Vanilla Unicorn

Love the wild, sculpting, and RPGs. Lesbian. 30 she/her. Writes on occasion.

[maureen2musings]

…

herry.with.an.e

[identifying-deer-in-posts]

Mule deer (Odocoileus hemionus)

[mycroftrh]

catholic guilt vs protestant belief in your own inherent superiority, fight

[mycroftrh]

wait no I just remembered a few hundred years of history I take this post back

[bananahomo]

[anarchocunt]

[ryebreadgf]

yayyyy

[jomiddlemarch]

[thecheatinghomunculus]

new reaction image

[rural-panoptes]

[saintjosie]

[damnpharos]

[captain-price-unofficially]

[deerkibble]

[sneakyspades]

[neraiutsuze]

[radiophxbia]

not what I usually post but I wanna share what is probably the first deer meme ever

from Ernest Thompson Seton's Lives of Game Animals — Volume III, part I (1929).

[radiophxbia]

going to add these here as well. examples of misshapen antlers across cervidae species

[archivearchangelica]

Access for 10 ants only, 2006

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[herpsandbirds]

New Caledonian Giant Gecko (Rhacodactylus leachianus), family Diplodactylidae, endemic to New Caledonia

This is the longest and heaviest gecko species in the world, growing up to 17 inches total length, and weighing up to 300 g.

Photograph by Shannon's Reptile Room

[ph-cutie]

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

If You Like a Long Island, Wait Until You Try the Adios, Motherfucker

If you like a Long Island Iced Tea, wait until you try the provocatively named Adios, Motherfucker. It’s fun, boozy and blue.

Found a recipe for it that's worded like electrochemistry wrote it

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

Update: this tastes like if a baha blast could kill you and annihilates any ongoing anxiety attacks

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

Update update: comparing this to a long island is like comparing a pickup truck to a tank

[evilwizard]

me: *covered in scratch marks* i am still a powerful and respectable wizard, you know

my imp krongus: *doubtfully* yes, my lord

me: i did eventually kill the mouse with a needle for a sword

krongus: it’s just that it was so close, my lord

[pukicho]

I’m having an in of body experience right now

[pukicho]

Alright man

[pukicho]

[emmaziadarcy]

WHOSE BLOND BABY IS THAT

[moodstabilizr]

fake daeron in the corner like

[norisus]

A commission for my friend, Finn, of their friend's DND character! His name is Sherwood 💜

[koukouvayia]

Pride Forever

[bees-with-swords]

"Do you ever dream of land?" The whale asks the tuna.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

"You forget," says the salmon, "That the oceans were once their home."

[hearnoweevil]

Last year I finally had an excuse to illustrate this simple little Tumblr story I've had bookmarked forever for class.

I hope you like it :]

[dailycatsblog]

[iguanamouth]

I really like winnie the pooh, Can you draw winnie the pooh pleaseeeeee

[thetyrannosaur]

Happy 10 year anniversary to this absolutely foundational post

[skiingcows]

#really cannot emphasize enough how much iguanamouth changed the site’s sense of humor and therefore the timeline of the western world