This is a multifandom blog! Right now, mostly for the novels of MXTX, specifically TGCF. I write a lot and sometimes I even post it. If you want to ask me about fics or headcanons fire away! My A03 is TheQueenOfFish Black live matter. Fuck off if you're racist.
The year is 1183, the month is Great Tree Moon and the former Prime Minister, Ludwig von Aegir, has finally made his move. After forming an alliance with Those Who Slither in the Dark he has seized Fort Merceus.
However, for an alpha like the deposed Duke Aegir it is not enough to simply overthrow Emperor Edelgard, to achieve total victory he must reclaim his omega son. Who is, Duke Aegir’s disgust and disappointment, currently serving as a General in her Majesty’s army. And so those who slither in the dark dishonourably snatch the General Aegir off the battlefield.
Duke Aegir is not aware to what extent these actions will provoke Hubert von Vestra, Imperial Spymaster and a fellow alpha. Amidst the concern of the strike force, Ferdinand attempts to survive, and Hubert desperately fights against his alpha instincts to cling to sanity.
Or
A Three Hopes: Scarlet Blaze canon divergence and Omegaverse fic, where Ludwig kidnaps Ferdinand, and Hubert nearly loses his god damn mind.'
Read here on ao3
Thank you so much to DungeonCrawlerDonut for being the best beta and cheer reader a writer could ask for. They are 10000% the reason this fic will get finished. They drew the art above which I love with all my heart!!!!!!!!!! They also write Ferdiebert so go check them out at the link above on ao3 too!!!
Ruminating on the times when Ilya’s desire for control doesn’t lead to positive behavior. His encounter with Shane in Sochi, for example. There’s REAL WORLD fear there about being caught in a compromising position in Russia, yes. That is a huge factor here, so I don’t think he’s in the wrong. But also, Ilya at this point wants to be in charge of when him and Shane participate in displays of emotional intimacy. Minutes ago (for us) we saw Ilya kindly and earnestly join Shane in his first penetrative sexual experience, worrying throughout about Shane’s comfort and pleasure. Kissing and touching him tenderly. But as soon as Shane kisses him on the forehead, Ilya has to go. And now Shane is approaching him in Sochi, reaching out in friendship. I saw you up here. Are you okay? And I think part of Ilya is like nah. I decide when and how we are tender with each other, I set the tone for this, and right now we are strangers, or must be strangers, so go before I have to say something truly mean, for your own good, because I know best.
So part of Ilya’s surrender is letting someone else guide the tone and direction of an encounter, like Shane at the cottage. Not giving up control, but collaborating and being a part of a pair instead of alone in his choices. Later, he must accept that he has to be open with Shane about his struggles with depression in order to work through them. Partnership! Life as a collaboration instead of a rugged individual quest.
thinking of ilya in the privacy of his all stars room door locked carefully typing ‘compatible’ into his phone with the most disgusting feeling of anxiety and disgust at his own needs inside him, thinking about the relief and fear and confusion when reading the result
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
I'm a firm believer that Cliff Marleau had to be told that Shane Hollander and Montreal Jane were the same person. I am of the belief that when the Fanmail video leaked, Cliff thought "oh, it must not have worked out with Montreal Jane but my boy bagged Shane fucking Hollander, so it's fine." He does think it's a little funny that both of the people Ilya's been seriously involved with are based in Montreal but he still doesn't put it together.
Ok I’m actually starting to get a little defensive of Ilya because why am I seeing more and more characterization of him as messy, undisciplined, irresponsible, etc.
Like yes, he’s more carefree than Shane, but he’s also one of the best hockey players in the world and you don’t get there without an insane amount of discipline, and even beyond that we literally see him acting as a caretaker for his father, managing money for his brother, arranging his father’s funeral and getting it done quickly and efficiently, none of that is the behavior of someone who’s never used a calendar…
I think what’s delicious about Ilya is his self worth related to these concepts. He thinks he’s lazy, messy, undisciplined. You listen, you don’t soeak. Yes. You need a haircut. Yes, Father. The problem is leadership. Yes, nod, yes. But repeatedly we are shown that Ilya is good. He’s an attentive lover, he’s a good friend. He tries to be a good son to a hard man. He gives his brother whatever he asks for. He inspires his teammates. He worries that Ryan Price’s book will fall on the floor and oh fuck Price is going to lose his place, I will help, oh fuck, I failed.
