The lion's den @lionherth - Tumblr Blog

DM: Time to get out the Monster Manual, or as some people like to call it: the Waifu Catalogue.

Me: WHAT.

blimpyou

Sometimes I smash or pass the whole book

What the fuck guys

ultimatefangirl-exe

I like to smash or pass monsters in DnD and Pathfinder books.

theneverlandpiratewitch

BugBears are legit.

can we not

crankywitchgaia

@celestial-guardian-ragnarok @chika-ann

Smash or pass

chika-ann

Heh… that depends… what’s on the list

dogs

there are dogs on that list

you wanna fuck a dog

wait

this is tumblr

don’t answer that

sciencegenius

dogs? pass.

Liches tho……. ;)))

That’s actually not a terrible entry to thirst after. I mean, you could technically count it as necrophilia, but its consensual necrophilia, so you do you.

What the fuck

Of all the reblogs and additions to this post, this is the one you’re shocked by?

Consensual necrophilia is not a phrase I thought I’d hear. Then again this is tumblr, so maybe that’s on me

noblevagrant65

Hot take: the term consensual necrophilia also applies to vampires, since they’re undead creatures. Wanna fuck Strahd? You’re in the same boat with the lich fuckers.

However, what I think the real treasure we’re all sleeping on is liches….in love. Just immortal wizard gals being pals.

I am absolutely here for the immortal undead lesbians

tigressflower007

IS IT STILL NECROPHILIA IF YOU’RE DEAD TOO??

I don’t think so?

vriska-coded

Ok next topic is a dragon and a human beastiality for the dragon?

both are sentient, so its just interspecies sex.

…I am now reminded of that argument I got into about whether or not a half-dragon would have a cloaca.

pwbi

This post is an entire dungeon of bad decisions at this point

choryllis

I think you mean legendary decisions

Legendary for being bad

This is not what i expected when i started this blog

To be fair, i wasnt expecting a whole lot when i started this blog in 2014

But it definitely didnt include 10k notes of thirsty monsterfuckers

the-cephalon-weave

11 approaching 12 thousand

Fuck you’re right

scamgar

ok but can we just talk about abberations cuz like they’re intelligent and adults but their minds are inscrutable to humans. so like does that mean you can consent to sex with them? cuz you’re on wayyyy different levels of intelligence? but also they’re an adult with the capacity to give and understand consent? but could a normal sentient’s mind comprehend consenting to sex with them? help me out here i’m confused.

If both parties are sentient, its just interspecies sex, stop trying to overcomplicate things. Just because one species is better at calculus does not complicate the less intelligent species’ capacity for consent.

scamgar

true but in most fiction an abberation’s mind functions in a completely different way from a non-abberation. essentially what i meant to point out was the potential issue of blue and orange morality

Are you seriously trying to start a philosophical debate on this post?

Like, I admire the chutzpah, dude, but it doesn’t matter if one species has a totally alien concept of everything. If both parties know what they want, communicate what they want, and agree with each other on it, its fully informed consent on each side and therefore just regular interspecies sex. Sentience is sentience, even if the way it manifests is wildly different.

scamgar

honestly? i was drunk out of my mind both times i saw this post. also you make a very good point and are correct that flavors of sentience aside, as long as both parties are sentient and consent it’s fine. i apologize for drunk me’s ramblings.

… you get philosophically argumentative when you’re drunk? Thats a mood, my friend

curriedsugar

what even is this post

spaceunicornslover

Not sure. I lost it somewhere and I’m not sure where. Did it change from one subject to another or is it just me not understanding?

averycuteknight

D&D logic & arguments

this post is a disaster and a tragedy and the essence of both D&D and Tumblr, what do y’all want from me

anagramofbrat

…wooooow

cipheramnesia

This post is truly a journey and yet if we look back to the innocent times of that original post we must all find ourselves reflecting: what did OP expect was going to happen?

Honestly? I didn’t really have any expectations. I figured, “hey, my DM said something stupid and funny, perfect, I’ll put it on the blog with the rest of the stupid and funny things people say in my D&D games,” and figured that would be that.

