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Reylo and Rebelcaptain Trash. 27. BespectacledGeek on AO3. Icon by sushigirlali || Follows from: onewithspectacles ||

[criesinreylo]

Bite Me

Chapter Two: A Vampire Walks Into a Bar

Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren

Characters: Rey, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Finn, Rose Tico, Poe Dameron, Luke Skywalker, Snoke, Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Phasma, Armitage Hux, Dopheld Mitaka

Chapter Summary: Rey meets the charming and mysterious Kylo Ren at a bar.

Excerpt: 

Rey stirred her Rum Punch with a little pink cocktail umbrella and plunged the orange garnish beneath the surface of her drink while her date, Edward, droned on.

“Did you hear about the murders in Coruscant Green Park? It’s so dreadful. So close to the temple— “

The ice cubes clinked against the side of her glass. She sipped her drink through her straw, draining the glass, as her date drained all hope of finding her soulmate that night.

“The puncture wounds on the neck—so bizarre. What kind of maniac would do something like that to another human being?”

“Uh-huh,” Rey agreed morosely, the rum and orange juice slipping down her throat.

Her Words tingled on the back of her neck.

Read on AO3.

[mandolare]

THE ACOLYTE Season 1, Episode 8

[swvevo]

[luna-forever-1]

😂

[aenramsden]

You have to admire her audacity, if nothing else.

[boogabeing]

Literally my favourite thing about Rogue One is that it makes the opening of New Hope so funny. Like, Vader has followed Leia from a planet he just blew up seconds ago and pursued her across the galaxy and then she’s just like: ‘I’m on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan’

Vader: You’re a rebel. I just had a fight with your entire rebel fleet and followed you here. Straight from the rebels. Of which you are a part

Leia: *dramatic gasp* rebel? Me???  I was just passing through. Diplomatically. Thought it was a five-space-ship pile-up or something going on there… 

[hashtagloveloses]

death star plans? on my alderaanian diplomatic mission? it’s more likely than you think

[captainlordauditor]

[jackhawksmoor]

ok but this is like legitimate Canon Improvement because I’d always wondered why Vader was so wildly furious at the start of the movie like “rahhhhh bring me the passengers I WANT THEM ALIVE!!!!” and now I’m like

ohh yeah okay they literally JUST blew up Vader’s base, stole his sh!t, and took off while giving him the finger from the window

[deadcatwithaflamethrower]

while giving him the finger from the window

IT GOT BETTER

[crankynerdgirl]

The other thing is, Leia has been strong with the Force her whole life without really knowing it. Luke is an insanely good shot, an ace pilot, quick with machines. These are the skill he learned growing up. Imagine Darth Vader’s and Padme Amidala’s ACTUAL DAUGHTER being raised as a diplomat and princess. Imagine Bail Organa introducing her to the Rebellion. Imagine the MASSIVE FUCKING LIES she’s told, and how they probably went something like an accidental Jedi Mind Trick for most of her life. And now here’s (secret) Dad, and he ain’t buying it honey. 

[shieldmaiden19]

That^^ addition. I like it.

[cumaeansibyl]

Ooooh, that’s a great addition to my “stormtroopers can’t hit Luke, Leia, or their companions because they’re unconsciously using the Force to protect themselves” headcanon. (Nothing fancy, just enough to make shots go an inch or two wide. But you gotta figure the Empire has all kinds of numbers on their troopers’ accuracy, with specific tech to track performance. I bet the after-action reports on engagements with these two are really interesting.)

For my money Leia’s best moment is when she lies about the location of the rebel base and Tarkin believes her. Doesn’t stop him blowing up Alderaan, but he is so mad when he finds out there’s nothing on Dantooine. You gotta figure Tarkin’s good at seeing through deceptions, or he wouldn’t be where he is… but it’s already pretty much canon that Leia’s Force sensitivity helped her resist torture and mind probing, so I don’t think it’s a stretch to suggest that she gave Tarkin just the slightest nudge toward “she’s telling me the truth.”

edit: I can hear @mackensen quoting Obi-Wan’s line on “the Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded” at me and I am not saying Tarkin has a weak mind, but a) I didn’t say it was a strong influence either, just a nudge, and b) Tarkin does not expect a teenage girl to lie to his face with the fate of her home planet on the line. He expects her to just tell him where the fucking base is already. That’s not even an unreasonable expectation, but in this case it’s a weak point for her to exploit.

[weerd1]

This post gets a little better every time I see it.

[ospreyonthemoon]

Though i have to say, for something many bothans died for absolutely no bothans seemed to be involved in retreiving it.

