srry, not sure if ur taking requests or not, but if u are willing can u write chuuya or any of the bsd men x comforting reader with an ed? if ur not comfortable with it, theres no worries or anything. tysm!! <3
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A/n: in a way I'm sorta glad you asked for this I've been thinking about putting our beloved bsd characters in my board but I was considering about how to do it flawlessly but now i don't have to think too hard but sure let's do it as my first request (and yes there's a reason why my box is open sometimes i just like challenging myself by people's request so yes request are open in case you guys are interested)
❥ You are lovely no matter what
Bungo stray dogs x reader
Eating disorder, angst, comfort, fluff, maybe hugs, self loathing, anger
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(I'm angry not because I'm mad at you. I'm mad because I care too much)
I don't understand why aren't you eating anymore.
“hey, come on open the door” my voice the usual blunt but with a softer tone rang as I knocked on your door waiting for your reply. But oddly there was no reply.
I was wondering about that, your sudden shift in moods, the avoidance, in even being near me. I wonder did I somehow did something or grew dull that I didn't sense your reason of discomfort?
I knocked again but you didn't answer perhaps you slept? But how long has it been since we slept together. This is just unbelievable. you're being unreasonable
I'm growing impatient. My instincts tells me something is wrong.
I kicked open your door to find you sitting on your bed crying silently your fingers gripping your shirt as if trying to poke holes into them.
I stood still eyes wide in shock like I just entered a place I'm not invited too but dispute it-
My foot moved fluently making my way to you with concern every step felt rushed like you were slipping through my hands. I reached out my hands hover to your arms rubbing it gently as if to make sure you're still there. “hey love, what's wrong are you okay?” my voice was now softer one of comfort and concerned.
The translucent unnaturally pale skin, the bulging color of your veins. The over whelming amount of sweat and the obvious dark eye bags. The uncontrollable shaking.
How could I be so stupid.
Fury burns quicker than I could control it.
“I told you to eat– stop doing this what's the reason this time?” I asked with worry and anger. Why, why are you doing this? Do you not know how much your actions haunt me in my sleep?
“I'm sorry I can't help it. I just feel so ugly! I just wanna look better-" you choked between tears almost struggling to admit it.
And it made my heart tighten that I burst out “what do you mean? You already look good fuck you look beautiful! What's a few pounds gonna change if you wanna lose weight this isn't the way-!” I let out a sharp sigh pinching my nose “why do you keep doing this- you don't get it do you?” it was sharp but I wasn't able to stop myself from yelling before it was too late. That I had to pause and clench my fist while biting my lip.
It was frustrating that I had to see you like this. I didn't mean to be harsh with my words either but it's so hard to contain my anger when you're hurting my love.
The silence was loud you're silent now and the crying had worsen why won't you say anything I can't do this I'm not good at reading people because in a way I felt that was because of me that you're becoming like this.
Maybe it was maybe it's because you ended up with me that you ended up like this you ended up hurt because- what type of idiot let's his love crumble without doing anything?
But I had to calm myself down first. Slowly, I sat beside you pulling your docile body to mine I didn't let you pull away this time I've let you indulge in that far too long that you are this affected.
"Seriously, stop doing this. I would never leave you for something so shallow as image in my eyes you're already enough I don't care about that stuff” I muttered a soft whisper I hope to soothe you with as my hand seeps to rub your back.
The lovely body and person I have grown to love and crave. Just when I tried so hard not to love you you made it so hard. Just why would you think that harmful thing that it made you like this. My hand reached your face seeing as your tears had grown lighter as I wiped the remaining droplets cupping your face of fragile sorrow
“at least say something I'll take anything even a fuck off” I murmured softly getting suffocated by the silence you left me in.
Perhaps it was my fault maybe if I was taller more handsome you wouldn't have nit pick your pretty self.
“stop thinking like that alright I'm not good at comforting but– what I know is I don't like seeing you like this in pain because you starve yourself that it's affecting you negatively I find you beautiful every part of you and I will not tolerate you handling something I love with ruthlessness”
My voice stern though reluctant at what I'm saying I was worried that it's a little rough but you seem fine I can almost feel your muscles relax under my finger tips.
And I couldn't help it I missed you so much that I struggled to hold back from wanting to kiss you although knowing it's not a good time. I don't want you to think I'm just here for your body. Because I'm here for you.
So would you mind? If just asked “god, can I kiss you?” you stared at me almost surprised that I felt my ears flush red embarrassed by my request it's not weird you're my love so I can ask for kisses, right? It just slipped out so easily that I didn't have time to restraint myself.
But that laugh you started to laugh and how it never fails to make my heart and lips tug. That I subconsciously leaned in to kiss you gently I missed it so much I would never get tired of it.
“I'll always love you so please don't hurt yourself this way” I whisper softly planting another kiss to the corner of your eye and oddly with how bad I am at this you still calmed down with a smile too.
Well you nodded in reply. I suppose that's good enough for now I can't force you to talk yet at least it doesn't feel like you're leaving me alone with self doubt.
“get dressed we're going to your favorite restaurant and I'm making sure you eat” i said with teasing smugness and care leaving no room for argument. And to make sure you believe even if in a limited time how lovely you are no matter what.