But his family tells him he’s no good, so it must be true. They have been the loudest voices in his life and that’s literally become his inner monologue. But then here comes Shane “I don’t know that side of you at all” Hollander and soon enough Ilya is monologuing into the phone on the street outside of his father’s funeral about how actually no. He’s given everything to his family. He makes everything perfect. And he couldn’t physically be there for his father all the time but he paid for it all. And yet they despise him. He knows why, or says he does. But I don’t think does, I think in that moment the seed is planted that Ilya is lovable. And he doesn’t have to be perfect, he doesn’t have to drain himself dry. The person who loves him is trying to fill his cup from thousands of miles away.
Ilya lives somewhat hedonistically because he has a nihilist edge. What does it fucking matter, Hollander? He has a hopelessness, but he fights it. These characters are triumphant, even if that triumph is bittersweet. If Shane is on a journey to self acceptance then Ilya’s is one of self-actualization. The more he loves, the more he loves himself.
The first time Shane and Ilya go to Ottawa pride, Shane doesn't really want to. But Harris has been talking about how its one of his favorite days for weeks and Ilya lights up like a little kid every time it comes up, so Shane is going.
So is Troy, who seems equally enthusiastic, so at least Shane isn't alone.
But he still worries when he sees Ilya all decked out in a rainbow tank top that has to be at least a size too small. He glances down at his own outfit, something he'd wear any other day, and asks,
"should I change?"
Ilya cocks his head and goes "do you want to?"
And Shane doesn't have to answer he very clearly does not want to.
"I just worry that-"
"that people will not know you are gay? I think I can help with that." Ilya smirks and grabs Shane's ass. Shane shoves him away but he's smiling.
They meet Harris and Troy in a parking garage a few blocks from the parade and Shane comes close to laughing because Harris is wearing a flag as a cape and Troy is wearing jeans and a centaurs t shirt.
"see?" Ilya says "you can wear whatever"
"I actually have something for you," Harris says, and hands both Shane and Troy a baseball cap with the terrible centaurs pride logo.
"they were a limited run and they didn't sell well," he explains. Shane gets why. But he likes the hat. It feels manageable.
The parade still doesn't quite feel manageable. He can already hear the crowd, and he knows, just KNOWS that in just a few minutes, for better or worse, all of their attention is going to be directed at HIM. That's where it always ends up.
"Shane?" He hadn't realized he was staring off into space until Ilya brings him back to earth. "We do not have to go"
"you really want to," Shane says.
"yes," Ilya shrugs, "but if you turn this around," he starts to turn Shane's baseball cap backwards, "I won't be able to resist taking you home and fucking you."
"Ilya! This is what does it for you?"
"You do it for me, Hollander"
Shane turns the cap backwards and grabs Ilya's hand. "Let's go see a parade"
"you are trying to kill me?"
"maybe!" Shane laughs.
They all walk down the parking garage stairs and it hits Shane that he's holding Ilya's hand. They're in his hometown, on the streets he grew up on, at a parade he never imagined he'd be able to attend. Ilya is beaming.
"it is not like this in Russia," he says when Shane asks a silent question. "If there was a parade for people like us, it would be called 'Shame,' not Pride." He offers a little laugh at his joke, but there is sadness behind his eyes. Shane kisses him, deep and insistent. Harris cheers. So do a few strangers.
There it is. Recognition. Finally. Shane breaks the kiss preparing himself for the conversation. But it doesn't happen, even when they pull apart and let the strangers see their faces. It's a couple teenagers. Shane wonders if they've ever seen a hockey game. He has to remind himself it's not sad if they haven't.
"saved by the nerds, huh?" Troy says, and Shane nearly chokes laughing.
They find a place to watch the parade and Shane ends up on the end of their row next to another teenager, maybe 16 or so. But he's not a nerd. He sees Shane and his eyes go wide with recognition.
"Shane Hollander?"
