Owl

[constant-brain-fog]

BABES WAKE UP TODAY’S A NATIONAL HOLIDAY 🌈🐀

🎶NEIL IS BANGING OUT THE TUNES🎶

My (old) contribution to the beautiful day that is april 13th

Keep at it with the tunes.

[thesassycat]

You can only reblog this today.

[askjennaflorida]

I missed my chance last year. Not gonna let it happen again

[unseelie]

i am sitting on the couch, i hear tapping on the door behind me, i turn around and see this

what do i do

[unseelie]

he is here….

[narcissus-thee-squeekual]

i still lose it every time i see this post because someone let a fucking goose into their house just because tumblr said to and if that doesn’t perfectly define all of our experiences on this shitty excuse for a website i dont know what does  

[the-moon-loves-the-sea]

(X) (X) (X)

[justalittlespore]

Just remember, sending them the bee movie script doesn't really help. They'll just filter it out automatically. You need to waste their time with false reports that sound legit, so they have to waste their time looking into it and ultimately can't sort out the real reports from the fake ones.

[aropride]

u used to be able to put a dvd in your computer. and then u could watch it

[aropride]

i know about external disc drives. i want it built into my computer. i want to be able to put a dvd directly into my computer and watch it

[sleepless-cavia]

[mamoswole]

When I tell that I LOVE solarpunk

[powersandplanetaries]

[hunter-rodrigez]

Oh, I remember this, the edit was done by youtuber Waffle to the left.

They didn't just cut out the parts with the oat milk, they skillfully edited over all the god-damn branding and replaced the audio.

But what I still find most hilarious about this whole commercial is the fact that everything they show in this solar punk world seems to be made with sustainable, zero waste and reusable materials.

Everything EXCEPT THE FUCKING CHOBANI BRANDED STUFF! The only plastic you see in this whole commercial is all the straight to the landfill packaging made by the very corporation that tries to sell how sustainable and "green" they are. Unintentional self satire at its finest.

They couldn't even show their yogurt and milk in (basically infinitely reusable) glass containers because they pretty much only sell their shit in plastic

It is such a perfect example of the true face of "green" capitalism, it's hilarious.

[undeadentropy]

The punk in this solarpunk comes from cutting the corporation out of the picture

[eco-socialism]

ALSO

Another really interesting thing about this edit is that they changed the label on the side of the apple-picking machine.

From "donations" to "commons". It's a subtle change, but it makes a huge difference in the world-building of the video. The former implies that this big orchard belongs to an owner and that they're donating the fruits to "the less fortunate" (and, by extension, that poverty is still a thing); the latter implies that the orchard belongs to everyone and that the fruits are free to take in the spirit of solidarity.

Waffle To The Left brought out the potential in this gorgeous video and made it an actual solarpunk utopia — without brands and without corporate pandering, complete with true common ownership over land and resources.

[apuff-comics]

revisited this concept from a few years ago

[apollos-boyfriend]

little kids are so fucking funny man. had a kid that couldn’t be any older than like 8 or so come up to me today asking where our dinosaur books where, and when i tried to gently redirect them downstairs (where our kids section is) they very matter-of-fairly informed me that they’d already read every book down there and are ready to learn about the “secret, grown-up only dinosaurs” now

[hi-raethia]

underrated form of humor: just making shit up in past tense

[xenomorphique]

My personal favourite:

[caramelchaitea]

[vampireroticdeletedbyeee-deacti]

Am I getting a good grade in tumblr mutual?

[scribe-cas]

Reblog to give the person you reblogged from a good grade in tumblr mutual

[louisegluckpdf]

hate when people are like "trust your gut! listen to your intuition!" like okay well my gut is telling me every person i lay eyes on is hunting me for sport and my intuition is saying i should find a secluded cave and live there forever so what do you suggest i do with that information

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[doubleca5t]

An actual World Heritage Post

[dykecosette]

how does this post not have a million notes but anyone online can quote it

[definitelynotlazav]

one week until ten years of Spiders Georg

[yd12k]

[catchymemes]

How to make ice cream in Alaska

[priestessofnox]

[autisticfordprefect]

@bunjywunjy get peer reviewed

[homunculus-argument]

It's actually funny how humans decided "fuck living in caves with all these creepy crawlies", got out of caves, built houses that have all the nice parts of a cave without any of the yucky parts, and then all the little bugs and spiders and other creepy crawly creatures that used to also live in caves thought "sweet, new and improved caves" and moved right back in with us.

[wootwona]

since the old version of this post was flagged for 'adult content'...

reblog this post if your account is a trans safe space or owned by a trans person!

along with that, reblog if your account is a trans non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the trans enby spectrum!

[the-attaarmadhaj]

Ɛ:

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

[debrides]

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

[lesbirdan]

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

[hermionegranger]

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

[mugsandpugs1-deactivated2019010]

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

[thomrainierskies]

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

[mirab3lle]

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

[icouldwritebooks]

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

[crimeronan]

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

[agrestenoir]

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

[gin-and-eschatonic]

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

[harold-theyre-thespians]

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

[narwhalsarefalling]

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

[wren-likethe-bird]

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

[la-mancha-screwjob]

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

[fair-itself]

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

[maplefiasco]

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

[iamthatbeast]

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

[widonotts]

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

[artwlw]

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

[youlovelucie]

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

[spacecores]

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

[thebritishteapot]

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

[valkyrieritter]

The other day they had me working with softserve and fried dough. I was burned out because I kept bouncing back and forth between the fryer and my register and these people had like, 8 things in their order. We get to the ice cream part of the order, and it comes in a bowl or cone. Instead of saying “Would you like the vanilla in a bowl or cone?” I said “Would you like the bowl in a vanilla or cone?” And we all stopped and had to think that through as my cart runner is staring me down like “tf are you doing?”

[dhampir-dyke]

I work at Hardees and we have to yell “thank you” whenever we’re told to do something because of how loud the kitchen is.

One morning, my mom hollered at me to wake up, and half-asleep me yells at full volume,

“THANK YOU”

[eyefriend-deactivated20181218]

i work with dogs, and i have to be a bit strict with them sometimes in order to keep fights from breaking out. recently, while making tea, the kettle started boiling sooner than i wanted, so without thinking i turned around sharply, pointed my finger at it and stared it down, and said, “Bad boy! You need to wait!” needless to say i was very glad i was alone

[mynameisdevon]

I know I’ve reblogged this a billion times but I’ve worked retail for 8 years and these things are never not funny.

[swimtonewyorkstate]

I work with horses and whenever someone’s driving too fast I’ll say stuff like “whoa” and I’ve tried to click to a car because that’s a cue for a horse to go faster.

[immaplatypus]

every time i go to order food at a counter my brain always wants to answer with my customer service phone greeting, I just open my mouth and it comes out

and lemme tell you there is nothing like being in a mcdonald’s and responding to “can i take your order?” with “AUTO GLASS, THIS IS JESSICA”

[phinarei]

For 6 years after I stopped working at a theater I would tack on, “can I start you off with a large popcorn?” every time I said hi. These things go deep 🤣

[catgirlforeskin]

I work in housekeeping at an old folks home and am supposed to know and announce “housekeeping!” before entering a room. Sometimes this kicks in when trying to enter rooms outside of work and I’ll confuse the hell out of friends or family in the bathroom