autumnloverlemons

an NSFW sideblog I made because my main blog has minors and I respect them enough not to post NSFW for them to see.     main blog:   https://xx-autmnlvr-xx.tumblr.com/

[falllemon]

Yall, I am posting to explain that I am willing to chat with people that are lonely via DM messages or Kik! I am available for roleplay, something that rhymes with hext, and praise/insult giving.

Only legit offers please! I'm having to take care of my grandmother and need the money bad.

If interested please DM me or Kik me at the username: badcherrie

Only accept Paypal

Rules:

•no begging for free texts

•no price negotiation (i will tell you my rate in DM)

•don't be pushy with uncomfortable requests

•don't be rude or prententious

•don't demand things I'm not comfortable with

[handweavers]

mice are having sex in my walls :(

[handweavers]

the mice are fucking AND now i'm getting heckled

[gloriousbodies]

@oyavaski​ i think the funniest part of this is you thinking that this is fake because.....some of us are the same age and we have normal tumblr names i guess lmao????

[handweavers]

never thought i'd get accused of faking having a mice infestation for tumblr clout and yet here we are

[eldriitchmurmurs]

you fucked those mice yourself

[handweavers]

I fucked those mice myself

[jacquithealien]

[facts-i-just-made-up]

Hepler’s Mold takes over a car-

Ever leave a window open and get snow in your car? Well, in the tropics they have another problem: Hepler’s mold. The bright fungus naturally eats away at trees but naugahyde (the fake leather in most cars) contains ten times more cumulus oophorus cells than the tree bark from which its made.

And here’s the result. The bright fungus has completely consumed the car’s interior. It may look soft and cushy but you’d find no place in the world less comfortable, as the mold can also grow in human lungs. The spores from this car would kill a passenger within ten minutes. The bright fibers of victims erupt from their mouths in a gruesome spectacle that the natives of these regions call “Elmo’s Death”.

[real-live-human]

Hummerous,,

[pfaugh]

TELL ME IM WRONG

[kikokuso]

You are 100% wrong. Do you really think that the Onecler would accept Lorax to be unshaved? Onecler’s cock is a demanding mistress and won’t accept anything that’s less smooth than a veal cutlet, so lorax shaves twice per day to satisfy Onecler’s needs and get Onecler’s seeds.

[pfaugh]

the hair is growing from the inside. you really expect him to shave twice a day?

is he getting in there with a fuckin vacuum cleaner? does the Mayor of Whoville come over every morning to wage war on his luscious fibers? you really think The Guardian of The Trees is sitting in his bathtub, whole lussy out, tryna pick one tasty orange tendril out at a time with a fuckin tweezer?

No.

The onceler went where no man could, before or since.

He entered that jungle a boy, and left a man: conquered by a savage wilderness he dare not control.

[peak-idiocy]

What the fuck are the both of you on??

[pfaugh]

Hubris.

[ambrodesiac]

Hummi the more I see you say things the less I feel emotions other than complete void

[bytebitson]

I think the worst part is Hammerpants thought of Lorax coochie but i thought of Pennywise bussy

[pfaugh]

There are two kinds of people in this world,

[fnige-deactivated20220904]

Y'all are saying the wrong things. The onceler is simply incapable of having a dick

[pfaugh]

“y'all”? I hadn’t said anything about 𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙠.

The existence of 𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙧 𝙘𝙤𝙘𝙠 is entirely inconsequential to my argument.

Really, it’s as if you’re all engaging with this purely out of spite-

[glumshoe]

hey do you guys know about the uncomfortably horny BDSM song cut from Disney’s Aladdin

[argumate]

no but I wanna

[glumshoe]

it’s called “Humiliate The Boy” and it’s just line after line of Jafar making it Weird™️

including the very real lyrics “oh, we’ll emasculate him slowly/all the better to enjoy/how delicious to humiliate the boy”

Disney why

Disney I can’t kinkshame fast enough to keep up with this shit

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

after learning Ursula’s character design was based on a (truly splendid) drag queen, I just sort of got lazy with assuming she would always be the most salacious disney villain. 

but apparently Jafar is a dom with a thing for twinks & humiliation play so what do i know

[glumshoe]

I don’t think I’d call Ursula especially salacious–she makes jokes implying that men only want sex, and she moves like a theatre major at the grocery store with their friends, but I wouldn’t describe her as horny.

