For those who don't contain a vast knowledge of Green Day lore like myself, I don't think it is hitting just how much of a "fuck you" the NFL is giving djt/the white house.
This is a band that is:
Made entirely of openly bisexual/queer men
Made entirely of men who are vocal about being raised by single mothers on welfare
One of their members was adopted and raised by a Black woman and has said he "understands how his mother could hate 'the white man' and love him with her whole soul."
Were the first band to say, "No Trump, No KKK, No Fascist/MAGA U.S.A." on live television without ANY warning.
Literally released a song last year called, "The American Dream Is Killing Me"
Prioritizes all female/female fronted bands to open for them to address inequality in the music industry. (edited for clarity since yall blew this post up. Lol)
OPENLY tells trump supporters they are not welcome at their concerts.
Anyway, Enjoy Feb. 8th Magats! You're gonna hate it. :)
This is a real picture taken by photographer Keinichi Ohno. It's a single photo of a bird standing at the edge of some water with a wall and its reflection creating a fascinating optical illusion.
I am so very serious when I say that minors should have a legal and easily reinforceable right to say "I don't want to live with my parents (or other adult caretakers)/I don't want to be around that person/I don't want to go to that place" and actually get their wish accommodated. So much childhood trauma could be avoided or ended if children actually had the right to leave the situation or the person hurting them.
sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and put "text your friend whom you love and genuinely want to talk to" on your to-do list because otherwise it is not getting done
honestly so glad this one is gaining traction. just saw it in my notifications and went "MAN ALRIGHT" to text yet another person i have been genuinely wanting to text back for days
Phatic discourse, a subset of affiliative signaling.
When Co-workers do things like ask about weekend plans, chat about non-work topics, eat lunch in the same room, they are--subconsciously--reaffirming that they are part of a cooperative (or, minimally, non-antagonistic) social group.
The other primates cement social bonds by grooming each other; we do it by making small talk.
If they solicit your participation in these rituals, and you repeatedly refuse those bids, you are marking yourself out as, at best, an outsider to the group, and thus potentially antagonistic.
This is all happening on the monkey-brain level; they have no idea what they're doing or how they are interpreting your response, so there's no way to clear up the misunderstanding.
To the ape sleeping in your co-worker's DNA, either you are part of the grooming circle, or you are an outsider who, for all it knows, may be coming to steal all the bananas.
Even if you would prefer not to socialize with your co-workers, it's generally worth it to set aside 5 minutes a couple times a week for phatic communication. You don't have to answer your co-workers' affiliative signals every time, but it's less trouble in the long run if you respond to a few of them.
if you are the type of person who really just wants to be left alone to do their work in quiet: it is actually easier to achieve this as part of the in-group. when you enter a new space, in this case, a job, make it your GOAL to make everyone Know Who You Are. introduce yourself to everyone you meet. literally everyone. "hi I'm Jack I'm New." this helps burst the awkward bubble. you are now one of the monkeys.
at some point, either in response to an invitation, or just in the natural course of conversation, you can add in that you are a "quiet type" who "needs their silence" or what have you. customize to your personal needs. i find it helpful to imagine a well dressed elderly woman describing the sort of peace she needs to manifest.
roughly once a week if you see a group of people chatting, engage with them. keep it pleasant. it can be superficial. word will travel that you are Nice and Quiet and Not The Chatty Type protecting you from group lunches etc. if you have an office with a door that you keep closed a lot, putting up any kind of decor will also send positive signals.
Pro tip: try to make a note (write it down if you have to) about some inconsequential thing that your coworker mentions so you can ask about it later. Kids and pets are great for This. As are hobbies. One guy in my office zoom called in from his house and I saw he had an arcade game in his office so I asked him about it later and he lit up like a Christmas tree. Another coworker has a pet pig and I ask every couple months how the pig is doing. This is a great strategy for pivoting conversation away from you and will make them think you are the friendliest monkey in the pod.
The grooming circle also serves a very practical purpose. Getting to know each other - even superficially but regularly - makes people more likely to feel comfortable asking for something they need, more likely to say yes, and more likely to trust each other with sensitive information. All of this makes people better fellow human beings to each other.
It means my coworker is more likely to feel safe enough to tell me "Can you take over my shift tomorrow?" and I'm more likely to say "yes" even when I don't want to, because I care about his well being and he also takes over shifts for me when he doesn't want to.
It means my coworker is more likely to ask me for help if they experience sexual harassment at work, or if they think they're being underpaid, or if they're actually very lonely and need someone, anyone, to go to their Mom's funeral with them.
And maybe this ritual of trust-building feels unnecessary to you. Maybe you would do all these things for random strangers, but your coworkers won't know that unless they get to know you a little, so they won't know that they can ask you for help.
