a big gay poodle

sully · ze/hir, he/him · mid-20s · icon by sleepyartho

[ilywtf]

>settings

>world settings

>set to "your oyster"

[strongermonster]

was visiting a friend who has a farm, and one of the chickens has a home made flared cone on, so i asked what was up with that and she said "that's diesel, and she's suicidal" so obviously i went ??? and she pressed the door lock on her truck fob so the truck beeped, and this dumbass bird SPRINTED full tilt across the garden to shove her head in the tailpipe. she has to be locked up and coned so she doesn't gulp down toxic fumes direct from the pipe for some idiot bird reason. she is obsessed with doing this and has to be locked up any time someone is using a vehicle.

[strongermonster]

i told her i posted about this and she has an update (which i guess content warning for animal harm [the animal did it to it's damn fool self])

she found this out the first time when she auto-started her truck to warm it up before work one below-freezing morning and came out ~5 minutes later to find (the then unnamed) diesel with her head stuffed in the tail pipe hanging limply by her idiot neck and thought that she was dead, ran over and pulled her out, and the chicken went "oh hi! anyways mind if i get back in there?" and did it a-fucking-gain??

best guess is bc she feeds her chickens with a pvc gravity pipe like this

and despite having ~40 other chickens who don't fuck this up, diesel went "food comes from tubes, this is tube, ∴ this is the ~secret~ food hole that the others do not know about. i will be rewarded with golden seed for being the cleverest of them all :)" and is now on 24/7 vehicle related suicide watch. fine line between docile and dumb sometimes.

[strongermonster]

my artists rendition of the morning in question

[rivertigo]

hey ya is an impossibly powerful song

[ouppygirlpaws]

🦠 #my crobe

[lichfucker]

always a dread omen seeing the comments on a post saying "I love when the alt text is part of the joke!" bc nine times out of ten the alt text is not part of the joke, nor does it accurately translate a visual joke into language while maintaining the humor, but instead it is tangential to or a digression from the image being described and is only funny if you can both see the image and read the alt text, and therefore is actually a joke at the expense of everyone relying on alt text because they can't see the image.

[sunflowerbutch]

🥚

crack egg directly into hot pan, scramble while cooking

crack egg directly into cold pan, stir/scramble, then cook

crack egg into bowl, whisk or stir, THEN pour into pan and cook

other

results

Voting ended onMar 31, 2024

[coughloop]

[leopardmask-ao3]

Or you use a plastic/silicon spatula?? Or a silicon whisk?? go to literally any dollar store they have shitty plastic/silicon kitchen utensils you can scramble eggs with without scratching up your pans

[great-and-small]

Now that’s what I call

[great-and-small]

@rpepperpotshipssciencebros please forgive me for this one

[son-of-drogo]

I hate this site so much.

[iwantmorelife]

Image description 1 of 4. Meme of a metal pan with many scratches in the dark coating. Top text in all caps is: "PAN WHISKERS BE LIKE:". Bottom text is: "NO WAY DUDE THATS DEFINITELY JUST A FLAKE OF BLACK PEPPER". End image 1.

Image 2. A duck in water. It has a mottled pattern on its feathers, with a darker head and tail feathers. End image 2.

Image 3. Tumblr tags reading: "#i don't get the joke #blue winged teal? #duck? #drake? #sitting duck? #duck in water?". End image 3.

Image 4. The first line of a Wikipedia article. Text is: "The blue-winged teal (Spatula discors) is". The species name is pronounced similarly to the words "spatula discourse." End descriptions.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Emily Wilson has inadvertently created a fascinating new way to categorize basically any visual media ever made

[hypokeimena]

image description: a cartesian plane with color-coded quadrants. the x-axis goes from 'sex scenes' to 'no sex scenes' and the y-axis goes from 'food looks good' to 'food looks horrible' /end description

[girlkaramazov]

just helped an old old man log into his outlook account and we succeeded and he said “young lady, go in peace. we have accomplished this mission.” what an electrifying way of speaking…

[despazito]

Finally got a clear shot of noonoo carrying her spring, it's her favourite toy

[krambee]

noonoo….

