I have been thinking of this post and the fandom’s obsession with “the Realm’s Delight”, and the more I do the more I think this title was meant to illustrate the way women and girls are treated and perceived by society, not be an integral part of Rhaenyra's identity. But the audience romanticizes it, and they complain that the show "misrepresented" this aspect of her characterization.
The "Realm's Delight" is a title she was given when she was a cute little girl and not yet officially the heir to the throne, similar to how girls in the real world get nicknamed "princess" for being cheerful and agreeable (as kids usually are).
At the center of the merriment, cherished and adored by all, was Princess Rhaenyra, the little girl the court singers soon dubbed the Realm’s Delight. Though only six when her father came to the Iron Throne, Rhaenyra was a precocious child, bright and bold and beautiful as only one of dragon’s blood can be beautiful.
But the "Realm's Delight" is not a title that honors the way Rhaenyra is, but rather what others think of her. Emma D'Arcy already put this into words in a season 1 interview:
"She is a person who feels at odds with the way that she is read by the world — even this label the Realm's Delight, which implies a passivity, being an object of people's ogling," they say.
Emma D’Arcy, for Entertainment Weekly
She is only the Realm's Delight as long as others decide that she is; is not a title that she can take ownership of by herself, but rather, that owns her. And I think this is something that many women can relate to; once we start growing up, the endearing terms of our childhoods start to turn into constraints: "why aren't you my little princess anymore?". We aren't so cute and delightful once we start to try to take control of our actions... and our appearance.
From season 1, people have complained that Rhaenyra's costumes are not befitting of the Realm's Delight. Instead of dressing opulently, in the show her clothes are less luxurious and feminine (while looking for the exact quote, it turns out it doesn't actually come from the book... but from a description GRRM sent to Amok for a Rhaenyra drawing. I wanted to delete this whole damn post)
She always dressed richly, favoring purple and maroon velvets and golden Myrish lace in intricate patterns. Her bodice often glittered with pearls and diamonds, and there were always rings on her fingers.
Good Queen Alysanne and Rhaenyra, GRRM
I do get where people are coming from with “this woman is described as both very feminine and powerful/competent, yet the adaptation made her less feminine, is it because they don’t think competency and femininity can coexist?”. But, come on, is not like this kind of female character is a rarity in media, or ASOIAF (Daenerys) or even the show (like, is that not Alicent, Rhaenys and Jeyne Arryn?).
Not only that, GRRM already wrote a woman who has a conflict with femininity and is still feminine; Cersei, the main POV character of a whole book. The show is not robbing women of anything with kind-of-enby Rhaenyra.
And it seems to me a bit in bad faith to say that making Rhaenyra hate being a woman is sexist per se; I think the show has made it clear the hate does not come from the misogyny within herself, but the misogyny that has been inflicted on her time and time again throughout her whole life. Take how she rejected motherhood in her youth; she didn't see mothers as less, she saw how little society cared for them (which ended up causing the death of her own mother). Almost everything she has suffered has been because of being a woman. She is sick and tired!
Pivoting back to Rhaenyra not really having a say in being or not the Realm's Delight, she actually grew up to lose the title, and, as many women, found out that what lies beyond "princess" is "witch".
There had been a time when she had been well loved by highborn and commons alike, when they had cheered her as the Realm’s Delight. Many a young lord and noble knight had sought her favor then … though how many would still fight for her, now that she was a woman wed, her body aged and thickened by six childbirths, was a question none could answer.
The girl that they once cheered as the Realm’s Delight had grown into a grasping and vindictive woman, men said, a queen as cruel as any king before her. One wit named Rhaenyra “King Maegor with teats,” and for a hundred years thereafter “Maegor’s Teats” was a common curse amongst kingslanders.
(Yes, I am aware that the people were rightfully angry because of the taxes, but I think her being a woman further fueled the vitriol against her. To compare her to Maegor?)
To finally wrap this long post up, I fear I really am confused to see fellow women act as if we never get feminine strong women. And because we do get them in this very show, I struggle to see why they should add another one instead of exploring Rhaenyra's conflict with womanhood, which I have found very compelling.
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