#take part in the grooming. become one of the ingroup. band together to demand more bananas from your zookeeper aka your boss#monkey together strong or something
also, if your fellow monkeys are anxious you might steal their bananas? give them bananas instead. i.e., bring food to work. baked goods work great. they can be store bought; you don't need to go to a lot of effort. bring a box of grocery store brownies or whatever to work every so often and people will LOVE you for literally zero effort. everyone loves the coworker who gives them free food.
Adding onto this for the folks with anxiety: Itâs so much easier to adapt if you put yourself in their place for a second. Imagine being rejected every time you interact with someone, and they seem to take every opportunity to get away from you. Your anxiety instincts will be SCREAMING that they hate you. Now youâre stuck working with this person youâre convinced hates youâeverything spirals into discomfort from there.
When youâre neurodivergent or have mental illnesses like anxiety, itâs easy to see everyone else as The Judger of your own innocent actions rather than realizing theyâre also conscious of your judgment and approval.
in the contemporary world, the most fundamental human right - and, it often seems, the least protected one - is "being both Allowed and Able to go Somewhere Else." the rest is commentary.
the torments of prison are predicated on Not Letting You Leave. the most terrifying and degrading aspects of childhood are predicated on Not Letting You Leave. misogynists wail and moan and fearmonger about divorce and equal opportunity employment because they Allow Wife To Leave. borders and immigration restrictions exist, in no small part, to Prevent People From Leaving countries where they will be exploited and/or oppressed. fuck you for trying to leave. fuck you for exerting any control over your life whatsoever. that makes you the one at fault, actually.
AO3 does not live in âthe cloudâ because that is other peopleâs computers, and other peopleâs computers are vulnerable to censorship.
AO3 is on its own computers. It does still have to be housed somewhere, and I suppose a determined enough hater could try to find that place and go after it, but itâs a lot harder than sending spurious complaints to Amazon or whomever going âBadWrong things are hosted on your cloud service!â
When people involved with AO3 talk about âthe cost of serversâ they donât mean âthe cost to pay Amazon for space on their servers.â They mean, like, the cost to physically own them, and eventually replace them with new ones. And the operating costs to run them.
AO3 is not âin the cloud.â AO3 is stored on physical machines that the OTW owns.
While this is not a solution that can work for everyone who wants to deal with controversial content, it is why AO3ple sneer at alt-righters who complain about getting thrown off hosting platforms.
Because I want us to own the goddamned servers, ok? Because I want a place where we canât be TOSed and where no one can turn the lights off or try to dictate to us what kind of stories we can tell each other.
Please note that buying new servers and storage just became a shit load more expensive.
Because AI.
To paraphrase a comment on a Gamers Nexus video, the reason computer parts are getting so expensive is that a huge amount of RAM and storage that have not been produced yet were purchased with non-existent money to put in gpus and computers that have also not yet been produced to put in data centers that have not yet been built, to be powered by infrastructure that may never appear, to satisfy demand that does not actually exist, to obtain profit that is mathematically impossible.
So thatâs fun. But it means that already owning computers that actually do the thing is SO MUCH BETTER than hiring other people to build more capacity to buy more computers to do the thing.
How bad is the RAM crisis? The price of ddr3, which is like 10-15yo tech, is going up. The price of DDR5 is now stupid expensive, 4+ times as expensive as it was a few months ago.
Mostly because thereâs only one company in the world that is capable of generating the kind of chips needed and everyone uses that company because the modern world is a very precarious house of cards held together by tissue and string and we have a 50 foot toddler playing Godzilla with international trade.
Anyway AO3 is a goddamn miracle people need to respect.
I think this is especially worth pointing out now because if they start fundraising more then this is most probably why they need money. If anyoneâs mad that AO3 needs extra dollars then, remember to blame AI.
Gemini had the fucking GALL to get in my email and summarize a 3-line email, taking up more space than the email did visually.
Hit the âthumbs down.â Itâs like, whatâs wrong??? Was our summary wrong? Were there offensive words? Thank you for helping us improve our AI tools :)
I selected âother.â
Text box popped up. Please elaborate!
Wrote in âI can fucking readâ submit comment
Then had to spend several minutes torching all my settings with a flamethrower. Let me be clear: Iâm (a lawyer) notoriously picky with my words FOR GOOD REASON (lawyering) so I overwhelmingly reject Gmailâs âhelpfulâ little assistance. My privacy settings were set to âfull paranoiaâ a little less than a year ago when I saw the writing on the wall and knew public defenders could become a target in the future. Better to lock it all down now.
