AplJax3

she/her. Should definitely not be left unsupervised. ENFP. Sanguine. (the pic is Chester Bennington, not me. it's sad I have to say this because of transphobes telling me I still look like a guy and am not femme passing so I should give up. SHAME ON YOU)

[homunculus-argument]

If you've ever seen a stranger on the street physically flinch or jump because you sneezed so loud that you startled them, you've got to work on that. Like I don't care if it's involuntary, figure it out. Find a way to make it stop. Doing that shit is a character flaw at this point. It's obnoxious.

[homunculus-argument]

oh boy

[alexaloraetheris]

Today my mother sneezed three times in a row SO FUCKING HARD that she got a nosebleed and the neighbor knocked on iur door to check if we were alright because it sounded like something heavy had crashed against the wall.

[deliverancefromfear]

[marxistmandalorian]

Lessons from the 90s that children today need

[theehorsepusssy]

[introvertsnation]

Follow my INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

the problem with being kind of unashamedly a weird guy is that its still kind of hurtful when people treat you like you’re weird. like yeah man I know you perceive me as very eccentric and an iconoclast but if you’re constantly reacting to me like I’ve grown two heads and said something totally insane every time I open my mouth. I uh. I am not gonna feel especially welcomed in your life. you know.

[sergal]

[aropride]

up there with "what does arab in ur bio mean, is it like amab and afab?" "who's eid, ur gf?" "where do u actually live? like in real life not the minecraft netherlands stuff" to me

[lillie-garden]

kissing you on the forehead

[increasingpanic-deactivated2024]

with tongue?

[lillie-garden]

with tongue. 🥰

[just-taking-adam-break]

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[aconstellationcollective]

dehumanization as horror is great and all but what about humanization as horror. Being forced into a role that was not made for you. Being forced to fulfill expectations that you can never achieve. Being made to exist in a society that so cruelly expects you to act in a way that is against your nature.

[kellydeal]

There’s a new litter of coyote pups hanging out in the Graceland cemetery in Chicago. They are learning how to coyote.

Sound on!

[tzikeh]

@copperbadge

[copperbadge]

I love Chicago's coyotes so much. The only time I've ever seen pups was in Graceland so I think some coyote mama must be coming back every year.

A few things I learned from my hyperfixation on Chicago's coyotes!

Chicago did not release coyotes into downtown as pest control decades ago, that's an urban myth, but the city does officially approve of and protect our colony of about 2,000 urban coyotes because they keep the rats and rabbits in check.

In Chicago as in most urban areas, coyotes are non-aggressive to humans and dogs generally; the two exceptions are in February during mating season and when there are pups nearby. If you see pups and no adult? Walk swiftly away. If you are walking your dog in a suburban or rural area during February, do not let it off leash.

"Coyote" attacks on humans in Chicago, particularly attacks on children, are invariably later found to have been off-leash dogs. If you are walking your dog in urban Chicago, unless you are in an enclosed dog park, do not let it off leash.

Studies of coyote spoor in Chicago and outlying suburbs indicate that coyotes mainly eat rodents and garbage, but are known to eat cats. If you aren't aware by now that your cats should be kept indoors or in controlled outdoor environments only, you must be very new to Tumblr.

In any dispute between human and coyote in Chicago I have come to the conclusion I should side with the coyote. Don't @ me, I have a more aggressive prey drive than they do.

[kaity--did]

The problem with having a child with an attorney that has spoken to the child like an adult since birth is that she's 4 years old and she's negotiating the order in which we're going to complete tasks as a family to best suit her idea of an ideal day.

[kaity--did]

Penny: We go home, we play the mirror game, we have dessert, we play more games, we have fun deal?

Me: Okay well actually we're going to go home, have dinner, then dessert, then we can play your video game, then tubby then bed

Penny: Okay no tubby, games first, deal?

Me: This is not - what is happening right now?

Penny: Dada?

Dada: Arbitration?

Penny: DEALS!

[kaity--did]

Every single thing in our lives has become a negotiation and it is frankly ridiculous as it is hilarious.

Penny: I want to use bare foot when we go outside

Me: I didn't know we were going outside but you have to wear shoes girl

Penny: okay but what about I use bare foot's but at Penny's house? This deal?

Me: you know what yeah fine if you agree to not fight about shoes when we leave the house you can be barefoot in the back yard, deal.

Penny: -sticks her hand out expectantly- we deal?

I think I just made a verbal contract with a 4 year old.

[kaity--did]

She's attempting to establish evidence I think

Penny: but I want to go shool pwease

Dada: okay well it is 8pm, so you have to go to sleep now

Penny: okay but I see my fwiends at shool now please, deal?

Dada: Darling no one is at school, all your friends are asleep as well.

Penny: all Penny's fwiends are sweep? What about we... get in Dadas car and check to see watch them sweep, yes deal?

Dada: I cannot begin to explain to you why that can not happen

[kaity--did]

The great thing about being beholden to Penny the Deals Warlock is that she is also beholden to the art of the deal

Me: (watching Penny scoot her step stool over to where we keep the candy jar): hey honey we're literally walking out the door to go get dinner, maybe we wait on the candy okay?

Penny: Oh but I will have some candy?

Me: Why don't you come have some mac and cheese and then when we get home you can have some candy, deal?

Penny: (running out the door) oh, yes this is deals!

[kaity--did]

We are visiting my family and Papa has quickly had to pay patronage to Penny the Deals Warlock

Papa: (yesterday morning, when Penny was a little grumpy) What about you come downstairs and we'll have some waffles and then tomorrow Papa will take you to the Diner in town for breakfast?

Penny: (extending her tiny hand to a VERY confused man) this is deal?

Papa: (not knowing hes entering a literal contract) uhm yeah deal.

-smash cut to 6:30 AM this morning-

Penny (running down the hallway in bare feet) 👹BREAKFAST DEALS👹

[kaity--did]

Penny has a canker sore to end all canker sores, to the point where she hasn't been able to eat so we had to make some deals surrounding getting some medicine on it because a hungry Penny Rose is like a angry demon queen

Me: Okay baby this is going to suck. This is going to hurt real bad for a second and then it's going to feel weird and then it's going to feel good. You're going to hate it. But if you let Mama get these three medicines in and on you [Listerine, Antacid, Tylenol] you can scream it out and then we'll go get some ice cream! Deal?

Penny: (obviously not thrilled with this idea) okay, three big shreams, three medicines, ice cream ... it will suck... ice cream ... deal. (Sticks out hand and we shake on it)

Me: okay let's do this I'm so sorry (starts the process)

Penny: ( In between her big screams ) IM GONNA GET LOTS OF FRINKLES

[romehbo]

pick what would fix u

ur insides vacuumed

have ur brain turned off n on again

sleep for 72 hours

be run thru a human sized pasta machine

ur brain run thru a car wash

ur limbs taken apart then reconstructed

ur joints well oiled

Voting ended onJul 8, 2025

[sauntervaguelydown]

bargain bin scorpion pit only has one scorpion but it's. really angry.

[victusinveritas]

Art by Madeleine Jubilee Saito

[horse-is-a-horse-of-course]

PTSD? You got pussy taste speldiferous disorder???

i don’t even know what to say here.

[horse-is-a-horse-of-course]

you know what. yes. i do got pussy taste splendiferous disorder.

[cannibalchicken]

[cannibalchicken]

[satanicsoda]

CHAOS CHAOS

[sacred-portal]