NotMike's Failpit of Failures

This blog is flagged NSFW by default because i don't know what i'm gonna do with it yet! other than fail and post my own failures.

[cute-girls-from-anime-manga-vns]

New toxic yuri series I think you might like is Ijemete Ijirarete

FINALLY A GIRL WHO FIGURED OUT THE ULTRA SECRET TECHNIQUE OF JUST FUCKING HIT THE BITCH!!!!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

[krystal-prisms]

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So after extensive interrogation I have an update:

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she’s aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

gosh I enjoy this website

[authoratmidnight]

For comparison, this is a daffodil

[quietlygrousing]

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don’t think so? i’m southern and buttercups are what we call these things (much tinier)

[maejacrezz007]

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

[fractiousrvt]

This is an Easter Lily. It is an actual lily and therefore deadly to cats.

[blood-trip-god2]

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

[delphinidin4]

This is a marigold:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

[jmtorres]

“buttercups” is a name applied to MANY flowers. in my part of the south it was this one:

imo there’s correct identifications of dandelions, daffodils, easter lilies and marigolds in this thread, but buttercups are simply impossible to agree on and the only solution is for everyone to post pictures of their local buttercups

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

[demon-and-human]

Hello I would like to add to the confusion:

That purple fella is a Morning Glory as told by my mothers (texan)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

⬆️ morning glory

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#amazing work everyone hit the flowers

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[monamoni]

[jentlemahae]

crying

[jentlemahae]

user markshotaros going shooters for karl marx

[sagicidal]

u forgot the best part

[lastoneout]

This came across my feed a little bit ago so I'm glad I finally have context for it

[tendochocolat]

@ukaizawa

[athenasdragon]

God, that explains this:

[crap-userrname16]

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

QUALITY PARENTING

[samarallewis86]

Thats like me kidnapping my nephew (I have like, four but the one that is the most dear to my nerdy heart is always down for shenanigans) dressing him up as Darth Maul or Vader and dressing up as a Jedi and just taking him random places and having lightsaber fights.

He's 5.

I am officially the coolest person he knows and he brags about having lightsaber fights in the MacDonalds car park to all his friends.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

If my sister and her wife ever become moms, this is the kind of aunt I want to be <3

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

you know how in greek myths people who die tragically sometimes get placed among the stars by the gods?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

call that

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

call that a

[arsonist-arcade]

Its okay, take your time

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

constellation prize

[omarapetirun]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

in my defense they did not specify the order in which i was allowed to take my time!

[sentimental-androids]

Dear God these tags are immaculate….

[trangoldin]

[ethos-labrador]

for those like me that want proof this is real:

[angrywall]

[fishing-princess]

For thousands of years humanity has selectively bred chickens to have larger breasts and to have to lay eggs constantly. We did it to get more meat and per chicken, but from the perspective of the domesticated chickens they’re sorta living in a very specific fetish scenario

[aliceoverzero]

The first tags I see on this are absolutely inspired. Incredible pervert lesbian website.

[ubercharge]

after i finished this i paused and thought i don't have the heart to eat these women. but maybe you do. if you're hungry

[diamondeyes-deluxe]

I work with kids and sometimes we have to do safety lessons with them about like, not telling strangers on the internet your home address or something. And sometimes the kids wont understand why, so you have to impart upon them that, well, some adults want to hurt children. And thats kind of difficult to do, because you have to beat around the bush, both because you dont want to scare them (while still making them understand how serious it is) and because you might lose your job if you explain it too straight forward.

Luckily, for some reason, the villain of one of the most popular franchises with children for the last 10 years happens to be a serial child murderer. So when a kid asks why they shouldnt trust strangers, instead of hand wringing and humhawing my answer out, I can just say "we dont always know when a strange adult has good intentions with children, or when they are William Afton."

[fictionalauthorityii]

Finding out AI companies are chewing through - literally, they’re pulping and burning them as they go - millions of books often including 1/1s and old texts that cannot be reprinted

Meanwhile there’s always some dipshit telling me AI is the future and we’ve got to just let companies erase human history and literature so they can train their abomination machines to pretend to think like people because a judge said it’s fine

[wageronancap]

[odessa-edmundson]

'Modern Poisoning Tools': AI Firms Buying and Destroying Thousands of Books To Feed AI Models

AI companies are buying and scanning printed books for training data, raising copyright and cultural preservation concerns as rare volumes a

[notmikesblog]

No good comes of AI in a corperate economic setting.

[identitty-dickruption]

nobody ever believes me when I list off all of the ways that humans are significantly less sexually dimorphic than people seem to believe and it drives me batshit insane. “you’re denying the biological reality of sex” well you’re sticking your fingers in your ears and saying lalalala every time anyone presents you with data that confirms that women and men aren’t really that different. and refusing to come to terms with the two-way relationship between the “biological” and “social” worlds. I think one of us is ignoring the biological sciences here and it isn’t me

[shofarsogood]

Someone once told me my biology degree was fake because I said humans weren't sexual dimorphic.

A male human and a female human are roughly the same size and same coloration.

Meanwhile, male black widow spiders are brown and a tenth the size of females. Anglerfish females are a full foot long and have a bioluminescent protrusion on their heads; males are barely half an inch long with no bioluminescence or protrusions. Male elephant seals are ten times bigger than females and have massive snouts. Male orangutans have big jowls and neck sacs that look like goiters, while females look more like other apes. Peacocks have flashy coloration and a long tail that they can display. The females are brown and simple.

