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hello vonnie

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d e v o n

JVL

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@fossilizedhysterics
yes, India made legal gender change impossible but the doctor down the street who gives me my T shots in a clinic so small that it's just two rooms was excited for me when she said my voice had dropped yes, India made legal gender change impossible but the receptionist who could see that I was a man didn't bat an eyelash when I asked to see the gynecologist and called me sir when he asked how I wanted to pay yes, India made legal gender change impossible but the barber cuts my hair exactly how I want it and never gave me strange looks for being in a men's salon not even back when I didn't pass as one
yes, India made legal gender change impossible but my friends have always gendered me correctly and stick to it even when it confuses other people and my friend's little sibling calls me older brother in Kannada yes, India made legal gender change impossible but my dog learned my new name quicker than the humans and she runs to give me a kiss when she's told to without being confused about who's being referred to
yes, India made legal gender change impossible but I can feel the Adam's apple growing in my throat and my muscles getting stronger, and my smile more real and I'm growing a beard, and I talk more freely
yes, India made legal gender change impossible but I'm here, and I'm alive, and so are you and there are good people, people who care and don't let them make you forget that-- you are not alone.
Listen I'm not saying that diyhrt.info has bad information. I *am* saying that I am endlessly frustrated that this is how they start the section on transmasc diy.
There is no reason to start it off comparing it to estrogen, especially since the estrogen section doesn't open up talking about how "unlike testosterone, estrogen is not a controlled substance and there isn't the same legal risk involved."
And then there's the downplaying of potential legal issues involved with DIY t. There is a difference in giving reassurance and acting like the consequences are no big deal actually, especially after mentioning how much easier to get it is than estrogen.
Why aren't we talking about how you probably shouldn't bring it on flights with you? How there are risks if you're taking it with you in your car on a trip, especially if you're a TPOC? And I know this is more niche, but how if you live with someone on probation, it getting found could have legal consequences for *them*.
Maybe a link to different states' and countries' laws about this so you can be fully informed instead of "trust me it's actually not big deal because they're not going after (cis, primarily white) gymbros."
It just feels like little snipes. Little "stop whining; you have an easier time than people going on e, actually!"
If it's supposed to come off as reassuring, it's not doing a good job imo, and I think it's being too casual about the legal considerations even in the best fair interpretation.
I've posted this article a few times, about a person who was arrested and sexually assaulted by the police because they stopped hem when hey was traveling with (legally prescribed!) testosterone. but I want to bring it up again.
Here hey described it like this:
“One officer said, ‘It smells like you’ve been having a party in here. Is that right?’” Fransisco, a white nonbinary person in their 30s, told Filter. “He said, ‘Well, if you haven’t been having a party, you won’t mind if we check your car.’” Moving quickly, the officers violently handcuffed Fransisco, took their keys and called animal control to confiscate their dog. Then they searched the car. “One yelled, ‘Show me your track marks, you fucking junkie! We found your needles and drugs,’” Fransisco said. The cop held up their prescription bottle of testosterone. “I said, ‘Those aren’t drugs, that’s my medication. I’m trans.’”
"Legal issues might arise" this person was, again, sexually assaulted in a blatantly transphobic way, and also had their service dog taken away and had to pay to get it back, alongside having to pay $2,500 to get out of jail, something they could only do with help from friends/family. Not everyone can afford that.
And again, this is all when hey had a genuine legal prescription. If hey was traveling with illegal T, what fucking then?
And then there's also the level of how tracked testosterone is. That second article also talks about how testosterone prescriptions, because of its status, gets put in a database than clinicians and law enforcement can access. It includes an account of one trans man who was meeting a psychiatrist he had not come out to as trans, who he was outed to because she was able to see he was prescribed testosterone.
Is that not fucking dangerous? And what happens when your body is clearly androgenizing, but a doctor or cop can see you haven't been prescribed T? What happens when the trans person in question is Black or Latine or Native and there's more risk of these people deciding to treat them as a criminal?
I don't want the message from this to be "DIY T is always bad and you should never break the law!" because I don't agree with that. But my lord, the fucking dismissiveness just kills me. It feels so condescending? Like the author is writing this thinking "well I have to address this so no one can say I didn't, but I really want to emphasize that these risks are basically immaterial and as long as you aren't an idiot you'll be totally fine!"
