"We're going to have a lovely murderpoo."

Kate. Collector of useless trivia. History enjoyer. Almost always sleepy.

[twinktorturer]

the most sexual emotion a man can feel is fear

[browsingfreakshit]

Now why would Tumblr user twinktorturer say something like this

[parkchanwoohoo]

[anarqueeen]

If you miss your swing on the christian baby does the catcher like. throw the baby back to the pitcher

[cleo-fox]

Writing tips:

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets

[maple-seed]

Both options convey that he's horny

[cleo-fox]

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

[sergle]

u good?

girl obviously not

[goobersplat]

Barbie 1992 Tag Along Wags Puppy Dog

[the-red-ring-of-death]

how i saw this thing for a solid 10 seconds

[storm-of-feathers]

EVERYONE STOP TELLING ME HOW OLD YOU WERE IN 2008 I DONT WANNA HEAR THAT SHIT

[storm-of-feathers]

SOME OF YOU SHOULD BE AT THE OPRHANGE

[storm-of-feathers]

preschool. I meant preschool.

[vampirewillowrosenberg]

This can't be fucking real oh my god.

[xteacupx]

Today after about a week of confusion and asking people in real life if they've noticed anything, I discovered that there is, in fact, not a bizarre 2026 trend of "Mr Beast Pregnancy Memes" and it is all in fact just a series of tumblr posts from one Ukranian who I've never met named Petro and my two chaos incarnate tumblr mutuals who are so fascinated by the world he is conjuring that they have both been drip-feeding it onto my otherwise relatively normal tumblr dashboard.

[herpsandbirds]

[itsjunetime]

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling

[sonypraystation]

white people have the sauce sometimes and dont even know it

[sonypraystation]

i just saw a youtube short of brandon sanderson on a podcast. the whole time hes talking hes doing book signings. what a flex. so many bitches on my dick i gotta multitask

[if-i-was-a-wyrm]

brandon sanderson is actually just built different. once on a podcast with patrick rothfuss they were talking about tools to write better and he said "i try to limit myself to 8 hours of writing per day." he took time off of writing during the first year of covid and accidentally wrote four unplanned books. he teaches a class at byu. his wife has a codeword to get him to stop writing in his head because at any given moment you might think he's doing something normal but no he's also writing another novel. stephen king said he's insane

[gryfndorgodess]

via queenofattolia: #stephen king said he's insane: most damning sentence ever written

[beardedmrbean]

[phantomfray]

The whole movie scene where Grace calls Stratt to say that Carl and him made a baby is made 1000% funnier when you remember that this was the scientist she selected to be the first to study the completely unpresidented and unknown alien life form, and if this alien lifeform had a horrifying and unpresidented effect on human biology then Dr. Grace would have been the first to have shown any symptoms.

Do you think she had a moment of terror? of belief? Do you think her fingers twiched over her tablet ready to give the orders to quarentine everyone who ever interacted with the apperently slow acting mpreg microbe? Did her mind go to every Alien movie and ao3 trope that could have explained the situation? Did she wonder briefly about the ethical and political implications of keeping a maybe sentient maybe alien child? with human parent(s)???? in a pseuto-governmental lab?

Did she wonder exactly what Carl's role in this is? Because even if shes only known Dr. Grace for three days max and cannot yet be certain of the immence aroace vibes the man radiates Carl is a professional on the job so how was he involved?? Is he just the embodyment of the "not the step father but the father who stepped up"???? should she buy him a t-shirt with that phrase?????? Is he biologically involved in a way that only a biologist of esoteric slime molds or insects or sea cucumbers would recognise?????? Is she going to have to kidnap a mycologist to understand this????????? What exactly is her policy on paternity leave according to Project Hail Mary's closest orginizational structure to an HR department and how is she going to explain this to the UN.

[firawren]

Actual footage of Mr. Darcy at the Meryton Assembly:

[hotvampireadjacent]

[pissvortex]

Excuse me heroin addicted teenage Walmart employee can you unlock the cabinet full of things to put up my ass please

[pissvortex]

Yeah I was hoping to need to have it rescanned by one of your other employees at the self checkout as well as having it visually inspected by the elderly receipt cop as well