Agent Frostbite @agentfrostbite - Tumblr Blog

rest in fucking pieces, mr. darcy

seen so many posts that are like “I was so confused when I saw all this posting about some non-existent movie “Goncharov” like it was real” I wasn’t. this happens 5 times a week. my dash is routinely filled to the brim with passionate analysis of absurd-sounding movies and tv shows I have never heard of. I never for a second doubted the existence of a russian mafia movie set in italy with massive numbers of bizarrely named characters and no cohesive understanding of the movie’s themes or plot until I saw a post saying to tag it as unreality. this is tumblr. this happens daily. not one thought crossed my mind except “ha, looks like a few of my mutuals have a new hyperfixation.” this is what tumblr has done to me. you could tell me there’s a new tv show about dolphins with french accents living as royalty in victorian england while secretly starting a cult to renew the worship of the greek gods and the shipping discourse is intense and I would simply think “sounds legit” and keep scrolling

g-l-o-w-y-l-i-g-h-t-s

This idiot hasn’t seen The Dolphin Court

herringbonestitch

Bruce and Alfred are the only ones that can tell when there's genuine hostility between the kids.

Imagine this, the justice league meet at the manor, as friends, everything is sitting at the table and they start to hear yelling in he other room. Tim and Damian barge in, fully fighting.

Kick, screams, insults a broken vase, something is thrown around. And then Tim chases Damian out of the room.

Everyone looks at Bruce, expecting him to go intervene or something. Bruce is unfazed, still sipping on his coffee. "They're just playing." He murmurs.

Then Jason walks in, completely chill, takes some food, and sits in one of the couches. Then Cass walks in, with a bruise in her face.

"Bad night at patrol?" Jason asks.

And Cass stares at him.

Bruce is automatically up and between them, Cass walks away with a huff and Bruce starts scolding Jason for "instigating" her.

The league is just confused as hell.

#batfam #batdad #batkids #batfam shenanigans #damian wayne #tim drake #jason todd #cassandra cain #bruce wayne

eunisyn

"All this for lil ol' me?"

#jason todd #batman #red hood #he's flattered tbh lmaoo #under that mask he is grinning wildly

papayafromtv

au where Jason is the one to deliver Damian to Bruce but he and Damian get into an argument on the drive over about how good at stealth missions Damian is and it ends in Jason double-dog daring him to skip the whole 'introduction' aspect of going to live with Bruce and instead to just sneak into the manor and see how long he can go unnoticed for.

Damian's claim is that the manor is so big and Damian's so good at remaining hidden that he could live in the manor without anybody else there clocking him easy. Jason just wants to see how long he can actually go because in his mind the longer Bruce goes without realising he has Damian in the house, the funnier the reveal will be. he's actually kinda rooting for Damian purely because it's funnier if he pulls it off for a really long time first. then Jason can snitch on him and the fall-out will be glorious.

he lasts about four months.

two weeks in and Alfred becomes suspicious, but chooses to believe that it's raccoons or pigeons in the attic because then he doesn't have to get involved. and he really doesn't want to get involved.

a month in and Damian almost gets caught by Tim while trying to steal some food in the middle of the night and getting cornered in the kitchen, but Tim hadn't slept in three days and was high on cold medicine at the time so he assumed that Damian was actually a hallucination of Bruce as a child, and all he did was stare Damian directly in the eye and solemnly tell him 'never ask your parents to go see a movie with you.' before going to pass out in the study.

two months in and Damian has gotten into a rhythm with it. feeling unchallenged, he starts waiting for Bruce to fall asleep in front of the batcomputer during hard cases so he can sneak out from the walls and fix whatever Bruce is getting wrong and solving the case before he wakes up.

three months in and Dick runs into him while sneaking in through a side door so he can grab some stuff from his bedroom without having to talk to Bruce, but Damian bullshits that he's one of Tim's school friends visiting to complete a school project, and Dick gives him twenty dollars to promise that he won't tell anybody Dick is in the building.

four months in and he gets cocky; starts ordering packages to the manor addressed to himself. Alfred asks Bruce at the dinner table why they've received an amazon package for 'Damian Wayne' and nobody knows what the fuck he's talking about. the next night the Red Hood snitches and asks how 'Damian's doing' and Bruce becomes convinced that Hood has the manor bugged. demands a full sweep of the building. Tim comes across Damian napping in a hammock in the attic wearing Tim's presumed-lost clothes next to a pile of supremely confidential files stolen from the batcave.

Damian wakes up and promptly tells them all that they aren't allowed to be mad because the statute of limitations for breaking and entering has passed already. Jason laughs so hard he cries.

#batfamily #batfam #red hood #batman #jason todd #Damian Wayne

bunchofrin

BRING BACK WHOLOCK #nerdout

#I miss the 2012 internet fr #wholock #doctor who #bbc sherlock

brucedefender4eva

Preteen/teen Damian, who is now starting to have pimples and acne. It’s bad, like, really bad. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he’s always in contact with animals and rubs his face against their fur without a care in the world, or maybe it’s something else entirely, but it’s pretty bad.

Even his siblings give him a small wince when a particularly painful pimple pops up before ruffling his hair and handing him a cookie as a silent apology cause he’s going through it

He goes to his Baba for advice; he just wants to hear that this is something his Dad went through as well and that it gets better soon, but Bruce is genuinely apologetic because he’s never experienced acne before.

“I dunno, I guess I was just lucky? I’ll do some research on what products are good, okay? Maybe Wayne Enterprises needs to look into skincare products for the future.” Bruce patted Damian on the shoulder, since Damian was a moody little shit who was now embarrassed by blatant affection, and smiled softly. “Try not to touch your face. The oils from our hands often make afflictions worse.”

Absolutely no help.

So, he calls his mom.

Talia is similarly apologetic because she’s never had a bad face day in her life, just like Bruce.

“I’ll get my people to make something for you and send it over. No Lazarus Pit juice, so tell your father not to worry.” She makes a soft, sympathetic crooning sound on the other side of the phone, looking over the photos Damian had sent her. “In the meantime, try not to touch your face. Your skin will just become more irritated.”

Luckily, Damian only deals with teenage acne for a year at most before Bruce and Talia’s genetics come knocking on the door, and his insane face card shows up and out

#bruce wayne #batman #dc #batfam #good dad bruce wayne #bruce wayne is a good parent #batdad #batkids #damian wayne #talia al ghul

funnypages

Clark’s deadpan look as he reveals their coworkers are actually far stupider than Bruce thought is everything. I’ve rarely if ever seen Batman that scared.

#batman #green lantern #hal jordan #dc comics #superman #clark kent #bruce wayne

frownyalfred

more “had to be held back by multiple people to avoid a fight” in the JL except it’s a mess of powerscaling and awkwardness so when they do lose it, J’onn is holding Hal back by thinking really hard about yellow, Batman took Superman down to the floor one time and Superman let him because he was terrified of accidentally ripping Batman’s arm off, 4 separate League members tried to hold Diana back once from decking an asshole planetary ambassador and it only worked because Aquaman wedged his trident around her chest and it reacted strangely with her lasso. the speedsters just hold each others’ pinkies. no one is brave enough to try and hold Batman back except Superman and that always ends with him flying Batman somewhere high up so he can’t wiggle out and hurt himself. Etc etc