And you know people would treat this all entirely differently if it wasn't transmascs affected. Folks are out here telling transfems to not go into certain careers because of the risk of transmisogyny, but genuinely think transmascs that they are being whiny birthday boys for literally just pointing out that there are real legal risks that should be acknowledged.
To be fully fucking honest, how the hell are we going to talk about how getting banned from tumblr will literally kill trans women, but testosterone being criminalized doesn't pose any unique or important dangers????????? Like I'm not even saying the bannings don't matter or can't genuinely deprive people of their only source of community or income. But you simply do not get to talk about how bannings are a form of social murder and also pull the "well you can just get it from gymbros and there's like noooo way anything bad will ever happen lol you are just being dramatic!"
I'm just saying. If someone is going to use weed medicinally in a country where it is illegal, even if its not the most criminalized drug, I think we can support that decision while also giving them actual advice on how seriously to treat the illegality and how to keep themself safe, especially when racialized. This (screenshots) is not that, in my opinion.
I don't know how many times I have to fucking say this but TESTOSTERONE HAS NOT BEEN THE GYM BRO STEROID OF CHOICE IN THE WEST FOR OVER 30 YEARS NOW!
If you get "T" at the gym you are getting TRENBOLONE, NOT TESTOSTERONE.
The people saying this shit about T being an easy to get street drug are LYING, and they are getting people KILLED with this lie.
Even if you are somehow, miraculously, able to access this highly controlled medication, you willalmost certainly be getting Aqua Testosterone not T. Propionate or T. Cypionate, which are the ones used for HRT.
Aqua Test, meanwhile, is used to dope before workouts or competitions because it only stays in the body for 4 hours. Even if you tried to transition with it by dosing 4+ times a day, you'd just end up ODing or with excessive estrogens that have other health risks in addition to slowing actual HRT transition.
But, hey! It's just those stinky transmascs getting forcibly detransitioned by these lies, so who cares, right?
Fuckers.
I do want to say that I'm not sure the claim that gym bro steroids are generally not testosterone is true? At least as of 6 years ago. This 2020 survey of 2,385 men found:
The most frequently utilized androgens were testosterone enanthate (n = 1922, 80.62%), testosterone cypionate (n = 1217, 51.05%), metandione (n = 1213, 50.88%), trenbolone (n = 1199, 50.29%), oxandrolone (n = 1110, 46.56%), and nandrolone decanoate (n = 1107, 46.43%
According to this, non-testosterone androgens are common, but testosterone seems to still be very much the dominant drug. And that's a very good sample size, so I am inclined to trust these numbers. I am not a gym-anything, so maybe this is inaccurate now, or maybe it varies a lot depending on your local gymbro community & in some places trenbolone is the most common. But I'm not certain its as cut-and-dry as some people make it out to seem. I've seen this getting brought up a lot, and I worry this fact is getting spread around more because its really rhetorically effective than because its accurate, especially since i think most people on tumblr don't have the experience necessary to actually know if its true or not.
Regardless, there are still plenty of reasons that "gym bros use it!" does not mean DIY T is super easy or accessible for the average person. Most importantly in my opinion: because its not even fucking safe for gym bros (from here):
[S]ubstantial mean proportions of black-market AAS [anabolic androgenic steroids] are counterfeit and of substandard quality. These products pose a considerable individual and public health threat, and the very wide range in proportions of fake black-market AAS puts the user in a situation of unpredictable uncertainty. There is a great need for future prevention and harm-reduction programs to protect users from these substances. [...]
