Marcus stopped abruptly in the middle of the grass. A woman in a blue dress was already sitting on the Crisis Bench. He didn’t recognize the dress. She looked up from where she was sitting.
“Sorry,” he said, holding up his hands. “I didn’t think anyone would be over here.” He didn’t think he remembered an introduction to anyone in that dress. It was a memorable sort of a dress. “I believe I ran into your mother inside?” he ventured, because he ran into so many mothers.
“She’s not here,” she said, which was not what he wanted to hear and which he absolutely could not handle at the moment.
“Right,” he said, trying to recover, pretending as if he’d just remembered something. “Your father–”
“We haven’t met,” she interrupted. “I’m not anyone.”
“Oh thank god,” he said, abandoning propriety to collapse onto the bench, dropping his head between his knees. “Thank you.”
“Too many people?” she said sympathetically.
“I’m really bad with faces,” he admitted.
“A lot of people are,” she assured him.
He dragged his hands down his face. “I just confused a Duke with a waiter.”
She bit her lip. “As long as you aren’t rude to waiters, you should be fine,” she said.
“I wasn’t rude,” he said. “I’m never rude. It would have been better if I was rude.” He buried his face in his hands. “I tipped him,” he said, anguished, muffled by his palms. Why had he been dressed like a waiter?
She burst out laughing, loud and with her head tipped back, overwhelming the empty garden. He separated his fingers to stare at her.
“Sorry,” she hiccuped, which immediately descended back into snorts. She laughed like she was hunting for truffles.
“Thanks,” he said, though he almost did feel better. “I’m feeling very supported in my time of need.”
“There’s only one thing you can do,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes, trying to dab at them to not destroy her makeup. Reflexively, he offered her a handkerchief, which she accepted. “You have to flee the country. It’s the only way.” She checked the handkerchief for signs of smeared eyeliner. “Leave your family. Change your name. Get a new family. Never tell them your dark secret.”
“I think my old family might notice if I got a new family,” he said, now resting his chin in his hands, elbows balanced on his knees.
“That’s why you have to burn your house down,” she said matter-of-factly, now holding his handkerchief in a neat fold in her lap. “Just burn the whole thing. Everything but your favorite hat. You leave the hat on top of the ashes for your family to find. ‘This must be him’ they’ll say. 'He would never have left his favorite hat’. It’s the perfect crime. Once it’s done, you become a pig farmer. Anyone comes around asking questions, you feed them to the pigs.”
“You seem like you’ve put a lot of thought into this,” he observed. “How are your pigs?”
She looked him over sidelong. “Hungry,” she said primly.
humans inviting aliens to visit earth after a long mission and aliens being really excited to go and see the infamous planet that led to the development of such universally renown species but get one look at the ocean and are just. what the fuck is that.
and humans are like oh yeah we don’t fuck with that
and aliens are like you literally hop galaxies with little to no understanding of what you’ll find but you won’t venture into your own aquatic abyss?
and humans simply say scan it
five kicks later and aliens say fuck that fuck that fuck that what the fuck how are you all alive let’s go back to the black holes
I said it was extremely good evil workplace benefits, and that is the bare minimum smh. All of my henchman have dental. If some “hero” comes in and punches one of your teeth out while you’re guarding my lair or any of its many nefarious secrets, I will ensure you get seen by one of the finest dentists money can buy
I hate Kim Reynolds extra for opting Iowa out of the Midwest Partnership, but also this may be the ONLY time you see Iowa and Nebraska work together on something so like. Good for the Missouri River Pact.
Do non-americans realize that the United States is literally just a bunch of countries in a trench coat that agreed to be semi-nice to each other in order to sneak into the Big Boy Club? Because let’s be honest that’s just what the USA is
I love how everyone who’s reblogged this hasn’t added anything on or tagged anything on it. They’re all just like “Yeah. That’s it. That’s the entire United States summed up in one post-”
I moved to another state. 30 minutes away. My family acts like I betrayed them and can’t understand my life choices. It’s completely different way of life, especially during covid. Completely different country.
every single fucking time one of those articles of “things europeans find weird about america” complains that sales tax isn’t included
states set the sales tax!!! it’s literally different across state lines!!! american retailers can’t add it bc they’d have to account for 50 different prices!!!!!!!
It gets even more insane! California’s clean air standards for cars and other such things are so much higher than everyone else’s! So if a car manufacturer in Detroit wants to sell their damn cars in California, they need to build their cars to California clean air standards. But retooling an assembly line and car design to have some cars meet California clean air standards, while building others to other clean air standards is a lot of work, so car manufacturers all over the country have to build all their cars to California clean air standards.
Which is why California went into an uproar earlier this year when the Federal Government tried to argue that states can’t set their own environmental guidelines! “Fuck you!” says California, “we remember Los Angeles in the 80s, how bad the smog gets, go pollute your own damn air over in your own damn state where there isn’t a thermal inversion layer to trap all the smog down near ground level!”
“But you’re making it soooo haaaaaard to sell our cars everywhere else!” they whine.
“Fuck you!” California shouts. “And while we’re at it, we don’t give a shit what you say, Mister President, we’re gonna open our damn states when we’re good and ready, and our friends Nevada, Oregon, Colorado, and Washington State agree! Also, we’ve decided to legalize weed!”
“But the Federal Government says it’s illegal!” shouts the other states.
“Fuck you, we make the drug laws in our state, and we say toke up!”