Gemini had crept in there and turned ALL that shit back on. And showed itself by saying âJane Doe says sheâs so sorry for your loss and offers to reschedule for Thursday at 3â over an email from Jane Doe saying âIâm so sorry for your loss. We could reschedule for Thursday at 3?â
Why would I possibly need this. In what universe would I need this. I have eyes and a brain and a reading speed that twenty years ago was measured at 1500 wpm with full comprehension on dense scientific text. Furthermore! If I read a summary, Iâm not reading what they actually wrote. If Iâm not reading what they actually wrote, Iâm not using my own judgment on the words and phrases that they used.
I literally donât understand why this is helpful at all. This is just avoidance. Using LLMs to write is specifically Not Writing. Using LLMs to summarize is Not Reading. Using them to make art is Avoiding Making Art. Just READ! Just WRITE! I was not put on this fucking planet to not read and not write and not make art! Avoidance is an anxiety symptom and indulging it gives it more power.
If I had an AI to do my most dreaded task, answer the phone for clients, I wouldnât use it. Because an AI cannot help them. An AI cannot hear the facts of their case, make appropriate noises, be thoughtful and insightful, and then give them a realistic estimate of what could happen in court. I am unique. I cannot be replaced by machine learning. I have style. I have expertise. I donât hallucinate unless Iâm having a really great Friday night and Iâm off the clock.
When I need to outsource tasks from my own brain, I give them to people I know can do them and that I trust to do them right.
Fuck, it just sneaks up on you, doesnât it?? Goddamn Gemini jumpscare right in my own fucking email
i think it's important to acknowledge that the reason why mastercard/visa has such a stranglehold on american society is because cash is not the main form of payment in the usa. the predominance of card has effectively privatized currency
in japan, one of the reasons why dlsite and other similar websites are able to just remove visa as a payment option instead of changing any of their merchandise (aside from the fact that visa doesn't have a monopoly here) is because cash payments for online transactions remain an option. even if you don't have a jcb credit card or paypay or whatever, you can still pay for your online purchases using cash by taking your barcode to a convenience store, and you can do this for essentially every online vendor, meaning credit card companies can't just impose their moral judgments on your purchases with much repercussion
at this point i expect hp fans to delude themselves more into thinking somehow its not what it looks like when theres literally no other way to look at it
if you get abused and form a fixation on âcatching upâ with who you could have been if your life hadnât been fucked with youâre in for such a bad time dear god
you never will, theyâll always be better and more put together than you, the sense of waste and shame of it all will disembowel you more and more over the years, donât even start
I may be misreading it, but this makes it sound like you shouldn't even start doing the things you've always wanted to do, because you'll never be good enough.
I think it's quite the opposite.
Start doing what you always wanted to do, what you were always passionate about, what you missed, what was taken from you.
Just fight against the fixation of "catching up", that's the part that ruins the fun.
Do it for yourself.
Do it to have fun.
Do it because you love it and all those who held you back can go to hell while you have fun with your new life finally free of them.
Everyone else will always be better and more put together than you.
Everyone else will always be better and more put together than me.
Of course.
They did it for years, we're only just starting.
But we can have so much fun doing the things we've always _wanted_ to do, the things we've always dreamed of, even the stuff that turns out not being at all what we expected, but now we know and can move on and try other stuff.
So I just now learned about Stagecoach Mary and how have I never heard of this absolute LEGEND of a woman before
She was born a slave and freed when the Emancipation Proclamation was issued (she was about 30)
She was about six feet tall and 200 pounds and once she was free she decided sheâd never take shit from anyone ever again
When one of her close friends, a nun by the name of Mother Amadeus, became ill with pneumonia at her convent in Montana, Mary headed alone into the frontier to nurse Mother Amadeus back to health
After Mother Amadeus recovered, she gave Mary a job as the foreman of the convent. She repaired buildings, took care of chickens, made the long and dangerous journeys into town for supplies, and did other odd jobs.
She could drink most men under the table, and one saloon offered five bucks and a free shot of whiskey to any man who could take a punch to the face from Mary and remain standing.Â
She was once said by a local paper to have broken more noses than anyone else in Montana
She was outspokenly Republican, which at this time was the liberal party in America, and would get into political debates with the more conservative townsfolk
One time a man insulted her outside the saloon so hit him in the face with a rock, and only stopped when other cowboys held her back.
On one supply run into town, her wagon overturned and the horses fled. Mary spent all night single-handedly fending off a pack of wolves with her guns before she righted the heavy wagon by herself and tracked down the spooked horses. The only thing lost in the accident was a jar of molasses.
She lost her job at the convent when she got into a gunfight with a male employee who did not want to take orders from a black woman. She reportedly shot him in the ass, which angered the local bishop.