In this systematic review, we were able to include 19 articles within the published literature that provided qualitative and/or quantitative analytical test results of AAS found on the black market from 9 different countries (eight in Europe; one in Latin America), with a cumulative sample size of 5,382 products being analyzed qualitatively and 1,614 being quantitatively tested. We demonstrate that substantial proportions of AAS found on the black market are fake. The overall mean estimate for counterfeit anabolic steroids found on the black market was 36% [...] and an additional 37% [...] were of substandard quality [73% in total counterfeit or substandard]. Although these proportions must be interpreted with caution due to some methodological challenges and high heterogeneity, one must acknowledge the unreliable nature of those substances acquired from the black market. [...] We demonstrate that fake AAS can be substituted, not contain any substance at all, or be adulterated. But in addition, products that contain the labeled substances can still be over-concentrated or under-concentrated. [...] Substandard and counterfeit products found in our systematic review were most likely produced by manufacturers not in line with good manufacturing practices (GMP’s). Rather, those products are produced in clandestine underground laboratories lacking the necessary knowledge or equipment to produce these compounds in adequate quantity and quality, as also described by other authors. The shift from pharmacies to deregulated underground online sites and clandestine underground laboratories occurred after the United States enacted the Anabolic Steroid Control Act in the 1990s. [...] We demonstrate that visual inspection of the package, label, and internal content to identify preliminary signs of counterfeiting of AAS have shown to be mostly ineffective. Different anabolic steroids come with compound or class-specific and unspecific adverse events. Fake products can lead to unexpected adverse events in addition to the already well-established side effects of AAS, which can include cardiovascular toxicity, cardiotoxicity and arrhythmia, cardiovascular events (stroke, coagulation), genitourinary and reproductive impairment, sexual dysfunction and testicular atrophy, gynecomastia, central nervous system abnormalities, impaired mental health and behavior including suicide, skeletal-muscular pathologies, metabolic decompensation, impaired liver functions, and even death. [...] AAS are administered in different ways, including oral, injectables (water or oil-based), transdermal (cream or gel), buccal and sublingual. The most common route of administration is per intramuscular injection and we demonstrate that proportions of counterfeit and substandard substances for injectables compared to oral formulations may be considerably higher. Different forms of formulations and administrations additionally come with specific adverse events. As an example, 17α-alkylation of steroids which is used for oral administration is described to result in increased liver toxicity compared to injectable AAS, because of first-pass metabolism and increased duration time in the liver due to slow metabolization. [...] Besides the problems with chemical quality, our systematic review provides further evidence of microbiological contamination of those substances. Products from clandestine laboratories do not go through microbiological quality control, which can lead to sterility issues and microbiological contamination of injectables. Graham and colleagues demonstrated contamination with bacterial skin commensals during microbiological analysis of their samples. This is especially concerning when those substances are injected into the muscle as it poses a risk of forming abscesses in the muscle and skin necrosis.
In that first study that found testosterone was the most popular AAS used, they also found that "[o]ver 94% of respondents reported side effects from their use." Of the side effects, 43.44% had hypertension, 27.97% had dyslipidemia ("bad cholesterol"), 12.54% had polycythemia (too many red blood cells), and 9.35% had injection site abscesses. All of those things pose an equal risk to a trans man or nonbinary person. & 61.41% of AAS users said they got their supply from the Internet.
Gym bro T is unregulated and this is not a black market born out of any genuine concern for human well-being! "Just get black market T from gym bros" is like telling someone who can't afford their medications to get them off Alibaba. It seems like the entirety of the idea that gym bro T is safe is that, because its such a popular drug, that means there are trusted resources in the community. Which, I'm sure there are to some degree, but that is true of all illegal drugs. I think it would be kind of crazy to tell someone "heroin is such a popular drug, so it's not hard to find trustworthy sources" and then not mention anything about how to actually verify that your trustworthy source is following all appropriate lab protocols and the dosage is accurate and there's only one substance in their and its the drug you actually wanted to take - nope, just "well the community trusts these!" and that's. it?
And I think it is kind of. evil? To just brush aside all these concerns with some abstract idea that trans guys can seek out these communities, get access to those trusted resources, and that those resources will never contain adulterated or over/under-concentrated testosterone or be mislabeled entirely, and that this is all so likely that its not even worth mentioning the risks of black market T in the first place.
I mean, literally, it doesn't seem there is anywhere on the testosterone page on diyhrt.info that goes into fucking any of this (not to mention that the pages are "transfem guide" and "transmasc guide" when like, how fucking hard is it to say estrogen & testosterone? sure, estrogen-based HRT involves more than just estrogen, but more than just transfems do that kind of HRT and apparently that inaccuracy doesn't matter!).
