tumble of wires

personal mental and physical health journey | cptsd | seasonal depression | neurodivergent | | chronic illness (probably me/cfs) | | mobility aid user | | unlearning internalized ableism | learning self-compassion | always learning more follows come from @the-emdash

[homophobiastar]

Disabled people being able to find ways to keep up in spaces that are actively setting them up to fail is not as inspiring as some people seem to think.

It’s actually like. Really sad. As a disabled person.

I have decent grades even tho my school is really unaccommodating and difficult to work with. But I also have no energy to do anything else besides school work and the only reason my math teacher respects my IEP is because I had to threaten to sue.

So. I’d rather disabled people being just as capable as abled people when given the support and respect they need is not uncommon or surprising. Idk tho

[justabunny]

mobility aid users of basically any kind, how do you guys handle the rain?

because for me I use crutches and I don't have a free hand available for something like an umbrella.

do yall just accept that you're gonna be soaking wet?

sincerely a disabled person who's tired of being soaked by the rain

[tumbleofwires]

I use a rollator most of the time when going outside (or anywhere I'm going to walk more than half a block to a block at a time) and yeah, this is tricky when your mobility aid requires two hands. I have a waterproof winter coat that I wear when it's cold and rainy, and that works really well until I get too hot. I'm still on the hunt for a thin plastic waterproof coat. Basically, a waterproof coat with a hood works well for me when it's really raining.

[memeuplift]

[cloudselkie]

DYSCALCULIA TOOL ALERT!

This is an acrylic magnifying glass with a green strip in it that helps you read long strings of numbers! It's been known for a while that putting a colored filter over pages can help people with dyscalculia read numbers without them flipping places, but this is the first time I've seen something so simple and accessible. I put it on some test numbers and my eyes didn't feel like they kept wanting to jump around all over the number. I can keep this on my desk and use it on paper, or hold it up to my monitor to read long numbers at work! It may help people in other ways as well, this is just what I bought it for and I already love it!

I found it at a Daiso location, but there are probably others online.

Spread the word!

EDIT: It's also like $2, so pretty much anyone who needs it can afford it!

[lifeinarustyrocketship]

@its-me-spider

[cane-and-able]

@disabilityaidpositivity

[disabilityaidpositivity]

Disability aid positivity post!

So cool! I didn't know these existed!

[decompose1]

There is an aspect to disability that feels very under-represented and under-spoken about, which is struggling to wash and dress yourself. It's one of those things that feels.... embarrassing. Wrong and icky, like you're supposed to know how to do it, like you've failed, in some way, if you can't do it right- so much so that I think some severely disabled people pretend they can do it better than they can, dismissing their incapability as having been too lazy to do it. "Sure, I haven't showered in weeks, but I'm just being lazy" and such.

I was forced to understand that I cannot wash myself- i have "high support needs" or "level 3" autism, physical disabilities, and i am chronically ill. i get too overwhelmed, my motor functions and muscle development are really bad, there are too many steps, it hurts me to move like that, my mobility and balance are very poor, i can't reach everything, bending certain ways dislocates my limbs, and i'm so fatigued all the time that I don't have the energy to make it through a shower alone. I really vividly remember once in the middle of a shower getting so exhausted and overwhelmed that i curled up on the floor in the stream of the water. Dressing is hard, too- for similar reasons. It's painful, it takes me forever, i don't have much energy, i hate a lot of textures and smells, and my mobility and motor skills suck. I can't really do buttons, i struggle to tie things, and zippers without pulls are my enemy. Moving the way i have to is difficult. I need help with these things- but that's the thing. The big hush-hush embarrassing subject we don't talk about- needing help washing and dressing. Because that's what old people do, or that's what stupid people do, you can't be like that, you have to be normal, you have to function the way you're supposed to. You can be disabled, but you must be disabled in the pretty, acceptable way. You can't need help with embarrassing things like that. "I'm [autistic] [neurodivergent] [disabled] [sick] and I can do those things, so why shouldn't you?"