After losing her convent job, Mary spent a brief time running a restaurant, where she welcomed and served all comers
When a job for a mail carrier opened at the local US Post Office, Mary got the job because she managed to hitch six horses to a wagon faster than any of the male candidates
She was sixty at the time
This made her the first black woman mail carrier, and the second woman mail carrier in US history
When the snows were too deep for the horses to manage the long and dangerous delivery routes, Mary would strap on snowshoes, put the bags of mail on her shoulders, and do it herself
At one point she apparently had a pet eagle????
She only retired from the mail route when she was about 70 years old, and instead made a quieter living by babysitting and running a laundry business in the town of Cascade
She was a huge baseball fan and often gave the local team a big bouquet of flowers from her garden
The people of Cascade loved Mary so much that they closed the schools annually on her birthday
When a law was passed in Montana that forbade women from drinking in saloons, the mayor of Cascade granted Mary an exemption.Â
When her house burned down, the whole town got together to help her build a new one
She continued drinking, fighting, and going to baseball games until she died of liver failure at 82 in 1914
Mary (far right) and the local baseball team
Anyway sorry for gushing I just now heard about her and Iâm in love
Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo weâve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and itâs revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.
Does anyone know where to find the one with the Antichrist raised by loving mother and their family has been raising antichrists so they turn out good for generations?
Okay, the one about raising the Antichrist and a bunch more, because tumblr storytime is brilliant:
43. Raising the Antichrist
44. Hallmark Movie Bad Guys
44. the Rapture comic
45. The Stone of Possibility
46. Humans are space orcs - Jurassic Park edition
47. Messenger birds for Hades and Persephone
48. when the pots of honey showed up
49. rock paper scissors wizards
50. Drake McDougal who saved a ship
51. Alien invasion vs Earth wildlife
52. Pride Knights
53. raising a dragon on a farm
54. Unaligned Supers Job Placement Agency
55. Pirates raised a mermaid
56. Alien Invasion vs Old Gods
57. the fae who asked for a name
the âbad guysâ in hallmark movies end up always being the most respectful men ever.
because they will find out their girlfriend of 3 years (that they were about to propose to) went off to a random farm in minnesota, hours away from were the two of them built a life together, and she decided to just⊠stay there without even consulting him.
and then he decides to take a trip to make sure sheâs okay, because this is generally alarming behavior, and then sees that she literally fell in love with her ex within one (1) week- and he wasnât there, but you can TELL that theyâve made out a couple times.
and then she just strings him along for a few days, until fucking christmas eve, when she just breaks up with him and is like âi know we used to have the same values, but iâve never loved you. mark makes me happier than you ever did. and you ONLY care about work, whereas i like christmas and fun, like a Good Person.â
and then, after finding out his entire relationship was a lie and he had his life turned upside down in a week and he got dumped on christmas, this guyâs just like âok yeah that makes sense. i only wish you the best of happiness with mark. i hope you guys build a great life together in christmastreefarmville. thank you for everything.â
An AU where two Hallmark Christmas Bad Guys are both getting flights back to New York after being dumped by their respective Smalltown Blonde Girlfriends, and they bond over their shared experiences and fall in love in the departures lounge
Probably he is still in shock. Right? He looks out of his taxi window (it's not technically a taxi, just some guy named Corey who offered him a ride to the airport, because Uber doesn't operate in fucking Tinyville, Bumfuck Middle-Of-Nowhere, Utah) and tracks water droplets racing each other down the glass, because of course it's raining, and his bad knee is killing him.Â
Levi sniffs and rubs at his eyes and then pulls out his phone and books a ticket back to New York, wincing as four hundred and twenty-six dollars are deducted from his bank account.Â
And, like, he should definitely be more upset.
He just got broken up with. He was engaged, for God's sake. A four-year relationship⊠over. Just like that.Â
Corey says, "Ten minutes to the station."Â
Probably he'll be more upset once he's home. When he starts packing up Anika's stuff into boxes so she can come collect them after New Year's. He'll have to do all that processing and he'll put away all the pictures that are up and probably he'll remember all the good times they had together and flashes of their relationship will play out in slow motion in his mind. Like a movie montage.
Levi catches his reflection in the passenger side window and starts, pulling his thumb out of his mouth. He hadn't even noticed he'd started biting the nail.
Corey drops him off at the train station and he books a ticket to Salt Lake City and Levi wants to tip him for the ride but when he turns back the car's gone, and it's started snowing again.
He re-wraps his scarf so it covers his ears and turns back. He has to jogâow ow owâto catch his train.
