Strange offputting woman

Formerly freckled-radfem Melbourne radfem + febfem Early 20s

[misery-chickk]

Women and especially teenage girls, I want you to know that men aren't intimidated by your killer heels, blood-red lipstick or eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man. They don't fear your femme fatale dark feminine energy or mysterious aura. They won't respect you more or see as more human if you set strong boundaries or delay sex or are independent and don't need a man.

Dark feminine makeup and shit will never give you real power, men are not intimidated by your makeup looks. There is no such thing as being "intimidatingly beautiful" to men; there is no level of superficial beauty that makes men fear you or respect you. Men who would otherwise harass you and treat you like shit, are not going to suddenly cower because you did a smokey eye.

And yes, you should definitely have strong boundaries and be independent. not because these are good things to do when you date men - I will never advise what to do if you date men, I will always instead advise never to date men - but because these are good things in general. Things like dark feminine, siren energy, etc, will encourage you to do these things with the ultimate goal of having men bow down to you and eventually finding a worthy male partner (lol). Dark feminine talks big game about female empowerment but is ultimately centered around how men perceive you.

So, some of the ideas of dark feminine that aren't about "intimidating" makeup looks and fashion are alright by themselves - boundaries, confidence, etc, are great things for women to practice in this world, but for different reasons. Women living in this male-dominated world, especially lesbians and separatists, need to implement these ideas. But you should take these ideas and practice them not to get respect or love or fear from men, but because men in general do NOT love or respect or fear women. Let that be your motivation for seeking power and independence.

[marbleguard]

our biggest problem is that women believe men are the people they pretend to be around women. That is not a real guy, that is his 'interacting with a woman' costume. I was reminded this for the 6897th time the other friday where not many people were in the office and the nicest young guy in the department who crochets and is very kind to all the women here was talking to a few other young guys about his girlfriend and his friends' girlfriends, and it was harrowing. What he was saying was bad enough but he and the others even stopped themselves and laughed and said "well, that's about as much as I can say in the office." like what there's MORE?

All the while I am sure his girlfriend thinks she has struck gold with her nice long haired golden retriever crochet boyfriend

[marbleguard]

I'm about to say something really mean but it does feel like most women are just insanely gullible. They can witness males' woman-hating all around them from every type man and in every aspect of society for their whole lives but their boyfriend crochets and acts like a nice guy in front of her so he must be different from all the rest of them. It's like a baby being distracted by someone jingling keys in front of their face. And yeah the men are laughing at you with their friends for falling for it. But if I told you about it, you would say no, you are wrong, bitter manhating bitch. he literally crochets

[quinntheestallion]

This.

All the "young people are having less sex" panic is similar to the "less babies" panic. When women have more choice and education, they choose to not lay under or spread their legs for dumbass men.

Millennial women had a whole bunch of unsatisfying sex with men who hated their guts because they were groomed into it and didn't know better.

Millennial girls were being roofied at parties and were being told they're a tease or were "asking for it" if they go back to a guy's place alone. So they felt pressured to perform.

Millennial girls were told sex is empowering but there was no support and empowerment to deal with the emptiness after they offered their bodies to men who have zero regard for them.

Millennial girls funded their own abortions and Plan B pills and gyno visits post-sex and undertook all the risk and expense of promiscuous sex on their own- when the guy they did it with disappeared or ghosted.

Millennial girls were given speeches about how: 1.Orgasms are not the point of sex.

2. Love isn't the point of sex.

3.Trust, care and mutual respect is not the point of sex.

4. Intimacy isn't the point of sex.

5. Reproduction isn't the point of sex.

So left GenZ girls are wondering what the fuck is the point of sex with these men. And thank God they are.

Millennial girls were told "fun" is the point of sex.

GenZ girls realized that paying $300 of your own money for an abortion for a fuck you didnt even enjoy with a misogynist who hates you doesn't sound that fun. And, as a millennial myself, theyre right- it isn't.

[aalexan]

i need women to understand that attraction does not equal respect, love, or care. men’s attraction = lust, objectification, possessiveness. just because men are attracted to women does not mean that they love women or respect women or care about women past having sex with us or having us as a trophy to show off. attraction is not the same thing as respect. men do not respect you, even if they want to be in a relationship with you.

[claudias-diaries]

EAT 3 YUMMY MEALS A DAY WITH SNACKS! WEAR COMFORTABLE CLOTHES! THROW OUT YOUR RAZORS AND MAKEUP! SPEND UR MONEY ON DEVELOPING SKILLS, READING BOOKS AND TRAVELLING!!! THIS IS FOR FEMINISM!!!

[recoveringsoulsposts]

[unlikelyrunawayfest]

[ivorygothic]

I love you declining birthrate ❤️ I love you rising numbers of single men ❤️ I love you female celibacy ❤️ I love you birth control ❤️ I love you child free women ❤️ I love you death of hook up culture ❤️ I love you 4B ❤️

[kronkk]

This actually sounds like a decent response to the backlash?

[radfem-rattrap-deactivated20240]

Ladies we must not be deceived by this test. They wanted to see how we would react and will be more subtle next time. Let no one be fooled by these empty words. They knew what they were doing, there's no way they didn't.