Frankly I think the fact that so many cis men will risk their health and well-being out of a sense that their bodies are inherently unloveable and ugly if they aren't literally 1950s Superman is itself a form of patriarchal violence. Not to mention how this entire black market is the product of the same War on Drugs logic that has gotten so many drug users hurt and killed by making them reliant on black markets with zero oversight. Soooo many cis men have eating disorders and body dysmorphia and a lot of those men are the ones using black market T and other drugs. My brother who I love has been friends with such men, has struggled with those issues himself, and I really hate how glibly so many people treat it.
No man, trans or cis, should be reliant on dubious and potentially harmful black market testosterone! Even if you can get something marked as testosterone cypionate from your local gym bro, that doesn't mean you or him are safe, and it definitely should not be fucking used as a cudgel to shut down trans people talking about the real legal and medical risks they face DIYing. Testosterone being criminalized has harmed so many people and its always fucked up to downplay that, especially as a result of a petty fucking grudge against transmasculine people talking about their oppression. It is not fearmongering to be honest & accurate with people about the risks they are taking with the drugs they are using. Downplaying the risks of taking black market drugs with questionable origins is NOT trans activism.
& frankly I feel like "medically safe testosterone is easy to get from the black market" is also erasing the real, material harm that the criminalization of testosterone has done to so many people. Acting as if these laws haven't made things more dangerous, that the harms are negligible, only serves to distract us all from the fact that everyone, cis and trans, should be fucking pissed about testosterone criminalization. The government should have never been allowed to criminalize people for doing a drug purely because that drug is not allowed in our precious precious sports competitions. Stop getting mad at trans men for talking about our oppression, and start encouraging trans men to form coalitions with gym bros to demand free, safe testosterone for everyone who wants it, for whatever reason they want it.
I also want to point out that the criminalization isn't just that you might have to go to court and pay a small fine and be done with it.
It's a felony in the US. A felony is a BIG deal. You have to disclose it in a lot of places, e.g. most job and rent applications, or have it show up in background checks, and a lot of jobs and landlords will reject you automatically if you have a felony on your record, no matter what it's for. Your chances of becoming homeless increase a ton when you have a felony on your record. You can't vote (which means the US government currently has a vested interest in charging people with T). You can't own a firearm for protection, which is a BIG deal for a marginalized person in some areas where a firearm may be necessary for protection. You may not be able to go into law, education, or medicine or may lose the ability to practice in those fields, because a felony affects your ability to obtain licenses in those fields. A felony can completely upend your life and make it much, much more difficult.
The legal consequences are not "no big deal." The legal consequences are life-changing and can make your life permanently significantly harder overnight. The legal consequences can end your career or bar you from ever being able to go into the field you want to work in. The legal consequences can make finding an income and a home much more difficult, forever.
Estrogen is not a black market drug in most places like testosterone. It's a gray market substance with, undeniably, much less dangerous and severe consequences. Having some gray market estrogen is very unlikely to completely upend and ruin your life.
Call me a birthday boy for being honest if you like, but when assholes who genuinely do have it a lot easier and are a lot safer when it comes to DIY HRT snipe at trans men for having very reasonable concerns about the legal and safety consequences of testosterone and outright lie about what those consequences are so that trans men don't know the risks we're taking...
Well, to me, that's no different from a few years ago when TERFs started a rumor that going out in the woods and screaming til you taste blood will instantly drop your voice to a male range, permanently.
It's a malicious lie that will do a lot of serious harm to transmascs, being spread by both people who hate us and want to see us suffer, and by people who don't care about us enough to check whether their advice is accurate or harmful.
Is it any wonder that the female crossdresser hesitates to come forward? It would be quite a stigma to be known as the world's first and only woman who gets off on jockey shorts! [...] Until recently (and in many places still today) it was not socially acceptable for a woman to admit ANY of her sexual desires. Women could not comfortably admit that they wanted sex, enjoyed sex, or that they masturbated. While it was "naughty" for boys, girls (we were told) simply "never did" such things! The eroticism women may find in men's clothes has been overlooked because society found it improper to believe such behavior could mean anything sexual to a woman. Our society still is struggling to accept that women DO desire sex and find it pleasurable. It will probably take a long time to accept that some women are sexually stimulated by men's clothes, or by the fantasy of being a man, or of being a man in a woman's arms.
