Title: nothing but happy endings
Pairing: Taehyung x Reader
❗️Warning! extreme angst warning! mentions of implied suicide! intense angst! not for the faint of heart! you have been warned! ‼️
It was bound to happen. I wasn’t stupid. I wasn’t lost in his eyes. He wasn’t my forever but why did everything collapse so soon?
Tears never fell when he told me off. I didn’t feel the accusatory glare he presented. I was numb.
“Somi was right!” His face was suddenly unfamiliar “You never wanted this.” An aggressive gesture that accused the ample space between the two of us.
Boy, was he wrong. You had many firsts with Taehyung. He showed life, but with kindness. He made my bad times better. I was helplessly in love with him.
A mentality so simple, but it helped me so much. The once extravagant anxieties of living and being happy dulled. It was simple. Live: Enjoying what you can, how you can.
“Did I tell you that you look gorgeous today?” I offer. I sure as hell didn’t know the next time I could tell him that. It was either listen to his red words or show your admiration one last time. I took the latter. His fuming face was frightening to see, but what else could I expect.
Our relationship was good, but suddenly he saw you as untrustworthy. You hadn’t done anything to trigger the distrust. It was irrational. If you didn’t prove yourself of innocence you were guilty… Didn’t answer the phone? Cheating. Didn’t respond to a text instantly? That’s enough time for you to break his heart.
At one point in my life I believed Taehyung would be smarter than this. Maybe he could feel pity for his significant other.
“No! Don’t do this to me!” He didn’t want to hear my kindness grow in the face of his fury. I focused intensely on his tone. I hear the crack in the baritone. His voice was loud, but that was only a fraction of his anger. You were ignoring his rage, in turn he would just grow more aggressive with each moment.
As untrue as it is, Taehyung is convinced that I am a cheating, lying, scheming bitch. It was such a far stretch, but if as self conscious as Tae was, even I can could make imagination seem solid.
His irritation is greatly rising. How dare I react— more so lack reaction— to his words. His words weren’t breaking me at all, but my nonchalance was breaking him down bit by bit.
Now I was tired, it was my turn. My turn to open his eyes. “What did I do this time?” The confidence strengthening my once soft voice. It wasn’t broken or strained like his and a wave of embarrassment shoots to his gut, but the tense shoulders of his tell me he was still mad.
“It’s more like what you didn’t tell me.” He spits. He was still in my doorway. I’m sure if he ventured any farther into your room he would loose his mind.
It made sense. He made it all the obvious that someone was saying nasty things bout me. As if he could hear my thoughts- “This isn’t about her. It’s about you and I, y/n.”
“You blindly believe her? She is your best friend. I get that—” She was the only other person he mentioned this far.
“Like hell you do.” He aggressively cut off. He was beginning to be annoying. My jaw clenched while his lips tightened into a slim line. We have never been this angry at one another.
“You love her.” I spit. I have every right to be furious. He needs to hear his nonsense. His mouth was already forming something witty. I raise a hand to say ‘let me finish’ and he swallows his fury for once.
“I love you, Taehyung. Through thick and thin. You made me happy for the first time in a long while..” I admit grimly. A shallow breath and I struggle for courage to continue. His eyes were boring into me as I pause. It was intimidating. I search for his eyes once before continuing. His expression was softer. His expression is doused with guilt and pity. His brows lowered eyes narrowed as he gnaws at his lip. He couldn’t look at me in the eye. Coward.
“I love you— but I realized you don’t feel the same. You don’t like just like Somi, you fucking love her! The moments we spent together had me breathless, and countless more times I would question how lucky I was to have you. And to think any moment we shared. All this time, you just wished I were her…” My words said urgently like I was afraid someone else could hear. I was reasoning to myself more than accusing Taehyung.
“I-I—” He looks embarrassed. He didn’t expect me to know so much? Insulting. Anyone could see the way his stare lingers on her. How his face lights up when she smiles. The way he leaned into her touch. He was very fucking obvious.
Why didn’t I leave? Simple. He made me happy. He treated me if I was her, it felt really fucking good to feel wanted. I slipped up and thought what we had was real. How stupid of me.