[hugewoman]

This apology was 3000% written by a woman to cover for the fucked up ad a man wrote and you can’t change my mind

[aftonfamilyvalues]

i hadnt seen tha ad campaign before, what the hell

[aspiringxxspinster]

I mean

[anomalys-bane]

Something about the word consent in feminist and liberal lingo has always bothered me. 'Enthusiastic consent' 'Consent is key' 'consent is sexyy' 'Don't post nudes of women on the internet without her consent' 'never put your hands on a woman without her consent', or conversations around the importance of consent in surrogacy, sex work, bdsm, everything. Then it kind of clicked, because consenting to things in these scenarios is a relatively passive action. It is soo one sided. Consent implies that there is one who proposes and one who accepts. Consent is defined as something that 'occurs when one person voluntarily agrees to the proposal or desires of another.'

She can consent, even enthusiastically, say yes or no, like a binary code, but she did not design, propose, initiate or orchestrate it, nor can she fully control the outcome in the society she lives in. And this is true on a mass scale. When have you ever heard of sex being described as men consenting to a woman's sexual advances? Or discussions that you shouldn't upload men's explicit pictures without their consent?

Male consent is not considered an important factor because their desires are assumed inevitable, like a force of nature, a neutral, unquestioned starting point, and women can only exist relative to that, to either accept or deny. They can't have active desires of their own. Men are considered actors fundamentally and women are the ones acted upon.

Of course consent is important and essential, but would consent in these scenarios be all that much better than non consent given the coercive society we live in? Consent is a poor ethical framework if taken alone. Consent itself in these scenarios can never be ethical because the premise itself is unequal, as are social interpretations and outcomes, and no amount of agreement will change that.

[musingsunderstarlight]

And once again you’ve read my mind and put it to words perfectly.

This is exactly what I mean when I say “consent” is just the modern equivalent of “submit.”

[bevsi]

this is the core of why some women defend beauty standards - if they’re deconstructed even a little they have to face how much money/time they’ve sunk into them. it also exposes how untrue “i did it for myself” really is - if that was true, you wouldn’t be upset that other bodies are being uplifted

[hugewoman]

Calling another woman’s natural breasts long jawns (???) just because you feel self conscious about your own is so ugly and petty and cruel

ALSO reinforcing the idea that regular adult breasts are somehow grotesque and disgusting is a foundational element of pedophile culture. Insistence that only perky youthful tits are beautiful is just as heinous as acting like adult women should have hairless genitals

[virtualcremefem]

Disclaimer that I believe racism is just as awful as sexism and is a legitimate problem that causes a lot of suffering

But I feel like it's easier for the world to make progress insofar as racism compared to sexism

People of different races have empathy for each other more often than any man in general has empathy for women

Sexism is lodged in the core of the human world, it's like it's stuck there

My main point: Men from different races and countries tend to agree on one thing---> that women should be subjugated beneath them. And that they are owed access to women.

[getae-radfem]

[a-room-of-my-own]

So I was invited to a picnic this weekend by a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. She has two children and I suspect she does 99% of the planning / housework. Turns out I was the only friend of hers - we’ve known each other since high school - and all the others were friends of her husband. They were very nice and everything, but it’s not the same than having your own friends you can confide in.

Sure there’s me but we don’t have the same life, she’s always wanted to be a mother and a wife, and she geared her life towards that goal. I wasn’t like that, even as a teen, so in adulthood I don’t share her struggles and I can’t advise from a place of experience.

I think we should talk more about how isolating marriage can be when women are left with no personal time. They’re in charge of the family’s social life, and most of the time it revolves around the husband’s friends - that he still has time to see - and the parents of the children’s school friends.

[radmalenia]

When she's not a human, but a childcare provider; it becomes easy to forget she has her own life and that she has anything to her that doesn't revolve around her brats and her larger brat of a husband.

I'm glad she even has one friend of her own...but it's so heartbreaking to see women eat up the social indoctrinaton to totally sacrifice themselves to be moms, and with a misogynistic unhelpful husband no less; and think that it's "their dream". It truly is one of the biggest tragedies.

I wonder if she's beginning to see at all that she really dug her own grave; that the supposed dream was actually treacherous. I know a lot of women begin to, but feel they can't admit it to anyone; even barely admitting it to themselves. They'll go on to write about it online, or admit it to maybe one or two trusted loved ones. So many do that it's clearly not a small problem...especially when you can be sure many don't say anything at all. You're really tied to kids once you got them, in a wide variety of ways; and particularly so when you're female. Sunk cost fallacy is hugely at play, too.

[deadfish-inabarrel]

Not one of my coworkers who I'm work "friends" with casually asking me if I can babysit for her because "well I know you don't have kids soooo" (pair this with repeated comments of how much free time I have whenever I mention a hobby I'm into in most conversations we have)

A healthy reminder of why I wrote off being "friends" with birth women ages ago. Fucking parasites. My condolences that your cock pet doesn't help with the kids he made but I have my own life and I value my time. Fuck off.

