Do you see Banana Man? @ascendedbananamaster - Tumblr Blog

why has ‘this looks like a renaissance painting’ become such a common phrase on the internet to describe momentous, dramatically lit images that are brimming with pathos when the word they mean to say is ‘baroque’

hotarukuro

hope it’s more clear

ascendedbananamaster

If it aint baroque dont fix it :)

#baroque #bad jokes #pun

bean-wrld

There’s a lot of things you’ve done that Becky doesn’t know about

holisticdetective42

don’t worry, you aren’t being weird

annotated-catastrophe

Please don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. Just give me the aquarium or the squids will evolve to chase you on land. And believe me, you don’t want that.

autism-criminal

THAT’S SO CUTEEEEE

purple-moonglade

Roxas…

mothgirl-is-a-gateway-drug-deac

there’s no ownership laws on the internet

We are going home

Feeling funny today

Reminded me of this

I understand AM even more now

#ai #i have no mouth and i must scream #harlan ellison #artichoke #this is why AM hates humanity #we have the collective intellectual capacity of an artechoke

straightgirls

susiethemoderator

OH MY GOD.

earthnicity

“I was 14, I didn’t know what I was doing.”

whaT THE FUCK

small-witch-big-hat

This story has no goddamn brakes

ukulelehitter-deactivated202603

(transcript because I couldn’t find one in the notes)

Stephen Colbert: A lot of writers say they were nerdy kids, unpopular, like outcasts, or that sort of thing; was that your experience growing up?

BJ Novak: I think that’s exaggerated, I think a lot of people love to say, ‘oh I was such a nerd’ or ‘I was such a rebel, I sat in the back of the bus’. Most people sat in the middle of the bus. That’s how buses work. So, you know, people say-

Colbert: So you were sitting in the middle?

Novak: Yeah, that’s where I sat! I mean, I did my homework and y'know, dreamed of being a bit of a rebel. I did a very nerdy version of rebellion, which I guess is sort of my way of balancing where I sat on the bus. When I was 14, I got it in my head that I wanted a fake ID. and I committed what- the only term for it is ‘identity theft’, to get this fake ID. So this is the kind of nerd- I’ve never told this story before, this is pretty much the nerdiest way you can be like, ‘a bad kid’. I went to the Newton library where I grew up, and I went through their polling records… buckle in.

Colbert: I think you’ve already - just that sentence has violated a federal law, but go ahead.

Novak: Yeah, there’s a handful of these, and I actually tried to google the statute of limitations on this before the show and couldn’t get the WiFi.

Colbert: Okay.

Novak: So I looked up -this is true- I looked up someone that was 21 years old, through their polling records.

Colbert: And you’re 14.

Novak: I was 14 years old, I looked up someone who was 21 who had my same first name and initial, because I thought, “if I get drunk” -I had never been drunk. I was like, “if I forget my name, I can’t get busted”. So I found someone who was “Benjamin J. [something]”. So I found this guy’s name and I thought, “if I can just forge all his documents, I can go to the DMV and say I lost my license and they’ll give me a new license with his picture”, this is my plan. So first I need to know where he’s born so I can get his birth certificate, so I call his house. I ask for him, I don’t know what i would have done, I get his brother and I say “I work with Ben, we’re doing a crossword puzzle based on his life for his birthday. Can you tell me what town he was born in?’. So he told me and I took the subway there and I got his birth certificate.

Colbert: How- You went to the- You went to like the county clerk and said-

Novak: They didn’t ask for ID, they just gave me his birth certificate. Then I opened up a mailbox in his name and wrote- I was 14, I didn’t know what i was doing- I wrote to the IRS.

Colbert: Uh-huh…

Novak: And I filled out tax forms in his name. And then I went to the DMV and said “I lost my wallet and I need to-this is all i have”. And i looked 14 years old, but I had these documents, so they sent me to the backroom with this woman who sized me up and said “I can’t give you this, you don’t even have a picture”, and then said with a wry smile on her face, “Open your wallet right now.” and like a true method actor, the only thing I had in my wallet was a library card I had signed in his name. And she approved it, and for the rest of high school I had this actual driver’s license, with my picture on it. [audience cheering] Novak: I’m glad we have some support. You have a look on your face- I don’t know if that was funny or if you just broke the law…

Colbert: It was fantastic, I just hope you have a good lawyer.

discordantq

“I was 14, I didn’t know what I was doing” said of a caper pulled off with a calculated, methodical demeanor that would make Hannibal Lecter blush

miriamnox

“i was 14 i didn’t know what i was doing….

so i go to the IRS”

evilkitten3

somewhere, a man named benjamin j just realized wtf happened when he was 21

calicorobin

Meenah: Recommend Tame Impala

fantasmalresplendent

I can't be the first to make this connection

fantasmalresplendent

y'all slept on the first chart but I will make the world see my vision

spaceshiporion

...Can I add this

the-reconciliation-of-all-things

how terrifying metamorphosis must be for the caterpillar has no concept of what it is doing, or what a butterfly is, or what will happen to it as it spins itself the cocoon. we r more alike than different

importantandunavoidable

there are parts of your future self in you waiting emerge but you have to become unrecognizable slime first

xizor14

huffylemon

pride month is over you know what that means

soapsquare

mothgirl-is-a-gateway-drug-deac

radiofreederry

tgirl-thucydides

oysters-aint-for-me

undertale-encyclopedia

thinking about sans' first lines of dialogue. Like, making assumptions of where this story is going:

Imagine youre just some dude, working on some science shit with this guy you know, related to darkness and timelines and crazy spacetime shit like that. Then your boss gets vaporized across all of reality and you get trapped in another parallel universe where you are imprisoned underground.