That being said, this is the Dungeon of Bad Decisions. As in, there are no good choices made here.

Also my IRL dump stat was probably Wisdom. I definitely have at least a -2 to Perception and Insight, I can tell you that. Forethought is not ny specialty.

Okay but this does raise the question of hyper-inteligent races with incredibly long lifespans. For instance, if a horny bard was trying to screw a god, from the bard’s perspective they’re both mature adults. However, by the standards of the god who has lived for millions of years and has a mind the size of a galaxy, the bard may be just a child. So, assuming the god consents, what would the implications of that be?

Now if you excuse me I need to go bleach my brain and stop thinking about this.

Ok but was it really necessary to make us suffer with you

Did the potential for eldritch pedophilia really need to be put out on the internet

abominableanalyst

Yes, yes it did.

I’d argue to follow the harkness rule, as long as both the god & the mortal are considered adults for their species, its not pedophilic.

In the same vein, if an elf was 300 years old and a gos was like 5000 but the age of majority for that pantheon is 6000 then it is pedophilic.

But what if, even though the mortal is technically a mature adult, the god doesn’t see them as such? Sure, at that point it wouldn’t technically be wrong, but still…

souldevowerer98

Made the mistake of sitting for half an hour reading the notes after reading this post. Now I send out the knowledge of this post and its depravity to any of you who haven’t seen it already.

I’ve always subscribed to the friendship style of “I Saw Something Horrible on the Internet, Suffer With Me”

alza-huncka

Always beautiful to see this come back, but at the same time. How does a dragon bone a turtle to get a Dragon Turtle? Or for that matter, how does one get a Kraken? I want someone to explain why we haven’t seen the offspring of a dragon boning a centaur!!! Serious, centaurs need Overpowered Loves as well!!

You’re assuming that dragon turtles and krakens are hybrids and not their own independent species, when I’m pretty sure they are.

newlywebb722

I’ve been given another meme!

carolxdanvers

Damn this post just kept going

🎵its the pain that never ends~🎵

So another game, we got into a discussion about humans mating with birdfolk - specifically Ravenfolk - and about bird mating practices.

Its just bump cloacas, deposit sperm packet, and wait for the eggs for most birds, iirc. Waterfowl are an entirely separate nightmare. I mean, I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but in case you haven’t: ducks have corkscrew penises, and the females have labyrinthine vaginas.

Also bedbugs bypass the genitals entirely and stab their dicks into the other’s abdomen and ejaculate in there, but that’s just a fun fact I learned in college and have never been able to forget. Suffer with me!

There’s a species of flatworms that stab each other with their dicks until someone’s dead or pregnant.

And octopus can rip their dicks off and present it to the female for later use.

Didn’t know that about the flatworms, but the octopus bit is pretty cute, tbh.

The octopus is fucking WEIRD man. Like, I don’t even know where their buttholes are!

After octopus mate, the male octopus like starves himself to death and the female holes up in a cave to lay her eggs and starve herself to death!

Dont they have cloacas or something similar?

Also, thats depressing

I don’t know!

All I know is the female has a hole in her mantle that’s like right near her eye where the male’s penis gets stuck into to fertilize the eggs.

Octopus are messed up man.

angelwytch13

So many questions were brought up and answered in my mind during the reading of this post that I never thought would be there in the first place. I have both been educated and horrified in the same breath.

Welcome to the last year of my life.

(Did y'all know this post is over a year old? Because it is.)

oscaronthegloryroad

Did you wish your glorious creation a happy birthday?

It was born in May, and I found out in June, so, no. I did not.

m0nk3yb01

Better late than never. Plus we could all use a little celebration right now.

Is this really something to celebrate, though?

elf11037

Oh absolutely. Also, this post has crossed my dash several times already and yet each time I read this post I am impressed both by it’s sheer length and of the horrible amalgamation that this post has become. I always seem to underestimate both of these things.