Consider my timbers... shivered.

My name is Sam, and I will be your sidekick for today. I can fly a spaceship (probably) so if anyone has one of those hmu and we can explore the galaxy and stuff.

[bo0zey]

 i tried to be funny and it backfired miserably

[bo0zey]

it’s 2014 it’s time we moved on as a nation and stop reblogging this

[bo0zey]

every person who reblogs this in 2015 is gonna get their ass kicked by yours truly

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[cute-animals-only]

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[orcboxer]

Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

[orcboxer]

This post breaching containment has taught me that a lot of people seem to think they can accurately profile complete strangers. For the record, no the fuck you can't.

[lucybellwood]

Fucking slain in my tracks by this postcard on my friend’s dresser

[ominous-signs]

Official ominous postcard

[hellbabyfromhell]

just saw this clip and i think itd make a funny reaction image what do u think... does it have potential

[hms-no-fun]

THE CLASSIC

THE ORIGINAL

kids these days have NO IDEA the damage this animal did to the internet in the 2000s

[hms-no-fun]

it physically hurts my brain to watch this video clip and not hear the dramatic music sting from young frankenstein

[mr-deep-downer]

[the-davest-of-uncles]

[joshpeck]

obsessed

[captoring]

[evilwizard]

pitch for my new tarot card “The Emoji”

[scoutsmoocrew]

This person needs to be arrested im going to cry

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

How do you go through all the effort of setting up a sous vide to do this????

[swagforbirds]

never tell me that magic isnt real ever again when this is clear evidence of a person transmogrifing Meat into Wood

[thyrell]

i can transmogrify meat into wood by lookin at pictures of titties if ya get what im sayin

[weaselle]

hey, we all love tiddies here but this person has perpetrated a crime against nature and we need you stay focused

[rcktpwr]

fill your body with cranberries so the horse that kills you gets a sensual surprise when he begins to feed

[ceeberoni]

i will give the  horse that kills me no such luxury

[fwippy]

interesting dates on this post

[gigglepuffpixie]

those aren’t dates, they are explicitly stated to be cranberries

[the-haiku-bot]

those aren’t dates, they

are explicitly stated

to be cranberries

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[lilacwine1966-deactivated202212]

The thing is that like “edgy humour” really is a GIANT red flag among young white men……you hear white boys making racist jokes all the time but people tend to brush it off and assume they’ll grow out of it or that they’re just going through a harmless edgy humour phase and like…..some of them might grow out of it but that’s not the POINT! They’re racist NOW! They’re spreading islamophobic ideas NOW and we brush it off because we assume they’ll grow out of it in the future but whether they do or not is irrelevant; they need to grow out of it Right. Now. Or more lives will be lost.

[terulakimban]

As someone who has worked with teenage boys, most of whom actually liked and/or respected me, the best tool I had for shutting down edgelord bullshit was a flat stare and “you’re better than that”. Simultaneously conveying “I am disappointed”, “I have expectations of you”, “you have otherwise met them”, “that sort of behavior is unacceptable”, and “you are better than the people who engage in that sort of behavior, but only so long as you don’t join them.” is an incredibly powerful tool with kids who care about what you think. The worst I ever had to escalate to was ‘disappointed headshake and “I thought you were better than that”.’ I’ve never had to repeat the sentiments or escalate after deploying that one. Actually made one of them cry once with just that. He felt that bad about letting me down, and we had a solid talk after. With guys my age, “I guess you’re not the kind of man I thought you were.” has proven effective.

[commandtower-solring-go]

I think this is something that we need to carry with arguments with these kinds of people. It is a sentiment grounded in humanity. 

[authenticcadence18]

EVERYONE SAY HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TO BUFORD !!!!!! 🌈

[phineas-and-ferb-heritage-posts]

phineas and ferb heritage post

[hobohobgoblim]

[rat-council-official]

and the devout created idols in reverence of a god they could not reach.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

hello

[cecut]

what do red pandas even do

[cecut]

I MEANT AS SELF DEFENSE STOP THE HATRED im sorry red pandas

[sokkalore]

does this answer your question

[crit20lesbian]

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I see your “Rocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans can’t hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words mean” and raise you “Rocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that ‘bad bad bad’ isn’t actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.”

Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rocky’s been saying is “shit shit shit”.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Eridian government representative: Greetings Rocky, Saviour of Erid, and Grace, Saviour from Beyond the Stars. We are pleased to welcome you home.

Grace, haltingly on the keyboard Rocky built for him: Wassup bitches. Fucking jazzed to—

Rocky: GRACE STOP TALKING NOW NOW NOW I EXPLAIN LATER

[temporalreverie]

anyone have that picture with the 100 pool toy baltos. Its like a modern terracotta army

[temporalreverie]

THEY SHALL PROTECT MY MAUSOLEUM

[yokowan]

dont store a knife with the point facing down, it damages the blade. no, dont do that either. when you store it with the point facing up you might accidentally hurt yourself when you try to grab it. dont store a knife at all actually. your blade must never leave your hand, always ready, ruthless and waiting. you know deep down that ever since you learned the stench of blood you will never be able to cast it aside. or just get a sheath for it i guess.

[frawgs]

apparently vic’s vapor rub goes exitinct ? i’ve been using the same vapor rub for years and apparenlty it went bad in the 2010s ..

[frawgs]

expired .

[morganicapples]