Wise but crazy

he/they, late 20s with multiple neurodivergencies. pro psychiatry, pro meds, pro recovery. please read pinned post.

[disordereddisasterboy]

You can call me Jason, Todd, or disaster.

He/they pronouns. Trans masculine, dfab intersex, TME. Mentally ill and physically disabled.

Professionally diagnosed with (in order of diagnosis)...

ADHD inattentive type

Autism spectrum disorder

Bipolar 1

OCD

C-PTSD with dissociation

Pica (in recovery)

Bulimia nervosa (in recovery, not pro!)

Body dysmorphia due to gender dysphoria

I suspect that I might have...

A personality disorder (I suspect BPD or APD but I've been told that my symptoms are due to my existing diagnosis)

I may post about the following triggering topics:

Death, loss, and grief

Experiences with transphobia, homophobia and biphobia

Sexual assault, including CSA

Pregnancy loss and infant loss

Gun violence

Domestic violence and partner abuse

Stalking

Bullying

Self harm (8 years "clean", pro recovery)

Addiction (13 years clean/Cali sober, pro recovery, but pro choice)

Homelessness

Racism

Medical trauma

Childhood abuse

Discussion of mental health care, including medication, inpatient stays, ect

I'm not anti-self diagnosis but I am critical of the methods of which people use to reach self-diagnosis and I do not believe that it is possible to self diagnose all conditions in all situations. I believe that it is best to seek out psychiatric care and professional diagnosis whenever possible, and I do not approve of people who self diagnose speaking for a community with a diagnosis as though they have been professionally diagnosed. However I understand why people end up self-diagnosing because not everyone has access to the same resources, and I do not believe that the experiences of people who self-diagnose or any less valid than those who are professionally diagnosed. Your symptoms are valid and your experiences are valid even if you end up getting professionally diagnosed with a different condition than you originally thought you had. I am much more in support of people saying that they suspect that they have a condition rather than saying that they have self-diagnosed that condition. That being said, I don't hold any ill will towards people who find self-diagnosis to always be valid and they are welcome to interact with respectfully on my page. I also support systems of all kinds, though I don't feel comfortable discussing them on my page because I don't know enough about DID or similar conditions.

DNI:

MAPs and similar

radfems and similar

Anti medication, anti vax, anti psychiatry

Minors (I don't plan on posting anything not safe for work but I generally don't feel as though I am a good role model for minors online.)

Anti SW

Ableists in any form

[disordereddisasterboy]

Honestly I'm almost 30 and I'm a parent, so I don't really message or interact with minors. But sometimes I see a kid on here and like... They're in mental health recovery, or they're in foster care, or they're openly dealing with shit that they shouldn't have to, shit that I went through at that age.

And my brain just clicks into empathy mode and I end up just messaging them like,

"thanks for liking my post. I saw your posts, and I just hope you know life gets better. It will. Have an awesome new year."

[louisegluckpdf]

they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"

[victusinveritas]

"Hey what the fuck?" will also help stop a spiral.

[disordereddisasterboy]

Ngl I've developed the habit when my brain is spiraling where I just purposely focus on the thought "SHUT UP" until I can focus better and ask myself "what's actually going on?"

It helps me narrow down a problem or issue rather than letting my brain chase its own tail down a hole.

[venovenous]

peace and love on Earth..

[eyeslikes]

[disordereddisasterboy]

I gotta check it out, his food looks good

[disordereddisasterboy]

Dysphoria mixed with loneliness and depression equals "lol I kinda want to kms but I have my testosterone shot Sunday and there's holidays coming up so let's just wait."

[augustarambles]

Sometimes the rats in my brain come together and start yelling “YEARNING” and in trying to appease them I ask “FOR WHAT” but they are too small so all they can say is “YEARNING” which is a very big word for such a tiny creature, even collectively

[mandyseley]

I loved this visual so much I had to doodle it.

ratratratratrat

[disordereddisasterboy]

Me on the outside: *watching YouTube, smoking weed, looks tired*

Me on the inside: *screaming at the top of my lungs, ripping at my skin with my nails, running through the woods, barefoot and bleeding, barely human*

[disordereddisasterboy]

I literally get so many harassing threatening messages from other trans people saying that if I don't detransition they're going to kill me, followed by "I'm kidding, it's just my kink", that I won't date trans people anymore.

Cisgender people can understand that being told that "if you don't detransition someone's going to murder you" is hate speech and makes people feel unsafe. Transgender people who are into that transphobic shit don't understand that they are sexually harassing and terrifying other trans people whenever they say that.

Plus not only are you threatening me in that situation, and being transphobic, but then by telling me that you are sexually gratified by saying that to me it makes me feel like you're trying to rape me or like you're going to rape someone else, because you're not respecting consent.

Honestly at this point if I went on a date and someone told me that they had transphobic kinks, I would probably start feeling scared for my life, and I would more than likely try to run away or would just start trying to defend myself. If they don't understand that kink requires consent, then they aren't interested in actually participating in kink They're probably going to rape someone and I don't want that someone to be me.

I don't want to be raped and murdered by some transphobic piece of shit, and I don't think it's sexy to say that you want to murder me because I'm transgender and being transphobic towards me. It just makes me think you're a rapist and a murderer who's transphobic.

And if someone takes offense to this then I'm going to assume that that means that they or the type of person who doesn't wait for consent before threatening people or being transphobic, and I'm not afraid to call them a rapist over it.

Because that's what rapists do.

They don't acknowledge other people's consent whenever they look for sexual gratification, and do not care that they are hurting people.

[disordereddisasterboy]

*calls doctor* hey I'm pretty sure I have a kidney stone.

Receptionist: you're so young! It must be a UTI or something else but I'll still schedule it.

... Yeah I know the difference because I've had them before but okay.

