ever seen.

[copperbadge]

Went outside in Chicago just now and the air quality is "chewable".

[darlingofdots]

been stewing on an analytical approach to fiction which I call "is this book afraid of me?" and in order to answer this question you determine how hard the book is trying to make sure you don't come after the writer on twitter

[playwrongs]

Tags via @deadpanwalking, editor and ass-kicker extraordinaire

[gingisnap]

Please keep making art. Please make it for yourself. Please don’t let everything become even more of the same flat general appeal nonsense that doesn’t seem to have anything to say

[achillesinhighheels]

sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and i'm losing sense of time

[anxietyproblem]

[zero-two-ten]

this site has one setting

[jenroses]

I’m laughing, but there’s a super useful corollary, which my husband calls “the Red Balloon.” He was a defense lawyer and had a fair number of drug addicts come through, and there is a thing where if you’re like, on your first offense, they’ll do a thing where you can go to treatment and if you complete it they’ll take the conviction off your record.  And he would tell his clients, “Look, everyone’s going to tell you not to do drugs. They’re going to say it over and over again. And it’s like, if people tell you not to think of a white elephant, you’re going to think of a white elephant. But the trick to not thinking about a white elephant is to think of a red balloon. So you need to find your red balloon. For some people it’s yoga. For others it’s woodworking. For some people it’s scrapbooking or gardening or any of a long list of things to do. They focus on that, it’s a lot easier to succeed in ignoring the white elephant.” So yeah, “watch yourself” is one thing… but the better idea is to watch something else. (Even if it’s fanfic about werewolves fucking.)

It’s a form of productive dissociation, and is super, super helpful. It’s easy for me to get bogged down in how much pain I’m in… but some of the most painful periods of my life have also been the most productive, writing-wise, because writing is one of my red balloons. 

[kittydorkling]

There is a phrase I use A LOT in my parenting and my son gets very sick of it, but it’s true:

The thing you practise is the thing you get good at.

You may not intentionally be practicing “being grumpy” but if you don’t put effort into practicing “not being grumpy” then I’m afraid that’s what you’re doing. It’s hard! It’s really hard! Sometimes, for some things, it’s pretty much impossible and that sucks!

But being carefully aware that you are going to get good at the things you do most of is a good way to be more careful of what those things are. If that makes sense.

[bogleech]

You gotta appreciate sometimes how tumblr works in such a way that everyone who wants to reblog this interesting or useful psychological advice is also forced to reblog the thing about werewolf fucking

[fipindustries]

i really im absolutely astounded at the phenomenal job that MIB did not to be racist against aliens, despite being a movie about secret agents chasing evil aliens. that scene where jay helps an alien mother to give birth is probably one of the most humanizing moments for an Other ive seen in a movie ever.

[fipindustries]

like it grabs the body snatcher trope from the cold war "aliens are all around you, hidden in diguzise, they could be any one of us!" and then it says "and theyre just people, theyre literally just people trying to live their lives and thats fine"

[fipindustries]

you literally have a whooe scene where a cop stands out because he says "i dont care how menacibg or threatning someone looks im not going to shoot them if there is a reasonable explination for what theyre doing, one is sneezing and one is just doing excercise", and that is the guy that gets aproved to join MIB.

[phaeton-flier]

The movie has a real love for NYC and immigrant culture as a part of that. The opening scene where K welcomes the undocumented immigrants to the United States. One alien greets another and says he's ordered him pierogi. A lot of them are refugees from their home worlds who just want to survive.

[gayvampyr]

if you want to dress gay but aren’t sure how, you need to focus more on finding clothes you actually like and that make you feel good when you look in the mirror. develop your style independently of what you think looks gayest and trust the homosexuality will follow. it goes where confidence and self acceptance are

[helenmask]

I thiiinkkkk I'm done

[pangur-and-grim]

"Claws like sharpened bananas shot toward me."

this sentence is

good

bad

Voting ended onJun 20

[pangur-and-grim]

ITS EVOCATIVE! LIKE GREAT BIG HUGE BANANAS EXCEPT SHARP!

