How cool I am.
Sometimes the FOMO hits hard. Even if I don’t want what I’m missing out on.
I am a terrible twenty-something. I was a terrible teenager, too. I don’t particularly like to drink. I don’t like big crowds and I feel uncomfortable dancing. So I generally avoid parties. It feels like such a waste of time being that person who stands uncomfortably at a table or in the corner sipping a clear liquid (water, not vodka) from a red solo cup. That’s the trick to not being bothered, either: have a red solo cup in your hands at all times, because you have to carry a plastic cup in order to avoid the inevitable, “What do you mean you’re not drinking?!? Here, take my cup. I’ll get us shots. No no no no no I’m gettin’ us SHOOOOOOOOTS.”
I went to a large state university. I tried to like sorority/frat/house parties approximately 2x and I hated every second of it. So I stopped and found other ways that I enjoy spending my time. I like photography, archery, running, and getting silly drunk off wine in my living room with people I actually know. But I still hate parties.
This Saturday I spent the evening learning to speak Spanish. I work at a clinic with bilingual patients and I’d really love to be able to communicate directly without needing my coworker to translate. So I’m working on it.
I also happen to live across the street from a different large public state university’s “sorority row”. And this Saturday was bid night. There was also a concert at the park two blocks away.
Everyone sounded like they were having so much fun. Everyone sounded like they were living a more enjoyable life than mine. I was jealous of strangers I didn’t know in situations I wouldn’t even like if I was in them. I felt sad and useless for listening to the crowd when I was doing something as nerdy learning and studying.
Even worse? That my feeling towards learning something as useful as another language is automatically described as “nerdy” in my internal dialouge. That I often get distracted doing the things I enjoy because I’m thinking about how I’m not supposed to enjoy it. How I’m “supposed” to be out partying. Out making stupid decisions. Not inside curled up with a Spanish video.
How frustrating it will be when someday I break out in conversation and another unilingual person will look at me with surprise and say, “You speak Spanish? Cool, I didn’t know you could do that.”
Then it will be cool. Doing is cool. But learning is not.
Have you seen the video of that kid breaking the world record of juggling three rubiks cubes while simultaneously solving them? It’s INSANELY impressive. But do you think he was considered cool when he was spending time learning to juggle and solve rubiks cubes? My guess is a hard no. But once he was able to do it...instant praise from millions on social media.
How frustrating for those of us who know that you cannot have one without the other. That in order to do something impressive, you must spend un-impressive time setting yourself up for success.