*gets to the doctor*

Receptionist: so you're here for cold and flu symptoms?

.... I think I have a kidney stone. I scheduled it for that.

Receptionist: ohh... It says UTI and cold symptoms....

No pretty sure I have a kidney stone again.

Receptionist: at 29? Okay sure.... We'll call you...

Nurse: come on back, pee in a cup. We'll see how bad your UTI is...

Okay... *Pees into cup*

Nurse: so what are your symptoms?

My left kidney hurts, I have had a migraine for days, I'm having trouble urinating, I keep throwing up and this feels like my last kidney stone.

Nurse: ... You've had previous kidney stones?

Yeah I've had 4 since I was 14. The last was like 6 months ago. They've all been small and passed without surgery but they suck.

Nurse: oh... We thought you were overreacting....

Nope I just have bad kidneys from being on lithium since middle school.

Nurse: OH you're on lithium? I'll get the doctor.

Doctor: *looks at my medical history* *does a physical exam* huh it looks like you have a kidney stone. No infection but there's blood and calcium deposits in your urine. Stop at checkout for the information to schedule an ultrasound for tomorrow, please go to the ER if you have trouble passing it before then. You're at least going to need two prescriptions, and if the stone is big, I'm gonna recommend surgery.

... Kay. *Goes to check out* hey receptionist, I need the info for my ultrasound for my kidney stone.

Receptionist: ultrasound??? For a UTI?

I. Have. A. Kidney. Stone. Again.

Receptionist: I need to call back to the doctor.... *Gets on the phone and starts asking why I need an ultrasound, only to look suspicious at me and then rolling her eyes as she wrote the information on a sticky note* here, but you're too young to have a kidney stone.

....Yeah that's what they told me when I passed my first one in my highschool bathroom during 9th grade social studies.

Receptionist: *gives me dirty looks until I leave*

Like why is it so hard to believe that a 29 year old can have chronic kidney stones? Why treat me weird for it???

[disordereddisasterboy]

Upd8: they never scheduled the ultrasound (or sent in my prescriptions!) and when I went through the process of scheduling it myself they didn't have any openings until January 3rd so I just passed the 3 small kidney stones I had at home, raw dogging it with no pain relief other than weed.

Fuck my life I guess.

[disordereddisasterboy]

*calls doctor* hey I'm pretty sure I have a kidney stone.

Receptionist: you're so young! It must be a UTI or something else but I'll still schedule it.

... Yeah I know the difference because I've had them before but okay.

*gets to the doctor*

Receptionist: so you're here for cold and flu symptoms?

.... I think I have a kidney stone. I scheduled it for that.

Receptionist: ohh... It says UTI and cold symptoms....

No pretty sure I have a kidney stone again.

Receptionist: at 29? Okay sure.... We'll call you...

Nurse: come on back, pee in a cup. We'll see how bad your UTI is...

Okay... *Pees into cup*

Nurse: so what are your symptoms?

My left kidney hurts, I have had a migraine for days, I'm having trouble urinating, I keep throwing up and this feels like my last kidney stone.

Nurse: ... You've had previous kidney stones?

Yeah I've had 4 since I was 14. The last was like 6 months ago. They've all been small and passed without surgery but they suck.

Nurse: oh... We thought you were overreacting....

Nope I just have bad kidneys from being on lithium since middle school.

Nurse: OH you're on lithium? I'll get the doctor.

Doctor: *looks at my medical history* *does a physical exam* huh it looks like you have a kidney stone. No infection but there's blood and calcium deposits in your urine. Stop at checkout for the information to schedule an ultrasound for tomorrow, please go to the ER if you have trouble passing it before then. You're at least going to need two prescriptions, and if the stone is big, I'm gonna recommend surgery.

... Kay. *Goes to check out* hey receptionist, I need the info for my ultrasound for my kidney stone.

Receptionist: ultrasound??? For a UTI?

I. Have. A. Kidney. Stone. Again.

Receptionist: I need to call back to the doctor.... *Gets on the phone and starts asking why I need an ultrasound, only to look suspicious at me and then rolling her eyes as she wrote the information on a sticky note* here, but you're too young to have a kidney stone.

....Yeah that's what they told me when I passed my first one in my highschool bathroom during 9th grade social studies.

Receptionist: *gives me dirty looks until I leave*

Like why is it so hard to believe that a 29 year old can have chronic kidney stones? Why treat me weird for it???

[disordereddisasterboy]

My ride literally overslept through my EEG appointment. TT.TT

[disordereddisasterboy]

My ex who I live with is the only person I know who can drive me places and he was supposed to drive me to my 3-day EEG this morning to get the stickies and stuff placed on my head but he completely forgot and slept through it and refused to take me..

He fucked up a medical procedure that I've been waiting literally over a year for.

[disordereddisasterboy]

I don't want to get my EEG tomorrow.

I have a life and I don't want to look like biotech Medusa for three days.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[wowlookwhosspirallingagain]

you ever just hope you die in your sleep so you won’t have to kill yourself ?

edit: i censored the words at first because my previous account got banned and i didn’t want that to happen again but thanks for letting me know i can write it normally

[ufoscomeandgetmeplease]

”I feel like such a temporary person in everyone's life“

[redshift-13]

The health insurance industry has a term for this sadistic practice. It's called "step therapy." If the choice is between a more expensive medication that works and a cheaper one that doesn't work as well and might have worse side effects, the insurance company requires that the cheaper drug be used first.

One benefit to the insurance company is that the patient on the cheaper drug might die before they get a chance to use the drug that works but is more expensive. That's money in the bank for the insurance company.

Or, the patient might be so worn down and harmed by the cheaper drug that they just give up the fight to get the drug that will help them. Again, that's bank for the insurance company.