[pangur-and-grim]

YOU DO IT ON ONE OF THESE! OBVIOUSLY!!!

[pangur-and-grim]

[pangur-and-grim]

a lot of people are very angry with me over this, but I'd just like you to sit down and imagine a banana. maybe a green one so it's extra firm. if you need it to be harder, you can toss it in the freezer.

and that brown end? the hard bit? pencil sharpener. or sharpened with a blade. are you following me? now, attach six of those to a harpy.

yeah. I think you're seeing the vision. you can apologize to me any time you're ready

[pangur-and-grim]

check in time:

I see the vision

it's still really bad

Voting ended onJul 11

[pangur-and-grim]

GOD DAMN IT!

[pitchdarkedge]

[ostensible-adult]

I hope this comes across as positive/complimentary: I'm reminded of the art teacher who is quoted somewhere on tumblr as saying approximately

I do not like this style. I will never like this style. ... My biggest criticism is that I merely dislike this [art project]. Make me hate it. Make me furious over how much fun you're having with this thing I hate.

You don't need that teacher's advice, though. You're already having so much fun that tumblr is furious.

[transastronautistic]

i have attempted the impossible — making banana Sharp — and i have good news and bad news

As preamble: i am one of the proud 27% who voted “good” on the first poll (didn’t see the second in time to vote). And, in fact, I found the imagery of “claws like sharpened bananas” so provocative i just had to give sharpening a banana a go (plus i remembered i threw some ripe bananas in the freezer like five months ago and thought hey, might as well! bananas, i’m sorry i failed to use you in smoothies as intended; i hope you find peace knowing you were donated to science instead. Rest In Peels.)

For my first attempt, I decided to take the easiest though least faithful-to-the-vision route first: sharpening the banana stem.

I was delighted to discover that a banana stem does fit into a pencil sharpener, so i got grinding.

And grinding.

And grinding.

Things were looking promising at first, but i rotated that thing in the sharpener for over three minutes and after a certain point, it just stopped getting sharper. I guess it became too narrow for the sharpener to like, reach?

(Pictured: the moment my wife asked me what the fuck i was doing to that banana)

But luckily my wife appeared around this time and, after expressing extreme bemusement, she acquiesced to applying her whittling skills to the task. I bestowed upon her a second frozen banana and she got to work.

What a champ.

And…it actually worked!! That bad boy was SHARP!

Like, not “draw blood easily” sharp. But yeah, if claws looking like this ^ were to shoot towards me, i’d be at least mildly afraid. That’s not nothin’ — right? right?

(I’m so good at photoshop)

But at this point i had to admit to myself the thing i’d known all along. Sharpening solely the stem wasn’t actually @pangur-and-grim’s vision.

So i tried, i really tried to sharpen the entire outer part of the banana with a knife sharpener + knife! Maybe it’s because the frozen bananas had thawed too much at this point but. it didn’t go…all that great

Then it was time for my final attempt.

I peeled one of those half-thawed nanners and shaped its soft body (which was the consistency of melty ice cream) with a combination of the knife sharpener and my bare fingers into what i hoped would be a fine point — once it re-froze.

One of them i “sharpened” the tip of; the other i tried to kinda sharpen the side of? By making a very thin ridge all along it. Because if they’re going to be claws they shouldn’t just poke people; they need to slice

Anyway that was an hour ago so i just checked on them and…

tragically, they are not sharp.

BUT i flattened them a little thinner to see if that helps, and now i’ll be patient for once in my life and wait to check on them till morning. Maybe being fully frozen will help

So yeah! The good news is you CAN sharpen a banana stem and that’s gotta count for something. The bad news is that sharpening the actual body of the banana has proven much more challenging.

if i never reblog with an update, it’ll mean I failed, no sharp peeled bananas to present. If i do update….

Well. You’ll get a photo of a razor-sharp banana.

It’ll totally happen. Totally