The machine you took to get here is broke as fuck, you cant fix it, the way this world functions is different than where you're from so they cant even help you get back with your machine. You talk to the royal scientist about this shit and shes just like "I dont know anything about darkness but we're researching this stuff called Determination that affects time in some way, maybe that will help?" And you work with her and figure out the timeline you are currently inhabiting keeps getting shifted around and some anomaly keeps starting and ending timelines and there's basically nothing we can really do about it. So you fully give up, you're not getting back to your reality, you're not getting out of this cave, you're not getting out of this timeloop. You spend your days eating greasy food, making bad jokes at the comedy club, and trying your hardest to give your brother a happy life. Plus, you met this person you really like behind this sealed door and she asked you to protect any human that leaves that place. So now theres an extra thing you gotta worry about.

And now. On top of all this shit. Coming out of this door that has never opened ever. A human, filled with this Determination shit you've researched, key to freeing everyone, has walked right out of that door.

...

mellowmooon-deactivated20240627

DON'T KNOW WHAT WHO WE ARE NO CONTROL PUMPING HEART BUTTON PRESSED MIND IN ART MIND CONTROL MIND RESTART

TO LEAVE FROM THE PRESENT WITH NO SOURCE OF SOUND THEY LAUGH BECAUSE SILENCE IS NEVER AROUND ‼️‼️

starrysundae

IGNORED AND FORGOTTEN THE PAST MAY CONTINUE TO BREATHE‼️‼️‼️

mothgirl-is-a-gateway-drug-deac

FEAR NO ARREST FROM THIS DESOLATE FRIEND

ascendedbananamaster

WHO'S PATIENCE REVEALED WHAT INTENT COMES TO SEND ‼️‼️‼️

prismatic-bell

I recently discovered laundry stripping and y’all, no matter how much of a crock of shit you think fast fashion is, you’re underestimating.

prismatic-bell

[image ID: a screenshot of the notes on this post, featuring several people indicating they want to know more. End ID.]

OKAY SO. You know how we talk about how one way fast fashion has made itself “necessary” is that the clothing looks like shit and feels horrible after just a few washes?

Let. Me. Tell. You. Something.

Laundry stripping is a process where you load your laundry into a tub or bin (I’ve been using my bathtub) with warm water, half a cup of borax, half a cup of washing soda, and half a cup of laundry soap (not detergent, SOAP, there’s a chemical difference). Leave it there for at least eight hours. I’ve been going for 12-24.

What you will come back to is a tub full of nearly-opaque black-gray-brown water that absolutely REEKS. This is normal. You are looking at (and smelling) hard water buildup, body sweat and oils that were embedded in the fabric, dead skin, and just regular grime.

Wring out your clothes. Throw them in the washer. (I like to do a spin-only cycle before going any further, because I have one of those washers that determines by weight how much water any given load needs.) Wash as usual.

You will notice I didn’t suggest any further pretreatment, and that’s because 1) you don’t want to layer too many chemicals on top of each other but also 2) you may not even need it.

When your clothes come out, check each one as it goes into the dryer, and if anything else s still stained, set it aside to run again with a regular pretreatment. One of the sweaters I did this with apparently did need a second treatment…to deal with what appears to have possibly been a hot chocolate stain that was previously invisible due to “well, it’s old” dinginess. I was planning to throw this sweater out. It looks almost new now. I need to wash it one more time for the probably-a-hot-chocolate stain, and then it needs to have the hem weighted to block it and bring it back to evenness, but dude. I wear my clothes to rags and I thought this thing was unfixable. “I need to reshape it” is nothing.

Remove clothes from dryer when done. Fucking MARVEL at the colors and how good the fabric feels. Give them a smell. Get righteously and royally angry that you can rejuvenate this stuff so easily, with a process that does take awhile but is 90% hands-off, but we’ve been trained to believe it’s all got to be binned once a year because discoloration and gross fabric is “normal wear and tear” and can’t be fixed.

It’s utterly unreal! I just pulled a seven-year-old work undershirt out of the dryer and this thing looks NEW!! It FEELS almost new!!! One of the shirts I hung up from the last load is older than some of the people on this site and it went from “I keep this to wear on laundry day, for sentimental reasons” to “I could actually wear this out of the house, it looks old but respectable”! The pajama bottoms I’m wearing were from Goodwill and they have BRIGHT YELLOW in them! I thought it was goldenrod!!

I do not know how often you’re supposed to do this (doing it every time can strip the dye out of your clothes, not to mention it’s way too much work to do every time), but once or twice per season seems respectable. I don’t wear white, so I can’t test the “it will make whites look almost-new as well” claim, but I’ve seen a lot of people on the cleaning subreddit attest that it works.

Just remember: WASHING soda. Not baking soda. I tried baking soda and a little bit happened, but not a lot.

Go forth. Rejuvenate your clothing. Strip your laundry.