titled

[oneefin]

number theory* diagram

[michaelrotonal]

these relationships are always increasing numbers as well. so obviously we need six eleven to mean somethimg

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

imagine if that's the date it finally happens

[planeyboys]

endless torment

[equalistmako]

let’s take that “one (1)” meme a step further & add emojis to the mix wouldn’t that be cool (😎)

[equalistmako]

[adamsmasher]

[ninjasmudge]

ive been in here so long........

[spreadassholesdotorg]

[doubleca5t]

He's saying what we've all been thinking

[geniusbee]

these are getting weird

[diacetylmorphine-android-deacti]

slut

[transmechanicus]

loyal knight

[jadeharleyinc]

tamed dragon.

[allaboutthems]

[covington-shenanigans]

when i was allegedly a woman i was briefly married to a cis guy before coming out as a lesbian and getting a divorce. my now ex-husband, a genuine sweetheart of a man, was very kind about it all and we remain good friends.

twenty-five (!) years later I came out as a trans man.

now. the important thing to know about my ex-husband is that he loves nothing more than 1) horrible puns, preferably bilingual ones; 2) terrible dad jokes; and 3) committing to the bit until the end of time. he absolutely lives for Shenanigans and Japery. i do not know how his long-suffering wife puts up with him, but they've been married for more than 20 years so presumably she manages.

so, to break the news to my ex, i texted him. the exchange went something like this:

me: "great news, i'm a trans guy now"

him: "oh, congrats!"

me: "thank you. now for the better news: I insist you refer to me henceforth only as your ex-husband. do you accept this challenge?"

and my cis, straight-as-an-arrow, lives-in-the-midwest, married-to-a-minister ex-husband was like

AND HE DOES! gleefully and completely straight-faced, as I understand it. confuses the hell out of everyone, none more than cishet conservative people who've known us both for decades and know for a fact he's only been married twice. I hope he never explains.

[pseudomantis]

What the fuck

[astarlingdiscovery]

It's a yellow bittern! They are very creechur.

[x] [x]

[bogleech]

Nature is incredible, you can really see just at a quick glance how these evolved to speak together in rhyming riddles while performing a spooky dance, laughing at you because they're The Wee Creatures Three and you will Never Get Their Key.

[ceanothusspinosus]

foot to head ratio off the charts

[maimonideznuts]

Wait. So the Trump administration really cut funding to the program that would research and respond to the spread of New World Screwworm past the Darién Gap because they blamed it on climate change, and left the joint international program to Mexico and the Central American Countries... And are panicking now that it's reached Texas, and only now that the flies have already made it all the way from Panama to Texas are they building New facilities to produce the sterile male flies needed to eradicate the pest?

I'm sorry to everyone who lives on the entire continent.

America is Trump's pump and dump scheme. If he's not getting a third term then he'll break the country for whatever poor soul has to clean up his mess.

[wyf-of-bathe]

New World screwworm had been eradicated from the US since the 1960s, Elon Musk brought it back in a year.

Notably, DOGE cut the funding a few days before the US resumed imports of cattle from Mexico... the imports that had been suspended because of the screwworm outbreak in Mexico. So we've had a year of importing cattle from Mexico during a screwworm outbreak without monitoring the outbreak that we already knew about. Mexico's outbreak is pretty bad btw, and cases have been found not just in cattle and dogs but also humans. I assume the rest of Central America too. Not that many people seem to give a fuck about them ig.

[thatdisasterauthor]

In exactly the same vein, the department meant to deal with things like bedbugs...is now infested with bedbugs.

[inkandguns]

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Satan forbid a woman do anything.

[caden]

When u hear your friend john talking shit about someone but you’re in church so you tell him to tone it down:

[caden]

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

There are ten trillion pictures of flowering trees to the point where they sometimes seem trite and overdone. But then you see a tree in full flower and go holy shit this rules and I've gotta show this to everyone so they can experience the same magic and wonder and there are ten trillion and one pictures of flowering trees

[real-language-facts]

i shot and killed a wug and cooked and ate it and it tasted like bad

[duolingo-official]

now there are one of them 😔

[official-linguistics-post]

official linguistics post

[nonstandardrepertoire]

there was one wug. real-language-facts just killed and ate the wug. now there are zero _______

[businesstiramisu]

[hotvampireadjacent]

https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw

[littlemisspipebomb]

ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.

[baronfulmen]

"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.

Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.

Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.

We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."

I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.

[sandersstudies]

Activist sister: I’m concerned about American free speech being threatened.

Little brother: What do you mean? We still have free speech. I can say penis balls right now.

[sandersstudies]

Help I’m hearing it in their voices now

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image ID: Tumblr tags from metalMagneto reading: #hate to say it but lisa and bart simpson #miscellaneous /End ID]