The thing about dyscalculia is how it progressively creeps up on you as you age.
You don't really notice or don't really care much at first. You're a very small child, and you're learning addition and subtraction. You struggle, but you don't know anything else and there's not much to compare.
But then you grow up. You learn anything a little more complex and it hits you. Your classmates are struggling with the new content, which is a given because it's new, but you're struggling with everything up until this point.
The simplest things; addition, substraction, multiplication, division. Things that your peers now do like breathing are still tripping you up. You still need to use your hands to count, but your teacher calls you out for it because that's for little children and you're not a little child anymore. So you come up with ways to use your body — anything at your disposal — to count without raising suspicions because you need it.
Then you finally get to the new content that everyone was struggling with and, of course, you struggle too, but now you're late. You're late because you were too caught up trying to work with the simplest calculations just to make your way here, and everyone understands it already. It's your turn to teach yourself because nobody wants to wait for a dumbass who can't do simple math.
You keep growing up and now you're a teenager. Now it's getting uncomfortable. You're so grown up and you still can't do anything without using your hands, aren't you ashamed? So many years and you still haven't learned? Are you even trying? Things keep getting more and more complex and you feel like you're trying to run in quicksand. Nobody even stops to think about that stupid addition that's driving you crazy, how come it's just you?
And then you get to other subjects. In history? Dates keep tripping you up, you just can't seem to make automatic timelines in your head like others do when given multiple of them. Literature? The same thing, really. Chemistry? Physics? A lost cause.
You leave the classroom; nothing really changes. It's time to pay for something and you have to apologize because you're too slow to figure out the change. Everyone's done, they're all looking at you, and yet you can't make out how much you're supposed to give back. You can't remember anyone's birthday, you can't remember appointments, you can't even calculate someone's age without using a calculator.
You're an adult who still uses their hands to count, amazing. You spend every interaction hoping that you won't have to use numbers for anything or else you're going to have to confront just how pathetic you are. If you're lucky, you already know about your dyscalculia, but does that really change much at the end of the day? It's not like you can tell people you struggle with numbers at your big age, after all.
Others tell you to practice, they tell you that there's definitely a way. But you know. You know the hours, days, months that you've spent moving numbers around in your head. All the paper, all the worksheets. Yes, there's probably a way, but after how much? How much work will I have to put in? Do I need to sacrifice this much time and effort; possibly years? Is it that crazy to wish people were a little kinder, understanding, patient?
But yes. "Haha, sorry, I'm just a little stupid when it comes to math."
