Carbon

with the power of aceness|| she/her||20s

[whatthebleep]

andrew minyard is so squirtle in sunglasses coded

[xotyx]

if andrew worked at a circus he would be a sword swallower and he would make direct eye contact with neil in the crowd whenever he did and the implication would always go directly over neil’s head. he does not understand anything, he’s wondering if andrew knows how to avoid getting cut by knives because that would be very useful for him if he could learn that too

[wuzeio]

my self indulgent aftg f1 au

[elene78-blog]

Jeremy slides across the bed very, very slowly. He makes sure Jean is still asleep before taking out the ring sizer and gently holding his hand. Heart pounding, Jeremy tries to slip the sizer onto his finger…

Until Jean wakes with a start and slaps Jeremy across the face.

Jeremy groans and collapses between Jean's legs, feeling a tooth loosen.

"What are you doing?" Jean asks, more confused than horrified.

Jeremy lifts his head from between his legs, ring sizer in hand. Jean's eyes immediately fix on the sizer.

"I… I wanted to measure…" Jean raises an eyebrow. Jeremy gets very flustered. "…Your penis."

"…My penis," Jean repeats uncertainly.

"It's just… I…" Jeremy feels his face burning, but he can't spoil this surprise for Jean. No way. "I like them… Big… And I think you're the biggest I've ever had, and I wanted to… Check it out."

Jean stares at Jeremy like he's an idiot, because… How else would he look at a perverted idiot like him? There's no way Jean would want to marry him after this. Impossible.

"Forget it, it's nonsense, you should be hard to… Oh…"

Jeremy looks at Jean, who looks away, his lips pressed tightly together. Of course, Jeremy doesn't know any man who doesn't appreciate a compliment on his manhood, including himself.

And that's a good way to distract Jean, anyway, so…

The next day, Laila sees the measuring device.

"You were supposed to measure his finger, Jeremy, not his wrist."

Jeremy is about to clarify that it's not Jean's wrist measurement, but he doesn't think Laila cares to know.

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[rainpeacetea]

During the Wildcat vs. Trojan game Faser is being an absolute asshole to Jeremy, checking him way to hard, shoving his racket into the other man gut, and eventually Jeremy asks to be taken off until next half. Jean is of course livid, but he signed a contract, so without permission he can’t get out of line. Despite knowing this, he turns to Coach and asks “permission to beat the living shit out of Faser?” Rhemann pauses for a moment, and looks over at where Jeremy is winching in pain, then leans into Jean’s ear and says “granted.”

[oh-phoenixx]

i love ignoring canon. nicky kissed neil against his will? no he didn't. thea and kevin are dating? no they're not. allison doesn't go pro? yes she does.

[carbon-dated-gal]

Wymack dies and neil cries for the first time in years? No actually wymack is an immortal man cosplaying a coach

[yardsards]

but i stay silly! *←said in the most world-weary voice you ever did hear*

[fizzlepop-frog]

“but I stay silly!”

[sensiblereblogifposts]

Reblog you stay silly

[weaselle]

on it boss

[aresinner]

fairy neil is back🔥

[teatimeisat4]

Neil successfully using contacts, hair dye, and an alias that’s literally just a nickname for Nathaniel to hide from Kevin:

[jordiipordii]

rip jean moreau, you’re gonna have an absolute heart attack the first time that you accidentally discover jab knows how to play dead lmao

[starsandscars81]

“Love is love” okay but can we talk about people whose identities don’t focus on feelings for another person? Pretty please???

[fatherofthebride]

lil nas x video on his insta looking healthy and happy & saying he’s been resting at home after rehab & has a therapist and psychiatrist and bipolar diagnosis now & is feeling good and is making new music

[redstonedust]

unexpected benefit of having to use a vpn is sometimes i get ads that are entirely in french, which makes it like 200% easier to ignore them. cant advertise to me if i dont understand a word of it. life hacks.

[byjove]

re: last night’s Incident

if you ever see me post an AI generated image, please assume it is because I am fucking stupid and not because I support and use generative AI. the search results on many search engines and picture sharing websites are absolutely infested with AI and I do my very best to avoid AI generated images but there is always the possibility that I will not notice because, again, I am not terribly observant and I don’t have good eyesight. I know it is frustrating and I know it is my responsibility to look into the image source but things will slip through the cracks, please inform me instead of assuming I know

[carbon-dated-gal]

I was on Pinterest the other day and I saw this pin on a woman (was trying to find some good refs) and the woman had pores!!! Had skin texture!! And WRINKLES. If it weren't for that small tag at the bottom right saying ai modified I truly would've been fooled. I can't spend the rest of my life worrying if it's ai man

[aruenaristy]

Elodie Moreau faking her death and starting anew in the US when the family that she was sold to goes there for business. Elodie Moreau ending up at Palmetto where no one will ask questions. Elodie Moreau falling in love with 2nd year goalkeeper Robin Cross. Elodie Moreau meeting Kevin Day when he comes visit Wymack and he recognizes those Grey eyes instantly. Elodie Moreau never meeting her brother because he only survived in one draft and it's not this one

[crushed-oranged-angered]

Jean said “How easily these Trojans fall in love”… like damn hypocrite have you looked in the mirror lately?