“Now, hang on!” shouts the Federal government. “You can legalize weed in your state, but all banks are federal agencies, so if your weed dispensaries set up bank accounts, those accounts have money from illegal practices in it and are subject to seizure by the federal government!”
“FINE!” shouts California. “Hey, weed guys, you can keep selling weed, but you can only deal in cash!”
“How the fuck is that supposed to work!?”
“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW, TAKE IT UP WITH DC!”
“By the way, if you’re gay married elsewhere, we won’t recognize it,” mutters Texas.
And then you get the regions in the state. Don’t get ANY American started on city/region that’s the ”best” in their state, especially the Western ones.
Oh yeah. I said this in the tags on an earlier reblog, but the Philadelphia area would sooner claim kinship with New Jersey (and we hate New Jersey, so this is saying something) than be lumped in with the rest of Pennsylvania.
Texas is especially bad because We Were Our Own Country Once You Know. And don’t even get me started on the Texas/Oklahoma thing.
I had a boss at my haunted house who was from Oklahoma originally. Texas/OU weekend happens in October, aka during haunt season. He would wear his OU gear to work on game night, just to be a shit. There were literally cast members who had to be forced to go to the pre-show cast meeting by their managers because they didn’t want to have to listen to a guy in an OU shirt/hat. This is one of the least unreasonable things I can think of when I consider that rivalry.
Everything you’ve ever heard about Texas? True. It’s really like that.
The North Carolina/South Carolina rivalry is intense, and you better believe both get mad as shit at other parts of the country for trying to act like they’re the same thing. (also when they try to act like they don’t matter even though one state produces a lot of the bacons that those assholes need for their casseroles and the other produces a lot of the rice that those fucks use in their other casseroles)
AQUAFRESH WASN’T BANNED FOR ENDGAME SPOILERS HE WAS ONE OF THE ORIGINAL WOODY’S ROUNDUP PEOPLE AND STILL HAD URLs HE TOOK FROM NAZIS AND TUMBLR STAFF WAS ACTUALLY DOING THEIR JOB SO HE TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM
so it turns out one reason why kissanime’s been sucking ass lately in terms of load times is cause rapidvideo literally uses your browser to mine cryptocurrency???
And that’s just like, one of the hundreds/thousands of other sketchy things the site has going on in the background by just sitting on any of its web pages without an adblocker/scriptblocker
Yo, if you wanna use KissAnime, you gotta be able to protect yourself & your computer from its shadiness. This post is discouraging, but sadly, there aren’t any less shady alternatives (aside from the legal streaming sites, of course) Anyway, if you wanna use any streaming site, you should download these Chrome extensions:
- uBlock Origin
And then you’re gonna wanna add this list to your uBlock filters…it blocks a lot of the nasty popups.
- Kiss Essentials
Removes ads and adds functionality. Can never be too safe, right?
- Pop Up Blocker
This extension is a lifesaver, seriously. Personally, I’ve never seen it used on Kiss, but it works a lot on other streaming sites. With uBlock, Essentials, and Pop Up Blocker, it’s very rare that I see ads.
- Minerblocker
As the name suggests, it blocks crypto miners. I can’t vouch for its reliability yet, as it hasn’t blocked anything for me atm.
I also use a tampermonkey script to block the “Are You Human?” thing. Pretty sure it’s on the Kissanime reddit (also, if you use Kiss a lot, browse that sub even more!! It’s really useful to know what the hell is going on the site before you risk your computer). Make sure to download Malwarebytes, too!
“It was a terrible, indescribable thing vaster than any subway train—a shapeless congeries of protoplasmic bubbles, faintly self-luminous, and with myriads of temporary eyes forming and un-forming as pustules of greenish light all over the tunnel-filling front that bore down upon us, crushing the frantic penguins and slithering over the glistening floor that it and its kind had swept so evilly free of all litter.”
This.. actually makes a fine reference to what a lovecraftian eldritch abomination SHOULD BE. not just.. tentacles and darkness. Perpetually changing, not cemented in form, with an otherworldly feel to it. Completely unrecognizable by most human descriptions, and only able to be viable perceived by those fine enough to be an adept wordsmith.
I think that this is very nearly an ideal representation of a lovecraftian eldritch horror, because the video that we see is (I’m fairly certain) footage that has been fed through Google deep dream.
The reason the frog looks so weird is because the program is trying to look at the frog, figure out what it is, and then overlay other images of the same thing.
The the thing about lovecraftian horrors issn’t just that they look conventionally weird or gross or scary. Instead, they are things that are so utterly alien that the human mind cannot properly comprehend what it is looking at. They defy description because they defy understanding.
And here we have a video of a computer, a simple silicon substitute for the human mind, struggling to understand what it is looking at, in much the same way that you would be hard pressed to understand a shoggoth.
https://www.chucktingle.com/getwellsoon.html Why are people not putting up the link? It’s free! (but you are encouraged to donate to a health based charity in response, if/when you can)
There’s a tornado warning out (two, technically), so of course I went for a walk outside to see if I could spot it. Never have I seen so many of my neighbors at one time, when there wasn’t a firework show or a picnic.
I’m vibing with this #aesthetic: layered long sleeve shirt, under a t-shirt, under an androgynous rainbow tunic; medieval executioner’s hood; waist cinching belt; work boots.
kaledo-art
stormborns
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
baratheonpilled
origamiaround
pixelskylines