It's important to me that i work to destigmatize this. It's alright to need help with these things. You can need help with these things. I promise it's okay if you need someone to bathe you, take care of your skin and hair, dress you, or whatever else it is you may need. We have helped each other from the very beginning of our species, and you are no different.

[frigbob]

Person who wants to do stuff trapped in a body that needs to lie down

[rogue-ai-cat]

The thing is, even if you were lucky and your parents taught you how to clean, they probably didn't teach you how to clean the stuff you clean stuff with, like brushes, mops, sponges, rags, and so on. Or how to clean your cleaning appliances, like a dish washer, clothes washing machine, and clothes dryer and its ducts (if you have a ducted dryer), or a carpet cleaner, vacuum, Or how to clean up clean messes, like spilled bleach or detergent.

My parents threw away all of these things (even the vacuum cleaners and the dryer) when they got too dirty to function, because no one even told them THAT they could be cleaned. Cost them thousands of dollars over the years.

All I'm saying is that cleaning is not intuitive, and not knowing how to clean is not a moral failing, but it is something you can learn.

I'm going to reblog this post with resources for learning how to clean things and how to clean cleaning things (I'm not at my desk at the moment). If you have any favorites, please feel free to add them in too!

[rogue-ai-cat]

I like this video because it does a great job of introducing the basic foundations of house cleaning (and because he doesn't use bleach, which is a common allergy in addition to being awful to inhale). He also talks a little about how to clean a vacuum. And why you shouldn't put grease from your pots and pans down the sink drain. I also love that he mentions that different houses and different people have different needs and different versions of what clean and cleaning looks like.

He doesn't mention though that the toilet seat comes off. I take my toilet seat off to clean under the hinges and clean the seat more thoroughly once a quarter.

[rogue-ai-cat]

This is another video from the same guy about cleaning and depression. This advice, especially at the beginning, can feel really really difficult and oppressive to hear. However, I find that it's generally pretty solid. But I'm autistic and so is he, so that gets a massive Your Mileage May Vary stamp on it.

I have a favorite part of this video. It's from 10:52 to 12:36. I think we could all use to hear that. There's a HEFTY pause after that one. I promise the narration does come back.

I'm also going to recommend KC Davis' book "How To Keep House While Drowning"

[rogue-ai-cat]

This is a pair of videos about how to correctly load and use a dish washer.

The first one is a quick 1 minute 30 second overview on loading. I can't find the exact video I'm looking for, so consider this a substitute for that. If I can find the one I'm looking for, I'll swap it in.

The second is a half hour deep dive on dishwashers and detergents. The short form of that is you shouldn't need to pre-rinse anything, detergent pods are overpriced and can cause problems, some dishwashers have a filter in the bottom that needs to be cleaned (but most don't), run your sink until the water is HOT before starting your dish washer, and put a little detergent in the pre-rinse dispenser when you're washing extra dirty dishes (or on the inside of the door if your dishwasher doesn't have a pre-rinse dispenser).

[rogue-ai-cat]

Favorite Scrub Brushes + How to Clean Them - Clean Mama

Favorite Scrub Brushes + How to Clean Them. The right tools for cleaning tasks make all the difference! Scrub brushes are great tools and it

Here's a blog post about scrubbing brushes and how to clean them.

And a video for all cleaning tools, including scrub brushes. This video does use bleach. I'll try to find some alternatives to that.

[rogue-ai-cat]

How to clean a front load washer (with bleach). This should be done monthly or every time you wash really soiled clothes.

The Dirty Truth About How Often You Should Clean Your Washing Machine

With expert tips and tricks for all types of washers.

How to clean a top loader (without the removable agitator thing). This should be done every 1-3 months depending on you unit, or every time you wash really soiled clothes.

Clean Your Washer and You'll Have Cleaner Laundry

Regular cleaning of a top-load washing machine will prolong the life of the appliance and leave your laundry cleaner and brighter.

How to clean a top loader (with the removable agitator thing). This should be done every month, or every time you wash really soiled clothes.