— Information For The Female To Male Cross Dresser And Transsexual by Lou Sullivan (1990)
I feel like trans radfems are simultaneously adopting the terf/radfem viewpoint of "all women are born to be Passive Victims to the men around them, while men are destined to be Active Victimizers to the women around them" but with a trans coat of paint, AND the transmed/truscum viewpoint of "To be trans is to be miserable. Only Real Trans People constantly think about all the ways they could die, every day, every hour. The only real genders are Man and Woman and Maybe Nonbinary but they're on thin fucking ice. If you identify out of any joy or show any love for your gender identity, then you're part of the oppressor class"
And it's like. Are y'all not embarrassed.
pattern ive noticed recently
> Artist only draws skinny people >> No one says anything > Artist draws all people with body fat >> They apparently have some sort of fat fetish > Artist draws everyone aggressively white / pale >> No one says anything > Artist has all POC ocs >> It's "blackwashing" (its literally their own ocs) > Artist draws all trans people as perfectly passing >> No one says anything > Artist draws trans people that dont pass as well and dont fit into the cisgender norms (women with facial hair, men with hips, etc) >> They're making caricatures with the intent of harming people
ppl only ever get upset by things that arent the super hetero cis skinny white capitalist shit / directly oppose it. like cmon.
What does ethical feedism mean?
Make sure a feedee is into degrading before you start. Check in with their preferred language before you call them "cow" or "pig". Check in with their preferred gendered terms. (Some men might not like their chest referred to as breasts/tits) Even if they like being teased or bullied, comments like "disgusting slob" or healthplay might be too far. Respect the person first by respecting the boundaries.
Body shaming is the tool of the enemy. All body shaming, not just fat shaming. While I don't think "skinny shaming" is real, I still think you're an asshole if you put down skinny people. You don't know why they're skinny. Even if someone is being fatphobic, there are better ways to counter their argument than attacking their appearance. This applies to attacking someone's appearance based on them being bald, or having a neckbeard, or using micropenis as an insult.
If you're a thin feeder, be careful not to put yourself in a position of power above the feedee (outside of a scene). There is no moral value any body type has over any other. If you feel a sense of pride in being better than someone who has "let themselves go" (even if you don't vocalize this) that points to fatphobia and benefiting from thin privilege.
Stand up for fat people you're not attracted to. If you're only attracted to women, still uplift the voices of fat men (& other genders). If you like fatness up to a certain size, still recognize the personhood of a person over that threshold. If you are attracted to fatness but don't want your partner to be immobile or disabled, champion for the rights of disabled people (even if they're disabled from their weight, even if they gained weight as a choice). If you're smallfat yourself, make sure you're not discriminating against infinifats.
Body autonomy goes hand in hand with the trans community. If you're a feedist and you're transphobic, your interior views are not in alignment with each other. Someone's right to their body includes gender affirming care. Respect people's pronouns, even if you see a non binary person who is very femme presenting.
Treat feedist of color equitably. Not equally- equitably. People of color are at a disadvantage in society, and sometimes that means they need to be treated with extra consideration in some areas. Especially on Tumblr, I've seen many feedists of color express how terribly they've been treated by white feedists. What might be okay for a white feedist (dehumanizing, objectifying) could be horribly racist for someone else.
Don't involve people in kink without their consent. This doesn't mean "don't be visibly fat" in public. Because not all feedism content is explicit, this grey area is a little subjective. What might be uncomfortable for some isn't for others. Don't record people without their consent. Don't involve strangers in your scenes. (There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about someone without telling them, but once that comes into reality, it's crossing a line.)
Advocate for your fat friends. Make sure they feel included when you're out in public. Consider the spaces you visit and their comfort. Consider the amount of walking your plans include. Consider the heat.
Support content creators & sex workers when you can. Food is expensive, slow fashion plus sized clothes are expensive, healthcare is expensive, and a lot of them post a lot of content for free.
Listen to feedist's limits and respect them. Just because one person can eat four burgers and a dozen donuts doesn't mean everyone can.
Respect content creator's privacy. They might only be comfortable sharing limited information with you. If they've expressed that they don't want to show you their face/tell you their name, don't push. Many people could face challenges if those in their real life found out about their online identities. You don't have a right to anyone's private information beyond what they share with you.