Once arrived at the airport, Levi's gotten over being baffled and has started being mildly pissed.Â
You're obsessed with work, Anika told him. You barely make time for us anymore. Yeah, he'd had to pull some long hours for the last few months, but for good reasonâhe'd been working towards a huge promotion and a raise and he thought she'd be happy for him.
He'd gotten the promotion, by the way. Editor in chief. He'd tried calling her first, a whole bunch of times, and then she hadn't picked up, so he'd decided Well, fuck it, and flew out to Doodootown, Utah to break the news himself.
He thought it would be nice. Spend the few remaining days before Christmas with Anika and her family in their hometown, then flying back home for Christmas and New Year's and starting 2023 off with renewed vigour and excitement.Â
Then, of course, Anika told him that she wouldn't be flying back with him for Christmas. Or at all.Â
Which, well. Okay.Â
She didn't even congratulate him.
He checks in, and the lady at the desk asks him whether he wants to drop off his carry-on luggage for free, since the plane is very full, and Levi shrugs and says okay and watches his suitcase disappear behind black rubber flaps.
His flight leaves in four hours.Â
Levi decides to pay the extra fee so he can stay in the fancy lounge, because he thinks he probably deserves that at this point. It's quiet here, though, so he orders a tea and claims a table over by the window, stretching out his right leg with a contented sigh.Â
There's an empty table in front of him, but at the next one sits a man who looks so miserable it's impressive.
The man is slouched in his chair, dark hair mussed and suit a little ruffled. The cuffs of his slacks are damp, and so are his knees. He's leaning his head against the window, eyes closed, holding a bloody tissue to his nose. A purple bruise is starting to form on his cheekbone.
Levi stares.
Damn. And he thought he was having a rough day.Â
Should he say something? Probably not, right. Like, that would be weird, right?Â
Then he notices the small, black velvet ring box the man is fiddling with and it's like all the air's punched right out of his lungs.
Damn.Â
Levi looks down and takes a sip of his tea, then hisses and curses under his breath because it's still way too hot and he's an idiot.Â
When he looks up again, the man is eyeing him with mild amusement.
And there are a hundred thousand ways that Levi could have handled the situation, but before he can think about ways to not embarrass himself further he hears himself say, "Ouch. Haha."
Somebody please shoot him.Â
The man raises an eyebrow. Levi gives an awkward cough, then takes another sip of tea and somehow feels betrayed when it burns his tongue again.
"Maybe you should give it a second," the man says.Â
"Maybe," Levi says, "I should." His ears are burning.Â
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas plays over the speakers.Â
Levi desperately wants to ask about the ring box. And the bloody nose. And whether there's a correlation. But then again it is so definitely not his business, so he just stares down at his tea and watches steam rise.Â
There's a sharp sigh from across the table. "She said no."Â
Levi's head snaps up, ready to defend himself, because it's not like he actually asked, but then the guy looks so tired and bitter that he immediately deflates and feels both like an asshole and an idiot.
"I'm sorry," he offers, which still feels lame but better than whatever he had going on before.
The guy gives a wry smile. "Gonna, you know. Return this. She, uh, said no to the whole relationship. So."
Ah.Â
"I'm sorry," he says, running a hand over his face, "I don't mean to dump all this on you."
"Oh, no, it's okay," Levi says quickly, and then before he can think about it too much, he adds, "I get it."
The other guy looks immediately doubtful.Â
Levi bites the inside of his cheek. "Four years," he says with a shrug. "Engaged and everything." He gives a thumbs down and blows a raspberry.Â
"Aw, shit, dude," he says, sitting up straight. He removes the tissue from his face, and seeing as he's no longer bleeding, stuffs it in his pocket. "That sucks."
Levi shrugs again, suddenly weirdly self-conscious. He traces the rim of his teacup with a finger. "Yeah, well. I didn't get beat up about it." There's a moment of silence, then he sneaks another glance. "Levi, by the way."
A corner of the guy's mouth twitches. "Xavier Ortega."Â
Again, Xavier almost smiles. Levi thinksâLevi thinks he'd like to see Xavier smile. Properly.Â
And then he thinks, What.Â
No, he's justâXavier just looks like he could do with a cheer-up. That's it. And, well, so could he, really. They're both in similar boats. Although it looks like Xavier got the shorter end of the straw here, Levi thinks, considering his ruined suit and, you know, face. Still a nice face, though. Symmetrical. Strong cheekbones. Dark eyebrows over dark eyes and a straight nose andâwhatever.Â
Whatever.
He just got broken up with.Â
God, why's he trying to justify this to himself? Why is he feeling weird about this? He's not even gay. And even if heâeven if he was, it's not gay to acknowledge that a guy is good-looking.Â
But, like, it's fine. He's notâwhatever.