[rogue-ai-cat]

This video is for pet owners.

These carpet brushes are a LIFE SAVER if you have dogs. This thing allows me to go from vacuuming about 4 square feet before my vacuum is full to vacuuming half the living room (I don't vacuum often enough. You should vacuum weekly, and I just can't.). I have to unclog the vacuum less often. It fluffs up some of the flat spots in the carpet. And I also use the brush to shampoo my rugs in the spring.

A spot cleaner (or a carpet cleaner with a spot cleaner attachment) is another life saver, ESPECIALLY if you can afford to splurge on a heated one. I see them at Goodwill or at yard sales occasionally, and they're worth picking up. The shark one in the video is great too.

This channel is gold. There's tutorials for cleaning EVERYTHING on there. Just go subscribe!

[oinkymoo]

do you have any good resources for keeping water bottles clean?

[landunderthewave]

Empty the bottle and store it open - ideally lying down - as soon as you get home/are about to stop using it. You don't need to clean it immediately, but this will prevent it from growing mold while you're trying to get to it.

Before storing it in the cupboard, clean it with soap, warm water and a bottle cleaner, rinse thoroughly with warm water (so you don't taste soap next time you use it) and let it dry before storing it away. Store it open even when dry (there might still be some drops of moisture in there).

If you don't own a bottle cleaner, highly recommend starting there and getting one.

If this is a bottle you use continuously at home, clean it with soap as described at least once a week (don't forget the top/rim).

If this is a bottle you use continuously outside of the house but not at home, dump the rest and store the bottle open and lying down before you use it next. If it contained anything but water rinse with water before laying it down.

Anything that's not water means it needs to be cleaned with soap more often. Anything that contains sugar or fat means it needs to be cleaned even more often (probably daily if you want to be on the safe side). Coffee and tea without sugar don't go bad as fast as with sugar, but they might stain the bottle depending on the frequency of (not) cleaning/just rinsing.

Edit: Also living in a warm and/or humid climate will shorten the amount of time you can get away without cleaning with soap.

[creekfiend]

even if your nervous system is shot to hell and you're a reactive dog on a chain all the time you can spend several years retraining your nervous system (with the help of friends to practice Disagreeing With) and one day you can reach a point where getting Disagreed With doesn't cause your whole entire bodybrain situation to implode messily. it's super great. I recommend it

[kosmogrl]

I will get there

[easy-learning]

How to Deescalate an Argument (without half-hearted conceding)

DO NOT argue if your entire point is to yell and incite violence. An argument isn't an argument if you're there to support your superiority complex; it's power tripping.

Remain calm. Breathe for as long as you need. If you can keep a level head, then you can think clearly and discover a solution. If your partner can't keep it together, then fine. That's the whole point of this post. Don't let it get to you.

Don't raise your voice. People yell if they feel as though they aren't being heard. Sit there and let them talk. Don't interrupt them until they've said their piece.

Listen to what they have to say. This is important. If you aren't listening, then they don't feel heard, and the yelling starts up again. Keep calm.

Think. Why did this argument start? What are they asking of me? Whose fault is it? How can we move on? If you cannot answer one of these questions, then don't be afraid to ask. Ask professionally, and respectfully. This will take the wind out of their sails. It will make them feel like they're important, that you've listened to them.

Offer a suggestion or a solution. Say so professionally and respectfully. Be honest about your answer and that you truly believe that this is the best for both of you. A half-hearted answer may just start up the whole thing again.

If they don't agree, or have something else to say, repeat steps 4-6 until you've reached a conclusion.

My father once told me, "Never make a decision at the height of your emotion.", If that means removing yourself from the situation to think, then do it. Leaving an unresolved argument as is will only delay the next argument.