[iwantmorelife]

Image description 1 of 2. A black cat standing in a starkly lit room. She looks to her right and holds a yellow slinky in her mouth. End image 1.

Image 2. A drawing in purple of the same cat on a white background. Her eyes and shadow are emphasized, as well as the yellow spiral of the slinky. End descriptions.

[torstherapy]

[nonlynear]

time is a flat iron and brother i’m getting smooth as fuck

[cephalopodie]

time is a curling iron and brother i'm all twisted up

[teaboot]

Time is a flat iron, smooth as fuck Time is a curler, twisted up Time is an updo, pinned and tucked Time is a weave-in, stitched and stuck Time is organic, shaped by luck Time is a construct Monster truck

[direhydroid]

[gaysie]

bad thoughts at night/poster’s delight… but those posts by the morning/scrollers take warning

[butch-king-frankenstein]

I think those fancomics where Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes is transgender are cute and fun but I also think it's a deep misunderstanding of Calvin's character to think he would transition into a heterosexual normie who goes to her high school reunion. That girl would have neopronouns and fang implants

[butch-king-frankenstein]

Adult Calvin is a tattoo artist named Panthera who is the bassist in a terrible metal band called Captain Napalm and Hobbes helps do faer E injections

[butch-king-frankenstein]

I know it's like 2 weeks too late to change it but I'm so mad I didn't realize that the band would obviously be called "Get Rid Of Slimy GirlS". I walk the road of shame

[parawyrm]

[parawyrm]

@madnessbrainworms pointing at you

[wizardarchetypes]

okay already i desperately need u.s. americans to practice the phrase, "not where i'm from, but maybe in other parts of the u.s."

because it's genuinely insane the things i've heard americans say 'america doesn't have' when it's just factually incorrect.

for some perspective: during my longest move i did by-car in the u.s., i drove ~3,000 miles. That's ~4,800 km. It took nearly 50 hours drive-times alone. Meaning, if I could have driven without stopping once, it would have taken nearly 50 hours. Of course I split that up over several days.

Driving that same distance here, If there's a ferry+road from Rabat (in Morocco) to Kyiv (Ukraine), I could take it and keep on going another several hours.

So you can understand how silly it is for someone from the u.s. to be asked to answer a question on behalf of the entirety of the u.s.—geographically, culturally, etc.

So now that we've said all that, I need you to know that I listened to a guy from Idaho tell an Irish person today, "yeah, we just don't really get snails much in America."

Snails.

[wizardarchetypes]

Next. Even if someone does say, 'not where I'm from,' you might still want to check that out for yourself:

[littlefingies]

I don't know how to make this not sound mean but I'm not trying to be mean, so please know that going in.

Listening to a podcast about bodies and eating disorders and the body positivity movement of the last decade ish and hearing someone say (paraphrasing from memory here) "body positivity was all capitalism, there were no legislative changes, just new brands of jeans"

Legislative changes are super important but I cannot emphasize enough that jeans coming in bigger sizes and fat-friendly cuts is actually a really big deal! With meaningful impacts on people's lives (including mine)! Fat people do need clothes! And you may not realize this, but if you're over a certain size (that's not even that big a size) there's a very good chance you can go to a big box store and *not find anything that fits you*. There are towns in the US where if you're over a size 18 you need to drive an hour away or shop online to get things in your size. And they're expensive! "Just buy used" if they even have your size! Fat people want to look nice too. And we face enough judgement during job interviews (to give one example) without trying to do it in clothes that don't fit or are super uncomfortable.

Actually: If you're fat and you want to look cute/hot/masc/femme/etc I cannot recommend this website enough, you put in your measurements and it lists what brands have your size. You can filter for stuff like sensory friendly, nonbinary, masc, organic, etc. It's not AI just a database.

Phoria

Phoria is a platform to help plus-size and gender-expansive people build a more sustainable and ethical wardrobe they love. We’re a benefit

[eraserheadadult]

one time in college i was in a creative writing class and this guy was holding up the critique with what i can only describe as like cinemasins dinging another student's writing. and at some point the professor said "the plot is the fork and the prose is the meal. you are critiquing the taste of the fork"

[kosmogrl]

we got august this week