u/gregor_lenko

33 • Inextricably armed • Politically all over the place • Married to @thefinestwaifu

[gregorlenko]

[thethirdromana]

The worst types of cookbook:

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

The why bother with a cookbook - to make beans on toast, gently heat a tin of beans and put on top of freshly buttered toast.

[thethirdromana]

#the overachiever: make this very time consuming ingredient from scratch even though it'll end up tasting worse than store bought

Amen to this @akasanata. "Now make your puff pastry from scratch". How about no❤️

[retro-rambling]

The machinist's cookbook - Requires twenty different pieces of bulky and expensive kitchen equipment that the author is inexplicably certain you own.

The multitasker - And while your water is boiling, your vegetables are blanching, your onions which you hopefully remembered to stir every 15 seconds are caramelizing and your sauce that will split if you look at it funny are cooking, get another pot ready and start chopping the vegetables.

[t00thpasteface]

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

[anneriawings]

OKAY CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THE FUCK YOU SHIP A PACKAGE OF COOKIES TO A FRIEND WHO LIVES IN NEW JERSEY, ONLY TO HAVE IT NOT GET THERE ON TIME BECAUSE IT SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN GUAM?

I JUST

GUAM?

[phantomrose96]

IM CRYING REAL TEARS MAH DUDES THE COOKIES ARE IN GUAM

KATIE TRIED TO SEND US COOKIES OUTTA THE GOODNESS OF HER HEART AND JUST

“OHHHH THESE COOKIES WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO NEW JERSEY, PHIL? I THOUGHT YOU SAID

[anneriawings]

12/27, 8:37PM CT

ITS STILL IN FUCKING GUAM

[anneriawings]

12/28, 12:18PM CT

THE COOKIES ARE IN HONOLULU GUYS THEY ***FINALLY LEFT GUAM***

[anneriawings]

12/28, 10:22PM CT

THE COOKIES ARE FINALLY ON THEIR WAY TO NEW JERSEY

GO COOKIES GO

@phantomrose96 @cupcakecreeper​ @homebeccer GET READY

[anneriawings]

lol i was looking through my history to find the tracking number page and

[anneriawings]

12/30, 12:39AM CT

@phantomrose96 @homebeccer @cupcakecreeper

holy fuCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS

THE COOKIES ARE ALMOST THERE

[phantomrose96]

The saga of Katie’s Guam cookies is my Anime of the Season

[anneriawings]

THEY’VE ARRIIIIIIIIIIVVEEDDDDD THEY’RE ON THE FRONT DOORSTEP

[anneriawings]

COOKIES ACQUIRED

[homebeccer]

THE THRILLING CONCLUSION

also as a bonus visual here’s a rough approximation of these cookies’ journey

[anneriawings]

how the FUCK did this blow up and get so many notes

[anneriawings]

SO FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES, @homebeccer @phantomrose96 @cupcakecreeper AND I WANTED TO KNOW HOW MUCH IT WOULD ACTUALLY COST THE U.S. GOVERNMENT TO INTENTIONALLY SEND THESE COOKIES FROM TEXAS TO GUAM TO NEW JERSEY AND???????????????

AND 

IT’S

IT’S

IT’S NOT AN OPTION IT’S NOT AN OPTION I CAN’T I-

I COULDN’T EVEN HAVE SENT THESE COOKIES TO GUAM EVEN IF I’D HAVE TRIED 

[phantomrose96]

Cant believe we uncovered the Guam Cookie glitch folks

Its not even an in-game feature

[crowreys-wormstache]

Oh my god it’s back

[anneriawings]

H O W

[anavar-immela]

I’ve had this sort of thing happen.

At least it explained why the package took so long to get here.

[phantomrose96]

I appreciate that they have an Entire Stamp for “Missent to Nepal”

No one said “hey let’s stop missending things to Nepal” they just said “let’s make a stamp for this” and called it a day.

I’m gonna get Missent to Guam tattooed on my arm in commemoration. 

[terrainterrain-pullup]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[offonaherosjourney]

Get Moist von Lipwig in charge of the US postal service ASAP

[korasonata]

Ok I know this is super old now but I work at a post office and I was curious about the price so I did some digging and I still don’t have a definite answer because THE REASON it says “no shipping services available” is because all shipping services were actually suspended to Guam at the time. As in no packages, parcels, letters, or mail of any kind could be sent to Guam. So not only is it mind boggling that it got sent so far in the wrong direction of its intended destination, but because nothing should have been able to get in to Guam period.