[there-is-a-hole-in-your-mind]

The Bothans died getting the second Death Star’s plans.

[fandomfatale]

She searched the plaza for cover and for Cassian. She spotted him out of the shelter of the doorframe, stupidly, dangerously near the tank, and realized he’d already seen her. He had his own blaster out and fired a cluster of tight shots above her head. She craned her neck around in time to see Cassian’s target: a rebel stationed on another rooftop behind her.

An instant later Cassian’s target and his rebel comrades disappeared in the fiery bloom of a grenade. Jyn could only guess one of the rebels had been aiming the explosive her way.

Cassian had shot one of Saw’s rebels to save her life. Jyn supposed the should have been anguished, torn at the thought.

She wasn’t.

She sprinted towards Cassian.

[ladytharen]

#THIS MOMENT #that slight smile and nod is Cassian recognising a partner in Jyn #and from then on buddy #it’s all downhill #and everyone cries at how drift compatible they are (via @roypoi)

[rebelcptain]

[Jyn] dominated his thinking nonetheless. Cassian believed neither pity nor pragmatism explained it.

JYN ERSO and CASSIAN ANDOR in ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY (2016)

[cobbbvanth]

star wars, but it’s just the memes

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

[willowcrowned]

time travel fics where it’s Luke and/or Leia who goes back to the prequels as opposed to prequels characters going back to the prequels are incredibly funny because instead of emotional tension you could cut with a knife and horrible grief overlaying every action it’s just one (or two) ridiculously powerful people running around with absolutely no idea what’s going besides (a) that the chancellor everybody loves is pure evil and plotting the downfall of the republic and (b) that their dad (with whom they have a VERY complex relationship) is, at best, old enough to be barely out of space college. who needs complex and carefully rendered plans based on a million different remembered factors when you can have one of the space twins seeing Palpatine and trying to kill him with their illegal laser sword on sight

[phoenixyfriend]

Leia: That’s a Sith Lord.

Mace: That’s the Chancellor.

Leia: He’s a Sith. He’s ready to blow up entirely planets for the fun of it as soon as he’s got the weapon built. I can prove it.

Obi-Wan: And how do you plan on doing that?

Leia: Hm…

[five minutes later, when nobody’s close enough to tackle her]

Leia, her laser sword in one hand and a blaster in the other: HEY SIDIOUS

Yoda: Taken our eyes off her, we should not have.

[willowcrowned]

Leia, cocking her gunsaber: Diplomacy is for people who didn’t blow up my planet

[thatgirlonstage]

@thefancytomato ask and ye shall receive

[willowcrowned]

au contraire my friend

[shadowjsm]

the order of the red and blue implies that leia kills him after she loses the gun. this has me thinking of the prequel cast having some epic quest to stop her from killing palpatine and when they finally get the gun she just strangles him

[starwarsheritageposts]

star wars heritage post

[keikomivra]

Your anger betrays your thoughts.

THE ACOLYTE | 1.06: TEACH/CORRUPT

[waltricia]

Obsessed with the Manny Jacinto thirst tweets 💀

[jeronandor]

manny jacinto as qimir in the acolyte (2024)

[elokitties]

[writing-prompt-s]

A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.

[gwenthebard]

-Keeps Padme on life support despite DNR, somehow this ends in him getting punched by Obi-Wan

-Immediately starts putting her on every treatment known to man

-Walks over to Wilson’s office, which is the only part of the entire ship that just looks the same as it does in the show

-Homoerotically complains about how stupid Jedi are, then makes a bet with Wilson on whether Obi Wan is gay or the father of Padme’s twins (Wilson wants House to believe people can be faithful)

-Padme almost dies again. Turns out the treatment’s not working

-“if the dark side nearly killed her, maybe it can save her”

-House uses force lightning to restart Padme’s heart

-Gets brought into Cuddy’s office and told off for using an experimental treatment, and the power of the dark side, in her hospital

-House is taken off the case and foreman is put in charge of the case

-Padme is unexpectedly doing better, but Cuddy refuses to tell House or else he’ll be using the dark side to save all his patients

-House watches on as Wilson tries seducing a relieved Obi Wan while he paces in the lobby. Doesn’t seem to work

-House interrogates Obi Wan about his relationship with Padme, insinuates it’s Obi Wans Fault. Gets in a struggle and once theyre seperated it’s revealed he ripped out some beard hair

-Padme is getting released from the hospital but crashes again with obvious signs of infection. Everyone blames the dark side of the force

-is put in intensive care again, everyone thinks she’s going to die, House is brooding.

