Screw Prince Charming @onceuponaonenightstand - Tumblr Blog

ONE GIANT SIZE SHIT BITCH BEAR

My boyfriend won’t stop talking to me about whether or not I would eat Pokémon steaks. We think maybe Mr. Mime steaks would have white meat and ooze a purple liquid. I feel like you’re the only one qualified to tell us more

listen the ONLY part of a mr mime thats edible are the red spots, and thats ONLY after being properly cooked - if you bite into any part of their body while its still raw youll suffer near immediate food poisoning

luckily, just like red kidney beans, the potential toxins are easily to remove provided you take the right steps

once theyve been safely removed from their inedible surroundings, the larger red spheres are ready to begin working with - its worth noting that the smaller spots on the hands and cheeks also fall into this category, but theyre almost always too small to be considered harvesting by most professionals

youll want to start by cutting away any flesh thats still directly touching the pale parts; when in doubt, a wider cut is always preferred. better safe than sorry ! one benefit of working with mr mimes is that, along with many others in their typing, their bodies are held together with physic energy and thus dont require deboning

the next part is going to require boiling in a large pressure cooker- some may find it a challenge to to find a pot big enough to host all the parts, so cooking them individually is fine. remember to follow the instructions to the letter

after theyve been removed and dried, an easy way to text if theyre safe to eat is to cut them in half and check the spongy center - a darkened purple core means theyve been boiled long enough, while any lighter, greenish tints means you probably needed a bit more time

once theyre out of the danger range, you can now safely use them in variety of dishes ! their almost mushroom-like texture means they absorb flavors well, and pictured above is one of my personal favorites

THIS guy though, you can just pop em into your mouth whole. its fine

minmoh-remade-deactivated201811

its fine

iguanamouth

its fine

actualaster

I don’t know how to react to this

picturetakingguy

HoverCat – Butter loves playing speed racer in the snow

Ur damn right

This user needs the subtitles on or they miss all the dialogue

daintyboots

i’ve seen a few posts going around of people trying to stump akinator and i think i’ve got it you guys

i’m gonna make him guess those trees off to the left

wish me luck

daintyboots

they’re fucking trees akinator

daintyboots

idk man i try to stay out of the relationship conflicts of vegetation

daintyboots

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS AKINATOR??????????????? FUCK THIS GAME

valtsv

character in a fight scene: *restrains their opponent by pinning them against the wall by their wrists*

me:

icantwritegood

character in a fight scene: *pins their opponent down by straddling their waist and holding their wrists to the floor*

me:

ladylike-foxes

character in a fight scene: *lifting their disarmed opponent’s chin slightly with the business end of their weapon*

me:

g3ncyho3

character in fight scene: *pins down the opponent and leans in close to whisper in their ear*

me:

breyito

character in fight scene: *restrains the opponent by twisting their arm/s behind their back and pinning them to the wall chest first with their own chest pressing against the opponents back*

me:

abandoned-as-mustard

Character: *distracts their otherwise equally good/better opponent by flirting*

Me:

bmarvels

Character in fighting scene: *restrains opponents arms in a lock hold with their own, entangling their arms together forcing their bodies to be pressed together and faces in close proximity*

lime-on-my-side

character in fight scene: *holds opponent by the collar, lifts them and brings them close to their face*

me:

teenagerposts

why he do dat

canape-official

m1911s-and-power-rises

Just literally handed everyone an L.

Legend

kurozawa46

Shoutout to this artist :)

lesbian-toddhoward

liquidstar

while im on the topic, if youre not a lesbian… you need to cut it out with all the “stupid lesbian” posts. we have been fairly vocal about those posts sometimes being uncomfortable when not made by lesbians, let me explain why.

it’s one thing if it’s a cute post about a lesbian not realizing theyre on a date or something, we all like cute stories like that and i totally get it! but these posts have gotten a lot more prevalent and a lot more blunt lately, and its not cute. there’s a reason those types of posts get so much more attention, and its not because a bunch of lesbians suddenly came out of the woodwork. normal lesbian posts usually only gain traction from lesbians and bi women rebogging them, but the second it becomes an infantizing story about how dumb and stupid and useless lesbians are everyone and their mother reblogs it. its borderline fetishizing of lesbians, this is like, the same shit we get from cishet men but with a facade of allyship. its more like fetishizing being a great ally but in reality not caring about us as people either way. its cruel.

its cruel to be constantly called stupid, useless, and dumb by your own community, because its “cute” for the consumption of non-lesbians. how incredibly patronizing is that? its such a performative type of allyship and support. stop calling lesbians stupid and useless all the damn time, especially if youre not a lesbian. if you ARE a lesbian have some more faith in your community, but i understand its easy to believe when this notion gets constantly pushed on you. it can really effect young lesbians and the way they view themselves.

do you know why lesbians have a hard time with stuff like flirting and dates? its not because theyre idiots, its because their whole lives theyve been pressured to have a submissive heteronormative role in their relationships, one where the man makes all the moves. but there is no man. only two lesbians deeply affected by misogyny and homophobia their whole lives. they were never taught how to be the one to make a move, so dating can be tricky and often hard to figure out for them. to make this into something cute, and to call them useless idiots for it… its cruel. i dont know how much more simply i can put it. you need to knock it off.

