So why do abusive parents always go "You'd become a spoiled brat if I didn't do this," or "I'm making sure you don't turn into a xyz," while simultaneously already calling you spoiled and whatever other insult they're supposedly saving you from becoming.
It creates the narrative where you are going down a bad path in life and they are, so worried and kind to frantically do anything to stop you, even if it includes abuse. So because they're just trying to help you, it becomes 'okay' to yell at you, berate you, call you names, humiliate and shame you, even physically intimidate and scare you. It's all for "your own good".
Now let's question this. How do they know you're gonna become spoiled, rotten, selfish, lazy, useless nobody, if allowed to live without abuse? Can you look at a 6yo and go 'yep that one's gonna be a bum'? Can you do it with a 12 or 15yo kid? Could any adult look at any child and predict how their life path is gonna go? They can't. Nobody can do that. Those kids aren't even done developing, and people's lives are not as simple as 'if beaten as kid, will not become a bad adult,' the reality indicates the exact opposite.
The other question is, when are these parents deciding it's time to yell, humiliate, berate, insult, hit, etc. Is it when they noticed the child doing some harm to someone else? Is it when the kid is lighting things on fire, causing fights, injuring someone smaller and vulnerable? In most cases no. It mysteriously happens whenever the parent seems to be in a bad mood or notices their control over the kid is slightly slipping away, or the kid is gaining some independence and confidence. It makes sure the kid stays isolated, insecure, discouraged, scared, helpless and easily controlled.
That dissolves the "I'm only doing it to help you" myth. Children don't need intervention before they even do anything or before being given a chance to show who they're going to be. The parents are claiming to be able to predict the future, like some kind of prophets, and even further than that, to prevent it. Why wouldn't they prevent wars and genocides if they hold such power? Somehow all they wanna use it for is hurting a child.
Because it puts the fear of yourself in you. You don't know as a kid, that they're lying. To you, the claim you'll become a horrid, despicable monster is a genuine fear, so real, it justifies anyone doing anything to you to prevent it. You trust the adults know better than you. You don't have any grounds for self protection because you believe that you yourself, are horrible. That there's something wicked in you showing its face already, if it warrants this much abuse to keep it down.
And when the abuse doesn't stop, that horrible fear only gets worse. It seems like nothing can stop you from becoming the despicable thing you fear. The parent reinforces it, screaming all the awful things you are, and it makes no sense, because you don't know what you did, but you believe them. You demonize your tiniest mistakes and drown in shame. You don't want to be horrible. You feel like there's no help for you.
The loss of identity and doubt about who you are can follow you into adulthood, paralyzing you with fear that someone will notice, that people know something is wrong with you, and they're right to hate and hurt you. It leads you to accept more abuse because it's the only thing you're sure you deserve.
And over what. A lie somebody told because they wanted to satisfy their desire to abuse a child. They saw someone so much smaller than them, defenseless, completely dependent on them for care and shelter, and made up a story about how 'this one will turn evil if I don't get to satisfy my sadism on them' and they went to town.
Most of the excuses were made up after the abuse had already happened. They hurt you first, then saw the betrayal on your face and added "This is for your good, otherwise you'd turn bad," and they went on abusing, reinforcing that you're already bad and none of the abuse even worked and you can only be punished.
So easy to justify. So easy to sell a lie to a kid biologically programmed to believe you, to not lose the relationship with you if they want to survive. So the abuser could do whatever the hell they want forever, with zero consequences, while a child is left to fear they're the actual cause of it, that there's something in them so bad they need to be continually hurt.
There was nothing bad in you ever. They never saw it. It was a lie. They knew they were lying. They didn't know or care about who you are or who you'll become. All they saw was a vulnerable kid they wanted to hurt. They never saw the future of you becoming bad. And there's no evil within you. It's all made up.