“Taehyung. I’m not mad. I could never be mad at you. I’m just disappointed you could keep up this act so shamelessly.” Your voice was beginning to falter. It hurts.
“There is a lot you don’t know about me, Taehyung. I know why you came here: to get me mad, make me drop this relationship. You could sleep knowing I hated you and wanted to be away, so you could love her without guilt. But I’m not stupid. My feelings for you don’t matter. You made that very fucking clear,” He winces. I’ve never cursed at him until this argument. He deserved it. He deserved a lot worse.
The anger you once had dulled and was replaced with a soft voice. “As for her? She could never go around saying things about me. She is a sweet girl. I just have one question… Did you date me when you knew how you felt about her?”
His widened eyes followed by stammered attempts of denial.
And with that your first tear of the night finally makes an appearance.
You loved him unconditionally for four years. You guys clicked. In the beginning Taehyung actually felt flattered and infatuated by you. It didn’t last too long. He still loved her. He lived with buried feelings for his best friend, but they were rekindled so strongly and unexpectedly. Somi was still off limits though. Taehyung didn’t want to ruin whatever he had with her. It was too fragile. Anything he did for Somi could be taken friendly under the pretense that he was dating someone. Example: He could give Somi jackets? Flirtatious? No. It’s being a good friend, 'besides, I have a girlfriend’. He could show his emotions without harming their friendship. He nurtured you too. If you were to leave him he would have an excuse and would be considered flirtatious towards Somi. He had to make sure you were satisfied. You were a keeper… kind, nice, smart. He doubt he could find someone as easy to satisfy/use like you. He was aware of how fucked up he was. He just stopped caring. Meanwhile you were completely infatuated for three and a half long years. The last six months of your relationship quickly proved rough. He really really stopped caring. Your satisfaction no longer mattered. He wanted Somi BAD bad. So he planned it. To make a break up come between you two naturally. Give a respectful four month gap of fake relationship mourning before he could flirt with Somi. He called you out on any and anything you did wrong. He fucking wrecked you those last six months. You had caught on by that argument last night. You saw it all. He wasn’t for you, but you were all for him.
Tonight was dreadfully silent. It had been six months since the incident.
They were together now. I occasionally had the misfortune of seeing them around town. They both give you a rushed apologetic glances and generally tried to go the other direction.
And me? Well I’m just a nobody again. Life was an ever repeating cycle. I sleep, eat, work, lose my pay at the expense of living, and repeat. Living paycheck to paycheck was nothing remarkable. I’m not going to feel better for a long time.
The night Taehyung, left no more words could be exchanged. He didn’t have the heart to admit to his scheme. Not when I was so fragile, so close, and overall broken. He remembered that I too have emotions and feelings.I didn’t have the will to continue. It was pointless. He loved her, but thought he could over power his feelings and learn to love me.
The only closure you got was two weeks later in the form of a text. A simple 'I’m sorry.’ Talk about salt in the wound you humor dryly.
Sure I was emotionally wrecked and had no one to talk to. Relationship of four years was torn away from you. Sadly it wasn’t at the hands of just anyone. It was your lover who betrayed you.
And life goes on. You say as you remember the couple smiling and giggling. And life goes on. But the pills were in hand. And life goes on.
"Young woman found dead in her Daegu apartment. No one noticed her mental state, but as we interview co-workers and friends, they reveal how obvious the signs of depression were. 'She would be quiet, only talk when spoken to.’ 'Smart kid, real generous too.’ 'It’s a shame to see someone so young fall victim to depression. Please, anyone, if you are struggling! Tell someone! Get help.’”
Taehyung couldn’t watch anymore. He felt sick to his stomach. Something felt wrong.
The last messages you sent to Taehyung 3:00am January 24th, 2019. The ones he ignored because he was too tired to deal with you after your first message.
y/n: hey, i know you are probably busy
y/n: did i tell you that i love you still?
y/n: can i come see you? i don’t feel good
The last message fucking breaks him.
y/n: i won’t be a problem for you anymore
[A/N— very angsty idk why. but as always hoped you enjoyed! if you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask!]
