Be Gay Do Crime

@Staff is a useless shitshow

[evilwizard]

just a heads up. im gonna do a big curse soon

[evilwizard]

okay so honestly i wasn’t expecting they’d be able to hide the body for this long

[evilwizard]

LINDSEY GRAHAM ?

[athelind]

The Most Tumblr Punchline

I've noted before that my favorite punchline on Tumblr is "hang on, gotta look something up/okay that's funny."

Let me explain why:

It is a way to say "I don't get it" without blaming the joke or the teller.

It is a tacit admission of ignorance without shame or judgement.

It assumes responsibility for acquiring the knowledge the respondent doesn't already have.

It cues other people who Don't Get It to do the look-up themselves, allowing them to get that full impact of Getting It without derailing the post with explanations.

It gives subsequent readers, whether or not THEY got the joke, a little frisson of good feelings when they realize that someone else is now In On The Joke.

It not only makes the original joke funnier, it gets funnier the more often it's used.

[prismatic-bell]

I've actually used it when I already knew, but also knew the subject at hand was absurdly niche and wanted to encourage people to look it up.

[jmtorres]

i also enjoy the variant "hang on i gotta look something up"/"hey what the fuck" because sometimes history is just. like that

[tomatotext]

and, look, I’m not complaining, not at all, but this is why it’s very important to be abundantly clear and specific with your Etsy witch.

[belvira]

She balled so hard they banned her from ballin.

[notecardpasta]

I think when you correctly identify a trauma that is the base of a woe of yours it should just disappear. It should be like "aaahh. you got me" and vanish and leave 100 dollars behind

[a-book-of-creatures]

“SCROLL BACK UP IT’S OIL ON CANVAS”

“SCROLL UP IT’S GLASS”

Every time I do that it turns out to be a jpeg. Maybe a png. Nothing to get excited about.

[alanahikarichan]

hey op is this you

[mlem-wooloowoo]

no that's a jpeg

[rox-and-prose]

ceci n'est pas OP

[theres-a-body-here]

Having a Minotaur Boyfriend would be so fucking funny

Like imagine crying on the couch and you hear his thunderous, big body SUV built ass footsteps approach you.

"Baby, what's wrong," he says tenderly as he rubs your shoulder.

You look up to explain how bad your day was with tears in your eyes and you fucking see this:

I made a small drabble based on this

[fxdizzyie-deactivated20260219]

I had to draw it HELP

[aropride]

please god let chatgpt die out like nfts did. With a fast and graceless fall into irrelevancy

[bladespark]

Like to charge, reblog to cast.

[atwotonedbird]

This spell has a very low hit ratio, so we need a lot of us to do it.

[chaoticneutraldumpsterfire]

Is anyone else still baffled that other people think about you even when you’re not directly interacting with them. Like there are people out there that actually think and care about you (even if just a little bit) and remember that you exist? Like I have plenty of friends and casual acquaintances and even work clients that i will occasionally think about and wonder how they’re doing but the idea that someone would do that about me is… foreign? Not like bad weird but like (pleasantly?) surprised that other people actually remember me and that I exist?

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

first aid kid =/= all home medical supplies you might want for general health and comfort

a first aid kit should prioritize severe bleeding control—that means wound-packing gauze and dressing (not band-aids) and something for pressure—and emergency rescue meds, which could vary depending on your household/your conditions and the context but should definitely include things like benedryl and aspirin and narcan if you can get it. survival shears for cutting clothing and bandages. you should also have a CAT tourniquet and spare 5-10 minutes learning how to use it from a YouTube video. it’s truly not difficult.

other stuff is great to have for convenience and quality of life but is not for life-saving emergencies and should therefore be of secondary importance. if it won’t kill someone before an ambulance can get there, it’s not your priority. if you can carry more, that’s awesome, bring as much as you can.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

“don’t use tourniquets because they can cause injury” again: five minutes on YouTube. five minutes on YouTube. take any stop the bleed course and EMTs are literally begging everyone to add tourniquets to their first aid kits because the risks are worth it—the scenarios in which tourniquets are needed are scenarios in which the alternative is bleeding out and dying. tourniquet injuries are better than death.

“I don’t need a real first aid kit because I don’t have life-threatening emergencies or encounter people who do” you exist in a world with cars. other shit too obviously but like. cars.

[memewhore]

[2urban2fantasy-deactivated20241]

Woman murders man in broad daylight

[theknightinslippers]

[halorvic]

[no-one-offical]

‎

[crypticgoose3]

beautiful like to reblog ratio on this

[drtanner]

That's because people are reblogging it every time they see it. Like I'm doing right now lmao

[fullmetalfisting]

Tbh germ theory DOES sound crazy. Like if you told a regency-era nobleman that tiny creatures lived on the surface of everything and THAT’S what causes consumption, they’d be like “ah, I see you are a lunatic. Would you reside in my hermitage? Rantings and ravings do so amuse my guests”

[mysteryteacup]

But if you told a Medieval person this they would probably go "Ah, so when the miasma settles on surfaces it gains evil life. I understand."

