Tubthumping By Chumbawumba

[crossofwishes]

[hudconvent]

like of course ilya would own a racehorse. the most frivolous purchase you could ever make PLUS high-risk gambling behavior PLUS its a beautiful noble creature that he gets to love and take care of and brush her mane and feed her carrots and talk soothingly to her in russian whenever he visits the stables. like obviously. and he weeps like a baby whenever she wins

[aspiringhag]

hollanov phone hack/leak but instead of anything actually terrible and violating getting out it’s just Shane and Ilya’s txts back and forth absolutely dunking on Scott Hunter. Like they’re getting canceled for ageism

[lycheeek]

Hollanov but its ICU nurse Shane x ER nurse Ilya

Shane: *picks up the phone* ... ICU?

Ilya: Hollandeerrr!!😝 Very important question for you– are your IV pumps running?🤔

Shane: ...yeah?

Ilya: ah, well you should probably go catch them, yes?

Shane: God fucking damnit. Im hanging up.

Ilya: Nooooooo, i have patient for you, sepsis☺️

Shane: ugh, are you serious? My shift is almost over.

Ilya: yes sepsis is serious, they teach this in nursing school Hollander.

Shane: go fuck yourself Rozanov... anyway, so this patient-

Later - patient hand off

Shane: what the actual fuck is this?? (He lifts the patient's arm, there's a 24G IV in their thumb, it's almost horizontal for some reason. It's connected to three different tubes all running perfectly but tangled up with eachother and the EKG cables. Something wont stop beeping – the pulseoximeter– it's disconnected)

Ilya: i have brought you worse and you know it.

[gaynehollander]

We all have our own Shanes, and I think that's beautiful, but my Shane could beat your Shane up.

[grabmyboner]

shane is bulking and he’s got a tummy peeking out more so than he’s ever had before and ilya has him bent like a pretzel almost on his back and is fucking him deep and slow and puts a hand on shane’s lower stomach and is looking down so cocky “can you feel me here sweetheart? feel my cock in your tummy?” and shane is just groaning and nodding.

[grabmyboner]

and his huge useless dick is slapping against his tummy yes yes incredible @tothecottage

[tinylilhollander]

Ilya has such a boring!Shane/domesticity kink that I genuinely think if he ever saw Shane in an apron he'd get black-out horny and only really come back online after sucking Shane dry.

[pregnanthudsonwilliams]

he's too ruinable, too breedable, too pretty. it's not my fault i need to make him cry.

[pregnanthudsonwilliams]

whatever you want baby 🙂‍↕️ @virginshane

[milkyenthusiast]

imagine reverse bimbofication art in the style of the bimbofication brainwashing posts. YOU ARE SO FUCKING SMART, USE YOUR GENIUS MIND, YOU ARE EVERYTHING. YOU CAN MASTER ANY FUCKING SUBJECT IN THE WORLD *flashing hypno spirals interupted by photos of prominent women scientists and graphs from quantum mechanics papers*

[milkyenthusiast]

fuckkkk im so autonomous and intelligentttt im literally thinkmeat

[milkyenthusiast]

[kiefbowl]

the most important virtues for the young woman are as follows: time theft, selfishness, orgasms, irreverence to authority, sacrilegious behavior, a questioning mind, and eating regular meals.

[divorcedwife]

studying history is like. here's to another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be. thank you women who fight for abortion and contraception and independance from men for another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be

[drabbles-and-rambles]

I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.

[mymoonandmyshane]

i cant find the video but its a kid coming home from school and his moms recording him and the first thing he says after hi was “terrible sandwich by the way mommy” anyways thats baby shane

[mymansmoon]

husbands shane hollander and ilya rozanov are papped while having lunch together at a nice restaurant. in all of the pictures hollander has a hand over his mouth and is either looking at rozanov or the table between them with a furrowed brow. everyone assumes they were either having an argument (gasp) or discussing important business matters (boring but plausible). actually shane had a remote-controlled vibrating plug up his ass and ilya had just turned it up to turbo mode when the paps started snapping

[byjove]

I think the biphobic misconception that bisexual women only date men and bisexual men only date men may have a correlation to the fact that there is always a man freaky and horny in your DMs no matter what. It isn’t that bisexual women are secretly straight or that bisexual men are secretly gay, it’s that men are out there behaving like starving dogs and you feel so bad you end up feeding one, you know? Anyway, this coffee is a medium and I ordered a large. It’s okay, it’s busy in here, I get it.

[charl0ttan]

[consumer-of-books]

Usually if Shane needs Ilya to do something like take the bins out or do the dishes straight away he'll just ask.

It's not as though Ilya wouldn't have gotten around to it eventually but sometimes the thought of the dishes on the side catches in his brain and it needs to be done sooner.

Sometimes though, Shane will ask in french instead and Ilya will literally run to get the task done because by now he has a Pavlovian response to the word dishwasher or smth.

Because Shane has a rule if he asks Ilya to do it in french it means he's going to go prep himself.