Shane nods, and behind him, Ilya leans over to look at the kid, tightening his grip on Shane's hand like he's daring the kid to say something stupid.
"I joined the baseball team," the kid says.
"that's great," Shane says. He's had weirder interactions with fans.
"I came out when I was 13 and kind of thought that meant I would never play sports again? But then we had you and Troy Barret, and I really missed baseball, and I know it's not always going to be easy, but you have it all, you know? Maybe I can too. Probably not, like, professionally because I'm terrible and I want to be a historian but it's really fun and I missed it a lot. So thank you."
Shane stammers for a second. He has a dozen media perfected answers for every possible question but no fucking clue what to say to this kid.
"I was the opposite," Ilya says over his shoulder. "I started playing hockey very young and thought that my sexuality would just stay in a box for the rest of my life. We are the same now though," he says to the kid, "Shane Hollander made me think maybe I could have everything."
"I'm glad you're playing baseball," Shane says around something he doesn't want to talk about in his throat.
"do you want a picture with them?" Harris asks. Shane forgot he was there.
They take a picture with the kid and sign the little flag he's holding and turn back towards the parade.
Ilya puts an arm around Shane's shoulders.
"this is why I wanted to come," he says. "I like these fans."
Shane does too.
He also doesn't mind knowing he's with the hottest person here. When the parade starts, Ilya dances along to the music. Shane lets himself get pulled into it, lets himself laugh when Ilya lifts up their arms to spin around, lets himself just be.
They go home having signed more autographs and taken more photos, but it didn't make Shane tired like it usually does. He thinks it's because he never stopped being himself to sign them. He didn't have to pause his personal life and stuff it down. These people were excited for all of him. Even the gay part. Hell, maybe ESPECIALLY the gay part.
Ilya kisses the back of his hand as he drives. "Now, we have to do something about that hat," he purrs.
"what are you going to do about it?" Shane smirks
"Shane! I will die before I can get home to fuck you if you keep teasing like this!"
Shane had been worried. But it turned out to be a pretty great day.
In the background of the video clip, posted by a fan at the hotel breakfast just before Christmas 2018, Shane Hollander is talking on the phone. He looks tired but he's smiling, pushing scrambled eggs around his plate with a fork. "I saw, baby," he says. "No, definitely, no way that was slashing, I'm with you. You'll get them next time, though. Beautiful goal you got in the first, that was so fucking sexy. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Love you."
Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?
And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.
And Shane Hollander is so consumed by jealousy he almost chokes.
Ilya and Shane and orgasm denial, yes very hot obviously. But can we talk about Ilya and Shane and oh, that may have been one too many orgasms, actually? It’s just that Shane begs so sweetly, fuck me, fuck me harder, Ilya, please don’t stop, as if Ilya’s even capable of stopping. And after they collapse, sweaty and spent, Ilya has to mouth at the mess he’s made of Shane’s hole, has to get him off again while Shane swears and shakes above him. And even then Ilya’s too in love to leave Shane alone, so he wraps a loose fist around Shane’s cock and murmurs one more, just one more for me, sweetheart as Shane whimpers out a wrecked, I can’t, it’s too much, Ilya please, even as his cock start to twitch in Ilya’s grasp.
My liege im sorry to break it to you but your advisor that's actually evil and wants you dead turned out to be straight. I know you really wanted to have an enemies to lovers situation with him. Yeah I'm afraid the poisoning didn't hold any romantic intent behind it. The king of the enemy kingdom is bisexual though, I could send him a letter? Yes, I'll make sure to include multiple threats of homoerotic nature. You will have your toxic yaoi, my liege
let me just say ilya loves remembering back to shane’s first time penetrative. “such a cool trick” he started reminiscing right after. and he would do so years down the line too “still feels as good as the first time? you remember that, taking my cock for the first time ever? you loved it so much” while pushing in, just to get shane blushing but also nodding earnestly
imo confidentally in a relationship shane would ask for cock in any and all situations. he does not require a special circumstance to text ”i miss your cock” and he’s not sexting he’s just putting his thought to a text. he’s not trying to be sexy in fact he feels a bit pathetic about it. and ilya would kill anyone who dared to make his shane feel self-conscious abt doing so
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