-House meets Bail Organa and talks to him, Bail mentions how he was so worried about her the last time she was in a hospital, and this seems much more hopeless

-“what time she was in the hospital?”

-House marches in as they’re about to pull the plug, rolling Padme’s unconcious body over to point at dark spot on the back of her neck

-Foreman looks disapointed, “it’s a bruise house, her husband nearly snapped her neck.”

-“Our princess’ boyfriend here failed to mentioned she was scratched by a Nexu on Genosis years ago. Nexu claws are known as a vicious poison.”

-“it would have killed her years ago”

-“unless a small chunk of claw stuck in her back, working into the muscles near the nape of her neck for years. The little prince of Darkness chokes her, pressure and muscles spasming lets it work into a blood vessel. It’s why the force lightning only was a bandaid, it vaporized what was in her bloodstream but broke up the rest of the claw and let it enter in her bloodstream. Start her on dialysis, she’ll be fine by tomorrow afternoon.”

-Next day Padme’s wheeled out of the hospital with her two children, bittersweetness. House watches from balcony before going back to his office

-Wilson enters with his shirt unbuttoned and a few bruises on his neck, declaring, “the Jedi is gay. I win.”

-House holds up a paternity test, “he’s bisexual, it’s a draw”

[chicago-geniza]

@exteenpopstar

[theothin]

#love the implication that house is force sensitive and decided to become a dark side user for medical malpractice reasons (via @gravity-loves-me)

[that-gay-jedi]

I’m HOWLING this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

[knightsf]

[drowning-moonlight]

vader: who tore the warning sign off of this wampa cage?? storm trooper: security footage shows it was removed by a golden protocol droid vader: LOL

[drowning-moonlight]

Vader in RotJ: wait the Alderaan princess is my daughter?? don’t know how to feel about that.

Luke: she strangled Jabba the Hutt to death with a chain.

Vader: OH HELL YEAH

[steampunk-sorcerer]

why would you hide this in the tags that’s hilarious

[rylandsgrace]

#I can’t believe Lizzo just made Grogu a knight 

[kybercrystals]

bo-katan is living in a shakespearean historical tragedy and din djarin is living in a father/son roadtrip coming of age narrative and they just happen to cross paths occasionally

[radicalposture]

palpatine straight up told anakin he was a sith lord and anakin was like well. this is a lot to process so im going to go fetch my boss and we’ll come back in about half an hour and murder you so don’t go anywhere and palpatine didn’t you have to admire the man

[prophecyguy]

palpatine is the best villain of all time bc he's the classic master manipulator who pits his enemies against each other without lifting a finger by preying on their weaknesses but normally those types of villains have the caveat that once their bullshit get exposed it's a simple matter of slapping handcuffs on them bc they're like weak old CEOs or whatever

but our boy sheev? when his plans don't go perfectly he's just like oh well and starts zapping fuckers to death bc he's also the most powerful old prune in the galaxy and he could just kill everyone around him if he gets bored

like luke throwing away his lightsaber and declaring himself a jedi was great but you know that luke kinda thought that was it, the crotchety old emperor doesn't have vader to fight for him anymore courtesy of luke cutting off vader's hand for possibly the fortieth time in anakin's life, so it's smooth sailing until lando destroys the death star and blasts them all to kingdom come, but then palps is like aw shucks no new apprentice can't blame a guy for trying and just starts deep frying luke for shits and giggles and our poor twink is like THIS ISN'T ONE OF THE THINGS I THOUGHT THE FORCE COULD DO ABORT ABORT ABORT

and with mace and co arriving at sheev's office to bring him in for being dark catholic it's functionally the equivalent of a scooby doo villain of the week getting unmasked by the gang but then he just starts snapping necks

[starwarsheritageposts]

star wars heritage post

[hafital]

star wars

[starpeace]

“chancellor palpatine, sith lords are our speciality.” funniest fucking line in star wars history. obi-wan, who has never killed a sith and knows he has never killed a sith, talking about himself and a guy who is going to become a sith lord within half a week, and speaking directly to the sith lord who is going to make that guy a sith lord, with FULL fucking confidence: “sith lords are our speciality.” he says this to palpatine’s face. to his face. to darth sidious’ face. in the most condescending fucking voice. completely unaware that he is speaking directly to the sith lord, to THE sith lord, who before the week is out is going to directly fuck over his entire life’s work and everything he loves and believes in: “sith lords are our speciality.” could you be any more cringefail. actually palpatine deserved his whole victory for not bursting into laughter then and there