They always always always always ALWAYS ALWAYS will see you as a tool to ease their life, while never offering anything in return because "I'm tired. My kids blah blah"

And they CONSTANTLY talk about their kids and nothing else. The way that mothers all have the same bland nobody personality needs to be studied. Maybe then we'll have something to point to with regards to how draining it is to have kids and how it ruins your life, idk. Cry about it.

[deadfish-inabarrel]

Oh no the bland nobody mothers who harass child free women for free labor because their cock pets are useless are mad now that I gave them the condescending energy they give uh oh. Lol. Cry and seethe. Change a diaper about it.

[deadfish-inabarrel]

You know I'm still getting angry anon's from this post occasionally and I think I should make an apology. I don't know what I did to make you think I give a shit about your opinions, but I'm sorry for misleading you.

I'm also sorry that I still stand by what I said and actually I stand by it even harder than when I made this post originally, after more experiences in my workplace, in the real world. You can have empathy for the situation someone is in, and also hold your ground and call their disrespect what it is.

Because it's not just me who has said this. MANY women talk about how they're expected to give shit up for the mothers in their vicinity. Like at work you're expected to be more willing to trade shifts, more flexible, if you don't, you're the "bitch" because you're "ruining a kid's dance recital" or whatever the fuck the parent forgot about until the last minute. Listen to childfree women, radical feminist or not, talk about their experiences in the workplace. Or in families where the child free daughter is expected to help the aging parents while the daughters with children are given a pass. Mothers aren't "privileged" in society per se but to argue that they don't weaponize their adherence to patriarchy against you is woefully ignorant.

I can feel bad for the way women who birth children are exploited but that ends where they start trying to exploit me. Y'all can cope and seethe all you want. Just because you had kids doesn't make me also responsible for the sake of feminism or whatever. I live in Canada where abortion is legal and birth control readily available. Reproductive coercion still happens no doubt, but women have rights and most of the type of mothers I am talking about wear the fact they've had children as a badge of honor. But even the ones that were coerced, sorry but that's not my issue to fix. Harsh of me to say I agree, but. I'm more interested in having actual cohesive programs to help women victimized in this way, not socially pressuring random ass women in the world who happen to not have/want kids to pick up the slack for shitty ass men.

The specific woman I talked about in the original post? She didn't even birth the kids. She fucking ADOPTED them. You have to really want the kid to adopt them, so no, she's not a victim of reproductive coercion.

Could I say it nicer? Maybe. Definitely. But fuck them. When they talk about child free women like they're immature, never experienced real love, lesser women, selfish women, who have no responsibilities and should be freely available if anyone needs them. While these same women IGNORE the childfree men around them, because we all know why. Not only are they being extremely misogynistic, but they're also being downright cruel toward infertile women by implying they're "less woman." I'll be nice when they be nice. Fuck them.

I know my experience at work. I never claimed mothers are the root of all misogyny. Patriarchy is primarily upheld by men, but that doesn't mean women don't play a part and that they shouldn't be called on it. If you can understand how a radfem-adjacent can be frustrated and angry at Trump voting women, I think you should be able to understand how she can also be frustrated and angry with mothers who repeatedly reveal that they only view childfree women as easy free labor at their disposal.

Notice how I specified a specific type of mother? "who repeatedly reveal that they only view childfree women as easy free labor at their disposal."? Because there are women who mind their own business and don't care if women are childfree. Because they actually did want kids and enjoy their kids and don't feel entitled to childfree women's time just by virtue of "well I birthed the next generation IT TAKES A VILLAGE! No I can't help you I'm exhausted I have kids I don't want to be a villager"

Hit dogs holler. Go cry about it. I'm not gonna coddle nonsense anymore lol

[dyingroses]

[blondejaneblonde]

[unabashedlysporadickryptonite]

Additionally, inheritance laws especially in English law used to be very strict about what wives and daughters could receive. Most of the property when a person died would go to a male heir even if that person left a wife or older daughter. This could even include the very house a woman was living in when her husband died. Cue Jane Austen and other writers of this era who discuss problems of women’s legal dependence. At certain times women could not hold land, houses, or bank accounts but they could take more personal property like jewelry or dresses. Women had to be conscious of the value of their clothing and jewelry because it could someday mean the difference between penniless or able to afford a place to live after your husband or father died.

[coochiequeens]

Men create a system that only benefits other men yet women find a loophole to give them one thing to survive on and men still insult women for holding on to that loophole.

[auntiewanda]

Well of course. Patriarchy relies on making women reliant on men to survive.

[zh0re]

It is your birthright as a woman to be a gold digger.

[zh0re]

“You’re entitled to a childfree life, not a childfree society.”

Childfree people aren’t asking for a childfree society. We want spaces within society where we can do shit in peace without hearing children causing a scene with parents who do fuck all about it. There are already adult-only resorts and cruises and clubs, so when childfree joke about wanting more, y’all flip your shit because you’re salty that you have to live with your careless decisions.

When women want our own spaces, is it logical to assume that we want a male-free society? No. We joke about it but we know better. We’re aware that there will never be such a thing, but we are entitled to our spaces away from them. So why are you assuming that type of position onto childfree people? Because you’re miserable, that’s why.