⢷ after that dinner he complimented how pretty you look never let go of your hand. Next day you found he bought you groceries and scribbled on the calorie information and when he saw you getting on a scale he keeps an eye and uses his ability to make you seem lighter
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(I'm okay in a way I know this is my punishment)
In a way i knew this would happen
We were too happy. I let myself be too happy
And even happiness becomes a curse with me.
I stood outside the bathroom door watching you from the gap the constant gagging and whimpering is a dead give away what you're doing in there after a meal.
Yet again I've always noticed
How you, started to reluctantly eat, subtly checking the nutrition facts behind everything we eat before you could hide or notice your little habit.
I should have stopped you then because it was obvious what you were doing.
Yet I didn't, because I felt like I have no right to save an angel like you at least now we're both broken glass though tainted because that's how it is everything I'm around gets destroyed.
I should leave you to it.
My foot work was quiet like a crime i didn't wish to admit just so I wouldn't bother your time in sorrow yet before I could hold on the knob I felt a whisper.
“if nothing makes a difference rather on the side of bad– be on the side of good help others dazai that is your punishment”
I pulled my hand back from the knob as I remembered those words my footsteps stilled as I clenched my fist that's just unfair. I'm not a saint why do I have to save others. I have no right.
Yet, your gagging and crying are so loud as if birds are chirping your helplessness into my ear taunting me reminding me that it is my fault and I have to fix it. I don't want to but,
My legs were already moving back to the bathroom my footsteps are now more rushed coming to you I felt my heart heavy and soaked like something was rotting inside as I came closer.
Yet I arrived and didn't waste time to slam open the door.
You scrambled like a child being caught in mischief. I didn't smile at first just gazed at the situation you drowned yourself in.
The subtle spit on your mouth and fingers that you try to wipe off, the abnormally close distance between you and the toilet bowl, the forehead drenched in sweat, blood shot eyes heavy breathing as you tried miserably to compose yourself.
“Osamu, I didn't know you were home I just had a headache and vomited weirdly enough” you awkward chuckled while rubbing your neck.
It was a plausible excuse yet when you had lived and know each other too well it becomes a pathetic form of excuse. I notice the signs and the cuts on your fingers because you had gagged yourself became obvious.
Dispute how much I wanna ruin you I'm holding myself back as a form of punishment of this crude soul of mine.
My movement felt slightly stiff but I hope you wouldn't notice it.
As I knelt down with my usual smile while brushing your sweat drenched hair for a clear view of your beautiful face “you're lying aren't you? That might work on someone else just not me bella you know that ” I say with my playful tone as your expression shifted from fake assurance to solemn acceptance.
“I'm sorry you had to see that..” you muttered while gripping your arms as if it's truly a sin when the true sin had always been me being happy with you.
I leaned in hugging you pulling you in it was tighter as if showing me how tight you actually pull on my the thread of my heart like sewing project would look crumpled if you pull on the string.
I didn't even know I myself was shaking. But all I could feel in my arms a warm corpse like a wilted flower that you stubbornly water in hopes it would live again.
“Dazai?” your soft wondered voice cuts as I continue to hold you closely. So please God if you're watching this I'm sorry I'm sorry for putting myself in a place of comfort “don't do that don't ruin yourself like me please don't leave too”
It was real it was raw. I didn't want to but it slipped out and I felt your body stiffen at my honesty that I had buried inside of me.
You tried to pull away to look at my face but I wouldn't let you because to me letting you see me raw is like letting you shatter me a ceramic sculpture with a hammer.
“you're beautiful and no amount of weight can tell me otherwise. When I said I wanna fall together this isn't what I meant belladonna. At least invite me to fall romantically in a pool of water together dying on the bathroom is ugly you know I don't want that ”
I felt a soft smile creep up my face I don't know what I say is true or not I fail to understand which part of is truly me. But I can say one thing with confidence and I hope you won't take my honesty for granted “please don't do this you don't know how much this action haunts me at night that I fail to go to sleep because of you..”
I pulled away with a soft smile
I balled my fist as i felt that familiar ache your tears are falling like water color that decorates a canvas. You lips quiver taunting me with their pink and subtle skin.
I'm ashamed I have thought about this in your moment of vulnerability so please forgive, forgive for ruining my belladonna.
I leaned in kissing you softly as I wiped away your tears and held your chin because this is the only way I know to make a vulnerable person to feel better.
So please forgive this monster.
For staying and ruining a tender and docile being like you.
“because to me you are like lovely no matter what ” my words slipped as I held you close as if reminding myself you are still here not slipping away from my fingers like the others.
(After that he carried you out the bathroom and tried to make you eat something. And every mealtime is a company with him forcing himself to eat and nudging you for more bites. Then after meal he tends to bring you out for a walk claiming it for exercise just so you wouldn't feel bad for eating a lot but really it's so you wouldn't think about what you put in your stomach and have a chance to get it out. Because that's our careful planner always thinking ahead)
A/n: fun fact i actually hate swearing but since chuuya's character is the poise of swearing problems I had no choice it wouldn't feel like him if he didn't. so yeah just two because I'm ashamed to admit I actually haven't watched bsd in so long I know I'm a fake lover there's a chance i might do a part two. But i hoped you enjoyed this especially the one that request this and anyway thanks for reading! luv you bubs<3
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