[alarajrogers]

Yeah, actually, it would probably be pretty easy to explain germ theory to a Medieval person as tiny evil spirits that live on everything, but they can be purified by soap and water, or by alcohol, because that is why God has granted us those things. And because they can float in the air, if you cough or sneeze after they have infested you, that can cause them to infest others. And when you are sick, the angels God has deputized to defend the bodies of His beloved children are at war with the evil spirits, and, sadly, sometimes they lose, but the best way to help your angels win their battle is to rest, drink plenty (this would probably be small beer in this time period, not water, because the water was also infested), stay clean, and for the sake of God do not allow anyone to let your blood, for the angels need that blood in their war against the evil spirits. Bloodletting is good for some types of illnesses but not the kinds caused by the tiny evil spirits.

[chekhovs-raygun]

boiling as a sterilization measure is also easy to explain. water returns to the air when heated and it rises as steam back up to the floodgates of heaven; we know God created the world in seven days, He's not up there making more water every time it rains. it circulates. the returning of water to heaven also purifies the water of unclean and malign influences. you know wormy water from a muddy puddle will kill your kid. you know you wouldn't wade into a bog and have a slurp. water that remains in the low places of earth absorbs all that is unclean from our waste and it may also sponge up new diseases from hell, we're not totally sure about that one, but it seems likely. God set up the heavenly water cycle so that the earth's waters wouldn't totally fill up with gunk.

what does this have to do with boiling your surgical tools? well look, the boiling water releases bubbles of steam which carries the malign influences up to heaven. you boil a knife, you send all the miasmic particles off with the steam to heaven. if you rinse the knife off in a bucket the water isn't hot enough, the particles go into the water and then right back on to the knife. you gotta boil it to get the particles all the way away. how can a tool or rag or a bed have miasmic particles on it when you can't smell them? humans have a lousy sense of smell. look at your dog on the hunt. are there no rabbits in the woods just because you can't smell them? we know that miasma is carried on the air, and is what makes stench so dangerous, and we know that humans can't smell worth a damn compared to dogs cats horses etc. a dog can smell if a rat died in a corner of the room last week. you can't. do you think licking the spot where the rat died is going to go well for you? luckily, what humans lack in snout we make up for in brains. we have extra brains where our sniffers should have been. God set that up for a reason.

and why does a rinse with wine spirits work? man, look how fast alcohol evaporates. my guess is that because wine contains a lot more vice than water, it evaporates a whole lot faster, in sort of an equal and opposite way that a rock falls faster than a feather. if you want the miasmic particles to get off there FAST, you dunk it in something that's going back to heaven at a gallop.

what's up with honey? it just preserves things against corruption. doesn't clean them off. honey doesn't evaporate at all. probably because bees don't sin. it's not good for ridding a tool of particles-- it's sticky-- but fine for preserving anything you don't want to go to heaven OR hell. this is why you wash the wound with wine spirits or purified water FIRST, to sluice the miasma out, then slap the honey on AFTER. and boil the damn bandage, too. you wouldn't put a rotten door in a sound doorframe and expect it to keep out bandits, would you? cmon.

[ariaste]

Medieval people also already knew that putting things out in the sun helped to keep them clean (UV radiation killing bacteria). So everyone knows that after you use a butter churn, you rinse it out, give it a scrub, and set it out in the sun to dry, or else it will go sour and everything you make with it will go bad fast. Likewise with when you want to get sheets and clothes really clean and fresh, you boil them with lye soap and then lay them out in the sun to dry.

[cricketcat9]

Medieval paesant: yes, yes, makes total sense

JFK Jr: I take my grandkids to swim in a sewer and dig roadkill

[intimatevoid]

This kind of process is called "headology" in Discworld and is the foundation for an entire branch of witchcraft in the series.

[the-punforgiven]

I'm just saying, if you're going to worldbuild magic being a "raw, primal force, akin to and interweaving with nature itself" you gotta explain to me why animals don't use it

[the-punforgiven]

I know the normal answer is "they just aren't smart enough for it" but idk I've seen enough media where a character uses a spell in a moment of brain-off panic ilI feel like animals could probably stumble into a spell or two like, accidentally

[karmicbias]

[brighthounds]

okay i promise i'm only going to do this the one time. I promise I'm not going to continue to be annoying about this. but i am sharing my instagram post to tumblr because idk why not yolo. maybe this will actually be useful to somebody. and more can be found on the world's most cursed website/app.

[brighthounds]

hello again! there is now a free ebook version of this with additional tips, ideas, and thoughts on the subject of dog parenting while chronically ill (written by a dog trainer with chronic illness). It's pay-what-you-want (including the low low price of $0) and you can get it at the above link on Ko-fi.

[kitkat-245]

Since watering means giving something water but milking means extracting milk from something that must means that water's default is to give but milk's default is to take. So water must be inherently kind while milk is cruel

[feed-the-roses]

[silvysartfulness]

The supreme good is like water, which nourishes all things without trying to. It flows content through the low places that people disdain.

Thus, it is like the Dao.

-Lao Tzu, 4th century BC

Milk is cruel.

-tumblr user kitkat-245, 21st century AD

[dostoyevsky-official]

besides the detached banality of their casual approach to cruelty, what comes out in the epstein emails is how profoundly stupid the elites all are. epstein, summers, thiel, bannon, businessmen and hedge fund managers are deeply, deeply stupid people, sending each other NYT op-ed articles to understand current events or a "hey check this out!!!" link to a wikipedia article, grasping at russia's moves after the crimea annexation with the profound thought of "europe's borders... have always changed," obsessed with IQ and scientific racism. the most sophisticated understanding comes from bloomberg subscriptions or junior analysts in some firm, not any of them. everyone in power is an evil clown fuelled by a lifestyle of zero consequences and zero accountability