Humans aren't sexually dimorphic! You only know someone's gender because of cultural identifiers, like clothing or hair.

[zaprowsdower27]

The big things for primate sexual dimorphism tend to be canine size and body size. Male primates in sexually dimorphic species tend to have HUGE canine teeth for better threat displays, and are bigger for similar reasons.

Lowland Gorilla males tend to be 2.38x on average the mass of Lowland Gorilla females. Humans? That ratio is something line 1.15.

Male gorilla canines tend to be about 2 inches long, easily twice the length of some of their other teeth. Male humans have canines the exact same length as human female canines and the exact same length as the rest of our teeth.

We are not particularly sexually dimorphic.

[whetstonefires]

which is possibly connected to the fact that by ape standards our bodies never fully mature? like this is why chimpanzees are so much stronger than us, pound for pound.

i'm now giving myself a laugh imagining some kind of gender mad scientist unlocking Puberty 2: Ape Shit.

[notmikesblog]

New favourite rage bait unlocked, no one on earth is experiencing any Real gender because we lost the ability to fully mature and need to unlock Second Puberty, also everyone is now perverts attracted to underdeveloped humans.

[chuckletons]

favorite johnny bravo scene

[willemdafemboy]

[benihana-circumcision]

the perfect loop makes me think this is his sisyphean afterlife punishment

[lizluvscupcakes]

@peppermints-and-lemon-zest

[tainbocuailnge]

forget everything anyone has ever told you on the matter the truest marker of adulthood is starting to hear the siren call of high quality kitchenware

[tainbocuailnge]

to be clear you SHOULD buy that cast iron pan and you SHOULD buy that knife set and you SHOULD buy that fancy rice cooker and you SHOULD buy that novelty mug. high quality kitchenware is always worth it you’re literally gonna be using that almost every day

[augustdementhe]

I just need a good pot, a good wok, TWO paring knives, TWO steak knives, and one Santoku style choppitychoppity.

That’s IT.

I ask for SO LITTLE.

[rionsanura]

Very helpfully, there is someone keeping track of which high-quality kitchenware has been enshittified and which hasn’t.

https://ledger.worseonpurpose.com/

[augustdementhe]

Oh HELL yes.

[softwaring]

trail cam asmr heal me

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

<3_<3

this warms my lil gay heart <3

[thestargayzingheroine]

Your little gay heart is one that deserves to be warmed, by cute animal videos or otherwise.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Wanna just be a lil deer romping near a stream <3

[oneheadtoanother]

[doppelgangerleaverite]

can anyone on this gay ass website give me an opinion on which translation of the epic of gilgamesh i should read? ive been wanting to read it for ages but theres a number of common translations and i know translations can make or break a story; i dont want to start with the wrong one

[gilgamesh-enjoyer]

I've read a few so I can offer recommendations! I started with the Sandars translation, which is a good starting point but a pretty early translation. Benjamin Foster's translation is one of my favourites, and the version I read (Second Norton Critical Edition) includes some really interesting discussion essays with it. Andrew George's translation received an update a couple of years ago so is up to date with Foster's translation, though I prefer how the language flows in Foster's.

I would also recommend Gilgamesh Retold by Jenny Lewis for a translation with a more modern poetic take.

[perrenlore]

GILGAMESH TRANSLATION MASTERPOST:

Benjamin Foster’s Gilgamesh condenses all the different tablets we’ve found together to make one cohesive narrative which is way less intimidating and therefore my go-to if you want something that feels cohesive while also sticking very close to the language of the original. 10/10

Andrew George is the most thorough and up-to-date, and sticks as close to the text as you can get. It does, however, separate out all the different tablets, and feels very unedited in its style. Definitely not a “pretty” version. 10/10 cuz he’s a legend and this is the most definitive scholarly edition but don’t start with it.

Maureen Kovacs has a lovely translation with some very interesting footnotes on word choices. Her Ninsun is absolutely incredible and if you want to cry your eyes out over Gilgamesh’s fate that’s the one for you. It’s one step up from Foster’s in terms of poetic-ness but still pretty close to the original. 8/10

Sophus Helle is more poetic than Kovacs but BRILLIANT, one of my favourite Enkidus and his Shamhat is wonderful. Top favourite of all time. This is a very good starting point. 9/10

I wouldn’t recommend Sandars simply because it’s prose, and also condenses the twelfth tablet into a nice tidy ending that doesn’t really work with the Standard Babylonian narrative. 6/10

Lewis’ Gilgamesh Retold is more of a poetic retelling than a translation; it’s beautiful but definitely not a starting point. Sweet and gentle Enkidu though, very charming. 7/10

Stephen Mitchell I’m not a fan of. He smooths the poem out into something tame and very expected. This is my personal bias but I really dislike his Shamhat. His Enkidu and Gilgamesh are also explicitly more like brothers, which is a valid interpretation but also again not one I lean towards. 5/10

Herbert Mason’s Gilgamesh has some stunning moments in it (Enkidu! They do not know you like I know you!) However it is nowhere near the real text BUT closer than Lewis’. Changes the ending of the poem so it’s about Gilgamesh mourning Enkidu rather than mourning his own mortality; a much sadder conclusion with less resolution than in the Standard Babylonian. 7/10

BONUS ROUND:

Derek Hines’ play GILGAMESH is fucking DERANGED guys. Ten Gilgillion out of ten.

[baejax-the-great]

Somewhere out there on a planet very far away is a civilization that has included our sun in a beloved constellation of some animal we couldn't dream up if we tried