Tubthumping By Chumbawumba

[crossofwishes]

[drabbles-and-rambles]

I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.

[mymoonandmyshane]

i cant find the video but its a kid coming home from school and his moms recording him and the first thing he says after hi was “terrible sandwich by the way mommy” anyways thats baby shane

[mymansmoon]

husbands shane hollander and ilya rozanov are papped while having lunch together at a nice restaurant. in all of the pictures hollander has a hand over his mouth and is either looking at rozanov or the table between them with a furrowed brow. everyone assumes they were either having an argument (gasp) or discussing important business matters (boring but plausible). actually shane had a remote-controlled vibrating plug up his ass and ilya had just turned it up to turbo mode when the paps started snapping

[byjove]

I think the biphobic misconception that bisexual women only date men and bisexual men only date men may have a correlation to the fact that there is always a man freaky and horny in your DMs no matter what. It isn’t that bisexual women are secretly straight or that bisexual men are secretly gay, it’s that men are out there behaving like starving dogs and you feel so bad you end up feeding one, you know? Anyway, this coffee is a medium and I ordered a large. It’s okay, it’s busy in here, I get it.

[charl0ttan]

[consumer-of-books]

Usually if Shane needs Ilya to do something like take the bins out or do the dishes straight away he'll just ask.

It's not as though Ilya wouldn't have gotten around to it eventually but sometimes the thought of the dishes on the side catches in his brain and it needs to be done sooner.

Sometimes though, Shane will ask in french instead and Ilya will literally run to get the task done because by now he has a Pavlovian response to the word dishwasher or smth.

Because Shane has a rule if he asks Ilya to do it in french it means he's going to go prep himself.

[milkyenthusiast]

imagine reverse bimbofication art in the style of the bimbofication brainwashing posts. YOU ARE SO FUCKING SMART, USE YOUR GENIUS MIND, YOU ARE EVERYTHING. YOU CAN MASTER ANY FUCKING SUBJECT IN THE WORLD *flashing hypno spirals interupted by photos of prominent women scientists and graphs from quantum mechanics papers*

[milkyenthusiast]

fuckkkk im so autonomous and intelligentttt im literally thinkmeat

[contemptible-scoundrel]

fuuuck I could use a mysterious benefactor right now

[tall]

[notjusthespongenextdoor]

For a city to be walkable. It must also be sittable.

[notjusthespongenextdoor]

#every time I read this phrase the same thing happens#I read it as shittable and go wait that can't be right#oh right they were talking about public benches that makes more sense#but public bathrooms available without fees should also be a thing tho#cities should definitely be shittable#it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME

it must also be shittable

[raylangivins]

(three decades into my life) sorry I wasn’t paying attention, can we start again?

[aspiringhag]

and the beauty is you can!! anytime for any reason! there are no rules!

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

too perverted for the normies not perverted enough for the real perverts how am i supposed to make it in this crazy world

[wannab-urs]

he definitely fucks but there’s no way he fucks normal

[archliches]

man c'mon

[broken-horn-of-equius]

[enlightened-moth]

[liquidstar]

"only 90s kids remember-" wrong, if you're poor and/or rural enough, old tech and fashion doesn't just disappear when it stops being trendy. We had dial-up until 2012

[slimetony]

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

[slimetony]

Why does staff still allow people funnier than you to leave tags on your posts. They should have fixed that by now

[oshell-on-ice]

I just know Ilya brags on interview every time Shane is The Shane Hollander on the ice. And not like "my husband is so good" kinda way but in "Say thank you Ottawa I brought our winner back home, you should adore me for bringing home the spoil of my life long victory (my marriage) bow before me for I am the king's beloved and he loves me so much he's giving you a cup this year BC I like it here" kinda way