You QUITE LITERALLY could not have sent these cookies to Guam if you tried.

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight]

[alanaisalive]

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

[docd666]

Y'all know what to do Tumblr.

[wyrd-woman]

I’m doin’ it.

[hils79]

[klubbhead]

I was reading about the summers in arizona nd omg. How the fuck do yall live? I cant imagine the animals either. Poor babies

You have no idea. Buddy prolly feels it more since he’s black and brown. It gets to triple digits easy.

[klubbhead]

BUDDY..

IS…

MY DOG

[nunyabizni]

[un-rare-deactivated20151106]

let’s stop seeing sex as the biggest thing you can do to show someone you love them

[huntinthedwellin98]

everyone knows that the real way to show someone you love them is to find them a really cool rock. not a diamond. just a neat rock that you think they will enjoy

[anonymoussong]

[elvenkingtranduil-deactivated20]

Not a rock THE  ARKENSTONE 

[glorfy-the-bright-haired-ellon]

Why just one rock Why not three Why not the silmarils

[mondknight]

#i’m pretty sure there’s an entire book on the topic ‘why not silmarils’  (x)

[desidesidesi]

And one on why not the arkenstone

[cakeisnotpie]

You’re right. Just get them a ring.

[bcfurs]

[totally-not-nyarlathotep]

do not get them a ring

[penelopevalentine]

Can’t not reblog this again

[barian-phoenix-nvbh]

Just gift them a sword. Or an axe. Or a bow.

[beardedmrbean]

I’d like a best friend who is also a gardener.

[creature-adjacent]

Carnivorous plants doin this is so funny to me

They don't wanna eat their pollinators :(

[questionablepastries]

[jasper-rolls]

FUCK OFF ARE YOU KIDDING

[guooey]

[transette]

[naradreamscape]

Serious explanation here: she's teaching them the instinct of being alert around enclosure openings! For example, if these were wild cats living in a bush, they'd run the risk of a larger predator running up to the opening and grabbing one of them. The mother cat is also only bapping them lightly without claws, so those slaps are more of an annoyance meant to get the kittens' attention, and to teach them to keep their eyes out for potential threats.

[glupbleepo]

also slapping him is fummny

[ramdomcitizen]

This post encapsulates everyone on this site

[itstimewehavesomesoliddick]

It's that day again

[deep-state-partisan]

[non-state-actor]

[garaks-padded-bra]

No device should have such an ego that it changes your brightness even when you have that setting turned off. And yet it has happened to me on multiple devices..oh im draining power? Die then you little shit. Die!

[garaks-padded-bra]

I apparently made this exact post last year. Sorry

[plushdablush]

Random thing for people to consider is that since Laika is the saint of one way trips should Felicette be known as the saint of safe landings since she did make it back to the ground safely

[somefishycat]

tu LANCES félicette ? tu lances son corps comme la fusée ? oh ! oh ! prison pour les scientifiques ! prison pour les scientifiques pendant Un Mille Ans !

[bug-yogurt]

You can understand the French perfectly fine with only context but the English translation I got still had me floored

[paperandpencilsandskips]

[quantum-wordsmith]

[mug-of-beans]

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.

[aqueerkettleofish]

Look, if the new magic didn't have a personality construct that kept trying to tell me which spells to use, maybe I wouldn't still be using the old magic.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Yes it had a deep blood cost, but at least it was a one time sacrifice and not this monthly bloodletting nonsense new age magic has

[wizard-archivist-official]

The old magic is robust enough to survive a decade of use and it's compatible with every wand, staff, scroll, and charm in our collection.

The new magic stops working after three days and every spell uses proprietary runes.

Our preferences, as an archiving institution, should be pretty clear.

[charlesoberonn]

You try to get guidance for the new magic and the king's sorcerers maybe will answer you in a few days with an unhelpful suggestion to buy the newest orb.

You need guidance for the old magic and a dozen retired middle-aged wizards will pop up to explain it to you rune by rune if necessary.

[optimisticaudience]

I spent my apprenticeship trying to protect myself from curses and now the modern protective wards are so bloated and invasive they might as well be curses themselves.

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

i donate blood in the hopes that my blood will overpower theirs and take control of their body so i will gain another vessel to use as my own

[catcourier]

why am I reblogging this?

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

it appears my blood has been successful