Featherface McBeakerson

🐸

[penandinkprincess]

it's EXTREMELY brief, but ilya's "☝️not montreal" cracks me up

☝️ don't get it twisted, hollander ☝️

your team is still terrible

[imaginarylands4000]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

it's cool how in the 6 years since this tweet was written it's become significantly less useful not because anything has gotten better but because the majority of products on Amazon are now from fly-by-night brands called "ZZPORK" and "GLUM4PANT"

[what-even-is-thiss]

The reason your snacks are unsatisfying is that you need both carb and protein.

Carb starts your engine, protein keeps it going.

No carb, engine don’t start. No protein, engine dies out fast.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Easy carb add on:

Cookie

Fruit (canned or fresh)

Chips

Piece of bread

Popcorn

Crackers

Easy protein add on:

Nuts

Spoonful of nut butter

Cheese

Roasted chickpea snacks

Glass of milk (dairy or non dairy)

Small canned sausages or similar

[what-even-is-thiss]

Sugar in there.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

[unfried-mouth-wheat]

Listen, if Toph had went off on her own for a while in Ba Sing Se there is no way she wouldn't vibe with Zuko.

"Welcome to Pao's Family tea shop, I'm Li, waddaya want?"

"Chaos."

"Understandable. Sadly, that's not on the menu. Would you settle for a cup of Jasmine tea?"

"Sure."

[unfried-mouth-wheat]

Jet, bursting into the tea shop: THOSE TWO ARE FIRE BENDERS! Toph, interrupting Zuko who is about go attack this mouth wheat boy: And where’s your proof? Jet, suspiciously: I saw the old man with a hot cup of tea right after he complained that it was cold? Toph, about to cause some chaos: Then clearly, you need your eyes checked. Toph, gesturing to Iroh: This man is a Water Bender.

[smolfrogi]

THIS MAN IS A WATERBENDER

[tiredalexanderr]

wait i wanna add to this - so toph can tell when people lie, right? so she can probably feel zuko's heart racing when jet accuses them of being firebenders. also, she would've met iroh by this point

so im imagining she's like "okay. 2 firebenders. in a shop in the earth kingdom. but the old man is nice and wants better things for his nephew so honestly this checks out. yeah im gonna meddle"

[unfried-mouth-wheat]

That is 100% the thought process

[the-turtleduck-pond]

Jet tries to argue that he heated his tea again.

“I know a waterbender and she can turn water into ice, who says they can’t make liquids hotter too?”

Jet has no argument.

[unfried-mouth-wheat]

He doesn’t have an argument cuz he knows the Water Bender Toph knows and has FELT her turn water to ice

Terror fills his body as he realizes that if Toph, who knows Katara, is friends with Li, then KATARA must be friends with Li TOO.

Toph can feel his fear, and she is living for it

[birger-wuvs-elsa]

@ultranos

[counterpunches]

#i love the implication here that katara is the scariest thing jet knows @ultranos​

[avagueidea]

tbf, Katara’s the scariest thing most people know, they just don’t know it because she decided blood bending wasn’t her jam

[eleilinnrallin]

This is a reminder for those who handmake Christmas presents that now is not too early to start. It may in fact be a good time to start if you have a lot to make/your craft takes a long time. You should maybe start it now, whether that's brainstorming or actually doing the crafts!

[newtsoftheworldunite]

Translating this into tumblr's preferred public service announcement format for this kind of alert:

[kimberlychapman]

Or this preferred Tumblr announcement system:

[gmbencompetence]

We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.

or

It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

[jupiterjunebug]

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

[gmbencompetence]

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

[thisisdefinitelyacreativename]

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

[gmbencompetence]

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

[turtle-powered]

Two old favourites:

“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)

and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)

[gmbencompetence]

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

[analienorsutin]

Rare blue watermelon

[sickofimmortality]

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

[akiraita]

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

[unicornfan]

soap makes water molecules smaller

[elphabaoftheopera]

I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012

[bisexualwario]

the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

[adataraxia]

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

[softurl]

[sasukehateblog]

that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

[painisthecleanser]

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

[stankyleg-deactivated2918973]

The two way mirror

[rinlockhart]

“listen here, cumslut.”

[tenaflyviper]

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

[nyokoko]

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.

[chromaticabrasions]

all the links on this post are broken and some arent given so heres a compilation of links for the stupidest things tumblr has believed (i tried to find the og post for most of these but some of them are posts/articles about said posts)

infinite chocolate hack

berensta/ein bears (mandela effect)

mri scan walking dead gif

train gif brain thinks you died

tubby custard machine

horse dildo

moonmelon (and variations)

alexandria’s genisis

bird chocolate fountain og post

soap shrinks water molecules

we are killing the earth

ham on dog

tequila isnt a depressant

earth is lumpy

joker without makeup

voldemort fetus

two way mirror og post

fig vagina

[carillonghorn]

[dduane]

Meanwhile, via Bluesky...

[rogue-ai-cat]

And here is the resulting image. There is at least Someone in the U.K. government who is actually doing their job, and it is Chief Mouser to the Cabinet, Larry the Cat.

Source

[marlinspirkhall]

Typical politician: delivering a single campaign promise years late, overbudget, and subsequently using it as a flashy distraction

[mihri-the-sasscatte]

Size comparison of Y’gathok, the Ceaseless Hunger and Bjorn, our level 20 Goliath Barbarian.