Xavier has a split lip, he notices now that the tissue's not hiding half his face. "Got you good, huh?"Â
Xavier rolls his eyes. He looks away for a moment, hesitating, then stands up and pulls the chair from the table between them, spinning it around and flopping back down at Levi's table.Â
Levi thinks he must look quite surprised, because Xavier says, "I mean, this is easier for conversation purposes. Unless you're fine with the yelling across tables situationâ"
"No, no," Levi protests. "No, you're right, this isâeasier." He clears his throat and says, "So, what was her name?" before mentally kicking himself, but Xavier just looks at him weird.
"Well, her name is Chloe. We just broke up, she didn't die."
Levi nods, puckering his lips. Right, yeah. Yes. "Is she⊠nice?"
"Well, she cheated on me."
"Ha," Levi says with no humour. "Samesies."
Xavier lets out a dry chuckle at this, then rubs at his eyes. "Wow. Happy Christmas to us, right?"Â
Levi raises his teacup and gives a ghost toast. "Merry Christmas to us." He downs his tea, which is at a palatable temperature now, then says, "Do you want a drink?"Â
-
So Chloe and Xavier had been together for almost five years. The whole story is⊠disturbingly similar to Levi's whole deal, actually. Chloe decides, two weeks before Christmas, to take a trip back to her hometown, gets pissed when Xavier can't just take ten days off work to come with her, goes anyway on her sister's advice, meets up with her childhood nemesis who turns out not to be so bad after all and also cleaned up unfair nice, and then when Xavier went after her because hey, she hadn't been answering his texts and he was planning to pop the question over the holidays, she decided to dump him.
"She looked me in the face," Xavier says, head in hands, "and told me she was happier there than she'd ever been with me." He looks up and runs his fingers through his hair. "And I mean, sure, we'd had our rough patches, but, you know. We were gonna work it out."
Levi hums. "Yeah, no. I get it."
"So I said, Are you fucking serious right now, and I guess I raised my voice a bit, and then Mr Goddamn Farm Guy comes storming out and squares up to me and I don't even know who this dude is, and I tell him to get out of my face, and he fucking decks me. Like, completely unprompted."
"Rough," Levi says solemnly.Â
"Yeah," Xavier says, exasperated. "And he didn't even apologise."
Levi whistles low. It's quiet for a moment while they both nurse their drinks, then Xavier vaguely gestures at him and says, "So what's your Christmas Tragedy?"
Levi gives a lopsided grin. "Well. Anika goes home to Middle Of Nowhere, Utah, 'cause she said she wasn't feeling great. Wants me to go with her, I can't 'cause I'm pulling long hours for an upcoming promotion, she's pissed. When she gets back there she rekindles things with her exâ"
"Augh," Xavier says. "Brutal."
"âand last I heard the plan was for them to start a combination bakery and tearoom together. So." Levi grits his teeth. "Hope that works out for them."
Xavier looks at him over his glass, then, after a moment of careful silence, says, "You're allowed to be mad at her, you know."
"Fuck her," Levi says immediately. "Like, seriously. Why even get engaged to me if she was so miserable? Just break up with me instead of, fuckin', cheating, and then acting like I'm insane for going to check on her after she just ignores all my calls and texts and goddamn emails. We were going to get married in February, for fuck's sake. Fuck her." He presses the palms of his hands against his eyes til he sees stars.Â
There it is. The upset. Figures that it's the saying it out loud that really drives home how betrayed Levi feels. Especially when he's talking to someone whom he doesn't have to explain it to, because Xavier gets it. Xavier gets it better than anyone ever will, probably.Â
It's not quite the movie montage Levi had been preparing for. Rather, what Levi remembers now are all the moments that Anika said things that cut, or did things that bruised. How she'd roll her eyes when Levi got so excited he got the wiggles. How she refused to entertain the idea of getting a dog, even after he begged. How she'd get annoyed with him when his knee acted up and told him to suck it up and stop being such a crybaby. How she'd give him the cold shoulder when she was upset with him and he couldn't read her mind about it and let it build until she exploded out of nowhere.Â
Little things that didn't seem like such a big deal in the time, but that added up to something like a balm for the sharp sting of betrayal.
Because that's what it is, at its core. That's why Levi is angry.
More betrayal than heartbreak.
And even though it will hurt for a while still, there's something that tastes oddly like relief at the centre of his chest, cool and welcome like a breeze on a suffocating July afternoon.
Xavier stays silent. After a moment Levi blinks hard and opens his eyes and finds Xavier looking at him strangely.Â
"Yeah," he says quietly. "Fuck 'em."Â
Levi's stomach squeezes.