unlearn this to be a good ally, support us and our voices instead of constantly calling us stupid. i hope this helps people understand our discomfort with those posts, and hopefully theyll realize this and make better efforts from now on. this is not a call-out, im not saying youre a bad person, but if youre on our side youll understand this is an issue for us and youll at least make an effort to stop. we, the entire lgbt community, wouldnt be where we are now without our lesbian foremothers. lesbians arent useless.

liquidstar

this has 900 notes and only 300 reblogs, almost all by other lesbians. compared to the amount of attention “useless lesbian” memes get its really telling. i know that people don’t want to acknowledge that they have the capacity to be lesbphobic, but it doesnt make you a bad person if you make an effort not to be, even if you have made these mistakes in the past. you know what that effort looks like? boosting our voices!! especially if youve reblogged harmful “useless lesbian” stuff in the past, the point of this post is to educate, so its ok if youve only now realized it was at our expense.

if you want to help us, if you want to show us youre making an effort… get our voices out there!! that way, hopefully, the rotten trend will start to die and people will stop pushing the idea that lesbians are useless and stupid. thats so cruel to lesbians who have gone through so much pain and confusion to figure things out only to be called useless for it, and so harmful to lesbians who are only now starting to piece together who they are only to find out their identity is associated with stupidity.

thats why reblogs are important! thats why people getting the message out there matters! if you can reblog useless lesbian memes but not help lesbians get their voices across on important issues, can you really call yourself an ally? if no one hears us, how are they gonna know to stop?

you dont HAVE to reblog, youre not obligated to, i understand this is heavy subject matter and you just wanna keep things light, i get it! no one will be upset or hurt if you just like it, but i want you to understand that a reblog will help us out a lot more.

liquidstar

TERFS DONT FUCKING TOUCH THIS POST YOU GODDAMN IDIOTS YOURE WAY WORSE THAN PEOPLE WHO MAKE USELESS LESBIAN JOKES

yes, i want this post spread but i want it spread to stop the trend of putting down lesbians as a cute meme. i dont want it to be another excuse for yall to hurt trans women for something theyve had nothing to do with. youre worse than useless, youre regressive and vile, and i dont want this post getting misconstrued by you. trans lesbians have to deal with this issue TWICE as much as cis lesbians, they know better than you.

reblog this version instead, i dont want any version of this that can be used to hurt trans women going around. i want to be very clear that when i say lesbians im including trans lesbians and excluding terfs, women that hate other women are not welcome in any lesbian space. lesbians look out for women, if they dont… well… i guess THEN theyre useless and stupid.

srsfunny

Wolves React To Gamekeeper Who Had Been Away On Maternity Leave

iconuk01

“WHERE’S YOUR PUPPY! WE WANNA SEE YOUR PUPPY! DID YOU JUST HAVE THE ONE? DO YOU HAVE THEM WITH YOU? ARE THERE PHOTOS?”

tealdeertamer

I’m not a hundred percent positive but I’m pretty sure this is the wild life center where I visited wolves.

And the safety briefing included the question “So if you’re pregnant, do you want to know or not?”

Turns out there had been a bit of an awkward situation once where the keepers had casually mentioned a woman’s pregnancy in a group, and she herself didn’t even know yet. Turns out the wolves are excellent at telling if you’re pregnant and the keepers can tell based on their body language. They get all odd and careful around pregnancy. (Even wolves knows that you have to take care of pregnant people.)

So they definitely knew she was pregnant.

And if I remember my BBC documentaries right, a wolf will leave the pack to give birth and introduce the cubs to the pack once she feels ready for it. And maternity leave is flexible but often around 6 months so they’re going “YOU WERE GONE FOREVER! WE WERE SO WORRIED! WHERE ARE THE CUBS?? WE HAVE TO GREET THE CUBS!!“

Also the two on her back are fighting over who gets to greet her first. Giving and receiving attention is a commodity that goes by hierarchy and if you don’t accept that there will be scuffles.. The wolf lying down next to her isn’t chill about her coming back, it’s just submissive to the other wolves and waiting for it’s turn to show excitement.

words4bloghere

Now I can see why we domesticated these adorable jerks.

stephendann

Wolf packs have maternity leave?

0x5742

Wolves: better than American companies.

You know what the Green Heron is basically the best heron because it is like 90% neck so when it is all folded down it looks like a giant head with wings and legs

but then suddenly ZOOP

fucking green herrons

seastarcrunchies

What the fuck

iheartvmt

I had one of these as a patient once. It was so cool!

answrs

okay but

you cannot truly understand the sheer magnificence of this stupid birb until you see it in action, so i present to you this:

wormsdyke

I’ve seen this post so many times and I just don’t understand where the neck goes

isa-ghost

When you suspect some bullshit

viostormcaller

IT’S BACK I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS THE OTHER DAY

#/zoom!!!!!!!!

inkywhip

Its back 👏

sungso

sqlatoon

getitogetherstevecarlsberg

frecklesandcupcakesarchive-deac

paperlettuce

quatzopal

egoi-sm-deactivated20161011

somethingsgottasaveyou

brainmilks-deactivated

skeletonjock

goblinshell

sizequeen

merzcar-deactivated20151231

himejoshikomaeda

what the fuck. theres not even a fucking joke here. its just the fucking alphabet. i was expecting some kind of fucking meme like “gun” or “john cena” or something like that but no its just the fucking alphabet. here. on tumblr.com. 26 users just fucking banded together to write the alphabet. what the fuck, man.