[lelif]

on survival

-// @aridante // @orivu // @buzzkillgirls // ? // ? // richard siken// @cemeterything // moomin, tove jansson// @disenchanted-killjoy // isn't that enough, shawn mendes// @ prettytheyswag on twitter// @ coletyumuch on twitter// ? // ? // bird by bird, anne lamott// undertale// @strawberrycircuits

[catcrumb]

[polkadotsunshine]

you will have a different experience with using a cane than i have had. so, i figured i could share my perspective, based on this original post

personal observations made by another cane user:

canes can distribute pain across your body. if you are in pain or want to prevent pain, a cane could help.

just get a cane and see if you like it.

my cane has a strap by the handle so i can do stuff with that hand and not drop it. breaking the strap is a pain in the ass.

convention lanyards and wiimote straps are great strap replacements.

foam handles get mushy in the rain.

soft rubber tips are better than hard tips.

folding canes make transportation and sitting at your desination easier.

my hands get cold.

if switching hands helps, do that. but always keep it in rhythm with one of your legs.

being visibly disabled has been significantly better for me than being invisibly disabled.

i like it when people ask me about my cane.

i do not mind if your child stares.

i have lots of stickers on my cane. you do not get to add stickers to my cane. it's like a tattoo.

i like it when people ask me about my stickers.

people accidentally trip on my cane. crowded areas are dangerous.

new friends need time to learn to walk slower with me.

i hold my cane in my right hand and use the left handrail on stairs. i will be on the left side of the stairs. this breaks people's minds.

using a cane has empowered people around me to start using mobility aids.

i feel much more comfortable around people with mobility aids.

if you get a cane for the aesthetic alone, i will love you.

buffet style food is best with a buddy to hold my stuff.

if a security checkpoint needs to look in my bag, it's easier to lean over to them than to switch cane hands and fully remove the bag.

washing my hands in a public bathroom is annoying.

doctors suck, but i need them.

being the only person sitting while everyone else stands feels bad. sit anyway.

you are not your disability. but it will affect you.

ask your friends for help.

i love you.

[catcrumb]

[catcrumb]

[tumbleofwires]

C-PTSD had me feeling like this my whole life and not understanding why

Needless to say I grew up a cat person :)

[creature-wizard]

I recently saw an actual news article censor the words "sexual" and "molest." Fucking shit hell fuck shit fuck.

[angiethewitch]

ooooh, storytime!

for a while, my husband worked as a call handler for the ambulance service. during his training, they had a talk from someone wanting to introduce new policy and he wanted to use my husband's group as a tester group. fun, right?

well, the talk was about how saying suicide was triggering. if a caller says theyre suicidal, the handlers should say "unalive" instead, because saying the word might actually trigger the suicidal person.

if the caller says they were raped and need help, the handler should say "S A" instead, because rape is triggering.

I don't know about you, but if I phoned up the ambulance service to ask for help because I want to die, I wouldn't want them using tiktok speak and trivialising the issue. I think that would make me less likely to ever ask for help. SAY THE WORDS. how are we supposed to address the problem if we can't even name the fucking problem.

luckily, my husbands main instructor literally said "well, that's fucking stupid" to the man wanting to introduce this policy and it hasn't been implemented. but it might. we are watching language be erased. NAME. THE. PROBLEM.

I wish I were making this up, I wish I could say I was exaggerating. I'm not.

[handsaniti]

So fun fact, people who are trained in helping to deescalate suicidal people will always say to put it bluntly.

“Do you want to kill yourself?”

A, it has the benefit of making sure everyone is on the same page. Self-harm and attempting suicide are two different things. You can want to harm yourself without wanting to kill yourself. It can also let you know if the person is passively suicidal or if they’re in the process of killing themselves.

B, stigmatizing suicide leads to more suicides.

C, you will not cause someone to kill themselves by saying the word suicide. It is not a magic word that speaking the name of will cause someone to jump off a roof.

[breelandwalker]

Also, speaking to causation on this trend (separate from issues of censorship), lay people need to learn what "triggering" actually means.

Because way too many people do not understand the difference between "This word is an activating reminder for something traumatic in my brain and it has a rapid and deeply negative impact on my mental health which may result in dissociation, flashbacks, spiraling, panic attacks, or similarly serious reactions" and "ewww that word makes me UNCOMFYYYYY."