Don't be dismissive of those with darker aspects of the kink. I don't care if you, personally, are only into soft feedism and death feedism gives you the biggest ick. Just because you're into into something doesn't make it wrong. Fetish communities are areas where those whose attractions are considered "deviant" or "obscene" bind together in solidarity to fight stigma and find belonging. Those with the most acceptable versions of the kink have to protect those with the most extreme. That doesn't mean you can't have "death feedists dni" in your bio (many do just so they don't accidentally engage in death feedism content as a trigger), but don't put them down.
If you're a feedist and you treat fat people as inferior; if you manipulate people into gaining weight without their consent; if you post/reblog pictures taken of strangers in public for your spank bank; if you comment gross and obscene comments on fat individuals who don't identify as feedists; if you view gaining weight as a moral failing (even if that arouses you); if you don't care for the rights of fat and disabled people; you're not a feedist! You're just a piece of shit :)
There is no feedism without ethical feedism. The rest of you are just fucking fat people and giving us a bad name.
Putting the term "Catholic guilt" on a high shelf where fandom can't reach it until everyone learns how to identify characters who are very very clearly coded as Protestant.
since there is such an "english speakers who don't even try to pronounce a foreign mame correctly" epidemic, native english speakers often try to overcorrect and end up thinking they have a moral imperative to pronounce every foreign name correctly at all times. so i'm gonna hold your hand and look into your eyss as i say this: you can't. you can't pronounce every sound in a language you don't speak. and that's fine. it happens to the rest of us too. we won't be mad so long as you try your best.
“I did some research to pronounce this name correctly” = 👍 great! even if the pronunciation was still off (and learning to pronounce a foreign language correctly takes a lot of practice) people generally appreciate it when someone goes the extra mile for accuracy, and honestly, languages are cool
“I’m probably not saying that correctly”/“sorry for my pronunciation” = 👍 understandable! foreign languages often have sounds that aren’t used in English and learning to correctly pronounce unfamiliar phonemes is genuinely difficult even with help
“lol I’m not even gonna TRY to pronounce that 😂” = 👎 THIS is the problem, if treats languages other than English like they are inherently ‘weird’ or ‘overly complicated’ just because you aren’t familiar with them
“One thousand apologies for my butchering of this beautiful effervescent tongue, I will now flagellate myself as punishment for my crimes” = 👎 chill
we're moving to an internet where children would be banned from reaching out for help and friendship online but abusive parents can post their children's every second online to humiliate and expose them for money with no pushback
imo the way you feel about groups it's fully socially acceptable to hate (like children or polyamorous people, among others) is the canary in the coal mine for underlying bigoted beliefs. if you're only supportive of marginalized groups when it's cool to do so, probably you don't actually care about marginalized groups, you care about other people thinking you care
there are 1 trillion people in the notes of this post saying "yeah! i mean i hate kids but they should have rights!" you hate kids? you mean you hate all members of an oppressed group solely for their membership in this group? right. why do you hate them? because they can't take care of themselves and need help? because they don't understand social norms and can be "annoying" and disrespect boundaries as a result? because they can be messy? because they don't understand things in the same way as you do? that's awesome. how do you feel about disabled people btw
look all im saying is that if we're putting simon in happier universes to save him from The Horrors... why not get a little crazy with it.
I wasnt gonna do any more of this but yalls comments were fun so... heres a lil more :)
fake Goncharov fans don’t even realize that Scorsese did NOT direct the 1973 cult classic. he was executive producer. 🤦♀️
The actual director is Natted JWHJ0715, and they deserve credit!!!
It's Matteo JWHJ0715!!!!! Very talented director (italian mother, license plate father)
there should be a term for characters you personally don't care about but you defend them anyways because the way people treat them is really uncomfortable. like ok this is a very middle-of-the-road character for me but the fandom's either been super misogynistic, racist, etc. about them or harassed innocent people who try to genuinely explore that character warts and all, and i find that more annoying than the actual character.
the term should by 'my client', like you're a lawyer defending your client that you are completely indifferent to but you are obligated by your job (or your morals) to defend
i dont care if monday sucks... tuesday cost me sixty bucks... wednesday thursday give no fucks. it's friday im a duck
dude longest intermission EVER