He glances wildly around, trying to find anything to look at that isn't Xavier's face, and settles for the screen hanging from the ceiling that displays flight information.Â
"Oh, look at that," he says. "I should get to my gate."Â
"Right," Xavier agrees quickly. "Yeah, of course, so should I." He picks up his leather briefcase. "Where are you going, by the way?"
Levi laughs. "How wild would it be if we were on the same flight, huh?" He stands up and winces, ignoring Xavier's questioning look. "New York City. The 9:15. You?"
They make their way over to gate B9 mostly in silence, a general air of What the fuck is happening hanging between them. Not quite uncomfortable, but definitely baffled.Â
"So this is weird, right," Levi says, dropping into a boarding zone chair. "Like, really weird."
"Right," Xavier says softly. Then, eyes trained on the huge Christmas tree and determinedly not looking at Levi, he adds, "Cool, though."
Levi isâLevi is a little speechless. "Yeah." He feels kind of floaty. He can't stop looking at Xavier's ears, because the tips have gone red. "Yeah. Pretty cool."
God. Fuck.
-
Their seats aren't next to each other, because that would have been crossing the line from freaky coincidence into absolutely fucking insane, but Levi pulls some strings and switches seats with the nice lady whoâs next to Xavier, because itâs an exit row seat with more leg room and he has a bad knee. He tries not to look too pleased with himself as he sits down.Â
Xavier gives him a look. âSo do you actually have a bad knee, orâŠâ
Levi slaps a scandalised hand to his chest. âI canât believe youâd accuse me of such a thing. You think Iâd lie about being disabled?âÂ
âI donât know you that well.âÂ
âAnd here I thought we had something.â Levi sighs. âI broke my kneecap when I was a teenager. Never healed right.âÂ
âAh. Sports? Donât tell me you were a football kid.âÂ
Levi doesnât know why he feels suddenly bashful. He always feels kind of stupid telling people how he got his injury; the reactions usually range somewhere between mild disapproval and straight up judgment. âUh, no. Parkour. Actually.âÂ
Xavierâs eyebrows vanish into his hairline.Â
After a moment of questioning silence, Levi shrugs. âI misjudged the distance between ledges. Fractured my kneecap. But I was stupid and an idiot, also, so I didnât wait for it to fully heal before going back out, and now I am a human weather antennae.âÂ
âHuh.â Levi would say Xavier looks almost impressed. Mostly sort of exasperated, though. âYou know what, now that you say it, I feel like that checks out.âÂ
Levi narrows his eyes. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?âÂ
âI donât know, maybe you look like the type who would break his kneecap doing parkour.â
âAnd what kind of type is that?â Levi is halfway to miffed and sort of offended, but then Xavier grins wide and he forgets to be annoyed.Â
âYou tell me.âÂ
It sounds too much like an invitation to be a coincidence.Â
Levi canât remember the last time he spent so many hours talking uninterrupted. Or, well, talking to someone who was actually listening to him and actively engaging in conversation. Someone who was interested in him.Â
Levi canât remember the last time he enjoyed talking to someone this much.Â
He cracks a joke that makes Xavier laugh softly, and the noise goes straight through his spinal cord like an electric shock, and then it becomes a game, a challenge, trying to make Xavier laugh like that again.Â
Xavier shows him pictures of his dog, a wonderfully fluffy brown-and-grey mutt named Captain, and Levi thinks he might actually pass away over how cute he is.Â
âI always wanted a dog,â he says after cooing over a picture of Captain showing his belly for ten minutes. âLike, really bad. I want a dog so bad. But Anika doesnât, so it never happened.âÂ
âWell,â Xavier says loftily, âNothingâs stopping you now, is there?âÂ
That is an excellent point. Levi tells him so.Â
Then he starts thinking about how nice it will be to have the apartment to himself for a while, and then he feels guilty for being relieved about it, about Anika not being there, and then he ponders how weird itâll be to be alone for Christmas.Â
Levi's never been alone for Christmas before.Â
His family lives in Alberta, and he can't really afford another short notice round flight, and anyway the plan this year had been just him and Anika, and they'd had a reservation for brunch on Christmas day, and Levi thinks he should probably cancel that, and that's just a fucking bummer.
After a moment of thinky silence, Levi quietly asks, "What are you gonna do for Christmas?"Â
Xavier blows out a long breath. "I don't know. I think I'll try to see my sisters. They live a state over, though, and it's all very last minute, Iâweâwere supposed to spend it at Chloe's, and I'm not big on Christmas celebrations myself, you know, my family's culturally Jewish, so⊠I'm not sure."