[teaboot]

Time to overshare about self-harm and abuse again!

When I was working on breaking my self-harm habit, one of the most COMFORTING things was discussing it frankly and openly with a professional. Saying out loud, “I’m doing X to myself” and seeing her just nod like it was no big deal and proceed business as usual with her questions was AMAZING for making myself less shameful im talking about it. The idea that I wasn’t revolting, that my problem was not uncommon, that it was actually a pretty normal response to stress and trauma, made it easier to talk about it and eventually stop doing it.

On the other hand, the WORST therapy session I ever had was with a young man who I presume to have been relatively new and inexperienced in the field because, after confessing I was experiencing symptoms of PTSD related to childhood abuse, instead of asking outright, “were you physically abused?” or “what were typical punishments in your house?”, THIS GUY sort of fumbled over his words to ask, “Were you ever…”, before flicking his hand in a “striking someone with a belt” gesture in my general direction.

And because HE wasn’t comfortable using frank and open language, *I* got to deal with being triggered by that! Because GUESS WHAT: SOMEONE PRETENDING THEY’RE HITTING YOU CAN BE UPSETTING TO PHYSICAL ABUSE SURVIVORS

So yeah. Obviously everyone has different triggers and different things that help or make things worse.

But for the love of god, WE HAVE WORDS FOR A REASON

[tumbleofwires]

Very good addition. You used the word overshare, but much like you talk about in your story, it's validating and relieving to just hear people talk about it frankly and wholesomely. Thanks for sharing. :) It's funny, because I think sometimes it's okay to amend language, or to keep it moving forward in a more progressive self. When I was growing up, 'self harm' was referred to as 'self mutilation,' which always felt so scary to hear about and was probably a super stigmatizing term to use. By the time I was in college and was hearing about it from a more professional perspective, it was being referred to as self harm, and that struck me as an explanatory yet dignified way to refer to it (and by extension, the people engaging in it). And at the time, I was one of those people, and by a stroke of good fortune my SO at the time was taking a college intensive dealing specifically with self harm, suicide, and other mental health crisis issues. The prof was very kind and let me sit in on the self harm lecture, just because, with no explanation required. I always felt like it was the best thing for me at that time because it allowed me to truly understand myself and what was going on. Much like teaboot's positive experience in therapy, it allowed me to let go of the stigma and whatever shame I had picked up around it before starting on the path to letting it go. All things considered, naming the problem is good; allowing language to evolve in a way that honours and dignifies individuals is good; trying to cover up the problem doesn't help those who need it and makes help less accessible, as well as more shameful to seek out.

[borderlinereminders]

The other day, I asked my partner, “What are you doing?”

Simple question, right?

Except… he suddenly got defensive. His tone changed. I could feel tension building, and I had no idea why. So I took a breath and asked, “Wait, what did you hear me say?”

He paused, thought about it, and said, “I thought you meant ‘Why aren’t you doing anything?’ Like you were mad I was being lazy.”

But that wasn’t what I meant at all. I’d genuinely just been curious.

And that moment reminded me how easily things can go sideways when we assume intent. Our brains, especially when we’ve had messy pasts, trauma, or relationship anxiety, tend to fill in the blanks with the worst possible meaning.

But that one question, “What did you hear me say?”, turned what could’ve been an argument into understanding.

It gave both of us a chance to clarify before our brains made up a story that wasn’t true. I was able to explain, and he was able to listen. Understanding what I meant changed his tension entirely.

Sometimes the fight isn’t about what was said. It’s about what was heard.

“What did you hear me say?” can defuse a storm before it starts.

[nothoardingifbooks]

This is a big problem with neurodivergence and trauma responses.

Person A says "X"

Person B hears "Y" and responds "Z!"

Person A is now very confused as to why person B is upset with them. Much miscommunication ensues.

Its not malicious. It's a natural response to a previous learned behaviour that isn't occurring in this particular instance.

Don't hear what I didn't say.