A Shepard-Vakarian Valentine
(post Destroy)
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Among the more off-putting aspects of human culture was the sheer psychopathic media and corporate attention given to certain holidays. It was nauseating, panic-inducing, and Garrus was very grateful that Rania wasn’t very keen on most of them. He could understand Christmas—the homier side of the event, it was very nice to curl up in a warm house with hellsnow outside and the Christmas tree…that wonderful, piney, woody scent that made his maxilla quiver. And the decorations were lovely too.
But that aside, the absolute worst offender of them all was Valentine’s Day. How a holiday with technically noble origins (the turians did have something similar) turned into a free-for-all marketing spree to hawk anything and everything that could be vaguely considered romantic was beyond him. But like a good husband—and Rania was at least keen on Valentine’s chocolate, so there was that—Garrus would exchange gifts with his wife on the holiday.
Though without fail, someone would always comment on the gift itself…
————
“Scars.” Garrus looked up, mid-bite into a chocolate. Vega and Cortez were staring at him-or rather Cortez was staring at Garrus, Vega was staring at the open box of candy. Both were wearing almost identical looks of horror on their faces. Garrus quickly chewed, then swallowed—savoring the combination of the dextro chocolate and dextro cherry that assaulted his tastebuds.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“Was that a fucking heart you just ate?!” Vega all but exploded.
“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to eat on this holiday?” Garrus responded.
“That…looked like a human heart.” Cortez said slowly.
“It is.” Garrus reached into the box, and delicately plucked out one of the chocolates. It was in the anatomically correct shape of a human heart. He held it up for Vega and Cortez to see.
“They even have fillings. Cherry and orange.” Without hesitation Garrus flicked the heart up into the air and caught it with his mouth, closing his eyes in appreciation as the flavor combination hit his tongue again.
“Why the hell are you eating chocolate shaped human hearts bro?! That’s not a good look!” Vega spluttered. Cortez moved closer to Garrus’ desk, tilting his head to read the card that was attached to the box’s lid.
“…Shepard. Of course.” The Normandy’s armorer/shuttle pilot sighed. “You two are anti-Valentine’s Day then?”
“We exchange gifts, so we don’t completely ignore the holiday.” Garrus countered, gesturing.
“What, do you give her a box of little turian hearts?” Vega scoffed.
“I give her a big one.” Garrus answered. It took all his self-control not to break into laughter at the stunned look on Vega’s face.
“Who the hell even makes these?!”
“There’s a shop in Zakera Ward that does them. Not just only human and turian hearts, but salarian, asari, volus, krogan…” Garrus snatched up another heart and took a bite out of it.
“Come on Vega, let’s go before your brain implodes.” Cortez reached out to grab Vega by the shoulders, somehow turning the burly N-4 around and leading him away. As they left, Garrus allowed himself to chuckle.
“Never fails.” Mandibles vibrating in mirth, Garrus picked up another heart. He considered it for several moments, he’d read someplace about a way to melt chocolate to use as a dipping sauce. And the last he’d looked at his and Rania’s schedules, they were clear for the evening… The idea of a naked Rania and turian chocolate was very appealing, and Garrus brought up his ommi-tool.
After all, spending time together on Valentine’s Day was tradition after all…