[professorsparklepants]

Hey quick question: why the FUCK do you have that

[kittyopteryx]

Imagine, from out of nowhere, your dm casually slapping this thing down on the table like any other encounter.

[mooretimetoplay]

“Yeah, the fight will start in a sec, uh…I’ll give inspiration to whomever helps me get this fucking box out of my car.”

[necrowemancer]

https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/7asxci/oc_ygathok_the_ceaseless_hunger_final_boss_of_our/ This is the reveal of this ridiculousness during their game

[jelloapocalypse]

Please watch this reveal video it’s kickass

[creepsandcrawlers]

FUCK ME  the reveal video

[threefeline]

“CHRIS??????”

[tanoraqui]

“Um, I don’t think our plan is gonna work.”

[8bitmickey]

[island-delver-go]

Always reblog Y'gathok

[robot-roadtrip-rants]

always ALWAYS reblog Y'gathok!

[tics-deactivated20201202]

POV u are a tasty little cheese

[catbreon-draws]

If you close your eyes right before the rat hits, your brain will think that you have died. some people find calmness in this.

[inthefallofasparrow]

neil banging out the you

[natequarter]

fandoms purists have never watched doctor who and it SHOWS

[zagreuses-art]

These people haven't been hardened by a media property where half of the writers hate the other half's ideas and they duke it out with the shows cannon, there's a third half of the writers that ignore the rest and just do whatever they want anyway. And they've been doing this for 50+ years. The main characters home planet has been destroyed at least four times possibly more, there are entire spinoffs based on breaking cannon, the current show runner was basically killed in effigy on the show in the 7th doctors run (30+ years before he took the role lmao), the main characters backstory has been changed so much so often that one writer made an entire book to explain why it doesn't matter. IN 1999. We're simply on another level

[natequarter]

'wah wah this was out of character i don't like the ship' lmao go listen to zagreus. what is canon but a massive fucking joke?

[grapnel]

An example of why one should use the Oxford comma.

[sepdet]

LOL. I think they tried to fix it.

Nice try. Still no.

[rivendellrose]

Wake up, babe, a new example of why the Oxford comma is a really good idea just dropped...

[bold-baddie]

[systlin]

Getting down on my knees and thanking the humans who invented dishwashers and washing machines.

[ihonestlydontknowwhattocallthis]

InsNe that dishwashers are more efficient and easier than just washing them manually but they also use less water. It’s a win win situation

[systlin]

They ALSO sterilize dishes, due to operating at a far higher temperature than human hands could ever tolerate. It's a win every way.

[systlin]

Made this post about 15 minutes after the repair guy who fixed the pump on my dishwasher packed up his tools and left, as the dishwasher was whirring along doing my dishes from that morning.

He said the exact same thing, which I did not know before that, so spreading this knowledge.

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

In The Road to El Dorado there is only really one inexplicable thing within the plot. Miguel and Tulio plausibly bluff their way through or slip out of most situations. However, I’d never figured out why the volcano actually stops erupting when Tulio commands it. 

The conclusion I finally came up with is that the actual gods were watching their big entrance go down, and thought “oh, this’ll be hilarious”

[sweetvantass]

theres a lot of evidence throughout the movie to say that the armadillo (whose name is bibo) is a god.

they first find him in the jungle, where an armadillo has no business being

they find the entrance to the city, while being followed by him

he is present when the volcano starts to erupt (previous concept art also showed him in the background actually stopping the eruption)

miguel and tulio sucked ass at the ball game, so they used Bibo as a ball. He ricocheted himself all over the place and defied physics to get into the hoop every time

they come up with the flood plan to stop cortez when bibo pushed a glass over in front of them

[famouslysleepy]

YOUR TELLING ME THEY USED GOD AS A BASKETBALL?

[prokopetz]

JRPG where the teenage firebrand protagonist is taken under wing by a wise older mentor figure in their twenties, as one does, except the third party member to join is in their thirties and regards both the protagonist and the initial mentor as dumb kids; the fourth is in their forties and thinks the same of the first three; and so forth.

[alpharaposa]

[selkiesparrow]

Zoozve, my beloved

[ktempestbradford]

"...we don't live in a big clockwork, we live in a dance club..."

This is my favorite line.

[rabbitrah]

It is now called Zoozve :')

[vampires-and-witches]

[elidyce]

“This is a tapestry I made myself! I just finished it!” 

“…. this is…. big.”

“Eighty feet long, ten high, in forty panels! It was originally going to be sixty feet, but then the Thomas Malory Arthuriana got big and I had to put more stuff in.” 

“… Malory published in the fifteenth century.” 

“Do you have any idea how long it takes one person to embroider eight thousand square feet of tapestry?” 

“You’ve had a lot of free time in the last eight hundred years, haven’t you?” 

“Not once I took up embroidery as a hobby, no!” 

[memesnotwelcome]

“Want to see my stalagmite cultivation work?”

[hunter-rodrigez]

More Elves should be portrayed like that too.

Like, seriously, you’re telling me the elves in your story live for thousands of years, and yet their only hobby seems to be being smug assholes and running around woods with bows and arrows?