I guess Frollo has a whole song about how horny he is, and both Gaston and Jafar also have “marry the heroine but in an evil way” as motives. 

[smokyquartz323]

Ursula is comfortable in her sexuality. Frollo is horny on main but trying to deny it. Gaston and, apparently, Jafar are horny period, with Gaston being mysoginistc and Jafar having a humiliation kink

[virgil-is-a-cutie]

Oh dear

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ok someone do an alignment chart

[bemusedlybespectacled]

I made an alignment chart because I needed something to occupy my time. no one but frollo is on the “conflicted” bar because no other disney villain is anything but 100% comfortable with their sexuality and that’s that about that. gaston is evilly sexy, not evilly horny, because the only person gaston is horny for is gaston.

also, did we NOT already know jafar was kinky? was the slave girl outfit and hypnokink not a huge giveaway?

[crispydumbass]

I love tumblr coz where else would I read a serious analysis of Disney villains in terms of them being sexy/kinky/horny while listening to a very disturbing kinky Jafar song

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

someone replace “but conflicted” with “but a creep” and add scar and hades

[wee-tiny]

[pixie-mage]

Perfect

[counterpunches]

#the real reason i’ll stay forever on this godforsaken website#truly groundbreaking analysis just like this  @fiddleabout

[brokenlittlebabydoll]

I laughed too hard NOT to share this. I don’t even care

[jacknoughtsarchive]

i really couldn't care less if a character has "no redeeming qualities" i chose my faves with my pussy not my brain

[milfmacbeth]

you COMMENT on fic? you comment on the story like it's worth something? oh! oh! love for reader! love for reader for One Thousand Years!!!!

[goldeaglefire1]

so that announcement huh

[falllemon]

Me: *seeing i have almost 100 reads on my new nsfw fanfic but 1 kudo* hmm... I guess I'm the only one that thought it was good...?

Tumblr at that moment: SOMEONE LIKED YOUR POST PROMOTING THE FANFIC

Me: *le gasp*

[falllemon]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Warning: EXTREMELY SMUTTY AND K!NKY

18+ ONLY

What if tom nook was as evil and greedy as people say? I was thinking about it and of course my mind went somewhere so I decided to write this!! I hope everyone that reads this tom nook x reader likes it

The reader is androgynous. I made sure no genital was explicitly mentioned other than Tom's. So anyone of any gender can enjoy this!!!

[falllemon]

Oh, word?

[bunny-lexuskun]

@kymanweek

[octoswan]

NASA warns alien life may not be fuckable

WASHINGTON - Following a recent uptick in UFO interest, NASA cautioned curious citizens against the notion that extraterrestrial life will b

[octoswan]

actually you know what, valid

[yeats-nana]

Aliens: [finally contacts with NASA and wants to know more about the human race]

[sandmandaddy69]

[ottermatopoeia]

baja blast

[ariadneproserpina]

That dolphin pussy stuff

[thyrell]

the what

[cvberitual]

it's nothing, go back to bed

[albertsalo]

[the-real-skeletor]

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

[my-court-jester-courted-me]

[theryanproject]

[peniswakt-deactivated20210717]

*pirate woman on 1600s tinder voice* aye they call me The Peg......and not because of me fake leg 😏

[nudityandnerdery]

"D'you think it be because her Christian name be Margaret?" "Oh, lad. I s'pect you be too naive for the likes of her."

[nemythecoolest]

[wooyess-deactivated20130920]

reblogging this because i think it is creative and funny, not because i dont get laid. this is a good joke, and i have a lot of sex with women

[gendrbot-remade-deactivated2014]

was that really necessary to add

really

[wooyess-deactivated20130920]

huh? just sharing my love of getting laid. didn’t mean to offend you friend. i just have a lot of sex. with women. i get laid a lot and thats why i added this.

[concealedblade-deactivated20210]

hey guys

[stachionalgeographic]

what happens if the

[trapcard]

*lil wayne voice* call that

[soyestoday]

this entire post should not be a thing

[lord-kitschener]

Hey guys I just wanted to pop in and say that you’re all a bunch of disgusting demons from hell

[scottandhiskind]

[ohshitthisbloghasothercolors]

Could you guys imagine if the only sex education people got was from bad fanfiction?

[teaberryblue]

Well, there would be a lot more access to birth control because men would think they could get pregnant.

[salty-red-mage]