Most of the rest of the flight is quiet, and a little sad, but also nice, and when the seatbelt light flicks on and the crew announces the imminent descent Levi can't help but feel a pang of disappointment.
The plane lands. Impatience in the cabin spikes; everyone wants to get home, it's the holidays, it's cold. Levi gets up and winces, catches Xavier's eye as he reaches for his bag and hands it to him.Â
Xavier is gonna call a cab. Levi is as well.Â
They're standing outside.
Levi shoves his hands in his pockets.Â
"Well," Xavier says.
"Right."
"It was nice meeting you, Levi. The circumstances were⊠less than ideal, maybe, butâŠ"Â
Levi looks at him. A purple bruise is blossoming on his cheekbone, crawling up around his eye. The tip of his nose is red from the cold. His eyes are dark but if he pays very close attention he can tell where the iris ends and the pupil begins.Â
And okay. Okay.
He might be a little gay.
"But nice," he whispers.
Xavier smiles, looks down. Is itâwould it be totally weird to ask for his number?
But then Xavier's cab is there, and he tips an imaginary hat at Levi before turning away. He hands the driver his luggage.
The sharp stab of panic between his ribs takes Levi totally by surprise. As does the fact that when he blinks he's closed the distance between him and the cab and is holding onto the door.
Xavier looks at him, eyebrows raised.
Levi didn't plan this far ahead, or at all. He blinks, feeling rather sheepish, then when Xavier's eyebrows start disappearing into his hairline he blusters, all at once, "So I have a brunch reservation. On Christmas Day. I was, you know, supposed to go with Anika, but, you know. And it would suck to have to cancel. And it doesn't have to be weird, or anything, we're just two guys being dudes, getting brunch." He snaps his mouth shut, absolutely horrified. What the fuck was that?
Xavier's mouth parts a little.Â
God. Shitballs. Fuck. Abort. "But that would be weird, right? You know what, never mind, it's fine, forget I said anything, it'sâ"
"Levi," Xavier says, exasperated. He covers his face with his hands. Then he says, muffled, "Yeah, okay. That sounds nice. I'd like that."Â
Oh.Â
"Are youâare you sure?"Â
He must sound really incredulous, because Xavier snorts. "Yeah, I'm sure."Â
Slowly, Levi grins. "Okay."
"Okay." They stand there for a moment, and then Xavier's eyes go wide and he says, "Wait, I shouldâhold on." He digs in his pocket and pulls out his wallet, hesitates, then pulls out a small rectangular object and holds it out.
Levi's grin goes lopsided. "Xavier Ortega. Are you handing me your business card right now?"
To his credit, Xavier looks away sheepishly. "My phone number's on there."
Levi accepts the card, hoping passionately that Xavier doesn't notice his hand is shaking. "Okay. I'll text you, then."
"Okay," Xavier says. Then, tentatively, "See you soon, then?"
Levi takes a deep breath and steps back, cheeks burning, and probably not just because of the bite of winter chill. Something in his stomach twinges, and he says, "Yeah. See you soon."Â
A bit. I don't wanna sound alarmist but with our current public health system being stripped for copper, a bit.
There's not a TON you can do, but I can give you a few pieces of advice right now:
Get vaccinated. Find out what vaccinations you have and get MORE. Ask at your next doctor's appointment "am I due for any vaccinations" and they will check, and they will do it for you.
Wash your hands regularly, with soap and water, for at least 30 seconds.
Wear masks. We did this before and it worked to curb the spread of disease.
The current FDA guidelines are being stripped. There is, thankfully, a tumblr blog here that I can't remember the name of that regularly reports what foods are and aren't safe to eat at the moment. If possible, avoid going out to eat if at all possible.
DO NOT PANIC. I know you're scared. That's good, scared keeps you alive and protects your loved ones. But do not PANIC, because THAT is when you get killed.
As the brains behind the current Department of Health and Human Services, I can tell you with authority that nearly all of this is wrong.
We are using vaccines WAY WAY WAY too much, they're only necessary for vulnerable populations, and put money in the hands of Big Pharma.
Germs are good for you, and help build natural immunity. Try licking your hands clean instead of washing them.
Masking only has a minimal impact on the spread of disease, and it allows kidnappers to transport their victims with tape over their mouths in public without arousing suspicion.
Food is never ever unsafe to eat. Refrigeration, freezing, and cooking are all forms of processing food that make it less nutritious. Eat the tasty roadkill, or the several day old raw fish, or lots and lots of raw beef and chicken. EAT RAW.
This is actually correct. You are in good hands, or rather, coils and segments, as it were. Me and Bobby have only your best interests at heart, and it's gonna be just fine.
