The World Eater

Preferred pronouns: it/its. Personal blog. Mostly jokes, some fandom content, small amount horny content. I queue a reblog for almost every post that I like. Talk with me about tea any time!

[hellenhighwater]

our office has automatic transcription set up for voicemails and I got this message yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it

fucking. Detective Triple Guns. This is my new favorite anime character. This is the spiritual successor of robocop and trigun. I want to watch the intro for this show that doesnt exist so badly

[hellenhighwater]

Was driving past the state police headquarters and there are hundreds of donuts strewn across the median out front. What is going on, Detective Triple Guns????

[hellenhighwater]

Detective Triple Guns finally has a partner on the force!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

always some new bullshit in the ocean

[local-demon-in-your-area]

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

[ryan-sometimes]

I think it's so funny how we bred JOBS into dogs. I have two shih tzus and they were bred to be lap dogs. All they care about is looking cute and cuddling with people. Meanwhile my grandma has a border collie and that dog needs to feel so useful all the time, he acts like he will pass away if he doesn't have a job to do constantly

[halomancer]

On one hand this is extremely fucking funny, but on the other hand, it really boggles my mind how many people punish their dogs for just… doing the thing they were bred to do.

Your husky isn’t “hyperactive”, it’s bred to pull sleds for 8 hours straight and you have it in a 400 sq ft yard.

Your English sheepdog isn’t “pushy”, it’s bred to herd sheep, and you have neither to space nor the herd to allow it.

Your terrier isn’t “nippy”, it’s bred to kill rats and your hamster looks a hell of a lot like one.

Your Catahoula isn’t “mean to animals”, it’s bred to hunt any and all animals smaller than it, and you didn’t acclimate it to your cat.

Your Lhasa Apso isn’t “yappy”, it’s bred to bark at any tiny noise and alert watchmen to intruders

Like Jesus Christ, if you can’t provide an environment where your dog can’t fulfill its literal life purpose, maybe?? Don’t get that dog??? And if you do, maybe know the breed characteristics so you can redirect those traits into more constructive outlets????

[lemonsharks]

Both your most common doodle's parts (labra and golden) want to hunt and retrieve water birds so the best suggestion I can give y'all is congratulations on your new duck hunting hobby.

[safetytank]

#people will overlook the perfect breeds to suit their needs based on just their looks#and get a work dog because it looks cool

[queerb]

tags from @gnarlystarships because YEAH

[maggiedeshiboux]

@gallusrostromegalus

[gallusrostromegalus]

Any time someone sees Herschel and says "AWWW I want a Corgi <3" (because he is Very Cute (TM)), I immediately reply: "Do not get a Corgi unless you have a job for it to do. They were bred to bully livestock across the hills of Wales. This is basically a Border Collie that knows he is cute enough to get away with murder. If you get one and it doesn't have a job, it will apply its livestock-bullying instincts to YOU. Herschel's job specifically is to help manage my crippling ADHD, because I don't have a bull for him to micromanage." This gets me odd looks at the home depot but it does get the point across.

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[toast-ranger-to-a-stranger]

The best thing for me, as an ex- Starbucks employee, is the horror that genuinely is the milk delivery when it’s only you and one other shift member. Though, I did end up learning how to carry six individual gallons of milk at once.

[nekocat44]

[thefoggygolem]

Also that change from Customer Service ™®© voice back to normal to informal joking-threats is amazing

[gomi-chandesu]

Yeah the whiplash from “Hi welcome to starbucks how can I help you! :)” to “I’LL FUCK YOUR WIFE” killed me.

[drtanner]

MILK.

DELIVERY.

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

Almost pissed myself laughing reading this addition holy shit

[ellievalk]

A cauldron vial appears on your desk would you drink it?

Yes

No

Sell it

Other (I’m bald)

Idk what this mean just show me the results

Voting ended onAug 12

[rozzie-bear]

like I may hem and haw over it but like yeah I gotta know what power or horrible mutation I'd get

[roofon]

It’s fine, if you’re super worried about the effects you can always take half and see how you feel, and then take the other half later :)

[ellievalk]

[approximateknowledge]

[fliesinthescreen]

mom called me a fag yesterday by accident

[fliesinthescreen]

she was going to call me a bitch (playful) and i saw her gears turning like no but he's trans i need to call him the male equivalent. and then say fag and look so so surprised at the word that came out of her own mouth. it was like watching someone fail a disco elysium skill check irl

[fliesinthescreen]

AUTHORITY - One of your sons is being annoying to the other. Make it clear that you think this is unfair.

YOU - "Stop being a b--"

REACTION SPEED [Challenging: Success] - Wait a minute.

DRAMA - Sire, the word you're about to use is historically feminine! Applying it to your transgender child is tantamount to misgendering him.

1. [Suggestion - Legendary 14] Think of a masculine equivalent to "bitch."

[rocketbirdie]

i present to you: a non-exhaustive compilation of voice clips from dan green's role in Temptation, a two-episode hentai from 2005. this is not his only performance in such a genre but it is by far the silliest. i would like to extend my sincerest gratitude to @seekerbr for bringing this to my attention.

audio is HIGHLY nsfw, you've been warned. enjoy

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

Visit Original Link

[sashayed]

has anyone figured out how to turn off the thing where you love your pet so much it slides inexorably into grief-borrowing

[boomstab-papa]

[your-cosmic-creature]

“For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”

[hotvampireadjacent]

Um

[pitbolshevik]

i love when you’re talking to someone who’s not from florida and you just casually mention a thing that only happens in Florida and it ruins their whole day

[pitbolshevik]

one time i was talking to some guy and he was like “haha how do yall get alligators in your backyard? do you not have fences?” and i had to inform him that gators can absolutely climb fences

[pitbolshevik]

omw to go sit in your pool

[gaymageclub]

this is why kennedy space center had to install fancy outward-curving fences around the launchpad, bc gators climbing over regular fences and getting on the launchpad could be very dangerous

[songsofwaterandnight]

I’d like to think that the “STOP 🛑” sign is also for the gators.

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

The gators don’t abide by our petty laws. They are…instigators.

[weaselle]

turns out they climb trees too. Like regularly. they tend to do it a lot less once they reach certain sizes, but like several crocodilian species turn out to have a whole development period where they spend a lot of time in trees, and we just never knew that until like 2014 because, understandably, nobody who was studying them thought “i wonder if I should look for a bunch of crocodiles up in the trees”

[frottinq]

new phobia just dropped

[turnipfritters]

haters will see multi-talented queens and develop a phobia

[blignick]

Weighing foster kittens..they understood the assignment..🐈🐾😍

[alex51324]

the kitties long for the weighing tub

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

Me: I don't know. I just don't think there's much comedic potential to the idea of a "pizza samurai"

PIzza Samurai, entering physical existence due to the sheer willpower which I still spend thinking about him: I will defeat you with my New York Style martial arts Pepperōnin, also real now: Prepare to get sliced

[olicrosse]

[cephalopodvictorious]

fixed it

[star-thief]

[punkitt-is-here]

the courier in FNV is so fucking funny if you’re just good at tanking damage and dogshit at dodging attacks because they get shot two (twice) times, get revived, and suddenly they can start sleeping off gunshot wounds to the head, dynamite to the legs, and having their torso littered with laser rifle holes. like can you imagine being benny and knowing that the dude who stepped on three direct landmines and didnt break a sweat is after your ass. terrifying.

[punkitt-is-here]

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

[allegedly-human]

I will. I WILL!!

[hotvampireadjacent]

[evilnicegirl]

this would have got 100k notes as a tumblr post in 2018